Chapter 39

Once he had finished his dinner, Aedan stood and stretched. It had been rather heavy, even by Grey Warden standards. He'd given everybody the night off and wanted to take guard duty for himself because he didn't want to lie down and not get any sleep again. It got very old very fast.

If I'm gonna stay awake, might as well do something productive.

Ever since his visit to Highever, sleep had been hard to come by. Wynne had made a sleeping draught for him but he hadn't taken it. One day. Not yet.

Sighing, he shoved his hands into his pockets and went about his round. He did that every night to make sure everybody was accounted for. Solona and Wynne had already turned in, he knew. He found Faren sitting outside his tent, carving something out of a piece of wood. Aedan stood and watched him for some time.

"I'm making a nug," the dwarf said at length. He didn't look up. "My sister... she liked these."

Aedan came a bit closer. "What's her name?"

"Rica." A pause. "Rica Brosca. Unless she's found someone to marry by now."

Aedan nodded. "Were you close?"

"We had to be." He didn't offer an explanation. Aedan didn't ask for one. "I just hope she's okay."

He offered a smile. "That's why we're doing this, Faren. That's the only reason."

Finally, Faren looked up and nodded. Then he went back to his work. Aedan moved on.

And stepped on Oghren's vomit. He found the dwarf lying on his back in the grass, knocked out. With a grunt, Aedan cleaned his boot on the grass as best as he could. Then he picked up the dwarf and deposited him in his tent.

"Choose a better place to conk out," he muttered as he emerged from Oghren's tent. "Eejit."

He was hopeless, Oghren was. But Aedan could understand him. The only reason he himself hadn't taken refuge in drink was because... hmm. He didn't know why he hadn't. Never thought about it. Maker knows I have enough reason to.

Perhaps because it'd be an easy escape. The same reason he hadn't killed himself. The same reason he'd gone back to Highever. The same reason he lay awake at night thinking about what had happened almost a year ago, about what he would do to Howe should he ever get the chance.

He didn't want an easy escape. It was strange, but he wanted to suffer. It fuelled him. Nothing else did anymore. The only way to deal with the complacency that came with making peace with one's mortality was to find something that grinded one's gears. A pain in the side. It kept one awake.

"You are in thought," Sten commented and that jolted Aedan out of his reverie. He hadn't even noticed when he'd walked over to the qunari who was polishing his sword.

"How'd you know?"

Sten shrugged. "Your eyes were clouded. You were not focusing."

Aedan smiled. "Yeah. I wasn't. Just... thinking about how the world works and how I work in relation to it."

Sten stopped his work and looked up at him. "A great ashkaari during his travels came upon a village in the desert. There, he found the houses crumbling. The earth so dry and dead that the people tied themselves to each other for fear a strong wind would carry the ground out from under their feet. Nothing grew there except the bitter memory of gardens. The ashkaari stopped the first man he saw, and asked, 'What happened here?' 'Drought came. And the world changed from prosperity to ruin,' the man told him. 'Change it back.' The ashkaari replied. The villager became angry then, believing the ashkaari mocked him, for no one could simply change the world on a whim. To which the ashkaari answered, 'Then change yourself. You make your own world.'"

He went right back to polishing. Aedan smiled.

"Thanks, Sten," he said and moved ahead, getting a grunt as a reply.

Everyone was out to meet him, it would seem, for he found Zevran standing outside Leliana's tent, snickering. Aedan sighed.

"What did you do, Zevran?"

"I did nothing. The doing is being done by them."

That gave Aedan pause. "They're... doing it?"

"No. Unfortunately. However, the fair bard is instructing Alistair in the use of tongue. Has been for a while. I believe they won't do it tonight, though."

"You can tell?"

Zevran nodded. "Always."

"Well." Aedan walked away. "Don't bother them."

"Aye, Captain."

He walked onwards to the edge of the circle of tents and looked out at the smaller fire burning outside Morrigan's tent, a ways off. She sat reading by the fire and he just watched her.

Many times he'd wanted to go up and tell her what Avernus had told him. Hold her one more time. Tell her he loved her.

What's the point?

He could motivate himself to get up every day and do what was needed to stop the Blight. This, however, he could not do. He knew that no good would come of it. She had made her decision. He would honour it.

What else can I do?

Perhaps she felt his presence because she looked up and met his gaze. She looked unsure. Aedan cursed himself for staring too long. He didn't want to make her uncomfortable.

But then she smiled hesitantly and nodded at him. Aedan set his jaw and nodded back. Raised his hand to wave but thought better and dropped it to his side. There was no point. He turned and went back to the fire, only to find Shale sitting there.

"It seems that it is fond of the swamp witch."

Aedan was surprised into a chuckle. "'Swamp witch'?"

"Is that not what it is?"

"It's certainly," he looked back over his shoulder, "accurate."

"My question still stands."

Talking to a golem was something Aedan was still adjusting to. He had to constantly remind himself that Shale was a sentient statue, not just another slave to a control rod.

"I am fond of her, yes," he replied.

"The swamp witch is also fond of it."

"I think she is."

"And the swamp witch and it... engage in mating?"

"We used to," he answered and sat down beside the golem. "We don't anymore."

"I see," Shale said and fell silent for a while. "Why does it persist on pursuing such an arduous objective? Would it not be simpler to let these Darkspawn end life?"

Aedan nodded. "It would be. But there is no meaning in taking the easy way, I believe. Besides, I wouldn't be doing anything. In actuality, I would be doing nothing in that scenario." He looked at Shale. "And I don't want to do nothing. Neither do I want to be helpless."

The golem looked at him for a long moment. "I understand it."

"I'm glad."

"But it agrees that this quest is dumb?"

"Absolutely."

"Good."

Aedan chuckled. "Don't you need to sleep, Shale?"

"No. Unlike you fleshy creatures, golems do not have that weakness."

"Then do you mind if I sit with you?"

"Does it not need sleep?"

"I can't sleep." He clenched his jaw and took a deep breath. "Not yet. Not now."

A long pause. "I shall allow it to stay, but if it talks ceaselessly, I shall break its head."

"That works for me, Shale. That works for me."

A/N: Well, that's all, folks. Hope you enjoyed this series of updates, and I'll see you all in a few months! Take care~