Diclaimer: I do not own Twilight, just playing in the sandbox. I do lay claim to the fey world and characters that feature in it.

AN: Another gloomy and stressful week for me. Just learnt about the Primark Harry Potter Explosion in London - so excited! ~ Hannah

Chapter Fifty-One – Being a Senior

It had finally come to the point where I could no longer hide my face in my house or behind the backs of my friends. The summer had officially ended and whether I wanted to go or not was irrelevant because school had officially started up again. This year, I knew would be particularly hard. Not only because neither Rose, Emmett or Jasper would be here but of course, because of the gossip mill that was Forks and the rumours circulating around my kidnapping.

I suppose the only good thing about the impending doom that high school offered was that it prompted Bella to act like herself again. After apologising profusely, she became the sister I had missed since my return from the in-between. It was a blessing in disguise that I hadn't realised I'd needed. It was clear she'd been taking lessons from Laura on how to act around me and though I felt I should be a little weirded out by it, I was pleasantly warmed by it.

I hadn't even set one foot out the car in the school carpark before the whispers started. A part of me wanted to run away and never return but I knew I had to keep my shoulders back, my head up and walk with the confidence I knew I had inside me. With Lauren standing on one side of me and Bella on the other, I felt a sense of safety I'd been missing for a fair while.

I could tell from the looks as we walked towards school that everyone was confused by the presence of Lauren. I don't blame them, it's not like our friendship had been advertised. They probably thought an epic prank was about to take place or something. I felt Lauren squeeze my hand comfortingly and knew she was sending me extra braveness. She knew my return to school would be one of the hardest steps but I felt just a bit better knowing she was by my side through the whole ordeal.

"You'll be fine, just ignore them. They just want to learn all the details so they can claim the attention for themselves," she whispered in my ear.

"I'm ok, honest. I'm happy you're both beside me though."

"I'll always be beside you Ella, you're my sister. Even if it takes me a little time to realise what I should be doing, I'll always come home to you."

"Yeah and I've never had a true friend before, I have that with you, I would never do anything to lose it," said Lauren.

"You guys make me feel blessed."

"Well, hold onto that feeling because this day is not going to be easy."

I grimaced. I knew it wasn't going to be easy. We were a compact group and yet I knew that outsiders wondered at the fractures. I was not standing next to Edward and the rift between us was obvious. Alice hovered around us unsure and uncertain which was vastly different from last year. Adrian, Tyler, Angela and Ben stood together, separate from us but still involved. Lauren of course, was the most obvious addition, the fact that our arguments in school were legendary probably didn't help cement the fact that we were now friends.

"I have one question for you before I see you at lunch," said Lauren.

"Alright?"

"Who are you going to reconcile with next?"

"Urm."

"Come on Ella, I know you've been putting it off and as difficult as it is, patching things up is going to help your recovery in more ways than one."

"Ok."

"Now, who are you going to reconcile with?"

"Alice? I have art with her and without Jasper I'll have to talk to her."

"Good. I'll see you at lunch. Enjoy art with Alice and lessons with Bella. You are not alone in any of your lessons and you're stronger than you think. Just remember that."

"Thanks Lauren."

She squeezed my hand again. I almost wanted to stop her from leaving but knew that I couldn't do that. As much as Lauren helped me, I had to stand on my own two feet and do this alone. I felt sick to my stomach at the thought but knew I had to persevere. School was full of animal who spent their time being jealous of what others had. Of course, this wasn't always the case but Forks was very small and with little to do, gossip became one of the main focuses. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me' had never been more wrong as I made my way through the halls and back into the classroom.

Was it so hard to go back to being normal? Yet, what was normal?

Bella stuck by my side throughout lessons, it was like we were back in the womb. It was comforting. Besides the gossip that was spreading like wildfire, I had to contend with the pity and overly sympathetic faces of my teachers, who seemed torn between treating me as though I was dying and treating me as though I 'd made everything up.

It was a blessing and a curse when art class rolled around. A blessing because the class was smaller and I knew my teacher would be more concerned with us doing something creative than letting everyone quietly gossip about me behind my back. It was a curse because I shared this class with Alice and with nowhere to run, I knew I had to reconnect with her. She would know it was coming anyway, if she was looking that is.

"Isn't it wonderful to be back in school everyone?" asked my art teacher, whose positive attitude I wished I could steal.

Groans and grunts were heard all around me but I shared her excitement, for this class at least.

"We'll start this term off nice and easy, I want you all to paint a landscape that you saw during the summer. It can be anything you want but it has to have been something you saw."

