Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I merely play in the sandbox. I do however, lay claim to my original characters; Ella, Adrian, Eldre, Christine etc, and the minor inclusion of the Fey world.

AN: Sorry, day late in uploading. It has been a difficult week and doesn't look to be getting much better ~Hannah

Chapter Eighty-Five – Graduation (Book 5)

Time had a funny way of catching up to you when you least expected it. I was not prepared to admit that graduation was just around the corner from me. In my mind's eye I still have years left at school. Healing from the battle had been different for all of us. I was healed from what had happened and my mind was finally at peace with the actions I'd committed. I no longer shuddered when I saw the forest and I was no longer transported to Eldre's final moments when I closed my eyes at night.

It seemed anticlimactic that life had returned to such normalcy. I found myself underprepared for it. Every day I surprised myself with a different thought about how I was feeling. I was at peace with my mental health and strong enough to feel confident about things. It was sadness I was feeling in this moment. Sadness that my high school life was ending and nervous about the next chapter of my life.

Alice had been planning a graduation party for weeks now and it was all anyone could talk about at school. If they weren't bad mouthing or judging the Cullen's, then they were curiously intrigued by them. Being invited to a graduation party by one of them was the event year and everyone had become excited by it. Alice was doing a good job of hiding her thoughts from Edward because he couldn't tell me anything about what she had planned.

I was looking forward to the party with the excitement of a child at Christmas. It would be fun to let my hair down and act my age for once. Eager as I was not to get stuck in another 'mind fart' which was the new name I had for getting lost in repetitive thoughts. I had noticed that I had become adept in getting lost in my own thoughts and I wasn't entirely certain whether that was a good thing or not. It certainly annoyed the crap out of me.

I was falling down the sentimental hole of school ending. Logically, I knew it was just the next step in the adventure of life and that in the grand scheme of things, school meant little. However, I had been in school for so many years and the prospect of not attending anymore had struck a nerve deep within me. Edward had been right saying that the first time you finished school was special. I found myself looking forlornly down empty corridors and getting misty eyed during last lessons with certain teachers.

I was lucky enough to be with a group of people who didn't tease me for my feelings towards school ending. Whether they found my actions humorous or not, they didn't show it. Forks high school shouldn't have had such a big impact on me, I had only been at it for two and a bit years, while I'd been schooled in Phoenix for years. It was however, the friendships I'd made and the person I'd become that I was mourning as I walked the halls in the leadup to graduation.

Edward was my rock during my acceptance that school was ending. I am not proud to admit that I morphed into a limpet during those last weeks, but Edward took it in his stride and protected me against the emotions I was experiencing. I suppose what I feared most was change. I knew that after graduation, the large group I'd come to call family would be spreading out into different places and I would have to learn to survive on my course without all my favourite people. I especially tried not to think about what college life would be like without seeing Bella every day.

Change was good though. Change allowed us to grow as a person, to spread our wings and take our chance soaring above the clouds. I felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff, reading to plunge headfirst into a new world. The world was my oyster and I just had to grab it with both hands before it disappeared before my eyes.

Alice had asked if I would sing at graduation and my first thought was to decline but the closer to graduation we got, the more sentimental I got, and I found myself saying yes to Alice. I had the perfect song in mind to sing, for it was relatable to everyone and people could take their own meaning from it. It was a song about learning to love yourself and I couldn't wait to sing it.

I'd mostly managed to avoid Alice and her planning brigade of chaos that followed her every step. I'll admit it freely, I was scared of Alice. One minute you could be her best friend and in the next second her enemy banished from the room. She was a force to be reckoned with and only Jasper went near her when she was in party planning mood.

The lead up to graduation was a little like playing pass the parcel, with me as the parcel. I saw more people and exchanged more pleasantries in the last few weeks than I had in the entire time I'd been at Forks. My family even, passed around myself, Bella, and Angela, freely giving words of wisdom or giving us crushing hugs and sobbing tears. It was a little discombobulating. It was no wonder people had breakdowns over graduation, people had hyped it up so much that I now couldn't distinguish between head or tail.

I realise I've done that thing again where I continually repeat thoughts.

I'll move on now.

I stared out at the trees that signalled the end of the Cullen's property. I'd been banished by Alice for not agreeing to the colour of napkins chosen for the party. The air our here was colder and refreshing against the chaos and warmth of inside. Arms came around my waist and I leaned against the comfort of Edward. We stood in silence and stared out at the beginnings of the forest. The battle from weeks ago was still fresh in my mind but I no longer avoided the forest. I could now walk freely through the trees and feel at peace with myself.

"Would you like to get away for a bit?" asked Edward.

