Chapter 35

"I love how potato in Orlesian is pomme de terre – basically earth apple. I mean, what stupid Orlesian fop saw this–" Alistair held up the potato in his hand up against the sky, "–and thought, 'zis petite légume looks like a, how you say, APPLE! Hmmm… but it grows in ze earth… HON HON HON! MAIS OUI! C'EST UNE POMME DE TERRE!'" He threw his arms about expressively as he displayed his mastery of the language – and the exaggerated accent. Then he turned on his side and grinned at her. "You know what I mean?"

Leliana offered him a smile but couldn't think of anything to say. It wasn't that she didn't want to, but she was rather tired. The weather and her immediate surroundings were perfect for sleeping and it was a temptation that was hard to resist.

It was a bright and sunny winter afternoon, and after a morning filled with fighting Darkspawn, demon possessed cats and Marjolaine's assassins, Leliana had decided to lie down in the shadow of the golem statue and get some rest. It was deserved. Not like the golem was going anywhere, either – Alistair had tried to bring it to life with his control rod but it hadn't worked.

Their little detour through Honnleath hadn't been a complete waste, however. Solona was both happy and sad to see Cullen's hometown – and the state it was in. Aedan was still a bit distant and quiet, but people were like that after a relationship broke down, so she wasn't worried about him as much. The rest were just taking things easy.

Except Alistair.

"You know, growing up, every meal I ate had potatoes in it." He put the potato down on the grass between them and spun it with his fingers. "I loved them. They were the first thing I learnt to cook, actually. Baked potatoes. I was always afraid I'd muck it up. Ruin the potatoes, cut them weirdly, add too much salt. If I did, I got the cane." He chuckled. "Potatoes build character. Or rather, earth apples."

Bless his heart. He was trying so hard to engage her in conversation and not leave her by herself. She appreciated the gesture, but after her past had come back to assassinate her, Leliana just wasn't–

"Did you have a fear like that when you were little?"

The question made her think. She folded her hands behind her head, hummed and closed her eyes.

"When I was a little girl, I had a fear of spiders. I was told they felt no emotion; that their hearts never beat. I thought they were undead. So Lady Cecilie kept a dead spider in an empty matchbox. Whenever I refused to eat, she would bring it out and frighten me into eating."

"Damn."

She smiled. "Much later, when Marjolaine took me under her wing, she made sure to assuage most of my fears. In our line of work, phobias were a distraction. She told me that spiders were never more alive than at the moment of the kill. Made me face my fears and take inspiration from them." She paused, letting the memories flow. Mission after mission. Death after death. Leliana opened her eyes. "Marjolaine was like that. She was... amazing. At least, that was what I thought. She moulded me into what she wanted me to be, all the while making me think that it was my decision to be so. But I still enjoyed doing what I did, so it is very much a part of who I am."

Alistair was silent, but he propped himself up on an elbow. Leliana went on. "I don't know why she's suddenly decided to neutralise me now, but it only means I have to deal with her sooner rather than later. It isn't... something I'm looking forward to, to be honest. But..."

"But?"

"But I'll be afraid no longer," she told him, putting all her effort into producing a confident smile. Alistair's gaze remained steady. "Come what may, this is a confrontation that needs to happen. Needed to happen a long time ago. I assume she left me alone because I took refuge in the Chantry. But now things are coming to a head and I'll deal with them as I see fit. I'm going to live a long life, Alistair, and I'm going to do it on my terms. I will be who I want to be and cast away all shadows haunting me. I'm going to be Leliana. Not a Chantry Sister and not a bloodthirsty assassin. I will be Leliana... and whatever that life entails, it will be mine. "

Leliana had trouble believing her own words. They reverberated through her system like a bouncing gong. But now that she'd said them out loud, they sounded less insurmountable. Less imposing. She took a deep breath to steady her heart and said, "So there you are."

Then he leaned down and kissed her. It was so sudden that she didn't know what was happening until it was. As soon as his lips touched hers, pent-up longing burst through her body and she pulled him into an embrace. It was beyond anything Leliana had imagined in all her fantasies. His warm skin, solid shape and searching lips were real. He kissed her eyelids, her cheeks and her forehead before capturing her mouth again. She gave herself completely to the kiss.

Finally, Alistair pulled back and gently brushed away her hair from her forehead. He muttered, "Thank the Maker for you."

So many emotions ran rampant in her mind at that moment that it overwhelmed her. Leliana was sure they showed on her face because Alistair frowned and jerked back, expression frozen.

Oh no.

"Shit." He sat up looking wretched. "Bloody hell, I'm so, so sorry! You were upset and I wanted to cheer you up and you were opening up to me and you weren't expecting to get jumped but I got carried away and I'm sorry, I'm–I'm sorry, I–" He pulled on his hair in frustration as Leliana sat up beside him. "This is a disaster. I'm sorry, Leliana. I just–"

Any other time Leliana would have found his babbling adorable. Probably would have teased him. Now, words wouldn't work.

So she placed a hand on her shoulder to make him look at her and when he did, she cupped his face with her hands and kissed him. "Stop talking," she commanded against his mouth as she manoeuvred herself onto his lap and wrapped her legs around him. She felt his arms snake around her back and she rubbed his cheeks with her thumbs.

Alistair sighed deeply when she pulled away and Leliana pressed her forehead against his, unable to help her smile. She waited for him to speak. She wanted to know what he'd say. He cleared his throat after he caught his breath, but he still sounded shaky.

"Could I have another one of those if you've got a spare, because that was good, the whole lips thing, and the face touching, because I could do that all day until I have to go on guard duty and–"

She chuckled fondly. She couldn't help it. Leliana rubbed her nose against his and looped her arms around his neck. "Deal," she told him, guiding him back to lie on the grass. Her hair fell around them, creating a curtain and shielding them from the world.

As she slanted her lips over his, Leliana thought that it was a blessing that the golem hadn't woken up. It would have been awkward, sharing their first kiss in front of a stone warrior.

But it had happened finally. She knew that they still had a lot of things to talk through before... well, going steady, but this was a start. They'd figure out the rest as they went. She was sure of it.

A/N: You may officially rejoice xD