Ahahahaha... is it just me, or has it been a while?
But anyway! I'm back now. I'M BACK IN BLACK.
Only not really. I'm back in a Grinch t-shirt my boyfriend's parents got me for Christmas. Which reminds me, hope everyone had a happy holiday!
Anyhoozle, new chapter everyone rejoice!
Credit to Naughtia for inspiring Rule #21: Once again, Tally does NOT. Like. SPIDERS.
Credit to D. D. Natanya for Rule #22: Food is meant to be eaten, not... played with.
Credit to Redtailxclaw and anonomon for Rule #23: Thank Primus that Prowl is around when Tally's sick.
Credit to D. D. Natanya and my brother for Rule #24: Tally should probably keep her emergency chocolate well-hidden.
Credit to Anonymous BW FG and my buddy freakofnature96 for Rule #25: Starscream and Knock out are idiots, the bots and Tally are very lucky.
Enjoy!
21. I am a very tolerant person. But Airachnid's new "pet"? Keep that thing the hell away from me.
(Remember the incident with the spiders?)
(Where I screamed like a baby while Wheeljack stole the spider from Hound and advanced upon me with it?)
(Yes, well, I managed to get most spiders out of the house through the combined efforts of myself, Mirage, and Ironhide.)
(Okay, okay... mostly Mirage and Ironhide. They're way braver than I am.)
(Unfortunately, one day while I was relaxing Red Alert came running up to me, crying and screaming about a giant spider Airachnid had brought into the house.)
(I winced, but patted his head and told him if he pointed me toward it, I'd take care of it.)
(He said he'd seen her in the kitchen with it - probably found it in the backyard and had just come on in.)
(I found Ironhide and took him with me as backup.)
(Sure enough there she was, and Red Alert was right - this spider she'd found was huge.)
(I'm not kidding, she had somehow gotten a stray piece of my ribbon and tied it around this thing's neck as a leash.)
(And she was apparently looking around for a bowl it could eat out of.)
(I approached her nervously, and put 'Hide down.)
"Uh... you're gonna have to get rid of that spider. That thing can't stay in my house."
(She just glared at me.)
"Its name is Hardshell. It's my pet. Kind of like you treat all of us like pets, except I understand how intelligent my pet is."
(I gave 'Hide the signal to fire, but she just dodged out of the way.)
(I walked right up to her, kicked her with my foot, and pinned her down with my toe. She squirted me with her spider silk.)
(I was wearing sandals. I still haven't been able to get all the traces of it off my toe skin.)
(I actually had to threaten her with a can of Raid before she agreed to leave me alone.)
(Now she keeps "Hardshell" in the garage, and has decided not to let him in the house where I can see.)
(Try it one more time and see what I do then, bitch.)
(One. More. Time.)
22. We do not throw things at the dinner table. And yes, that includes other bots.
(I try my damndest not to have the 'Bots and 'Cons together at the same time. Because they tend to fight when they're around each other.)
(But I'd been out and about running errands the whole day, with Prowl in my purse.)
(I knew I was out too long when I discovered that he had fallen asleep at the bottom. Him. Prowl fell asleep waiting for me to be done with my business.)
(Poor guy, but I had to get food and other necessities, not to mention renew my driving license.)
(By the time we got back, there wasn't time for separate dinners.)
(So, I respectfully requested that the Autobots and the Decepticons please try to get along during this one time they'd have to eat together.)
(I think it was Lugnut who started the whole thing. While I had my back turned, he flung some mashed potatoes.)
(Which landed on Bulkhead's face.)
(By the time I turned back around, an all-out food war had broken out.)
(Bumblebee threw his Jell-O at Wasp, and Wasp threw his pudding right back.)
(Red Alert was hiding under the table, holding onto one of the legs and screaming like there were bullets being fired instead of food.)
(The Jettwins were holding Starscream down by his wings, taking turns force-feeding him ranch dressing.)
(Megatron was hurling sugar cubes at Optimus, who was sitting there calmly and trying not to even acknowledge that this was happening.)
(It looked like with every cube that hit his helm, his patience meter was dropping a little. I think I even saw his optic twitch.)
(Then Wheeljack threw Wreck-Gar across the table.)
(Only through quick action did I manage to catch the poor little garbage truck.)
"EVERYONE, SHUT UP!"
