Apparation is the most wretched feeling, like all of your insides are being smashed into pieces by an invisible giant. But at least because I knew the feeling, I knew that I had done it right.
Lily was flailing next to me, and I held steadfastly to her and my trunk. The latter kept knocking against my shins, persevering to leave its angry marks on my skin. Finally the air opened and I could breathe. Lily fell on top of my legs with a large grunt and I hit my trunk square on the corner. Comfy. Excellent. Marvelous.
We both laid on her front lawn panting for a few moments before she said to the sky. "You can Apparate?"
Well spotted, Lily! If I wasn't so winded I would take the mickey out of her. "Mum and dad thought all purebloods should know how before it was required," I explained. "Symbol of our superiority. I hadn't done it many times perfectly…. Glad it worked this time!" I said with a nervous chuckle.
Lily rolled off my legs to look at me. "You could have killed us."
"But I didn't," I offered feebly.
What Lily did next surprised me. She turned on her side to embrace me in a hug (as much as one can when horizontal on the dirt). "Thank you," she breathed into my neck as she clung tighter for a moment before letting go.
"Why are you thanking me?" I questioned of her. "You should be furious. First, I agree to this insane plan of letting you set foot inside the most dangerous place on Earth—" Lily snorted.
"You laugh," I continued seriously, "but, my parents know dark magic that would horrify you." Lily's smile faded. "It has gone back for forever. All of them—passing down awful things to the next generation to use against people like you. People who weren't born wizards." Lily's eyes were searching my face now.
"I shouldn't have let you go. No amount of stuff is worth getting you hurt. Next, I risk our lives even more and do risky magic to pull us out of a terrible situation." The severity of this sank in and Lily turned an even more porcelain white than usual.
"You should be furious," I repeated.
"Sirius, I—" But what about Lily, I could not find out at the time, as her mother walked up the sidewalk.
"What on earth happened to the two of you?" Mrs. Evans asked.
I jumped up and offered my hand to Lily to help her onto two feet. She took it, and I clung too much as she slipped her fingers out of mine, our tips touching longer than was customary.
"We went on an adventure," Lily said.
Her mother chuckled, "Oh really? Where to?"
"To rescue Sirius' belongings," Lily said matter-of-factly. Mrs. Evans' eyes flickered over to the trunk in the dirt. Her eyebrows furrowed. "And it all fits inside of that one trunk?" she said incredulously.
"Magic," Lily reminded her mum in an exasperated voice.
"Ah, of course." She chuckled and looked at Lily. "I'll get used to it one of these days." She shrugged and added, "would you mind helping me nip the rest of the groceries out of the car and put them away?"
We hauled the rest of the groceries inside and the adrenaline in my veins slowly stopped pumping. I was able to compose my thoughts and riddle out the past hour's events. Lily suggested breaking a wizard law, helped me draw up a plan to break a wizard law, successfully broke a wizarding law while trespassing and using underage magic. Then, she let me perform possibly fatal magic on the two of us.
Let's say a bloke likes this bird. Bloke finds out bird is vegetarian. Suddenly, he wants to treat "all God's creatures as equals" and volunteers at an animal shelter. Bird pays attention to bloke and lets him make out with her. We've all seen this logic and something like this example. Doesn't Lily sound a bit like the bloke in this situation?
Except she's not a bloke… she's very much so not a bloke…
Focusing.
I meant that Lily stepped outside of her comfort zone to be more like me. Which, in most situations, means there's a certain fondness on her end. But, I also have to factor in the fact Lily is a good person and fiercely loyal, so she would go to any extent to help a friend. Bullocks.
Fondness or not, I was honestly happy we were both okay. And gauging by the look of alarm that took over Lily's features when I spoke about dark magic, I think it was safe to assume she was aware that a movement was starting to take place throughout our world. A dark wizard, named Voldemort, was rising and gaining followers. We were starting to live in dangerous times.
I was shaken from my musings when Lily called my name. I realized I was still outside, clutching two grocer's bags.
"Need help?" she said smirking. Ash and dirt lingered on the hem of her shirt and dirtied her white skirt.
"Nope," I grinned back, "I'm fine. Just a bit distracted." Her smile fell for a moment and looked at me with concern , before thinking better about asking what I was distracted about in front of her mother.
After we helped Lily's mum and got cleaned up, she decided to show me around her town. Life as a real muggle! We walked toward the town center and ducked into a retro-diner to eat.
We received our sodas, but Lily left hers untouched and looked at me. "What were you so distracted thinking about earlier?" She said, tilting her head to the side, as if a different view would reveal the answer. "Unless it's dirty, then I think I'd rather not know. But it looked like you were very contemplative."
"It wasn't dirty!" I said defensively. "I was thinking about how lucky we were to be okay and unscratched, from my stupid magic or my family's."
