"Love is a burning thing
And it makes a fiery ring.
Bound by wild desire
I fell into a ring of fire.
I fell into a burning ring of fire,
I went down, down, down and the flames went higher.
And it burns, burns, burns,
The ring of fire, the ring of fire.
The taste of love is sweet
When hearts like ours meet.
I fell for you like a child,
Oh, but the fire went wild."
Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash, but written by June Carter- Cash :) ( Personally I hear Social Distortion's version when I think of this chapter, but that's me lol). Mac starts to make some plans for the rest of his life in this chapter.
/
The explosion was so loud it knocked him off his feet, and he was happy in that moment, even as her body laid in the back of his truck. One day he would kill Walter for this, but not right away; revenge was a dish best served cold. Even in his extreme grief, Mac knew that. For starters, he blew up the entire cave and destroyed all of Walters operation, then turned and looked at her body in the back of his truck.
For all the bodies he ever had there, he never thought hers would be one of them. There were going to be more bodies before he was done here, a lot more. But he could wait, until the time was right, he was already forming a plan in his head. Walter would pay dearly for this, everyone would.
"I like a look of Agony,
Because I know it's true -
Men do not sham Convulsion,
Nor simulate, a Throe -
The Eyes glaze once - and that is Death -
Impossible to feign
The Beads upon the Forehead
By homely Anguish strung."
I Like A Look of Agony by Emily Dickinson
/
"Will you take her back to California?" He asked as they sat at the table in the kitchen. He was her real next if kin, but he respected her mother and gave her the choice that belonged to him.
"You know she hated California. This was where she always wanted to be. She would want to be here, this was where she was happy."
He wanted to tell her, and he opened his mouth to say it; that he had loved Lucy more than anything in the world. There was so much he wanted to tell her mother, that they had plans for a life with babies, and that they had married. He wanted her to know that her child was loved so very much, that he did the best that he could; that Lucy and he had been happy together. Mac wanted Sheila to know that Lucy had changed him and made him a better man; that she had enriched his life and made it worth living and he would never love anyone else; he would love Lucy for the rest of his life. But Sheila didn't want to know.
He had always wanted the world to know that she was his and he'd wanted Lucy to be proud of him. He hoped she was now, maybe she had been all along.
"I think there was something between you and Lu, I know you loved each other, but I feel like it was more to it, that it was different with you two but I don't wanna know Mac," She said, " I'm an old-fashioned lady and I don't want to think about it or know about It. I want to remember her the way I want to remember her. So Don't say it."
Her mother would want to visit her grave he knew that. He couldn't even put his last name on the stone, Lucy's real last name. Mac knew then that he would always be the only person in the world that knew they were married. She would always be Lucy Luanardi to the world but to him, she was Lucy Garcia. He had always wanted to tell everyone she was his and now he never could.
/
"I used to be a little boy,
So old in my shoes.
And what I choose is my voice,
What's a boy supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you,
My love,
I send this smile over to you."
"I got a new crew coming in. Older guys, not like those young douchebags were. People I want you to meet, you're my number one manufacturer." Walter said to him outside the funeral parlor at Lucy's memorial service as they both smoked and leaned up against the wall.
"She was your niece..." Mac said, "How could you take away the only person in this world that thought I was worth a damn thing. How could you take her away from me?"
"She made you weak." Walter replied, "But I didn't do this, son."
"Ahhh, but I know you did. Nothing happens around here without your hand in it." He said and touched his father's cheek, "I know it was you, you may not have actually done it, but it was you all the same. I won't soon forget it either, if you receive my meaning."
Mac turned to go.
"You threatening me?" Walter asked and Mac turned back and met his eyes.
"What do you think?"
Walter just stared.
"Yes, you and yours," Mac took him by the shirt, "You killed my wife."
Mac pushed him into the wall and walked away.
/
As Mac smoked outside a little later, he couldn't stand being inside and spent most of the wake out on the porch of the funeral home, he noticed Carolina come out the side door and light a cigarette. He waved and she started up the steps to join him; they had words to say to each other, it was time. They stood silently though, each lost in their own thoughts for the moment, smoking until Carolina finally spoke. Mac knew Carolina had fucked up, but he also knew she didn't know at the time that telling Walter had been a mistake and he couldn't hold a grudge. He had enough grudges now and enough revenge to take on this town and the people in it. But not Carolina, she had been good to his girl. Carolina had been Lucy's only friend here.
