Disclaimer: Not mine, credit goes to Stephenie Meyer. I do however take claim for Ella and the plot I've devised with the Fey and the characters associated with that.

AN: I apologise that this chapter is A) very short and B) a week late. Unfortunately I was dealing with a family emergency last week which was very stressful and having to juggle that, the police, work and the few spare moments I had, I didn't get a chance to write anything down. I have tried to make this chapter longer but I think I either 1) lost my mojo on this chapter or 2) psyched myself out of writing from Edward's p.o.v

Reviews for Chapter 38:

Amy - if she had that power there wouldn't be much of a storyline but I get what you mean, she'll get there.

Adela - thanks :)

Chapter Thirty-Nine – News from the Hunt

The Absolute Rarest Edward P.O.V

Five months of trolling around the unpopulated parts of America searching for Laurent was weighing heavily on my soul and the souls of my family. I knew that school was due to start in another month and yet we were no closer to finding Laurent than we were when we left. Could I really not return to Forks? Could I really abandon Ella?

These were thoughts that kept my mind trapped since we first left.

I felt like the earth had up and moved position, leaving me in a darkened cage with no light to follow. There is a weight on my chest that traps me where I stand. Each breath I take feels more pained and ragged than the last. The longer I stand without Ella, the easier it is for the negative words to consume my mind.

Worthless. Monster. Alone.

I had been a moody stranger, a stranger to my family, a monster in my mind and rude to others before she had come along. With Ella, I had been happier than ever before but I was frustrated that being away from her caused me to feel so depressed. Feeling something so human, so mundane was difficult for me to digest. I knew that Jasper was tense from all the emotions he was feeling. I tried to control what I felt just a little so that he didn't have such a hard time of it but it was hard to constantly control my thoughts.

This sadness, this emptiness and this depression is my own doing. I know that. I didn't have to leave Ella but I wanted the glory of keeping her safe and the triumph of killing Laurent myself. This has hit me like a storm of thunder and rain. It whips around me until I lay in pieces on the floor. It holds nothing back and has no mercy.

You have no right to feel bad I tell myself.

I know I don't. I will myself to think of other things. Stop labelling this feeling, just endure it till it passes.

Stupid. Failure. Trapped.

These dark thoughts I can never be rid of swallow me whole. One of the things I struggle most with being away from Ella is my lack of control over my emotions. I know that's the reason Jasper glares at me so. It makes the guilt harder to bear. There is no middle ground and there is hardly any happiness, I have been sucked into the ground and I know not if I shall be able to climb out.

Unaccomplished. Foolish. Conflicted.

This weight is crushing me and I feel faint from all the negative energy.

I worry for how my family views me. Do they see me spiralling out of control or do they look at me with anger for taking them away from our home? I know I am not on good form right now but I am determined to set things straight. Ella means the world to me and she will not be safe as long as Laurent lives. I would be doing her a disservice if I let the threat to her life remain.

My head thumps. It feels hot and cold, warring like the rest of my body. This is the most human I have ever felt. I know my family are worried for me, I've heard it in their thoughts. They think I have attacked this too hard, that I have become too obsessed with finding Laurent. I don't blame them for I feel as though it has all become too much.

Every time we feel like we are close to catching Laurent, the trail runs cold. I'm convinced that I will not make it back in time to see Ella as she is. I feel I shall return when life has passed her by and she has moved on as I have asked.

I cannot understand how Laurent could be evading us so completely. From his mind, I gathered he didn't have a gift but this inability we have to locate him speaks differently.

Rose and Emmett have already left our fold and though I do not hate them for leaving I am jealous of them. They get to return to Forks and my beautiful Ella while I remain here with a blood thirsty drive consuming my body. It is my own fault and I know this and repeat this to myself.

The resolve of the family is weakening and most of them want to return.

How could I have been so selfish as to uproot us all? I only thought of how we could rid the world of Laurent and of what I wanted to do. I never asked my family for their opinions, for their hopes or dreams. I was a fool to behave this way but it is done now and I cannot change it.

"You are troubled son."

"I miss her."

"We could always return."

"NO! Not when the threat is still there. I am honour bound to keep her safe from harm."

"Yet you risk your own happiness for it."

"It is necessary."

"I wonder Edward, if Ella would feel the same. She loves you and you left."

"I told her, she understood."

"I doubt that made it any easier."

"I don't know what to do anymore Carlisle."

"Ask your heart and stop relying on your mind."

Carlisle's words stung my mind but I did not want to give in and admit defeat. I was stronger than the moaning mess I'd become. Was I wrong in the decisions I had made? A month ago I would have said no but now as I stood looking out into the vast forest we were tracking Laurent in, I couldn't be sure.

I could see Ella with me forever more but would I condemn her to a life such as mine? She hadn't asked for it, in fact she avoided the topic which further surprised me. From the moment, I met her she had been a surprise, constantly challenging my views and having such commitment in all that she did.

I remembered her smile the most and the way her eyes filled with joy and emotion every time she looked at me. I remember her stubbornness and her compassion and most of all I remember her face when she looked at me. How she didn't look at me with fear or as the monster I was. Her gaze was relaxed, and didn't judge.

My heart ached.

My chest ached.

Was I more human or vampire in this moment?

"Carlisle?"

"Yes?"

"If we don't find Laurent in the last month before school starts then we'll return to Forks."

"Are you sure son?"

"You were all right, chasing Laurent is pointless and I've left Ella vulnerable. If he comes for us in Forks we'll be ready but I cannot bear to be away from Ella much longer."

"I'm glad you've seen some sense."