I was floored for a moment, stuck in the twisted broken memories of my time in the in-between before I found myself on safer ground. I could simply draw a landscape from the back of the Cullen's home. If I added some fictional lanterns and fireflies, it would make for a very interesting painting. With that in mind, I began sketching out the images.

"Ella…"

I gulped, I was hoping Alice would give me a change to confront her on my own, yet here she was talking to me.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry," she mumbled.

The pencil faltered in my hand and I dropped it on the table.

"Alice—"

"No, please hear me out. I was wrong. I was so determined to save you that I forgot all about what you must be going through. I was relying on my visions to guide me when I should have just asked you. Sometimes I get so stuck in my head that I forget that life moves on around me. This probably sounds like a floppy apology and I'm sorry. It's not meant to sound as such. I realise this apology is long overdue. I know you have been struggling with how we have all been behaving and you have right to be pissed. I promise to work hard to gain back your trust and hopefully become friends with you once more."

"Alice, it isn't necessary."

"I say it is. I cannot tell you how many visions I've had of this moment but I don't want to live in the visions of my head and lose you as a friend in the process. I want to be your friend Ella, I want to be your sister. I want to help you through this process. I want us to become close again. I know I'm asking for a lot of 'wants' without asking what you want in return. Before Forks, I'd never had a human friend, and here I have human friend's and more. I don't want to lose that and I don't want to lose you."

"You won't lose me Alice. You just need to stop deciding my fate for me. I get it, I really do. I scared all of you. Marco came into my life in a swirl of wind and caused havoc. I was put in danger in a way that no one expected and that is hard to deal with. On Edward's request, you left to keep me safe and yet I was in more danger without you here. I feel like I keep repeating the same points to different people but what happened wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyone's fault. It happened. It's over. Let me recover in my own way. Let's move on Alice. I'm so tired of pretending, of going around in circles."

"So, we're friend's again?"

"We've always been friend's Alice."

I could tell that this heart-to-heart had lifted a weight off Alice's shoulders. I guess in my anger and bitterness, I'd never stopped to think how others were feeling. I guess you could say that everyone involved had shown various degrees of selfishness. It was a learning curve. Out of the ashes of the darkness, we were all becoming new people. Sure, there were elements of the past still present within us, but for the majority, we had been born again. Maybe I was a role model, my determination and ambition to get over what had happened and a better version of myself had inspired others to do so? These were just thoughts in my head, they probably weren't happening.

Though my reunion with Alice might have been anti-climactic, especially with how intense I thought it would be, I was glad to have her standing at my side again and without any falseness. I felt more relaxed having Lauren and Alice by my side now, through the gossip that seemed so seep through all the walls and floors and followed me around with viciousness.

Part of me regretted coming back to school. Another part of me knew that this gossip hungry high school wasn't anything new and to be honest, hadn't I suffered more spiteful comments at the hands of Renee?

Though my thoughts were up and down during the day, I could at least say, come lunch time, that it hadn't been as bad as I thought. I had thick skin and could easily ignore the whispered words around me. They still hurt but I could pretend they weren't directed at me and that was enough. I suppose in hindsight, I jinked myself by saying things hadn't been that bad, or perhaps fate was conspiring against me or maybe someone just wanted to try their luck. Lauren blamed herself which I was quick to assure, wasn't the case.

A constant peeve of mine was the behaviour of those around me at school. Between the ages of fourteen and eighteen we behaved more like children of ten than we did when we were ten! The bitchiness, the bitterness, the jealousy and the whispers. I knew in the past I had participated, especially since our move to Forks. I refused to back down and be bullied into a box but at the same time hadn't I shown a side of me that was like the sides of others that disgusted me?

I felt like a walking paradox.

Lauren guided me to the usual Cullen table, that was now full of my friends and family, while Bella got us food. You could have heard a pin drop from the silence that engulfed the cafeteria upon my arrival. I could feel the stares of everyone as I crossed the way to the table, I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, I felt Lauren squeeze my hand tightly in comfort but mostly I felt sick in my stomach.

I didn't feel like eating, it was hard when people were staring like I was some exotic animal in a cage.

"Just ignore them."

"I'm trying Lauren."

I managed to get a few mouthfuls down my throat before I felt Alice, Bella and Lauren tense in their seats. My brain immediately went into fight or flight mode and I felt my heart speed up in worry. Lauren took my hand in her own once more and squeezed. I think the contact calmed her as much as it calmed me.

"Slumming it now are you Lopez?"

