Chapter 65

Lucien took off like the wind with a happy bark. Aedan let him go. Neither of them had anything to fear. Not from her.

She'd been pacing before the eluvian impatiently. Like she was late for something. When Lucien bounded up to her, she knelt and patted the excited dog on his head, smiling happily. Aedan had not seen her smile that way in a long time, but then again, she always did like animals.

"Well, well," Morrigan said without looking as he followed his dog up to her. "What have we here?"

"A very tired human being," Aedan replied. "Who just wants answers."

"Then pose your questions from a distance." Morrigan stood up, though she kept scratching Lucien behind the ears. "One more step and I leave. For good this time."

He stopped at the foot of the steps. He hadn't come to fight, after all.

"I assume you know what this is," she said, gesturing to the great, glowing mirror behind her. "I have gone to great lengths to find and activate this portal. Give me reason to use it, and you will not be able to follow."

"Where would you go?"

"To another place. Beyond this world and beyond the Fade. But this portal can be used only once more. Achieving even this much was... difficult."

"Then why wait?"

"'Tis only because I sensed your approach." She paused a beat. "You kept the ring."

Aedan sucked in a breath. "Yes. Yes, I did."

"Tell me, why did you come?" Morrigan asked, crossing her arms over her chest. Her bearing changed. She wasn't demanding. Just cautious and curious. Even Lucien noticed the change and sat down at her feet, whining.

"I was told you were with child..." he trailed off, not knowing what else to say.

"Ah." Morrigan lowered her eyes slightly. "So you know. Your son is healthy. And safe. And he is not here."

Your son is healthy. Son. My son. I have a son.

"I..." Aedan took a deep breath, rubbing his face. "What is he... like? Did you name him?"

"He is... a handful. Like all children are, I would assume." Her voice softened, lined with gentle pride and careful happiness. "I have named him Kieran."

"Kieran," Aedan repeated under his breath. It was a good name. "Kieran. I... where is he?"

"Out of your reach," replied Morrigan. "As I soon shall be. He is an innocent, Aedan. He knows nothing of the destiny that lies before him. You endanger him with this fruitless pursuit."

"Endanger him? From whom? Or what? And what destiny?"

"That... I cannot tell you."

And there it was. The one thing he could never stand about her – all her secrets. Morrigan always kept her cards close, never trusting anyone enough to show her hand. Her plans for herself, and for others, were always locked away in the deep recesses of her sharp mind. Self-preservation he could understand. Distrust he could understand. But this?

"That's not good enough," Aedan snapped. He took an angry step forward but Morrigan and held up her hands.

"Because he is your son," she said quietly. "I understand." She shook her head. "I dare not share my plans, not even with you. If your trust is insufficient, then your anger will suffice."

"You don't get to decide that." Aedan gnashed his teeth. "I gave you whatever you wanted, Morrigan. You can't accuse me of that. Ever."

"I cannot. And you are alive because of it."

"You think I wanted that? You think I wanted to trudge on after all I'd done?" He laughed darkly. "You get everything you want from me, but I never get what I want out of you. All that I ask is-"

"My plan? My plan is to leave and prepare the child for what is to come." Morrigan met his gaze unflinchingly. "Such preparation requires time. And power. I must have both if I am to be successful."

"And what, exactly, is to come?"

"Change," Morrigan sighed. "Aedan... allow me to provide you a warning. 'Tis Flemeth you should beware of, not me. Hunt her, if you hunt anyone."

Shaking his head, Aedan came and stood before her. "She's alive, then?" he asked quietly.

Morrigan nodded. "My mother has tricked her way past death and much, much more. She is no more finished than I am. I thought I knew what Flemeth planned. I thought what she craved was immortality." She hugged herself and shuddered involuntarily. Aedan took another step closer but stopped himself from taking her into his arms. "I was wrong. So very wrong."

"Morrigan?"

"She is no blood mage, Aedan. No abomination. She is not even truly human. The ritual was a means to an end. A herald for what is to come."

"Change?"

Again, she nodded. "Change is coming to the world. Many fear change and will fight it with every fibre of their being. But sometimes, change is what they need. Sometimes, change is what sets them free."

"And is that what you want?" Aedan asked, pulling off a gauntlet and gently caressing her cheek with the back of his hand. "To be free?"

Sighing, Morrigan leaned in to the touch. "What I want is... unimportant now."

With that, she backed away from him. On her face he read hesitation, but her voice was steady when she spoke again.

"I cannot tarry any longer. The time has come for me to go."

Aedan latched onto her hand. To hell with everything. "Then take me with you."

She gasped at that, completely taken aback. "You... cannot know what you ask."

"Can't I?" he said. He sounded pathetic to his own ears. "Morrigan, almost a year I've spent waiting, hoping for news of you. My brother survived. We rebuilt the castle. But every time I cross the threshold, all the shadows come to strangle me. There is nothing for me here. So, please, give me what I want just this once."

"'Twould be better if you stayed. For you, for us both."

"Morrigan, for once let me decide what's best for me. Please."

"I..." Fear. Hesitation. "I am..."

"Morrigan, please." He didn't know what else to say, how else to plead. "Please."

"I am sorry," she said, steeling her expression. "I cannot."

And before the words fully registered in his head, she slipped out of his grasp and stepped backwards into the mirror, melting into it. The eluvian glowed brightly, causing Aedan to shield his eyes. When he could look again, the giant elven mirror was dark. There was no sign of Morrigan to be seen anywhere. Her sudden disappearance had spooked Lucien and he was barking at the mirror, distressed.

Aedan stared at the mirror. It was too dull to even reflect his face. Which he considered a good thing. He didn't want to have to face himself. Not right then. He didn't know what he wanted right then, but he didn't want to feel the strange cocktail of grief, despair and regret that was bubbling in his chest. It was an odd sensation.

He touched the mirror gently. There was no give. She had been right about it being single-use only. She had decided what she would do and had gone and done it regardless of what anyone would say. She was always that way, and he had loved her for it, but to not even take into consideration what he was feeling-

Feelings?

It took him a while to realise that what he felt were Morrigan's emotions, being communicated through the ring. Only once before had he felt what she had felt and he didn't like being reminded of it so soon.

If she feels bad, why didn't she stay? Aedan shook his head. No. If she doesn't want to, she doesn't have to.

He'd had enough. She certainly didn't care. Why should I? So much time he'd spent waiting and wondering about her and the child, all for her to decide she didn't even want to negotiate on her position.

Fuck her.

With a guttural bellow, Aedan struck the mirror with as much force as he could muster. As the shattered shards rained down, he turned to leave. Lucien followed in his footsteps, whining.

It was time to let go. Expectations had only ever led him to disappointment, and he didn't have time for that anymore. Everything that could lead him astray, he would cut off. All that remained was his duty to the Wardens.

I'm a Grey Warden, he told himself and raised his chin, jaw set, to meet the light as he marched out of the Dragonbone Wastes.

Work awaited in Amaranthine.