Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight only my original characters and plot that bares no resemblance to that of Twilight

AN: Surprised I managed to get this out this week as have been suffering from an horrific migraine. Anyway, we're now into Book 3 where all but 1 chapter (56) have been planned. Note on Ella, she's going to suffer before she gets better. Note to readers, I have 1st hand experience with depression and 2nd hand experience with PTSD. Nothing is written to offend anyone. ~ Hannah [P.S. reviews will be answered at bottom of this chapter]

Book 3 Chapters:

Chapter Forty-Six – Return from the Between

Chapter Forty-Seven – Walking on the Other Side

Chapter Forty-Eight – Mind Prison

Chapter Forty-Nine – Turn of Events

Chapter Fifty – Searching

Chapter Fifty-One – Being A Senior

Chapter Fifty-Two – Coming Out of the Shell

Chapter Fifty-Three – A Message

Chapter Fifty-Four – Dating Edward

Chapter Fifty-Five – The Denali's

Chapter Fifty-Six – [not yet planned]

Chapter Fifty-Seven – You Mean Nothing to Me

Chapter Fifty-Eight – It's Oh So Light

Chapter Fifty-Nine – Cliché

Chapter Sixty – The Death Of…

Book 3 - Chapter Forty-Six – Return from the Between

I was…glad to get out of the hospital. There is nothing about hospitals that I enjoy. I doubted that anyone really enjoyed a stay at the hospital. My memories of life had returned, I knew who everyone around me was and that made me feel safer. My memories of my time with Marco were, as Jazz said, locked within my mind. Every now and then I caught glimpses of them but never enough to understand them. Honestly, they scared me. I was a different person in them.

Carlisle had diagnosed me with PTSD. I felt like a fraud. Soldiers got PTSD, victims of assault got PTSD, but not me. I felt like I didn't deserve it. I felt like I was taking help away from another, that I was fooling everyone.

Dad had grounded me upon my return from hospital. I understood his reasons and accepted them quietly. Bella hadn't been quiet about her punishment but I agreed with Dad's anger and his hurt, we should have told him what was going on. He had had a right to know and to keep him out of the loop hadn't be wise at all.

I loved my Dad and I hated that I had put him through so much pain and anguish over what had happened. He hid it well but I could see his pain and his worry even now and I vowed to myself that I would never keep something important from him again. I think mostly Dad is angry that the plan made to keep me safe failed so spectacularly and that there wasn't a backup plan. I don't think he liked the fact that we were gone for so long either.

I wasn't comatose, I wasn't a shell of who I was but I was different and I was changed. I could see it in the eyes of those around me. They were waiting for me to break, waiting for me to shut down. They didn't know how to deal with me so they'd resorted to walking on egg shells. I wanted to scream out loud, I wanted to run through the forest with no destination in mind and I wanted to feel alive. I didn't feel alive, not right now. I just felt like I was existing. I'd picked up a rather nasty habit of pressing down on the scar upon my face just to feel the pain. I knew it was wrong to do but the pain made me feel alive. If I felt the pain I knew I was fine.

I was worrying people. I could tell. It only takes one too many times of seeing someone look at me then turn abruptly when I catch their eyes to know that something was wrong. There were no words in my vocabulary to make them understand what I was feeling. I wondered if they'd get me to see a counsellor. To me it seemed the logical route, I couldn't continue to bottle my feelings up inside me. Yet, how could I talk to a counsellor about what I'd seen? They'd surely lock me up in a mental institute if I spoke about witches and vampires.

It was the murmuring voices that woke me from my slumber that afternoon. Wrapping a blanket around my shoulders I tiptoed to the top of the stairs and sat down. I couldn't see anyone but I could hear them. There was a meeting going on downstairs that they intended to keep me out of, a meeting about myself. I suppose I should have expected it, yet it hurt to know that they couldn't trust me with their thoughts.

"It's all my fault, I should have seen this happening," said Alice.

"No, it's my fault. Marco was a dark fey. This all happened because I sought protection from the human world," said Adrian.

"I should not have left," said Edward.

"It's not anyone's fault and blaming each other is not going to help Ella. This was an unfortunate incident. We wanted to protect Ella but we were walking blind. There was no way we could have predicted what would happen," said Bella.

"My poor Ella," whispered Dad, "I've never seen her like this before."

"It'll be fine Dad, we'll help her through it."

"She needs to see someone," said Christine.

"She can't! She knows too much about the supernatural world. If she slips up she could end up in a much worse place," said Edward.

"She needs to see someone," said Rose.

"We need to stop arguing," said Bella. "If Ella feels like she needs to see someone then we'll organise it for her but no one and I mean no one is going to force her into something that she's not comfortable with."

"We only want what's best for her."

"No, you want what's best for her in your eyes. You can't rush her recovery nor can you force her to see things through your eyes. Ella has to heal in her own way," said Bella.

"I will fix her, even if she ends up hating me," said Edward.

They started arguing over one another about how best to 'fix me'. I couldn't take it. I noticed that neither Bella or Dad contributed to the argument that was now gaining volume. At least my family believed in me.