I nodded and let Edward lead me away from the house. Taking me into his arms, he was determined to look after me. I closed my eyes as he ran using his vampire speed and soon we were situated in our special treehouse. I felt waves and waves of anxiety fall from my shoulders as Edward set me down on his lap and comforted me with gentle caresses on my arms.

"You know, change isn't always a bad thing Ella. I know you'll miss it here, but our home will never be void of family even if we are apart from them."

"I know I just don't do well with change. I've loved every minute of discovering who I am since I moved to Forks and I can't fathom leaving parts of my family behind. I know it's silly, I know we will all be together for many years to come but I just can't get around the fact that things will be changing from what they have been."

"It's alright to be scared of changes happening. You wouldn't be human if you didn't feel things, you'd be a robot instead. Whatever happens Ella, you won't be alone in what you do. Try to think of the future in a positive light and not as an end of an era."

"I know the future will be bright Edward and I'm excited to start my adventure with you. I suppose I'm just sad to leave the place where my life truly began. I know there is only goodness in my future. I have my family and my friend. I have been truly lucky to fall into a group where immortality is shared around like a pot of coffee. I don't know how I would have fared if I'd had to watch both Bella and Dad grow old and die. I'm just being sentimental."

"Nothing wrong with being sentimental Ella. I will always be here to comfort your worries and ease your fears. I think if you tried to walk around without a frown upon your face, it would ease the concerns of many around you."

"Am I really frowning that much?"

"You've been frowning more than smiling since Alice announced the graduation party. She worries that you aren't happy with her."

"Now I feel guilty! I've just been stressing so much about all the changes that are going to happen that I've become totally lost in the thoughts of my head as they go around, and around on a never-ending loop. Sometimes I can't stop myself from retreating into that mind space. I never meant to cause anyone any harm."

"You haven't caused harm, just a little worry. Don't get stressed about it now, just remember that there is more to life than high school graduation and that one ending doesn't mean the ending of all."

"Promise me you'll tell me if I become too trapped in my thoughts again."

"I promise Ella."

[x]

"I can't believe you and Bella are graduating," said Dad.

"Time has seemed to move quite fast since we moved here hasn't it."

"Time may have moved fast but the memories we've made have been slow enough to catch all our attention."

"Turning into a softy are you Dad."

"Allow your Dad this one moment or I'll end up crying on the day."

"You? Cry? Are you sure you're alright Dad?"

"I'm fine and well you know. How are you doing? I know it hasn't been easy since she arrived."

"I think I'm past the point of caring. I can look at her now and not feel a shred of anything. She's here for Bella and I know Bella appreciates having her here, but I don't see a Mother when I look at her, I just see someone who used to be in my life, who isn't anymore."

"When did you get so wise?"

"It's all the late-night studying!"

"Late-night studying? Ha! Is that what they're calling it now."

"Daaad!"

"Alright, alright, I was only joking. Seriously though, I'm very proud of you and can't believe that the time for graduation has finally arrived. It seems to me that in the blink of an eye you've gone from a small baby to a fully-grown adult. I could not be prouder of you Ella and I know this is only the beginning of your adventure."

I felt Dad come up behind me and straighten my graduation gown. Those that believed Dad to be emotionally closed off, could not deny his emotions as he looked at me through the mirror I stood before. His eyes were misty and his hands, though light upon my shoulders, shook with the intensity of the moment. Just looking into the strong face of my Dad made me want to shed my own tears but I knew Alice would scream at me if I ruined the makeup she spent 'hours' doing.

"It's time to go Kiddo."

I nodded. It was weird to be travelling to the school without Bella. We had decided, once Renee made it clear that she wanted to be there for Bella's graduation, that we would get ready together but arrive separately, each with a parent.

I was being honest when I'd told Dad that Renee meant nothing to me now. She had lost her hold over me and I had lost the hatred I felt for her. She was just another person in a sea of thousands and she no longer had control over any of my emotions. I was happy that Bella could share her graduation with Renee, just as I was happy to celebrate my graduation with Dad.

Arriving in Dad's police cruiser warmed my heart. For all the changes to Dad's life, he still remained the man I loved dearly. There was an edge to the air as we arrived at school, a tension and an excitement that was palatable in the air we breathed. All around me I heard rumours about the coming graduation party, there was, I knew, disappointment running in the air as people discovered the party wouldn't be held in the mysterious Cullen house. Yet, excitement overruled the disappointment in just having a party to go to. Alice had chosen the same barn that Dad and Christine used for their wedding reception but other than that fact, I knew nothing about what Alice had planned.

Dad and I walked over to the other Cullen's with Christine and Angela in tow. While getting ready, I had overheard the sweetest moment between my Dad and Angela. Angela, who'd been raised by her Mother only had given Dad the greatest gift by calling him, not Charlie as she had been doing but Dad. It was a moment I witnessed unexpectantly but one I would cherish forever. It made me love my family all the more and I was happy that Angela had gained as much as Bella and I had in the union between our parents.

