Chapter 4

Mac's POV.

It's another beautiful day and I'm quick to wake up, make coffee, grab a banana nut muffin and head out to the beach. Harm's left the loungers and I happily sink into one and enjoy my breakfast amidst the rising sun.

I slept incredibly well in a bed that was far too big for just lil ol' me. He insisted I take the master bedroom, my bags had been deposited there upon arrival. When I declined he blushed and smiled that knowing smile before stating it was his parents room.

He slept in the spare and in the middle of the night I found the only thing separating us was a shared bathroom. Harm was still asleep when I quietly padded into the bathroom and peered into his room to find a pillow over his head and bedsheets only half covering him. I left when he shifted and stuck a note by the coffee machine to let him know where I was.

"One of the best things on Earth is having a coffee on the beach." I hear him approach, his footsteps on the sand give Harm away as he nears and drops into the lounger next to mine. "Morning, Mac."

"Morning, Harm."

"How did you sleep?"

"I left the window a little open, listened to the waves and slept better than I have in ages."

He sips his coffee and smiles. "Yeah, I do the same." Harm looks out to the ocean and sighs and then sighs again. "I know the conversation got a little heavy last night but…can I…can I ask you something?"

I hesitate. I hesitate because the tone of his voice is a little sad and I don't know what to make of it. "S-sure."

"Would you have told me about Farrow? Your relationship with him?" His eyes are on the surf and his voice is low. Harm sounds like my secret has cost him something. I shake my head and sigh.

I shrug, "No. John and me, we're water under the bridge and I didn't want to discredit him. It was my youthful indiscretion."

"He took advantage of you." He says matter-of-fact and I assume everyone would think the same being our age gap and his position of power.

"No. No, he didn't." What I hate to admit is that I instigated it. I took his kindness as romance and flirtation. And yes, maybe there was a little bit of both but, it was me who went in for the first kiss. "It was mutual, I guess. And he was good to me, very kind. But, that's what kick-started my career as a JAG, his recommendation and that will always hang over my head."

"You're a good lawyer, Mac. Be thankful he put you on this path if not…if not we wouldn't have met." There's that although I could think of a zillion other places we should have met other than at the White House rose garden because my uncle decided to steal the Declaration of Independence. "Did you love him? John?"

"In a fashion and I always will, in a fashion but, I wasn't in love with him if that's what you're wondering." And I can't see myself married to him either despite how well we fit at the time.

He lets out a sigh of relief and then turns to face me. "I don't know why I'm jealous of Farrow but, I am."

"And maybe I was a little jealous of your client." I admit. She was beautiful. A Navy Lt. Commander and psychiatrist. Tall, blonde with blue eyes and that kind of 'damsel in distress' demeanor that most red-blooded male would fall for like flies on honey.

"My client? Which one?"

I snort and roll my eyes. "The shrink. The one who was enamored with you. I'm surprised you didn't try to whisk her off. I bet she wouldn't have said no if you asked."

Harm raises his brow and laughs. "Lt. Cmdr Parker? Give me a break."

"She's good looking."

"She is good looking, yeah." He agrees and then turns so that he can fully face me. "And I'm not interested. Look, I flirt, I know I do but the woman spent two hours with me in the conference room trying to unravel my innermost workings and wasn't the least bit interested in her case. Besides, what doctor doesn't know that cough syrup is full of alcohol? I'll get it taken care of with a slap on the wrist, honestly."

"Not if you have me as opposing counsel you won't." I joke and he laughs again but then grows serious. I can tell there's something on his mind that he can't say but, I don't know how to pull it out of him. I'm not sure if I want to ruin this moment between us; this understanding. It feels nice to talk to him like this again. After my trial, I thought I'd lost him for good.

"What's wrong, Harm?" I venture and feel my stomach bottom out when he turns to look at me with an expression I honestly can't read.

I think I know him well. Hell, I probably know Harm better than I know myself but, there' s an odd thickness in the space between us and a chill in the air that appears from the ether. I moisten my lips out of nervousness and find his eyes watching that simple movement.

"Nothing. Nothing at all." He shakes his head, snorts and then settles back on his lounger.

Harm's POV.

What the hell was I about to do? I wonder when my eyes involuntarily drop to watch her tongue moisten her lips. I know what it feels like to kiss her and though we've never talked about that night in Norfolk, my mind has expanded on it. Expanded, extrapolated and exulted. Kissing her was unreal and the thoughts of Diane that had previously occupied my mind vanished in favor of Sarah MacKenzie.

Only, I promised myself never to date a coworker again. My partnership with Kate felt like an unwanted marriage, a timebomb and our inevitable split had more to do with our decaying working relationship than anything else.

She asked for a new post, citing that her talents were better suited in a different sector. But I knew it was me that Kate Pike could no longer stand especially when I refused to continue sleeping with her. We had fun but the respect we had for one another disappeared. I was actually grateful to see her leave but, I don't want that to happen with Mac.

I didn't love Kate. I'm not even certain that I liked her all that much either. Mac I like and respect and…and fuck, I can't admit it. I can't admit it to myself or anyone else because then it would be true.

And it is true that she's snuck into parts of my heart and my life has never and will never be the same. Our banter, our flirting, the way we work together is like a perfectly oiled machine. When I go to work it's Mac I seek out and it's Mac I sit next to for morning meetings.

She's the one I have lunch with each day and the person I turn to when my life has flipped upside down. Mac saved me from the brig and she's saved me from myself. So yeah, I have feelings - strong ones and I don't know what to do about it.