"I ...thought Walter knew." Carolina started to cry, "I didn't know."
"It's OK Carolina. I know you loved her and wouldn't hurt her or do anything to hurt her," Mac said and handed her a handkerchief, which she gratefully took and blew her nose.
"And I know you loved her," Carolina said cautiously and looked at him in a way that said more, that said she knew.
"She tell you that?"
"No, she didn't have to, anyone with a brain in their head could see it between the two of you. I knew back when we were kids. When you called me Lucy that time."
"I thought you didn't catch that." He winced and almost smiled, they had been so young then.
"Not so much," She said with a laugh, " No big thing Mac, but I always knew. She loved you like that and you loved her."
"Still love her. Always will," Mac said and threw down his cigarette.
Then he turned to her.
"We were married," Mac said softly.
"You were," Carolina squeaked with joy and her entire face lit up.
"Yeah, we drove to Salt Lake last year, stayed at the Hilton," Mac began to say.
"Oh you sweet romantic man," Carolina threw her arms around him, "You eloped!"
"Easy girl it wasn't anything," Mac tried to pull away from her.
"Yes it was, yes it was Mac, it was everything," Carolina hugged him more, "You don't get it cause you're a guy, oh my God Mac, she must have been so happy."
"She was, I think, we were," Mac answered.
/
"The peace is dead in my soul,
I have blamed the reasons for
My intentions poor.
Yes I'm the one who
The only one who
Would carry on this far.
Torn, I'm filthy,
Born in my own misery.
Stole all that you gave me
Control you claim you save me."
Torn by Creed
/
The house went to shit fast without Lucy there, everything was going to shit. Now it was littered with garbage and tweak drawings of spiders on the wall, he never cleaned up and just let it rot now. Lucy had kept the house spotless, but he didn't see any point to that anymore. The grief was almost paralyzing.
Mac was sinking fast, he smoked and drew and drew and smoked. Every day it was the same now, cook the meth, get high, draw some shit, rinse and repeat. There seemed no reason for anything without her.
He watched the first of the home movies of him and Lucy as kids, films of him teaching her how to walk. It was bittersweet, he would give anything to go back and change things; he would never ask her to come live with him. He would put her first instead of his own selfish needs and wants. He would never touch her, if only he could have another chance to do the right thing.
He looked down at his hand at the spider she put there and then he began to draw again. It was the only relief he felt now, when he watched the movies he was filled with regret. He wanted to go back and change it all.
Lucy had been afraid of spiders and she said he helped her get over it. But she had been the one that changed him, even if he ever got a second chance he wasn't sure he'd be able to say no to her love. She had changed him and he had almost made it.
/
"I took my love, I took it down.
Climbed a mountain and I turned around.
And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills,
'Til the landslide brought it down.
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Well, I've been afraid of changin'
'Cause I've built my life around you.
But time makes you bolder,
Even children get older,
And I'm getting older, too."
Landslide by Fleetwood Mac
He stood at her grave, the way he did every day in the beginning, just talking to her. It was like she was there with him and it gave him comfort sometimes. Of course, he knew she wasn't really there, but he still talked to her and told her everything that was on his mind and in his heart. It was so hard without her, sometimes he came out here at night drunk and slept, just wanting to be close to her, to something.
"I gotta go now Luce, Walters other kids are coming for a visit, names are Devon and Regina. Probably a couple of assholes and I got some plans of my own." He took a long drag on his cigarette, "I'm gonna tell them all about you baby, then I'm gonna fuck up their lives the likes of which my old man won't believe."
The End
Ok, so I wrote an epilogue to this for Magenta. Feel free not to read it if you want to remember this story as the tragedy it is. But she asked me to write it and its a bunch of fluff. So if you want the fluff, go for it. If you want the tragedy, do not read the epilogue :) as always I love you all, and thank you for reading this crazy story :)