Edward had told me all about how many times they had graduated high school and how it had become a running joke between them. I had expected them to just walk through the motions today, with blank faces and bored eye rolls. However, I'd underestimated how involved they would be this time around. It seemed that everyone had been bitten by the excitement bug and was nervously chatting with beaming smiles upon their faces.

Ours was the biggest group in the audience. When I left with Bella, Angela, Ben, Tyler, Edward, and Alice, ours was the group that cheered the loudest. Ours was the group that took up the first rows of audience members and ours was the group that smiled the longest. Renee had chosen not to sit with our group, not that they would have let her, she glanced at them disgustedly every few minutes but mostly kept her eyes trained on Bella and smiled in her direction.

I had thought I'd be overly nervous about the graduation ceremony. I could sing in front of an audience without any problem but walking across a stage to get my diploma in front of hundreds of adults seemed a little different. I had tried not to work myself into an anxiety attack over the situation and focused primarily on Edward as I waited for my name to be called. Bella seemed to be fairing worse than me, her anxiety over her clumsiness coming back in full force. I had grabbed her hand to help her relax and stop shaking but she was gripping my hand so hard I felt for sure that some bones had popped. That was the only unlucky part of our surname, as Swan's we had to wait the longest for our turn to walk across the stage to come.

I tried not to think about all the things that could go wrong, like falling, as I walked up to collect my diploma. It helped that as soon as I began the walk, the cheers and whoops from my family drowned out any nervousness I might have had and gave me the confidence to walk across the stage without fear and accept my diploma without falling or worrying about falling.

As I waited on the opposite side of the stage and waited for the last few people to graduate, I couldn't help but feel silly about how much nerves I had had. My body relaxed against the tension I'd been holding since the ceremony started. The black graduation gown which had felt constricting just moments ago, now felt weightless and airy against my body. Huddled together as we were, smiles upon our faces as we cheered others who received their diplomas, Edward sought me out and hooked his arm around my shoulders. The buzzing energy we were creating could power our town for months to come. We'd made it! Against all the odds we'd graduated high school and were on the ladder to the next goals of our lives.

As the last person received their diploma, we began cheering and whistling in excitement. The traditional part was over, the school speeches were done and now the celebrating could begin. Racing across to our family, those of us that graduated found ourselves swept up in hugs from various people in the family. Each of us sported a blinding smile and exuded such a level of excitement that our teeth almost chattered with it. The day that I had been fearing from the change it would bring, became a whirlwind of positivity and excitement and I found myself wondering why I'd been so scared of things.

Dad held me close for several minutes, our tears mingling with each other as we celebrated what had happened. Rose scooped me up next, whispering words of comfort and pride as a Mother would a daughter. The longest hug, I shared with Bella, each of us overcome with emotion as we hanged on to each other and sobbed over our ending and our beginning. We had been on an emotional rollercoaster since our birth and had experienced things in the last two years that we had never imagined. We had grown and changed but still remained the closest of twins. This was the end of an era, even though our paths were leading us in different directions, we would still share our twin bond and still be as close to each other as ever.

It was Alice that separated us eventually, practically screaming that we needed to get ready for the party. Bella, Angela, I fell into line like soldiers awaiting orders as Alice instructed us on what was to happen next. Pushed in the direction of Rose, Esme, and Christine, we went willingly and without complain. None of us wanted to enrage Alice so close to the party as she was a force to be reckoned with and we didn't want her to punish us before the party had even started.

None of us had been allowed to see what we'd be wearing for the party and Rose, Esme, and Christine, treated us like pampered princesses as we got ready for the evening. In these situations, I found it better to just go with the flow. I had absolute trust in the three women helping us get ready and knew they wouldn't put me in anything that would make me uncomfortable or make me look ugly.

Standing in front of the mirror, I knew I was supposed to be admiring the gown I was wearing, the make-up on my face and the shine of my hair, yet all I could focus on was the smile upon my face. The happiness that radiated from me was oh so complete and I felt it from the tip of my toes up to the top of my head. I was happier than I had ever been in my life and I was so comfortable in my own skin.

Esme, Christine, and Rose had made me into the perfect version of myself and as I looked to my sisters, Bella, and Angela, I was floored with how stunning they both looked. Esme, Christine, and Rose had outdone themselves, I thanked them profusely, but it didn't seem enough to thank with only words. I would have to get them something to thank them for all their work.

We arrived, to what I thought was on time, till we opened the doors and I realised Alice had timed our entrance for when the party was in full swing. We made a big entrance with our group of glittering people. Dazed was the audience watching us as we floated into the barn. The conversation stopped all around us as we made our way in. The stares were starting to get uncomfortable when finally, dancing resumed around us and the chatter returned. I was going to kill Alice for making us stand out like that. I'd had enough of people staring and judging to last me a lifetime.