"That was brave," she said. Her eyes locked with mine. "Really. It's quite amazing that you're able to do that. I've studied the theory behind it, Apparation is difficult."
"I knew we had to get out of there." I shrugged.
"About the—" she looked around the room of muggles and mouthed dark magic, "you were talking about earlier. It's not just your family, is it." She didn't ask a question, she was stating a fact.
"No, it's not." I said. "You're clever. You've noticed the disappearances, the random fires. That's some of us. Not one of them," I said jerking my head toward a muggle family sitting next to us. Their young son laughed as his elder sister made a funny face. Lily's eyes were fixed on the children.
"It's not fair," she said, her eyes still on the laughing youths. She snapped back to me. "They have no idea. They have no way to protect themselves! It's not right."
I didn't know what to say, but the waitress returned with our greasy burgers and fries in hand. She winked at me before popping her gum loudly and dropping an extra napkin next to my plate. The waitress left and Lily rolled her eyes.
"What!" I said defensively. Lily sighed and reached across the table to flip the napkin over, digits were scrawled across it with a heart at the bottom.
"Hogwarts heartbreaker," she said pointedly.
"I can't help my dashingly good looks, Lily." I joked.
Lily's face did not show traces of amusement. "Slag," she shot back.
My mouth hung open. "What did you call me?"
"You heard me, you're a slag. You go through girl after girl once you've done Merlin knows what with them, and don't give a damn." She said this factually and took a bite of her burger.
"I am not a slag." I said lowly. Little did she know, little did Hogwarts know, I was a virgin. Definition of a slag is a person who sleeps around with a ton of people, so I wasn't a slag. Did I make out with quite a few girls in a rather successive and fast-paced time frame? Perhaps. You've got me on that one. But what else am I supposed to do when the love of my life is completely unattainable? Sit and play Wizard's chess all day and wallow as a victim of circumstance? I think not.
"Sirius, I was taking the mickey." Lily said as she grabbed a French fry. I wished I could laugh with her, but her accusations hurt more than I cared to admit. I didn't want Lily to think I was just some irresponsible ass who ran around and jumped in bed with anything with two legs and lady bits. I wanted her to think of me as, I dunno. Responsible boyfriend material.
But then James would think of me as good target practice material. Why did he have to choose her out of all the damn girls at Hogwarts to set his sights on?
"Do you really think I'm a slag?" I asked her.
"Sirius, honestly—"
"No, really. Do you?"
"I don't know what to think," she said quietly. "Everyone at school buzzes about what girl you're with weekly and spreads ridiculous rumors. But," she added, "none of the rumors sound like the Sirius I know."
"They're not." I said quickly.
"I believe you," she said and pushed my plate toward me. "Eat. It's good." I smiled and took a bite. She was right. It might have been a heart attack between two buns, but it tasted like delicious victory.
My week with Lily Marie flew by quickly. I wish I could say I became accustomed to her beauty and could better shield myself from infatuation by spending so much time around her, but that's untrue.
Getting to know her more convinced me of how perfectly matched we are. Waking up in the same house, eating breakfast together, seeing her with no makeup, taking walks down through her town all made it easier to picture spending the rest of our lives together. Seeing her at all hours of the day made me no more immune to her than that damn water helped Achilles' heels.
Before I knew it, the afternoon of my departure arrived. I wrote James in the middle of the week and told him I would touch down after dinner. My plan was to pretend my week old family fight happened today, and inform him I was never returning to Black Manor. Staying with Lily would be accidentally forgotten when talking to James.
Was this dishonest? Yes. But otherwise I would have to answer so many questions. I explained this to Lily the Ever Honest, Lily the Princess of Loyalty, and she agreed with me.
"I mean, really there's nothing to be jealous of," she said one night as we stayed up late watching some muggle sitcom marathon on her television (the function of which she explained to me several days earlier).
I eyed her tank top dipping dangerously low and her short pajama shorts. "Yes, absolutely nothing." I said sardonically.
Lily plowed on unaware. "It's not like you're making advances on me." Her cheeks colored a brilliant shade of pink. "We're just really good friends and you needed one when he wasn't there."
"Yes," I countered, "but James would give a leg and other vital limbs to be one of your best friends."
"Well," she said after a moment's contemplation, "maybe it's best to keep this to ourselves then."
"I couldn't agree more."
I figured with a Saint's approval, it wasn't as terrible. Even though I was breaking every Best Mate Code in the book, what choice did I have? Luckily the other Marauders would be arriving shortly after me, and some of the attention would shift to them.
I still felt guilty.
"Dinner!" Mrs. Evans voice rang through the house. I looked around the room that belonged to the Lily's unknown sister and saw a lone picture of two little girls on the desk. One was a redhead, smiling with her front teeth missing, and the other was a bony preteen, trying her hardest not to grin. I heard Lily's door close and quickly moved to exit the room, the picture lingering in my mind.