(I think that was the first time I ever yelled at them, and the room got very quiet.)
(Not even Bluestreak said anything.)
(When I could finally talk again, I summoned up the lowest, most threatening voice I could.)
"When I count to three..."
(I looked pointedly at Wheeljack.)
"... I want..."
(Then at Megatron.)
"All of you..."
(I put Wreck-Gar down.)
"Gone."
(I counted to three, turned around, and nobody was there except for Wreck-Gar.)
(Happily scooping up the mess and humming that he was helping because he was a helpful bot.)
(I chose to ignore it and just accept his help. It was more than the others were doing.)
(The next day, everyone was nicer to me than they'd ever been.)
(I didn't like talking to them like that, but if the kind of treatment it got me was what they'd given me, well...)
23. The do's and don't's of when I'm sick. Remember them.
(It's not often that I get sick, but hey, nobody's perfect.)
(Sadly, a lot of my little bots tend to not know exactly how to treat me when I do get sick.)
(I was mostly stuck in bed and couldn't get any commissions done for a few days. I was glad to have a break, but I wanted to be better, darn it!)
(My little angel Mirage stood patrol by the door and didn't let anyone in who had ill intentions at spark.)
(He did let Sunstorm in for like five minutes, and the entire five minutes he was fawning over me. Right up till Mirage drug him out.)
(But I was grateful for the fact that he rested comfortably on my back, rubbing my neck and complimenting me.)
(So, yes: Do make me feel good. It takes my mind off of being sick.)
(Then... Mirage let Ratchet in. Probably because he pulled the "I'm a doctor, I know what's best for her" card.)
(He tried to make me drink something that smelled like the business end of a garbage disposal - and had the nerve to pass it off as being good for me.)
(I managed to take the spoon from him, and crammed it down his throat instead.)
(The last thing I heard from him as Mirage ushered him out was rather muffled.)
"But I needed that!"
(Don't try to force any stupid health-nut stuff on me. I will force it right back on you.)
(Swoop came in later and flew circles around me, fetching me anything I needed or wanted.
(Water, tissues... he even schlepped the trash can over when I told him I needed something to throw up in.)
(Also, he didn't hesitate to grab a washcloth and wipe off my mouth when I was done being sick.)
(He's a good little pteranodon.)
(Do take good care of me. I'll appreciate it, and reward you when I'm better.)
(The thing that was the most annoying was when Mirage let Wheeljack in for a few minutes, under the guise of wanting to ask me some questions.)
(Instead of doing that, however, he cheerfully held a cup under my mouth and asked, in all casualty and quite serious, if I would give him a sample of my vomit.)
(I looked straight into his eyes, mustering up the best glare I could manage.)
"Wheeljack, if I had any control over it... I would do it on you right now."
(Then I shoved him off the side of the bed and I didn't hear from him for the rest of the day.)
(Do not try to do any freaky little experiments with my germs. I will not be flattered.)
(Sometime during the night, Prowl came into my room to see how I was feeling.)
(I hadn't been able to sleep all day, and as well-intentioned as the others were - okay, well, maybe not Wheeljack - I wasn't much better.)
(Prowl... oh God, sweet Prowl... he led me through a small meditation/relaxation, and before I knew it I was asleep.)
(I woke up the next day feeling a lot better, with the little ninja-bot curled up by my shoulder.)
(Do be like Prowl.)
24. No more chocolate ANYTHING. Chocolate milk, cookies, brownies. Seriously, none of that.
(I guess I had to learn this lesson the hard way.)
(Once we all learned that my little bots could eat human food, I realized I had to find something that they all liked and was easy to eat so I could have a bunch of food pre-made if they ever got hungry and I didn't feel like cooking.)
(The general consensus was that their favorite was cookies.)
(And of course, everyone remembers that book, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. Yeah, well, apparently it works for bots too.)
(I had to have little cups of milk all ready in the fridge so they wouldn't make a mess trying to get any.)
(The whole chocolate craze thing was Blitzwing's fault.)
(Up until then, I'd just been getting sugar cookies and regular milk, but then Blitzwing accompanied me to the grocery store.)
(Random pointed out some chocolate milk, Oreos, and little brownies - like a kid in a freaking candy store, he wouldn't shut up till I bought some.)
(The problem came when the chocolate stuff was actually consumed.)
