A/N: So, BioWare dropped the DA4 teaser trailer. The hashtag being used is #TheDreadWolfRises. I'm not very excited, honestly. What about you?

Chapter 84

Skyhold was huge. It was extremely well located and its defensive capabilities were spectacular. Built into a mountain and surrounded by many more, no army would have an easy time laying siege to the place.

But with that great size came a problem: Alistair got lost. He'd followed his nose and found the pantry just fine, but everything else was a maze. Everyone was busy doing repair work as the interior was a shambles and Alistair didn't want to bother them. Walking around by himself, however, didn't help matters.

After about a half hour of failed orienteering, he ran into Cullen, who looked graver than usual. He stopped nonetheless when Alistair hailed him.

"I got lost. Can you tell me where Leliana is?"

"I'm headed to her quarters now. Come with me. I'll show you."

This was a stroke of luck indeed, and Alistair fell beside his old comrade. The man seemed sort of run-down. No doubt the stress of losing Haven and preparing Skyhold for habitation weighed upon his mind, but there was something else bubbling under the surface. His brows were drawn, his forehead was clammy, he was blinking rapidly and he appeared grumpier than he normally did.

It was probably nothing, but knowing him, it was probably something. If it was something, the signs all pointed to a very specific something.

"Have I ever thanked you for what you did at the Calenhad Circle?" Cullen asked suddenly. Alistair blinked.

"Uh..."

"Well, in case I haven't, I want to thank you now. I was... not myself at the time. Calling for the Circle to be Annulled was... a poor choice." He was silent a while, his jaws working. "I lost favour with a lot of people. Being at Kirkwall, seeing all that firsthand, it lent me a new perspective, and I'm trying to be better every day. So I want to thank you, Alistair. You did what I should have done. You saved... them." He sighed and massaged his temples. He seemed to be in pain. "I've told Leliana this, and I plan on telling Aedan this too when he's better, but I just wanted to tell you now."

"You didn't have to. Cullen, we weren't trained for that situation. No Templar is. There was no precedent. You're mad if you think we ever blamed you for making a decision after enduring days of torture." Alistair offered him a smile. "Solona understood." Cullen stumbled. "That's who you meant, right? Fell out of favour? Should have saved?"

"I... maybe."

"After all this time?"

Cullen shook his head. He said nothing.

Alistair hummed. "Well, she's coming here. I'll tell her to bring you something to help you through your lyrium withdrawal."

"What?"

"Yeah, she's coming here." Alistair held up the letter he was taking to Leliana. "We need to discuss the archdemon. And you can tell her yourself. It's brave that you're quitting, but you need help. She can provide that. Honestly, she'd want to."

Cullen licked his lips. Then he swallowed and looked straight ahead.

"Oh," he muttered under his breath and cleared his throat. "We're here."

Without another word, he knocked on the door and went straight in. Alistair smiled to himself and followed suit.

Cullen went up and handed Leliana something, who had been poring over a plan of some kind. She took one look at the object and sighed.

"I'm sorry," she told Cullen quietly.

"So am I," he replied and turned to walk away, gaze fixed at the floor.

The entire exchange was short and tinged with sorrow. Alistair didn't know what it was about, but Leliana showed him the rolled-up message and, with a wry smile, said, "The names of all those we lost."

And suddenly Cullen's behaviour made sense. People tended to appreciate and reflect on life while the under the shadow of Death. But Alistair knew Leliana too well to know what was really on her mind.

"Stop blaming yourself."

"It was my fault, though."

"It was Corypheus's fault. Everyone knows who attacked Haven. If you want to blame anybody, blame him."

Leliana shook her head. "I keep wondering whether I should have done something different." She went over to the window and looked out at the bailey, which was being set up as a shelter for refugees. "When the first of my lookouts went missing, I pulled them back, awaiting more information." She crossed her arms over her chest. "If they stayed in the field, they could have bought us more time. I was afraid to lose my agents. And instead, we lost Haven."

Alistair came and stood beside her as she sighed deeply. He could see why she was concerned. Decision making was hard.

"You care about your people. That's the sign of a good Commander."

"Is it? My people know their duty. They know the risks. They know that the Inquisition may call upon them at any time to give their lives."

"We're all the same way, Leli. All the Wardens I've ever worked with also know that. As do Templars, soldiers, you name it. But what kind of leaders would we be if we abandoned all scruples and morality? Your people know the risks, yes, but they respect you because you show moderation." He placed a hand on her shoulder. "Your instincts were right. Their lives mattered."

"But can we afford such sentimentality at times like this?" She stared at him. "What if Corypheus-"

"The Inquisition is better than Corypheus," he replied with a tilt of his head. "No?"

Leliana said nothing, though she ducked her head. Deeming it safe, Alistair leaned in and pressed his lips to her cheek. She sighed and leant her head on his chest as he put his arms around her.

"I'm tired, Alistair," she said quietly as he rubbed her back. "I keep second-guessing everything."

"It's okay," he replied. "From where I'm at, you're doing a damn good job."

"You're obligated to say that."

"No, I'm obligated to eat cheese. I'm obligated to hate Morrigan. I'm obligated to kiss you everywhere in private. Your performance as Spymaster, however, is based on observation. Nobody could have done what you're doing, Leli. You're amazing, and I wish you gave yourself more credit. And hey, if you don't believe me, you can ask anyone else."

She sighed again and planted a gentle, lingering kiss on his throat. Then another under his earlobe. Alistair gulped.

"I could use a break," Leliana whispered as she nudged his cheek with her nose. "Do you want a break?"

Time had taught Alistair to not take opportunities granted by the grace of Andraste for granted. And one couldn't afford to waste time in such instances. So Alistair took a deep, steadying breath and looked Leliana in the eye.

"I'll go bolt the door and you clear off the table, okay?"