Chapter 93
"Get out!" Alistair snarled under his breath. He would have stomped over to Morrigan had Leliana not stopped him. "You have no right to be here!"
Morrigan said nothing to that. She had only just crossed the threshold when she was forced to stop. Her face was blank. Leliana felt that she had been expecting this.
The gathering was taking place in a small room. Wardens mostly, though Marian Hawke and other members of the Inquisition had stopped by to pay their respects. The Inquisitor had accepted Alistair's suggestion to hold a vigil for Aedan. Nothing too big, just a small gathering for his companions to reminisce and share a laugh and a drink. It was what he would have wanted. Something small so that it wouldn't distract from the task at hand.
"Nobody needs a right to mourn, Alistair," she told him calmly.
"She can mourn in her own-"
"For his sake, let's not do this today." Leliana looked at Morrigan. "Please come in. All are welcome today."
Morrigan looked from her to Alistair, who raised his hands in the air and walked out. The witch then inclined her head slightly and stepped forward.
"I had not expected to be allowed entrance," she said. "'Tis surprising."
"You once told me you thought of me as a friend. This is what friends do."
"Alistair-"
"He will get over it."
She was wearing the gown she'd worn at Halamshiral, though unadorned by jewellery. Long ago, Leliana had suggested to Morrigan a dress of similar style and make, saying that it would suit her. To see her wearing it at the ball had amused her. Now, it was a bittersweet feeling.
The Wardens had brought with them all the personal effects of Aedan from Amaranthine. It consisted of Lucien's collar and a small stone box which held a silver ring. These, along with his sword, had been placed on a table at one end of the room for all to see.
As Leliana walked Morrigan to the table, she was aware of all the Wardens glancing and staring at Morrigan as she swept by. Being his companions, they were well aware of the history the witch shared with their late Commander. None of them spoke a word, but they needn't have. The hush that fell over the room communicated more than they ever could.
"He left his sword to Kieran," Leliana said as they reached the table.
"I am aware."
"Will you honour his will? Name Kieran his heir? Fergus wants to."
"Perhaps. When he is older," Morrigan said hesitantly and looked at her. "May I...?"
Leliana nodded. Morrigan placed her fingers on the ring and traced its curves absently. It was the one she'd given him, whose twin she still wore. It had told her Aedan's location, no matter where he was. While he hadn't worn it in years, as far as Leliana knew, he still kept it close.
"'Tis I who wanted to raise Kieran away from him," Morrigan said softly. "He pleaded for inclusion, wanted to accompany me. What a fool notion." She was silent a while. "He always gave me what I wanted. 'Tis I who could never reciprocate."
Leliana said nothing. Morrigan trailed her fingers down Lucien's collar as she spoke.
"I have since... reflected on that moment many a time, wondering whether I had made an error. True, 'twas my plan and my wish, but over the years, there have been times I believed it would have been best for Kieran to have met his father. So busy was I in proving myself to be a better mother than Flemeth, that never once did I consider that, perhaps, the boy's father may have a positive impact on his development. Perhaps, we could have been happy..."
As she trailed off, Leliana wordlessly grasped Morrigan's free hand and squeezed gently. With a nod, Morrigan squeezed back.
"He was a good man," Leliana said.
"He was... special," Morrigan ventured. "Different. A brave fool, but a fool nonetheless."
There was a sisterhood among women all over the world that couldn't be described or explained away. They all knew the fear of being helpless and alone. Morrigan had changed, had become a good mother for her son, and had become a stronger person because of it. But here, now, she was just as heartbroken as the rest of them.
Releasing her hand, Leliana put her arm around Morrigan's shoulders and pulled her into a gentle embrace. Morrigan didn't fight it. She placed her forehead on her shoulder and let herself be herded into the hug.
Of all present, they knew best what had been lost. They'd known him the longest, and it could be argued that Morrigan had known him best. Despite all the distance between them, and all the time that had elapsed, it stung no less for her.
Morrigan sighed and sniffed before straightening. They held each others' hands and smiled tightly at one another.
"I thank you," said Morrigan finally and nodded slightly.
"Fergus is here at Skyhold, you know. He was hoping to meet his nephew."
Morrigan walked back to the door, Leliana by her side. After some thought, she said, "I am not opposed. 'Twould be... good for him."
"I'm glad."
"As am I."
Leliana found Alistair leaning against the wall outside the room. As Morrigan left, she went up to him.
"She didn't... take anything, did she?"
Leliana shook her head. "She was mourning, Alistair. She was hurt. Like us all."
"Yeah, well-"
She placed a hand on his cheek. "It's in the past. Let it go."
"You didn't see him after he came back from his little witch hunt, Leli." Alistair shook his head. "He was just... broken. Denied the one thing he really wanted. I can't let it go."
"He met his son. He met her, too. If he didn't hold a grudge, why should you? You can work with Loghain, but not do this?"
He said nothing. Leliana sighed.
"Alistair, we need to talk."
"Oh, that's never good."
"I am going to try to become Divine."
Alistair's eyes widened. His mouth hung open. There had been talks about either her or Cassandra filling Justinia's shoes, but this was the first time she'd told him of her decision.
"What?" he spluttered. "How? When? Where? Why?"
"Alistair." She took his hands. "The Chantry is faltering, but people still look to it for support in times of peril. A Divine with enough influence can change the Chantry, and by extension, Thedas."
"Is that what you really want? To change Thedas?"
"For the better. The Inquisition's support for the mages was a good start. I could start there. No more Circles. The mages will be free, accepted as the Maker's children. In fact, the Chantry will accept everyone. Elves, dwarves, qunari... why exclude them? The Chantry allows our differences to tear us apart instead of teaching us to respect that difference, and work together despite them."
"That... does sound good, I won't lie."
"I should hope so. You inspired it."
"I... what?"
"Your efforts to unify the Wardens have inspired me, Alistair." She smiled. "The Wardens take everyone. They accept and understand without judgement. That is what the Chantry should do. That is what we did at Lothering. We turned nobody away. It was a place of peace, a place to feel loved and accepted despite everything you may have done. That's what unconditional love is, as you've shown me. And I want to show you the Chantry I know, something you can be proud of, too."
She waited for him to say something. Alistair opened and closed his mouth several times, like a fish out of water. Finally, with a gulp, he seemed like he was ready to speak, but stopped short as Cullen, completely naked but covering his front with his hands, sprinted past them and disappeared around a corner.
Leliana stared blankly in the direction he had gone, as did Alistair, who cleared his throat.
"Well," he said. "That's a lot of information to receive in thirty seconds."
Leliana laughed. "They were playing Wicked Grace, or so I heard."
"That explains a lot." He smiled at her. "As for you, well, I think-"
"EEK!"
"Maker! Cullen? Is that you?!"
Cullen rounded the corner and ran past them again, headed back in the direction he'd come from. Moments later, Solona Amell came around the bend, very red in the face.
"What even is going on anymore?" she asked.
Alistair chuckled. "I don't know, but the Chantry just became a force for good." He smiled down at Leliana. "The Divine told me in the Fade that the she'd let you down. She'd be proud of you now, if she saw you. As for me, the Grey Wardens unofficially pledge their support to the new Divine."
Leliana's only response was to hug him tightly.