(I had been taking a nap, and Swoop woke me up because he heard a ruckus in the kitchen.)
(I wasn't happy about being woken up, but I was even less happy when I saw the scene.)
(The packages of Oreos and brownies littered the counters, and there was chocolate milk all over the floor.)
(Blitzwing's Hothead side was screaming and trying to dunk Red Alert in a cup of chocolate milk.)
(Starscream could not fly in a straight line, and kept going back to bump into the side of the fridge.)
(Meanwhile, as I stepped into the kitchen to see what the hell was going on, Bumblebee was driving sugar-high circles around my feet.)
(I finally managed to muscle my way over to the counter and grab Blitzwing.)
(I also fished Red Alert out of the glass, with the poor mech sputtering and screaming.)
"I can feel the sugar sticking to my gears! GET ME OUT BEFORE I DROWN!"
(Yep, that's Red Alert alright.)
(Wheeljack told me it was his opinion that the chocolate was what caused the problem.)
(Perceptor agreed, along with the fact that the artifical flavorings probably weren't helping things.)
(As for the bots who ate the chocolate, I had to hold them down in the sink while I flushed their systems and brushed their teeth.)
(Not the easiest thing in the world to do, by the way.)
(Also, that's the last time I take Blitzwing anywhere.)
(His Random side is REALLY starting to scare the scrap out of me.)
25. Bots, you cannot move around when there are other people over here. You're just toys to them.
(Okay, still laying out some ground rules, yeah, that's fine.)
(Getting all the bad ideas out of their systems.)
(When I learned that my sister Katy was coming for a visit, at first I was scared out of my mind.)
(I had like fifty little bots running around here shooting at each other! How was I supposed to explain that?)
(Eventually, after Prowl managed to calm me down, I called all my bots in the living room for a meeting.)
(I didn't have time to do separate ones for the 'Bots and 'Cons, nor did I really feel like repeating myself.)
(I told everyone that while Katy was here - no more than a few hours, I hoped - they had to stay out of sight. If not, they had to stay still.)
(Optimus asked if most of the Autobots could stay in my room till she was gone, and I said yes.)
(Megatron glared at me, and I raised an eyebrow at him.)
"No. Funny. Business. You hear me, Mr. Fusion Cannons?"
"Glitch."
(That time I glared right back.)
"You want me to take Ducky?"
(He backed down.)
"Yeah, that's what I thought."
(Bluestreak said he wanted to stay out in the living room to see my sister. Then he asked, but what if he had to sneeze?)
(Somehow, I knew a question like that was coming. So I gave him my best "Really?" look, and he shut up for a few seconds.)
(In the bots' defense, it wasn't technically the Autobots that blew it once my sister got there.)
(Nor was it, as I had anticipated, Megatron.)
(No, it was Knock Out.)
(See, Starscream had made a habit out of randomly scratching Knock Out's finish, and then the little diva would come whining to me. Because he knew I would usually give Starscream a toilet shampoo for unnecessary roughness.)
(But this time, Knock Out had broken out of the bathroom - where the 'Cons had elected to stay - despite the others' best efforts to contain him.)
(He ran right into the living room, screaming and sobbing, to show me a particularly long scratch down the side of his chassis.)
(Katy fainted when he looked up and said hello before continuing to bitch about his paint.)
(Also, when Red Alert heard my screaming, he ran out to help me, saw Katy and Knock Out, and glitched so hard.)
(It was a few minutes before either of them woke up, and Katy thought it had just been a dream.)
(I had to explain everything to her, and luckily for me and my bots she was apparently concussed enough that she agreed to keep it our little secret.)
(Once she left, I let my tiny bots have it.)
(I spieled for about a full five minutes, then I locked Knock Out in the garage with Airachnid and Hardshell.)
(Then, when I let him back in and he was wailing about what the spider had done to his finish, I grabbed Starscream right out of the air where he was flying and locked him in there.)
(Picked up Knock Out and went to fix him.)
(Starscream, the next time you feel the need to cause a crisis, do us all a favor...)
(Ignore that feeling.)
Well, I hope you all like long and rambling rules! Because... apparently that's what all of mine are. XD
Still accepting suggestions, though I have enough for a while. But if you want to send one, I'm totally game! I'm a collector of the finest things... bwahahahaha...
Hope you enjoyed, and thanks for reading!