~ Rocky Mountains, Colorado - 1990 ~
I drained the large buck quickly. Before it hit the ground, my body began to hum with the energy that the animal's blood provided me. I wanted…no needed to burn off some of the excess energy. Since sex was out of the question, I decided to go climbing. I launched myself up a shear cliff face. I scaled five hundred feet faster than a human could've fallen that same distance. Once I reached the summit, I sat on the edge and looked out over the vista. The Rocky Mountains were laid out before me like snow capped sentinels. I closed my eyes and searched out with my gift trying to find anyone's mind.
Silence.
It had been over three months since I heard another being's thoughts. I loved the quiet and solitude afforded to me here. Over my decades as a vampire, I had always struggled hearing everyone's thoughts. The constant static of other's thinking could be near crippling at times. I had learned to focus my gift so I could ignore, but never truly block, the mental ramblings of the masses. To those closest to me, I had always harbored a bit of guilt and shame that I could not control invading their privacy. I had learned that humans and vampires alike often had thoughts that they would never act upon outside their own musings. Even Carlisle and Esme, two of the purest beings I knew, could shock me with tainted thoughts. Outside my family, it was exceeding difficult for me respect, let alone enjoy the company of individuals whose thoughts often fouled their character. Spending my time away from humans and my family has brought me at least some peace in this regard.
I pulled in a deep breath and sampled the air. It was crisp, clean, and cold. I let the breath out, and because I was nearly the same temperature as my surroundings, no steam escaped when I exhaled. I smiled to myself as the memory of Emmett's first winter as a vampire came back to me. He marveled at this simple vampire trait. He would even go so far as to suck in warm air from inside the house, before darting outside and exhaling just to see the breath escape as steam.
I missed Emmett's boyish playfulness. It was all too true that his thoughts were often less than pure, but his heart was gold. Emmett was the last of my family to attempt a visit. Six months ago he sought me out up here in the mountains. Up until that time, I had avoided the numerous attempts Carlisle, Esme, Alice and Jasper attempted to meet with me. I no longer wanted their pity, nor did I want to sit through their pleadings for me to return home. I was doing this for me. Emmett's visit was a bit different. He had just wanted to catch up and to let me know that the others would no longer try to change my mind. I hated seeing his memories of the aftermath of my departure, but they were now respecting my wishes to move on. I would always have a home with them, but I let Emmett know on his visit that I needed this separation. In return, he let me know that Alice would still be keeping an eye out with her visions. The family would only contact me if something dire was about to happen.
Emmett also apologized for Rose's behavior. She still harbored so much bitterness over her final hours as a human and the loss of human experiences she would never have. I appreciated the sentiment, but I was equally at fault. I had allowed myself to become an easy target for her wrath. Rose's acidic comments fed my own need to despise the monster I had become. Now that I was gone, she picked on Jasper the most, although he was much more enthusiastic in defending himself. The way Emmett described it, Rose and Jasper nearly destroyed the house in Syracuse during a couple of their fights. Emmett let me know that because of this destruction, the family had decided to move onto Hanover, Connecticut. I almost believed him until he faltered and a wisp of a memory, one of Alice and Esme asking Carlisle to relocate because the current house held too many memories of me in it, passed quickly through his mind.
After Emmett left, I was surprised that I did not feel as guilty as I had. I am selfish enough to have felt relieved that my family missed me. It felt good not to be easily erased from their lives. In return, I missed them all greatly too. However, I was happy to see that they truly respected my wishes for independence and have decided to move on. I still felt like I was a monster…a detestable abomination. A few years would not change that, but I had finally started to feel more comfortable with path I was on. Yes, I was alone, but I did not feel as lonely as I did when I was around my family. One day I might return, but only if I had a mate of my own to complete the picture.