Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, just my original characters and the plot surrounding the Fey.

AN: Two chapters in one day, simply because the next 3 chapters are going to take a while to write because of how much content I'm putting in them. Supposedly this is to tie all my lovely readers over while I manically write those 3 chapters. I also don't know when I'll get them out because I want them to to be at least 85% perfect ~Hannah

Reviews for Chapter Forty-One:

Arkyitor's Song - See, how good am I? Two chapters, one day :D

Chapter Forty-Two – Missing Him

I was sitting in the Cullen's living room. Having had the all clear to leave Angela's house, everyone felt safer knowing I was in the safety of the Cullen's. Bella and Adrian came with me, we told Dad we were having a slumber party. Angela was with us as well, her Mum Christine had packed potions and remedies, should I need them.

Rose had sat me down in the middle of the living room and plonked a MacBook pro on my lap. 'Email Edward' she's said, or rather told me, with a glare and I knew to defy her would make her angry.

I supposed that emailing Edward would do me some good. I didn't even know if he'd get the email. Alice had said he'd been distancing himself from the rest of his family but she'd passed on his email some weeks ago and suggested I contact me. Of course, I hadn't done so but now I could see the benefit of doing so.

'Dearest Edward,

I miss you. Plain and simple. I didn't know it was going to be this hard to not have you by my side each day. I didn't know it would ache so bad within my chest. I didn't know I'd crave your touch, long to see your face and wish to witness your love once again. In your absence, I feel like a part of me is missing. I find myself humming 'somewhere over the rainbow', I know it's silly but I feel like you are over the rainbow, away from my touch, my sight and my love. I just need to wait patiently for you to return to me.

Do you miss me as I miss you? Do you crave me as I crave you? Do you love me still as I love you? I don't have you standing next to me Edward, so the questions go unanswered. The longer I wonder upon them the more uncertain my mind becomes.

You left to protect me but Edward I've been vulnerable and in my vulnerability, I've been preyed on. I wish you would come home for I need your protection and your love now more than ever.

I was trapped in my own mind Edward. Trapped alone and so afraid. I thought I had lost you, thought you had left me. I killed in my mind Edward, I believed things that weren't real. I came undone in my mind Edward, tripping over invisible feet and screaming out into nothingness. In my despair, I wept but when I was awake I remembered little of my inner turmoil. My mind was playing games on me and so lost was I in my own world that I didn't notice someone was preying on me.

If I am neither safe with or without you then how am I to live my life?

Thank you for sending Rose and Emmett back to Forks. A small miracle in regards to seeing you again but nonetheless appreciated. I hadn't fully realised how much your entire family leaving had affected me. Oh, it hurt so bad! I hid what I was feeling from view but Bella could see through my façade.

Seeing Rose and Emmett again was like one of my lost soul pieces reattaching themselves. I felt a little less broken and a little more loved.

Dark things are brewing in Forks Edward and I worry for what the future will bring. Everyone is working on keeping me safe but I wonder if they will succeed. It only takes one wrong move for everything to come crashing down. What will happen then? Adrian says he knows the enemy but does he really? I think they have underestimated the enemy. I think the enemy is holding his final hand close to his chest. I think it will surprise all when that final hand is thrown.

I feel like a shattered pane of glass. I know the glue will fix me but I can't quite reach it. Do you understand what I mean?

I have lost all enthusiasm for the arts summer camp now that I know what has been poisoning me. I am disappointed in myself, for the camp means so much to me but I wish I could just leave it behind.

I thought it would do me some good to write down my feelings even if you didn't manage to get this email but I find myself grasping at straws Edward. I don't know what to do or what to say. I have all these emotions boiling up inside me and for the first time I don't know what to do with them. Do I scream out in pain? Do I sob uncontrollably? Do I punch something in anger? Do I drown my sorrows in a substance? Do I hide away from the world? Tell me Edward, tell me what to do?

Of course, I know you won't tell me anything because you aren't here and you cannot be the voice on my shoulder guiding me through my day. I was violated Edward, violated in my own mind. Bella says I was assaulted. Was I? What happens when you can't trust your own mind? In my experience, it means you get sent away to a mental hospital. I don't want to be trapped in a padded cell Edward.

I'm afraid now to sleep. Sleep was where the nightmares of horror descended upon my mind. I know now that they were put there by another but that doesn't make the terror of them any less real. I slept earlier because Bella slept by my side like she did when we were little. I try and picture your face for it usually brings me peace but it isn't working any longer.

What will it take for you to forgo your mission of destroying Laurent and come home to me? I shouldn't ask it of you, I know I shouldn't but you took my choice away in the matter of you leaving and I wish to take your choice away in the matter of coming home.

Come home to me Edward.

Save me from the demons that haunt me.

Keep me save Edward.

Love me.

Save me.

Please, I'm begging you.

If you can hear me.

Edward, I need you.'

I wasn't sure if it made me feel better or worse having written an email to Edward. I wasn't sure it would even reach him or if it would sit unopened in an email box somewhere. My fingers were shaking slightly but I think that was down to finally admitting what I was feeling. Should I have told Bella what I'd written to Edward? Probably. Was I going to? No.

I felt like all the emotion I'd expelled in the email had set me free. I still felt vulnerable and fearful but I still felt better than I had. I felt a little confident and safer in the knowledge that I'd let my feelings out. I could grasp onto live a little better now. Perhaps I had the strength and the courage to now face Marco. Probably not, that was stretching it a bit but at I could say his name without vomiting which was a plus. I guess it would all depend on when I next saw him and how good my acting was.