I turned towards the voice, unaware that someone had walked up to our table. The general avoidance of the Cullen table seems to have vanished in the graduation of Rose, Emmett and Jasper.

"You would know all about slumming wouldn't you Jess?" replied Lauren.

"You can't throw words around like that anymore. You're at the bottom of the food chain. You gave up your popularity to slum with these losers. I'm on top now."

"And you know all about being on top don't you Jess."

It was comical really to see Jess be humiliated by her own words shoved back at her by Lauren. Jess was not a leader, she was a follower who was trying to be something she wasn't and failing at it. Yet, I didn't feel annoyed by her presence like I usually was, instead I just felt pity for her.

"Whatever Lauren. Hey Ella, I hear you were kidnapped. Are you sure that's what happened or did you go willingly? I mean Edward left you for some reason, was it because you were already dirty? I can only speculate what happened to you while you were gone but you probably deserved it. See, you're not really a nice person and people like you deserve everything they get."

If you could have heard a pin drop before Jessica started to speak, I reckon you could have heard a tree fall miles away in the silence that followed her words.

Jessica would never change, she would always be a leopard with spots. She didn't have to change for me to move on. I was stronger than this. I had demons but I was fighting them and in the long run my life would be a never-ending firework while Jessica's life would be full of jealousy and spitefulness. I was the better person.

"I don't get to break me down Jess and I don't have to sit here and listen to your hateful words."

I stood to leave, not in a dramatic storm out, or a hysterical flee but because I deserved better from my peers.

"Isn't that just a fancy way of saying I'm, right?"

"Whatever you're trying to achieve here, isn't going to work Jess. Yeah, I was kidnapped by a madman, yes, terrible things happened that I'm trying to work through. All you're doing is playing the stereotypical mean girl in the hopes that you'll gain some popularity from it. I suppose your determination is to be admired but this isn't a teen movie, this is real life. Get your priorities straight and work out what you want from life. Oh, and don't come for me again, you won't like the consequences."

"Yeah, well, what are you going to do to me, nothing?"

"Don't you get tired of the hate you carry Jess?"

"I'm still better than you," she shouted. "Edward's fair game now from what I hear. Couldn't hold onto a Cullen, could you? I bet you didn't treat him right, I can show him a real woman."

"Am I fair game?" asked Edward.

My heart faulted. Out of everyone I knew it was Edward I should have made up with first and yet he was the one I was putting off the longest. There was so much tension, hurt, betrayal, longing and love between us. I didn't know what my feelings were anymore, they were so jumbled. I forced myself to look Edward in the eyes, he was sitting opposite from me and I couldn't even touch him like I wanted to. I tried to convey with my eyes how much he meant to me, how much I loved him despite all the turmoil around us. I needed him to believe that there was a future for us because I wanted it, I wanted it as much as I wanted to spend forever with him.

"I don't ever remember saying I was fair game or saying I was single at all. I love Ella, I always have and I always am. I would never exchange her love for the love of another, especially not someone who classes themselves as a 'real woman' in a way that makes them sound like a sex crazed slut."

"How dare you!"

"No, how dare you! Ella has been through things you could barely imagine. Everyone in this cafeteria should be showing her support and comfort, not gossiping behind her back and accusing her of lying. This town is built on gossip and it sickens me. Forks gives small towns a bad name, it makes people believe that all small towns gossip and bully outsiders like the small towns you see in the media. Whether you've whispered, gossiped or stood by silently in the news of what happened to Ella, you're all guilty. If I was a parent, I'd take one look at this town and flee. I wouldn't want any children of mine growing up in such a toxic atmosphere," shouted Edward.

I was still mad at him but I was pleasantly excited that he was finally standing up for me.

"Go," whispered Lauren.

I tugged on Alice's hand and as the people that I loved so dearly argued in my defence, Alice and I slipped through the cafeteria and out into the parking lot.

"Are you alright Ella?"

"You know Alice, for the first time, I think I can safely say that I am."

[x]

Jasper P.O.V

"Interesting day at school Ella?"

"Shut up Jasper, I know you know all about what happened."

I smirked, "how are you feeling?"

"Would you believe me if I said I felt better?"

I inclined my head, "explain."

"I suppose it was the normalcy of it. I'd been dreading going back to school, even though I knew it was the right thing to do. Jess behaved normally, I expected that behaviour from her and though her words were unpleasant, they were typical of her. It reminded me that life moves on and just because I'm different, it doesn't mean that everything else has drastically changed."

"You do seem lighter."

