Chapter 53

Alistair slept with his mouth open. And he snored. It wasn't deafening, but sometimes it sounded like people were having a pillow fight with cottage cheese. Leliana suspected that bit of news would make him happy, if nothing.

She stuck her finger inside his open mouth and jerked it out as soon as he woke up. At first he blinked and looked around. momentarily freezing when he saw her grinning down at him.

"Don't look at me, it's morning," he mumbled before yawning. Leliana snorted. "I had a fat cat while growing up in Redcliffe. He'd slap and poke me awake, too." He stretched his arms out above him and purred. "What time is it?"

"An hour since daybreak."

"Mmm. How long you been up?"

"A while. Not long."

"Sleep well?"

She shrugged. "I slept."

"Mhmm. How're you feeling?"

"Not bad. My arm and chest are bruised, but that is all."

"I... that's good."

"Mhmm. Don't you have to go do your Templar exercises?"

Alistair chuckled and rolled over onto his side to face her. "I can skip once in a while. It's not like I'll explode if I don't do it or something." He closed his eyes. "I hated the monastery, though. If you woke up late, they'd empty a bucket of cold water on you."

"But you stayed because you had nowhere to go."

"Yeah." He paused. "That, and I liked the uniforms. Stylish, well-made, excellent tailoring."

"You mean the yellow and purple tunics Templars wear in private?"

"Exactly. Unlike with plate armour, you don't break the bed when you jump on them during pillow fights. The Chantry never beat that out of me."

"What did they beat out of you?"

"Oh, you know. The ability to answer straight questions without using humour as a defence mechanism when I'm uncomfortable." He looped an arm around her waist and pulled himself closer. "I can barely even get through a pillow fight these days without getting overcome with guilt."

Laughing quietly, Leliana brushed her fingers through his hair. He was just a big baby.

"At least they beat the funny into you," she cooed. "Now you can make fun of anything."

"You know, speaking of getting beat up and jokes, there was this one old sister at the monastery who used to never laugh at my jokes. Not once. No matter how hard I tried, she'd just glare at me... and then rap me with her cane."

"Maybe she was deaf?"

"Not a chance. That old biddy could hear you close your eyes from around a corner. She just hated me. Hated me!"

"But you're so adorable!" Leliana squeezed his cheek.

"I know!" Alistair giggled. "That's what I said!"

"I'm glad she didn't beat the cute out of you."

"Hardly. I would roll around on the ground, writhing like she'd killed me, just to make the other boys laugh. Then... she'd drag me out of class by the ear." He chuckled and tucked his head under her chin. "I'm not sure why I did it, really. I must have been a sucker for punishment."

Smiling, Leliana kissed the top of his head. Alistair was a good man. She knew that he wouldn't pry into her state of mind unless she told him herself. All the humour was just to make her feel at ease, and she loved him for it.

He was kind and intelligent, and the only one so far to push her to discover her own path for herself instead of showing her the way. That he was with her, always by her side, gave her the courage to even take the first few steps.

So she kissed his forehead and said, "I have been thinking about what you said last night."

He looked up at her, suddenly very sober. "And?"

"And... you were right. I didn't want to admit it, even to myself, but those years in Lothering, I yearned for the freedom and the recklessness that I knew in Orlais. The Maker made the world both dangerous and beautiful, and I cannot accept one and ignore the other. So I am glad I left the nunnery and decided to aid you."

"But...?" Alistair prompted. Leliana smiled. It amused her that he knew her as well as he did.

"But I know that despite what Marjolaine says, I'm not like her. I did find peace in knowing the Maker. Nothing will change that. I just have to keep in mind that I'm using my talents to do good, and I have done so ever since I left Lothering with you." She leant down and kissed him gently. "You are very wise, Alistair. You made me see clearly. Thank the Maker I met you."

Alistair grinned. He stroked her cheek and said, "I'm glad I could help, Leli."

"Now I just have to figure out how to reconcile the two."

"You've been thinking about this all night, huh?"

Leliana nodded. "I can't say whether I made any progress, though."

"You'll get there. But listen, don't over think. That only jams up your mind and then you get nowhere."

"Then what would you recommend, my guide and philosopher?"

Alistair chuckled heartily. "What you need is a break, Leli. So when you come back to it, you'll be fresh and able to progress."

"And what do you suggest I do for this break?"

"I'm glad you asked."