I Dream of Taipei (my burden is never-ending)

The dream's chaotic and confusing. The only thing he could truly sense about it was that he was being held tightly against his will and he struggled with that. Whatever it was, closed off his airway. It felt like someone's chocking him but he couldn't figure out who.

When Kaldur woke, he felt panic surge through him at the unfamiliar somewhat darken room. The wall he faced towards the bathroom reflected a dull blue glow. He stared at it for a few moments longer before he recalled yesterday's events. He was still in Taipei, Taiwan. This was Roy's hotel room. He turned over, his back had been towards one of the windows, and saw Roy sitting in the chair working on his laptop in silence.

As if he sensed his stare, Roy glanced up briefly than down working still. "Get some sleep, fishsticks. It's not even morning yet."

"And yet," Kaldur's sleepy voice carried a hint of humor in it. "you're awake."

"Unlike some people, I'm not a light weight." Roy continued on with his work.

"Some of us aren't into drunken debauchery fueled revelries on a daily basis."

Roy seemed to have finished whatever he was doing and shut his laptop down. He laughed softly, "Is that a fancy way of calling me a drunken whore?"

"You're the one making those assumptions." Kaldur knew he couldn't see his expression well, but it amused him infinitely that he could see Roy very well in the dark. "Guessing you were filling out a report?"

"Yeah." Roy headed back to bed, but didn't lie down quite yet. "It's just everything that's been going on- it feels like something's up. Something we don't quite know yet."

"I understand that." Kaldur sighed, laying his head back down on the pillow. "Do you think, perhaps, that it's all connected?"

"What is?"

"I don't know, everything?" Kaldur looked up at him, "All these attacks, these plots by various villains- it seems as if it could be a plot they made together."

Roy frowned, " If that's true, then we're all in some serious trouble."

"I have no evidence for it." Kaldur considered it for a moment. Really, he could simply ask his father but for the moment, he continued to play his role. "Just a feeling."

"Sometimes feelings are worth while. " Roy finally laid back down, "Anyway, I'm here til tomorrow. I was wondering.."

"If I could stay for a while longer?" Kaldur finished his sentence with a slight smile, " Did you really need to ask?"

"Dunno, you may have had plans to ask a dolphin on a date somewhere."

With a snort, Kaldur curled on his side. "Please. I'd ask a merman first."

There was a short silence before Roy spoke again, "You like guys, Kal?"

This was a minefield. There were a few outcomes to it that crossed his mind. However, he believed Roy wasn't the type to kick him out just because he also liked men.

"Yes." But why did it feel like there's a knot in his throat? "Is it a problem?"

"No, of course not." Roy frowned in the darkness of the room, "Just never really hit me to ask before. I just.. kinda assumed..."

"You do know the saying about assumptions, right?"

"Make an ass out of you and me?"

"So glad I don't have to educate you on that matter. You're a natural ass."

"Says the guy that like asses."

He laughed, "Fine, you win this one."

"Correction: I always win."

Why did Kaldur feel like this was déjà vu? Still, he felt better, at least, that Roy could still joke with him like this. Silence fell between the two, presumably because they were both supposed to go back to sleep.

"Hey, Kal?" Roy spoke again.

"Hm?"

He felt the bed move and opened his eyes again to see Roy looking right at him with a serious expression on his face.

"If you like guys, what about Tula?" Apparently, this was definitely going to be a discussion now.

Kaldur said goodbye to sleep, and settled to figure out how to lie his way around this one. Though, he reflected as he assembled his sentence together, it wouldn't be too much of a lie. He had found Tula attractive, amusing and somewhat admirable. It just didn't 'click' with her or Garth the way it did with Roy.

Maybe that was a good thing. Even less conflict of loyalty there.

"You do realize that bisexuality and pansexuality exist, right?" He couldn't help teasing him and even under the cover of the dim darkness, he could see the pink flush of color that crept up Roy's face. "It wasn't meant to be. She and I...-we saw things differently, I guess."

Literally. He added silently. She saw her kingdom's royal family thriving, I see them overthrown.

He didn't think Roy would've appreciated that comment either.

"That's putting it one way." Roy rolled over onto his back. He seemed to contemplate something for a while.

Now that he was awake, Kaldur had a few questions of his own. "Do you like someone?"

"What?" Roy's head turned. "Like...romantically?"

This is dumb. Kaldur knows it, but he couldn't help but ask him this. " Yes, like that."

"I don't know.." Roy trailed off, pondering this, " I think so."

"Think so?"

"Yeah, I mean." He seemed to hesitate at that. "Between me and you? Sometimes I think I get it kind of confused."

"Confused?"

"I don't know how to explain it." Roy began then sighed heavily, " When I like someone, sometimes I don't know if I like them more as a friend or if it's actually more than that. It gets confusing. So, I just sometimes don't end up doing anything about it. Despite popular belief, I don't like hurting others."

"Neither do I." Kaldur agreed. "But I can empathize with you on that. It's very difficult to know and even more so when you're unsure if the other person feels the same way." It's odd, but he wonders if this is what it's like to always be honest with someone that wasn't family. "It's hard to navigate these things."