"I feel it but I'm not stupid. Things can change. I'm just weathering the storm right now."

"You're very determined Ella."

"I have to be."

"Why?"

"Because if I don't push through this, I don't think I'll ever leave the hole I'm in."

"You'll get there. It takes time and everyone is different."

"Can we just have another session? I know you're trying to help but I don't want to talk about my feelings right now. We're making good progress with the sessions. I'm remembering more each day, I'm not scared of the night anymore and my nightmares have lessened."

"Alright Ella, but you're not off the hook. Lie back, relax, concentrate on your breathing and let all else fade away. Listen to the sound of my voice and slowly feel yourself falling back, on the count of five, you'll be safely in your happy place. Alright? One, two, three, four, five. Can you hear me Ella? How are you feeling?"

"I can hear you Jazz, I feel fine."

"Alright. Remember as we go back, the events haven't happened to you and you are in no danger. You are simply an actress in a play. Tell me what you see."

"I'm somewhere where grass and moss cover the ground. There are trees above me, some are green but others have bright flowers of pink and orange. It's warm here, it feels magical but I don't know where I am."

"Are you alone?"

"No, Marco is with me. He seems relaxed almost."

"What's he doing?"

"He's sitting on a picnic blanket. So am I. My head is in his lap, he's stroking my hair. I don't like it," she scrunched her nose up in distaste.

"Why don't you like it?"

"It's intimate. He shouldn't be doing it. Only Edward can."

"Edward will, I'm sure, if you ask him. Now, what is happening between Marco and yourself? Is he talking?"

"Yes."

"What is he talking about?"

"The fey world. He's describing it to me vividly but it sounds so unlike the palace Bella and I visited that I wonder if he's lying to me. He wants to return to the Fey world but he can't because it's not safe for me. He needs to make me forget but I'm resistant to his magic, it angers him but he's not angry at me because he suspects someone else has protected me. He keeps me calm by stroking my hair and whispering compliments in my ear. I'm easier to deal with this way, he says. That's wrong, isn't it?"

"Yes, Ella, that's wrong. What else is he doing?"

"He speaks of his Master and it causes his voice to catch in his throat. He wavers on a knifes edge about his mission and me. He talks about how he has to capture me for his Master and deliver me like a wrapped present but he argues with himself that he cannot do that."

"Why can't he do that?"

"He fell in love with me. At least, he thinks it's love. I wonder if he's ever been exposed to love before."

The way she spoke of his love, I needed to know more.

"Why do you say that?"

"His moods shift. He can be warm and charming when he wants but mostly he uses harsh words, magic and violence to get what he wants. He scares me sometimes. He always tries to make me forget afterwards but some things are slipping through the gaps. I'm protected from his magic somehow and that means he must be more careful with me. He can't use his anger to keep me in line if I am going to remember him doing it."

Someone moved in the corner of my vision. It wasn't unusual for members of my family or Ella's family to drop in on the sessions. She never knew they were there but as much as these sessions helped Ella, they helped the others as well. We were all becoming more aware of how to help Ella and just what she was going through.

I turned to great the person and was surprised to see Edward had come. Sometimes I felt Edward needed therapy sessions as much as Ella needed these hypnosis sessions. There was a rift between the two of them that seemed unfixable at present. It didn't help that Edward was actively avoiding Ella which only played on Ella's insecurities and fears.

"Is he often violent?"

"I don't know. It's muddled."

"You've had bruises though?"

"Yes."

"You understand what he did isn't love?"

"Yes. Marco was a blip of darkness in my life. Edward is my life. I love him. Completely."

"How do you feel about Edward?"

I asked this question because I knew Ella and Edward needed to know the answer. It was an answer that wouldn't be freely given if Ella was awake because she as stubborn and Edward wouldn't listen. I was manipulating the situation, yes, but it was necessary. I was fed up walking on egg shells and the sooner they sorted themselves out the better.

"Conflicted."

"Why do you say that? You just told me you love him completely."

"I do love him completely. I cannot imagine my life without him but I do not feel like he has my back. I want so desperately for our relationship to survive because I have become so much more than I ever thought I could while he's been in my life. He makes me feel alive, makes me feel like there is nothing I can fail at. The thought of not having him in my life feels me with such dread that I can feel myself choking on the very air I breath but I cannot be in a relationship where my opinions and decisions don't matter. I have to learn to trust Edward again and he has to learn that he cannot control me."

I was surprised by the emotions that crossed Edward's face and the intensity of what he was feeling. Hopefully this would be the push Edward needed and the next step to fixing both Edward and Ella.