CHAPTER FOUR

I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING EXCEPT THE ORIGINAL CHARACTER OF ERIN

Note: The concept of the Kiowa courting braid is my own. It is not my intention to offend anyone, but I am writing a romance, not a history book.

Four mornings later Buck sat in his normal seat for breakfast. He would do anything to sit by Erin, but he knew that she would not talk much with him, let alone discuss their relationship. A few hours after the incident in the root cellar he had sought her out, but she refused to speak to him. Things got better the next morning, when she greeted him as she saw him, but the conversation went no further. For the past three days he had gotten no more than polite greetings and perfunctory questions and answers from her, and only when absolutely necessary.

Buck didn't know how much more of this he could take. He had silently cried himself to sleep each night and he hadn't cried since his mother died seven years ago. Buck wasn't surprised that this loss seemed to hurt even more than that one had.

Buck looked up from his plate and managed a quick glance at Erin. The only thing getting him through the days was that fact that she still wore his courting braid in her hair. Buck's spirit always lifted when he saw the braid. I thought I'd lost her forever, that she doesn't want to be mine anymore. Hopefully she really did mean just a quick break when she spoke in the cellar. The thought that she might not want him sent Buck's heart into a panic.

At least he didn't need to concern himself with Jimmy. Since the root cellar and his subsequent confession of love, Jimmy had backed off from Erin. He didn't avoid her, but he didn't seek her out all day long. They continued their reading lessons with the same respectable distance between them.

As Erin suggested, Buck had done a lot of thinking. He knew it was horrible to let his jealousy get the best of him and accuse his love and his friend of wrongdoing. He was ashamed of his actions. If Jimmy's presence around Erin bothered him that much, then he should have spoken quietly with him. He had no right to accuse Erin of cheating on him. He couldn't believe he'd done that and had tried to apologize many, many times, only to watch his love's eyes fill with tears right before she ran away.

Buck had just completed a two-day run and it was the loneliest time of his life. His thoughts were completely centered on Erin. He didn't know what to do to fix this situation. Riding into the station, he spied Erin sitting on the porch churning butter. He was going to try again to speak with her. Maybe she'd be willing this time. He dropped his horse in a random stall in the barn and headed toward the house where Erin still sat on the porch. Walking up the steps, he began to speak.

"Erin? Please, baby, talk to me. I've thought and thought like you wanted and it comes down to this: you were right. I'm so sorry I mistreated you. What I want is to be with you for a long as you'll have me, and I hope that's a very long time." Like eternity, he added in his mind. If he asked her to marry him now, she would think he was saying it just to get her back.

Erin turned her head to look at him and Buck's heart felt torn in two. His eyes went wide and he felt tears begin to form.

His courting braid was missing, completely unraveled in her hair.

"Buck, before we speak there is something I need to ask you to do real quick."

"What?" Buck managed to whisper.

Jus then Cody called from the barn. "Buck, you going to cool this horse down or what?"

Buck knew when the spirits gave him an out of a situation he didn't want to be in. He was going to make a scene if he stayed there. He was pretty sure he would cry and beg.

"Look, we uh, we can talk later. Real soon. I gotta go," he offered, pointing his thumb at the barn behind him. He turned around and quickly walked away, still in shock. He heard Erin call his name questioningly but he didn't stop or turn around.

Twenty minutes had passed before Erin made an appearance in the barn. Buck was still brushing down his horse. He was so engrossed in his thoughts that he didn't hear her come in.

"Buck?" her soft voice filtered through the barn.

He jumped. At first he wasn't sure she wasn't something his mind made up due to him focusing on her all the time, but after a few moments he decided she was real.

"Yes," he whispered, looking at her with careful eyes.

"Remember I said I needed to you do something?"

What could it be? Please don't let it be something like escort her to town so she can meet up with her new beau.

"Yes," he whispered again. He cleared his throat and spoke louder. "Yes, what exactly do you need?"

"I washed my hair last night."

What does that have to do with anything? What's she getting at? Is she hinting I should do the same?

"Okay," he said, a question in his voice.

Erin looked exasperated. That's her normal look with me, Buck thought.

"Well, do you want to put the braid back in or not?"

It was then that he noticed what Erin was carrying: a brush and the piece of leather that he normally used on the end of her hair.

"Yes," Buck breathed, rushing over to her and gently taking the brush and thong from her.

Buck spent the next few minutes just brushing Erin's hair. It felt so good to just touch her, and she had asked him to put his braid back in her hair! Buck was elated. Things were looking better. He made quick work of the actual braiding and tied it off at the bottom. Without meaning to, he held the braid to his lips and kissed it. He couldn't stop himself—it was the symbol of his love and she hadn't rejected it. Buck didn't know why he had forgotten that she always asked him to rebraid her hair after washing it.

Erin sighed and leaned back into his arms, her head resting in the curve of his neck. Buck slowly slid her arms around her middle, expecting her to pull away at any moment. She didn't though, so he began to relax. Things were getting back to normal.

"Buck, I know what it's like to be jealous. Remember last week when we all took the trip to town?"

"Yes."

"Do you remember when you loaded the wagon there was a group of girls outside the store?"

Buck nodded, not sure where she was going with this.

"Well, they obviously liked what they saw. A girl knows when another girl is interested in someone, especially her man. Well, after watching them obviously…covet you, I got mad. I was jealous. When you went inside to get more things for the wagon, you tipped your hat and greeted them as you went by. That made me angry. I was already mad that they were watching you but then when you said hello and they practically collapsed in giggles I was hurt and mad at you too. But, I knew you hadn't done anything wrong and had no idea what was happening. You were being a gentleman. Jealousy is a natural feeling and it's nothing to be ashamed of. It's how you respond to it that counts."

Buck felt better that Erin had at least an idea of what he was going through. And, he admitted to himself, it feels a little good that she would be jealous over me.

Erin turned in his arms and looked at him straight in the eye.

"You hurt me tremendously."

Buck started to speak, tried to apologize again, but Erin kept going.

"Honey, let me finish."

She waited until Buck closed his mouth and nodded his head before she continued.

"You hurt me tremendously but I want you to know that I forgive you. I know you didn't mean those things you said in the cellar, you were upset. Last week I wanted to go slap those girls for looking at you like that and then slap you for smiling at them but I controlled it because you were innocent it in the whole thing. You have to control yourself like I did then. Can you do this for me?"

"Yes. I will, I promise. Control and thinking before acting from here on out."

"Thank you," Erin said. She reached her mouth up and placed a kiss on his lips.

They kept kissing.

"I love you Erin," Buck managed to whisper between breaths.

"I love you too," she breathed.

All is well, Buck thought.