I crept down the stairs, not at all surprised that no one had heard me coming.

"Why are you determined to take my choice away Edward?"

I hadn't spoken all that loudly but still the conversation around me stopped as everyone turned to gaze at me.

"If you wanted this to be a secret meeting, you might have wanted to do it elsewhere. You all seem to have notions about how to fix me but was anyone going to ask my opinion?"

"We just want what's best for you," said Edward.

"Not to rehash my sister's words but best for me or best for you? The way I see it none of what's been said would be best for me."

"How can you say that? All of us care about you," he replied.

"Really? You all care about me? You left me to fend for myself Edward. Off you went galivanting across the world to fulfil your 'knight in shining armour' tendencies and I said nothing because I knew your old-fashioned ways would not be satisfied until you'd claimed Laurent's blood. It doesn't, however, change the fact that you left me unprepared and vulnerable. You didn't even phone me in all the time you were away, or email me, or write me a letter. It was as if you never existed. Did you think you'd save me and I'd fall right back into your arms? It doesn't work like that."

"I thought you would understand why I left, that I was protecting you."

"From what? You and I both know I would have been safer if you'd all stayed. It would have been fine if it was just you that went but you took everyone with you. Bella will agree the change your leaving left on me and the light that came back when Rose and Emmett did. Never once did you ask what I thought about the whole thing. I repeat, I let you go because I thought it better to get out of your system. I thought you'd grow up while you were away and realise that your opinion isn't the only one that matter. Yet, here I see you trying to manage my recovery. Let me make this quite clear, to all of you. I. AM. BROKEN. What I experienced with Marco was so bad that my mind has locked the memories of it away. This is not an easy fix. This is not something that can be forced or dictated. This is my life. I will fix it and I will fix it on my own terms."

"It's alright Ella, you can calm down," said Bella as she manoeuvred herself over to me and clutched my hand in her own death grip.

I was very close to breaking point and I knew that everyone around me was aware of that – good. The tears were coming far quicker than I anticipated and despite my rapid blinking to hold them back, they still leaked from my eyes.

"I can't do this Bella, not now. I can't be who they want me to be."

My focus was solely on Bella till Dad swam in my vision. I was transferred from Bella's arm to Dad's warm embrace.

"I think it's time everyone left," he said.

Dad led me away before I had a chance to see who had left and who had stayed. He walked me through the house and out the back to the porch that lined our back garden. There was a swinging chair there that I hadn't seen before, it must have been a new edition. Dad and I sat down, the swinging of the chair lulling me into comfort and safety and he waited for my tears to stop.

"How do I move forward Dad?"

"Time, Ella, time."

"I'm so sorry we didn't tell you. I wanted to but in the end, I went along with what the others wanted. I should have trusted you, I should have told you what was going on."

"It's alright Ella."

"No, it's not Dad, you're the Chief of Police, you could have helped me."

"I can help you now."

"It was so hard Dad. I thought I could handle it myself but I didn't even realise when things were spiralling out of control. The point where the good turned to bad is blurred, I cannot tell when it happened, only that it did. Why can't I remember what happened when I was gone? My face Dad, what happened to my face? How am I going to manage at school? How am I going to repair things with Edward? How am I going to live?"

I was hysterical and I knew it but I couldn't stop what was making me panic.

"I can't tell you how to live your life sweetie but I can be here to help you every step of the way. Maybe it's a good thing for now that you can't remember what happened. Maybe this is your mind's way of protecting you until you can deal with everything. Edward meant well, you know he did, you'll just have to find some common ground and decide whether fighting for each other is best. We'll talk about school when it starts again, you've still got a while to go until then."

"I'm so scared Dad, more scared than I've ever been."

"I know sweetie, I know."

"What happened while I was gone? What happened here?"

"Well it wasn't sunshine and happiness that's for sure."

"I'm sorry."

"Nah, I'm sorry. Look, your disappearance was noticed by others, not just at the camp but here in Forks. You were gone for two weeks, I couldn't hide that and with not knowing where you were a search for you was started. I covered it up using the fact that there had been a mad man hunting in the area who had kidnapped you. Ironically the real mad man had captured and murdered many people before being caught in Seattle for the unsuccessful kidnap attempt of another person. You won't be called upon to testify so no need to worry there. However, Forks is small, so you know that the town is talking about nothing else."

"Great, so everyone will be whispering behind my back."

"Think of it more like, everyone will be thinking how brave you are to have survive and how much fight you must have."

"Somehow I don't think that's what they'll be thinking."

"It's what I think."

"Can we not just stay like this forever Dad? Where things are safe?"

"Maybe not forever Ella but certainly tonight."

It didn't matter that I had things that I needed to overcome or memories I needed to remember. All that could wait. For now, I was content to be safe within my Dad's embrace.

Arkytior's Song - Yeah, he's back, 'long live Edward'. She's not gonna make it easy for him though xD

GraceEllingson - Thanks :) Ella has to crumble before she can grow, hope you don't hate her suffering in the chapters to come...The Cullen's are back for good now! & Thanks.