I was regretting slightly the idea to sing in front of everyone here. It would be the last chance I'd have at seeing most of the people gathered within these walls but the curiosity they had towards my group had long since become a nuisance.

Luckily, Alice had arranged it so that it wasn't just me performing, she had put notices up at school asking anyone who was interested in being a part of the entertainment to come forward. She'd still put me last, but I couldn't really complain about that. As I took the stage I couldn't help by let my eyes roam over every one of my classmates and see the variety of emotions there. This really was our last hurrah and we'd surely gone out with a bang.

The music began and flowed out all around me. I saw the faces of people before me change as they recognised the song and got into the mood for it.

'I am not a stranger to the dark.

Hide away, they say

'Cause we don't want your broken parts

I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars

Run away, they say

No one'll love you as you are'

I was passionate about this song, not because I loved the film it was from (The Greatest Showman) but because it reminded me that I'd overcome all that I had suffered and was no longer ashamed for people to see all sides of me.

In high school we fall into stereotypes without even realising it. The walls crowd in around us and force us into a fishbowl like life that keeps us trapped for four years. Coming out of high school sees the world around us expand and reminds us that high school wasn't the be all and end all and that we now have room to spread our wings and be the people we wanted to be without the restraints of teenage drama.

'But I won't let them break me down to dust

I know that there's a place for us

For we are glorious'

The passion of the words I sang forced me to not only assess those before me, but to travel down a picture memory lane of what I'd overcome since moving to Forks. There had been some really low points for me and times where I didn't think I would get back to the person I was. Yet, through the high times I'd also learnt that it was alright to become a different person and change what you once thought you were.

'When the sharpest words wanna cut me down

I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out

I am brave, I am bruised

I am who I'm meant to be, this is me

Look out 'cause here I come

And I'm marching out to the beat I drum

I'm not scared to be seen

I make no apologies, this is me'

It was to my surprise that the occupants in the barn joined in once it came to the 'oh-oh-oh' part. A welcome surprise to have so many people invested in the song I was singing. All around me I could see the happiness that had worked its way around the room and see the celebration of this song and what it meant to people. Nowhere in the room were more than a few people reacting in the same way. Here I could see all groups of high school life reacting to the sing in their own personal way. The song was bringing people together in a way I didn't expect. We were all different and all stuck to our groups in high school but here in this moment, we found we weren't so different from each other as we felt the very essence of the song touch our souls.

'Another round of bullets hits my skin

Well, fire away 'cause today, I won't let the shame sink in

We are bursting through the barricades and

Reaching for the sun (we are warriors)

Yeah, that's what we've become'

I had risen above the bullets that had strived to take me down. I had hidden behind my hands as shame and grief consumed me. I had burnt the barricades that had cut me off from those around me and I had learnt how to come with all that had happened. This song burned brightly with each line I sung, and I no longer felt sad about high school ending.

'I won't let them break me down to dust

I know that there's a place for us

For we are glorious

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down

I'm gonna send a flood gonna drown them out

I am brave, I am bruised

I am who I'm meant to be, this is me

Look out 'cause here I come

And I'm marching on to the beat I drum

I'm not scared to be seen

I make no apologies, this is me'

By this point in the song, everyone around me had joined in singing. I had the biggest group of backup singers all belting out the rhythm of the song and all grinning madly by doing so. They almost drowned out the accompanying track in their gusto to be a part of something magical because that's what this moment was – magical.

As the singing around me got louder, I sought out Edward's face from the crowd and sang to him with as much passion as I could muster.

'and I know that I deserve your love

'cause there's nothing I'm not worthy of

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down

I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out

This is brave, this is proof,

This is who I'm meant to be, this is me'

I focused on Edward's face only and warmed when he mouthed the words 'I love you.' I would love Edward till the ends of time, he knew me so well it was almost scary. I was filled with a burning desire to be in his arms once more and suddenly the song began to fill heavy in my hands. I wanted it to be over with.

'Look out 'cause here I come (look out 'cause here I come)

And I'm marching on to the beat I drum (marching, marching on)

I'm not scared to be seen

I make no apologies, this is me'

The sounds of singing all around me dropped from volume to whispers, whispers to silence. Suddenly it was just me up on that stage, gazing down at everyone as they gazed up at me with varying emotions upon their faces. I called on my strength to get me through the last lines, the effort to remain composed was a struggle and I felt that everyone in this room was feeling the same emotional strain as me.

'When the sharpest words wanna cut me down

I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out

Oh

This is me'

With that last line, high school was over, and I couldn't help the tear that trickled from my eye.

Credit to: 'This is Me' sung by Keala Settle from 'The Greatest Showman' Soundtrack,