Chapter 37
"Now that I think about it, I was always the rear guard," Alistair said as he drank some water. "Good to know that some things don't change."
"How chivalrous." Leliana smirked. "Though I wonder if you always chose the rear guard so you could look over everyone... or focus upon my rear?"
To his credit, Alistair had already swallowed so he didn't choke. However, he did blush adorably and looked at her with wide eyes.
"What?! I would never–"
Leliana kept smirking at him. He sighed.
"All right, fine. Maybe just a little bit." He huffed and turned away. "I didn't stare or anything."
Laughing, Leliana gave his hand a little squeeze. "I do not mind, Alistair. In fact, I was quite proud of myself."
He snapped back to her, looking scandalised. "You knew?!"
"Of course I knew. Most women know. It is instinctual, I think."
Alistair dropped his face into his other palm. "Someone just kill me already."
Leliana bumped him with her shoulder. "You are so dramatic. I love it."
That made him go even redder. "I swear..."
It was a game she had devised just that morning – seeing how much she could embarrass Alistair. It was a win for her every time he blushed. So far, she had won a lot. It was absolutely one-sided, in fact. But it was all in good fun and, really, she couldn't help herself. He was just too cute.
They were on the return march to Redcliffe and Alistair, who always took the rear guard, had asked her to join him in the back. She wasn't surprised – they had no reason to be sneaky – but it did make her happy that he wanted to spend as much as he could with her. That he'd taken her hand and had been holding it ever since morning was something she found utterly adorable.
But it wouldn't do to let him get complacent. She had to keep up the assault! Strike while the iron was hot and all that.
"So, Alistair," she began after a while. She had to give him some time to compose himself. She wasn't that heartless. "Is it true what they say?"
He shot her a most suspicious look through narrowed lids. "About what?"
She made sure to look extra innocent. "You know..."
"About cheese?" He blinked. "What do they say about cheese?"
"No, about your feet."
"My feet? They talk about my feet?" Alistair looked ahead at the rest of the party, then pointed at them and looked back at her, brows furrowed. "The rest of the party you mean? They say things about my feet? What do they say? They say they're smelly, don't they?"
Leliana shook her head, smiling. "No, Alistair. Nothing like that. In fact, I think your feet smell perfectly acceptable."
"I... thanks. I guess."
"Mhmm. They do say you have big feet, though."
"Really?" He looked down at his boots. "They talk about how large my feet are?" He then looked up and stuck out his bottom lip. "That's just... I don't know. Weird."
Leliana sighed. "I mean, there is an expression about large feet."
Alistair brightened immediately. "Oh, yeah! Right! Right."
"Oh? You know the one I mean?"
Alistair deflated immediately. "...um, no."
Sweet summer child. "Well. They say that if your feet are large, so are... other parts."
"You mean, like my hands?" He brought up his other hand and studied his palm intently. "I have big hands?"
Leliana wanted to smack her forehead. "No, that's–"
"They're not that big, are they?" he went on unhindered. "Like, freakishly big?" He looked at her and held up their linked hands. "You're holding it. What do you think?"
It was at that point that Leliana sighed and started massaging her temples. Memories of trying to teach him Orlesian came unbidden and she shuddered. It's too hard.
"Why, Alistair? Why are you like this? Why must you make innuendo so difficult?"
"Innuendo?" Alistair stopped walking and so did she. "You mean..."
"Yes." She looked up at him tiredly. "That."
"Oh." Alistair looked right at her. The redness crept up his neck, then it coloured his cheeks and his ears.
There! That is all I wanted!
"Oh," Alistair repeated intelligently and started walking again. He didn't look at her. "Now I can't even stare at my feet. That's just cruel, Leli. I thought we were friends."
At that, Leliana giggled and wrapped her arms around his own. Then she leaned in and kissed his cheek.
"At least you blush adorably."
Alistair tried to frown but couldn't quite manage it. "I hate you."
"How you hurt me, O brave Warden!"
"Women, I swear. Are all women like this?" He was genuinely curious. "All cute in the beginning, only to get progressively more evil?"
"Perhaps. Or maybe it is just my nature." She grinned. "Either way, you lucked out."
Alistair barked out a laugh and looked at her fondly. It made her stomach flip. She let it.
"Yeah," he said and broke his arm out of her grip to wrap it around her shoulders and pull her into his side. "That I did."
Before she could reply, Leliana felt his lips against her temple. It was tender and lingering and she almost tripped over her feet.
Oh no. She ducked her head, smiling stupidly. Sometimes he was hopelessly witless. Other times, he was unbelievably smooth. How does he do it?
"I say, there's a show going on in the back."
"Ohohoho, the boy scored!"
"Use tongue, friend Alistair, but in moderation. Just slip it on like you were sucking on–"
"Damn it, man!" Alistair said, exasperated. "Will you people stop interrupting our moments? When have I ever interrupted any of you?"
"I'm just happy for you, man," Aedan replied from the front.
"I was just trying to help," Zevran said, spreading his arms to demonstrate his innocence. "You seemed like you could use the instruction."
"Ohohoho! I always knew you twos was gonna end up together. I miss nothing." Oghren took a sip from his flask. "I have the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a fox."
Then he promptly tripped over the roots of a tree and fell flat on his face.
"Clearly," Morrigan commented drily.
"Bloody hell," Alistair muttered, though a smile on the corners of his lips.
Leliana just smiled up at him. She knew he loved them. In his own way.
So she wrapped her arms around his torso and rested her head in the crook of his neck, getting comfortable.
He was dumb a boy, but he was her dumb boy. And Leliana wouldn't have it any other way.