I met Lily in the hallway, "Hey," I said, throwing my smile her way (it is admittedly one of my best features).
"Hey," she said back, rather flatly. She tried to smile, but it didn't reach her eyes. Lily walked ahead of me down the stairs to get to the kitchen. I furrowed my eyebrows and followed after her quickly.
I took my usual space at the table across from Lily. Her mother was beaming as she brought the dinner in. "I thought we needed a special dinner for your farewell, Sirius!"
The table was so full we barely had room for our plates. There was ham, mashed potatoes, salad, rolls, corn, peas, and all sorts of side dishes.
"It looks amazing, Mrs. Evans, thank you." I said, truly touched by all of the work she put into the meal.
"Yes mum, it does," Lily added quietly, her eyes trained to her plate. I was starting to get mildly concerned. What could be wrong? Did I do something?
Throughout the rest of the meal Lily's manner did not differ. She answered questions shortly as her mum and dad tried to get her to converse more. I kept composure and pretended nothing was wrong. The meal concluded with a breath-taking chocolate cake Mrs. Evans made and I like I never wanted to eat another thing again. Lily refrained from desert and shot up from the table as soon as she could be excused. Her dad turned and watched her progress up the stairs.
"Dear," he said to Mrs. Evans, "I think this has you written on it." He happily turned to me, "I don't understand women, never will."
"Oh you're terrible," Mrs. Evans teased as she started to clear the table. "I'm sure it's just a mood, if something's wrong she'll tell me about it later."
I helped clean as fast as I could before escaping to Lily. I took each stair slowly, trying to think of what I could have possibly done to upset her.
I knocked at her door. Hearing no noise of protest, I entered. "Hey," I said.
"Hey." She was sitting on her bed, scribbling in a little book.
"Mind if I come in?" I asked and she shook her head. I sat on the bed next to hers; the one I occupied my first night here. "What's wrong, Lily? Did I do something?"
"It's stupid," she admitted finally.
"No it's not, just tell me. Nothing my friends have to say to me is stupid. Unless it's from Peter…" I trailed off. Lily cracked a smile.
"It's just," she struggled to find the words. I nodded my head, urging her to continue. "Before, when we would hang out, afterwards we would go back to our lives and not talk for weeks or months. And you being friends with James makes everything more complex. I get that, but… we're friends now. I don't want you to leave tonight and that be it."
I took this moment to move and sit directly next to her. "I don't want that either." My heart was thumping loudly enough to be heard throughout the house. "We're going to find a way to stay friends, no matter what. I mean we did break into my house and leave unscratched, we can do this no problem." I said lightly, her face broke out in a grin.
"Lily, you're one of my best friends. You mean a lot to me, I'm not going to just take off and pretend this never happened."
"Well," she said, sitting up a bit straighter, tossing her hair over her shoulder, "I wouldn't let you Sirius Black."
"Good," I said. I could smell her shampoo (that I also used this past week), I could see her eyes sparkling, I could feel her arm brushing mine and I could fathom moving my face just inches and connecting with her. Her eyes flickered down to my mouth too. Just as I was about to make the conscious decision to move…
James.
His face flashed through my mind. I had to leave and fly to his house in moments. No matter how badly I wanted to kiss Lily, it would be bad to end things like this. We would be apart for over a month and kissing would definitely require a conversation, with her and James. I wouldn't be able to hide this from him.
I closed my eyes and sighed. "I have to go," I said, hating myself as I spoke. I felt something collide with my shoulder and saw Lily's forehead resting there. "I know," she said muffled into my shirt.
I wrapped my arms around her and rested my chin on top of her head. She squeezed back and grabbed a fistful of my shirt. We stayed there for a few glorious moments until I knew I had to pull away or else I wouldn't be able to. I rubbed her back and let go.
"Need help with your things?" she asked hopefully (maybe I imagined the hope).
"Definitely."
We walked to "my" room. I grabbed my trunk and Lily slung the strap of my rucksack over her shoulder. We walked downstairs and Mr. and Mrs. Evans were putting away leftovers in the refrigerator.
"Sirius, you have to go?" Mrs. Evans said, frowning a bit.
"Yes, Mrs. Evans. Time for me to leave. Thank you so much for your hospitality."
Mrs. Evans embraced me, like I was one of her own. "You're welcome anytime."
"Thank you." I said.
Mr. Evans shook my hand. "No problem," he said happily.
"Do you need us to drive you anywhere?" Mrs. Evans said anxiously.
"Mum," Lily said, "magic!"
"Of course, of course," Mrs. Evans said waving her hands.
Lily and I walked out to where I stored my motor bike and attached my trunk.
"We'll talk soon," I promised.
"I trust you, Sirius Black," Lily said. "Fly safe."
"I always do," I said, before kicking off and flying once again into the dark night.