"Do you have a crush on someone?"

The question caught him off guard a little. Still, he wonders if it's now or never? He should have courage to admit it to him too. To tell him- but the idea that it could ruin their friendship also came to him.

Then again, if their friendship was ruined, he could continue on with his work unimpeded by this entanglement.

Maybe it was for the best?

"Yes."

"Who?" Roy's looking at him again, but Kaldur turned his eyes towards the ceiling lying back. "And so soon after that Tula thing."

If this was to be the end, so be it.

"My infatuation with Tula wasn't as deep as I had thought it to be." There wasn't any feelings towards her. He wanted to say. I didn't care about her like that. "There's someone else that my heart sings for."

Mentally, he berates himself for being so damn poetic and goofy with his formal big sounding words. Then again, it's probably why he liked Roy so much. Roy cuts through his bullshit so easily, no matter how much he dresses it up.

"Seriously, Kaldur, you're killing me with the suspense here." Roy seemed to have turned to him, "So, who is it that's got you all doe-eyed with wonder?" He laughed at himself for using such words.

It's now or never. Either this breaks them or it'll complicate things further. He's not sure. Still, he sits up a little, mostly so he could look at him. Maybe he should stop here? Just say it's all a joke and go back to bed. Maybe then Roy'll drop it and they'll never speak of it again.

Maybe he shouldn't be such a coward.

"I like you, Roy."

The silence was profound in the dark room that slowly was becoming gray in the coming morning light. It felt like an eternity for Kaldur as he waited for Roy to say something. In that time, so many things ran through his mind before but seemed oddly absent now. It felt like nothing else could be imagined beyond this point. Air, apparently, was also optional too. Since he's just realized he'd stopped breathing for all of a minute.

A minute was all it took.

"Why?" Roy's bewildered at this, "I'm like the worst person you could fall for. I think even Wally would be a better choice here."

The absurdity of that comment made him laugh. "Wally's also a self-absorbed idiot."

"I'm an idiot."

"Well, I'm glad you've admit to it, but I only like idiots that can shoot an arrow."

"You do realize that Ollie would also be included in this category, right?" Roy pointed out.

"Fine, if you want to be anal about it." Roy snorted at that but Kaldur continued, " I like idiotic redheads that can shoot an arrow really well. And I only know one of those, so congratulations. You make my heart skip beats and do very embarrassing things."

"How embarrassing are we talking about here?"

Kaldur, not for the first time, wondered about his taste in partners. Clearly something was wrong with him but he didn't care. "Ridiculously so."

Roy shook his head again but he did move closer to him, " Seriously, though. You could do better than me, fishsticks."

"I wouldn't know how." He's not even thinking anymore and was very aware of his friend's closeness now. "Aside from my family, you're the closest person to me. One I care about the most. I just, happen to also want you in a romantic way."

Roy seemed to be considering his next words before he spoke again. "I'm going to be honest. I make a shit boyfriend, Kal. I don't even know if we should be better off staying friends or, well, doing this. I mean, I do feel something for you." He confessed, "I want you. I do, but I'm just..not sure and I don't want to ruin whatever our relationship may be."

"No matter what happens, Roy, it won't." It will. Kaldur knows that eventually, it'll inevitably end badly. And it wouldn't be Roy's fault when it does.

He knows he shouldn't encourage it, and he's been trying to convince himself that it's futile and to stop it all. He doesn't, though. It's too late, anyway. He wants to see what this could be, if anything.

"If you're sure?" Roy's eyes held worry in them- questioning still if they should.

Kaldur's not entirely sure what he's doing. This is completely new territory for him that he's only heard about or seen acted out on tv. It's nothing he's actually done before. Still, he reached over, leaned in and kissed him softly. It was a rush of things in that moment that's dizzying in a way. In one aspect, he's proud of himself for the first move. In another, his heart beat faster than he'd expected. There's still a small bit of fear there. Fear of rejection that he had thought of but hadn't anticipated on being so present.

It's all banished, however, when Roy kisses him back. Or maybe it got worse because the thrill he felt from this was a heady thing and he couldn't think beyond just kissing him still. Nothing beyond this seemed to matter. Not his job, not the world- nothing but Roy.

Eventually, the kiss ended with a happy sigh from him before he noticed he'd even done it. It's a little embarrassing, kind of awkward, but happy nonetheless. He looked at Roy again feeling utterly ridiculous at the fact that he sheepishly smiled at Roy's goofy one.

"So, I guess it's official then?" Roy said, his hand finding Kaldur's in the midst of this, and held it.

"I believe so." He felt sappy that he could only describe this as being perfect. This moment with him. "Though, I was expecting a little more. Like, flowers, maybe a bottle of wine next time."

Roy laughed, a good hearty one, "Give him a beer or two and now he wants wine. Do you want pearls, as well?"

"I live in the ocean." Kaldur grinned giving his hand a little squeeze, " I think I can give you pearls, instead."

"Look at you, being all romantic and the like." Roy smiled.

"I do try my best." Kaldur couldn't help but add, " You should see the first date I'm planning."

Roy's brow rose, "Already?"

"It's a surprise." He has no idea what he's doing, but he knows he'll have something. After all, his father did leave him something that he could use.

"Well, I'll be waiting for that then."

They'd stayed in Taipei a little longer than he expected but hadn't gone no further than kisses and cuddling. The other half of the time, after they'd gotten Kaldur some clothing, they'd toured the streets of Taipei, going to more out of the way spots and in general were exploring the city together.

It had been the most fun that Kaldur's had in a long time and he was sharing it with someone special.

That little ball of happiness stayed with him even as he returned to the Cave. He'd been gone for three days and had planned to go out with Roy the day after. He'd an idea of where they could go for the date and wanted to show it to him.

"Wow, you're in a good mood, Kaldur." M'gann smiled as she walked up to him in the commons area. "Did something good happen on your trip?"

"In a manner of speaking." Kaldur had to remind himself to keep calm at all times. It's hard. He feels like he's on cloud nine right now. "Anything happened while I was away?"

"No." She chirped cheerfully, "Everything's been pretty quiet around here. Conner's down in the garage looking over the cycles that Batman ordered."

Kaldur just nodded, "Well, if I'm not needed, than I will be in my room for the time being."

"I'll call you for dinner!" M'gann called to him. "We're having salmon!"

He waved as he veered off to his room. Once there, the clean spartan room made him sigh just a bit. He almost wished to be back in Taipei with Roy again. The memory of trying one of the local foods still made him smile because it was a particularly spicy dish that they both had a hard time eating but neither would admit it.

Chuckling to himself, he went over to his bed to lie down for a while when his communicator buzzed to life. His brows furrowed in confusion. It was the com-link for his father's private line. Glancing around, he laid down in the bed and jerked the covers completely over his head. It's childish, but he figured it'll keep others from spying too hard if they tried.

Opening it, a blue glow was cast on his face as his father's image appeared.

"Kaldur'ahm, it's been a long time, my son." His father's smiling face brought back with him all the other problems that he'd tried to forget for a time. "I have news that may help you greatly."

"What news, father?" Kaldur asked, "Am I to return home?"

"No, though we wish it were so." His father shook his head, "But I've found out that there is a mole on that team you're on."

"Yes, I know." Kaldur then explained his trip to Taipei to help Red Arrow. He omitted what happened afterwards, though but kept it to that. "Sportsmaster apparently wasn't joking about the mole, then? I thought he was just yanking our chains and everything."

"That fool." An odd expression crossed his father's face. "At any rate, I've found out who it is and thought they may be helpful to you."

"That'd be nice." Kaldur sighed softly, "It's hard keeping up my guard all the time."

"I know. You're doing well."

Was he really? Kaldur didn't know but he continued on. His curiosity, once more, getting the best of him. "So, who's the mole?"

"Someone by the name of Speedy- do you know him?"

He froze. Speedy? Isn't that...Roy? His expression must've been telling, because his father's frowning at him.

"What is it? Do you know who that is?"

"I do, and he's no mole, father. At least, not a willing one." It must be a mistake. Roy couldn't be a mole. He was too driven and too much into the hero life to ever betray that. "It must be a mistake."

"It's not mistake." His father gave him a strange look, "Give me a moment, Kaldur'ahm, I'll see what else I can dig from Lex corps."

"Lex Corps?" That rang a lot of bells for him. What did Lex Luthor have to do with any of this? His earlier suspicions came to haunt him again. Were the villains working together? Or was this just a coincidence?

"Hm, yes, I hacked into their files and went on a hunt for a weapon I could steal from his boats." Leave it to his father to find something for himself out of all this. It was for the cause, of course.

A cause that Kaldur's slowly starting to question.

"I see. What have you found?"

After a moment of silence, his father spoke, "You're right, Kaldur, he's not willingly one. There's something about a control mechanism? Whatever it is, he does not realize it's there." His father tsked, "Ah, well, it's not a problem for us. I'll simply get LaQuinta on it and have her reprogram the system. We can make use of this Speedy boy for our own ends."

This...this is bad. This could do even worst damage than he thought.

"Won't Lex Luthor notice?" Maybe he could sway him from it? At least, until he could figure out what to do.

"No." His father's grin became devious, "He thinks he's the smartest man on earth. His arrogance is his weakness, son. He'll never check it again after it's been implemented. Learn from that, Kaldur. No man's plan is ever fool proof."

Indeed, he knew that.

"I will call you again when it's complete." His father said, "Do you have anything else to report? Your next mission, maybe?"

"No." Kaldur felt a lump grow in his throat. What was he going to do?

"Very well. Until next time, my boy. Be safe." And the image winked out of sight.

Kaldur stuffed the comlink under his pillow and came out from under the covers. Everything had been so right before, now began to spiral. Roy, the person he liked the most, was a mole and he didn't even know it.

What was he going to do?

How was he even going to deal with any of this?

For once, Kaldur had no answers for it.