"Mac?" When I turn to face her, she's nose deep in some sort of book and oblivious that I've called her name or that my eyes have begun to caress that exotic skin. She wears the little blue bikini again and though it is modest in the way it covers all her…her… uh…'parts' it does little to stop my imagination in filling in those…uh…'parts.'

When the hell have I reverted to an undersexed, teenage schoolboy lusting over some woman I can't have? Of late, her flirting turns my brain to mush and I've never, ever been the type of man to let any woman put me under any of their spells unless I desired it.

When she shifts and bends one shapely leg, I groan involuntarily and raise myself out of the chair. I can't sit next to her right now not without embarrassing myself.

I stand and toss my sunglasses on the lounger

and without a word head off into the cool Caribbean waters.

This is a mistake, I realize a little too late. I needed to bring someone along that would only serve my basic needs and not ask questions when all was said and done. Yes, that is what I needed: a romp in the hay, some good sex to reset my brain and cool my jets. It's been too long and despite Bobbi Latham's attempts, Mac's impromptu visit derailed my libido.

I dive beneath the waves, swim parallel to the shore with broad strokes that make my muscles ache as I push harder. I always loved swimming in the ocean and the effort needed that wasn't necessary in a pool.

For some reason my mind still drifts back to John and Chris. Specifically it ruminates over the night she came to me and I was too busy trying to woo a Congresswoman.

I wanted Bobbi. I wanted the feeling of power from knowing she wanted me too. And I also knew that we would have been using one another

The rumors of my prowess with women would spin up again tarnishing my name when Bobbi realized that I only wanted one night and not forever.

I pop out of the water and look out at the beach. My legs carry me out of the water across the sand with determination. Mac has to know the truth because after that dig against Jordan, I don't want her thinking the worst of me.

"I didn't sleep with Bobbi."

Mac's POV

One moment he's talking and the other I'm choking on what's left of my coffee. And by 'choking' I mean, really, really choking. Coffee's coming out of my nose, burning my sinuses as it does and I'm coughing so hard I can barely breathe.

Harm sits on the edge of my lounger, runs soothing circles on my back and I swat his hands away as I try to compose myself. "I'm sorry… what?"

He has a sheepish expression and was that a blush that crept into his cheeks? "What did you just say?"

"I never slept with Bobbi. I wanted to. Well, mostly she wanted to but..." He makes a disjointed gesture with his hands like he's swatting away a bug and then sighs heavily. "It got a little hot and heavy but my head wasn't in it and she knew it. Pissed her off too."

"That's why you acted so indifferent?"

He shrugs, "I guess I was a little pissed that an impromptu visit from you could rattle me that way. I was mad at you and when I found out why you came to me, I was mad at myself."

I rarely went to him with personal problems but he always came to me with his. The one time I needed him, really needed him, Harm was too busy getting into a Congresswoman's pants. "I wasn't mad at you. I was disappointed." I admit and he looks at me with such sad eyes it's heartbreaking.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You have a life outside of JAG and I can't expect you to drop everything for me, it isn't fair."

"And I regret not going after you. I shouldn't have let you leave." He stares at me for a long while with an expression I can't describe. "I didn't sleep with Bobbi."

"I'm relieved."

Harm's POV

I'm pissed. Really pissed and taking out my aggression on the cucumbers, carrots, tomatoes and onions I'm chopping and adding to a salad.

She's 'relieved'? What in the hell is that supposed to mean? And why the hell are women so damn complicated?

I opened my heart up and practically lost my dignity and spilled out that my little sailor did not want to perform after Mac left me alone with Bobbi. It was like cold water was thrown over me and I'd forgotten how to seduce. The Congresswoman stomped out of my loft, cursing and slamming doors.

Nothing happened beyond some heated kisses and Mac is just 'relieved.' "Whatever."

I stab through a lemon a little too hard and send the fruit flying off the cutting board and rolling to a stop at the edge of a bare foot. It belongs to Mac and I ignore how tan her legs look after just half a day on the beach.

She palms the lemon, places it on the cutting board and then props up on a barstool. "Did I do something wrong?"

"Nope." I ignore her, chop the lemon and begin to squeeze the juice into a bowl. "You're good."

Mac plucks a half cut from the cutting board and munches on it thoughtfully. "You haven't really talked to me in over three hours. Don't take a mindreader to know that you're upset with me. Why?"

"I'm not." I feel like being stubborn though I know Mac's determined to drag the words out of me. She can be like a bulldog that way and I often hate it. "Look, let's just drop it."

I glare at her expecting Mac to let it go but she doesn't, not this time. "Nope."

"C'mon, Mac." I'm practically begging.

She shakes her head and lets out a deep breath. "No, not this time. You know we keep doing this, ignoring some of the serious stuff and I don't want to. I don't want to have something over our head with Christmas a day away."

I don't want that either. "Relieved. You said you were 'relieved' that I hadn't slept with her. Why?"

Mac purses her lips and folds her arms across her chest, a defensive move that has become a tell when she's apprehensive about something. "Because you can do better. The Congresswoman is incredible for women's rights but when it comes to the military, you'd clash. She'll never see what we see."

Only I wasn't seeking a future with the woman, just one night and one night only. "I'm wrong for Bobbi and you're all wrong for Mic."

Her eyes bulge almost comically and she drops the carrot. "I'm sorry, what?"

"You and Mic. Frankly, I don't know what you see in the guy." I'm sure he's a blast at frat parties and I may have been friends with him had Mic not honed onto Mac like a dog in heat.

"I'm not dating Mic."

"That's not what he said." In fact I had to walk away when he detailed their date. It was making me a little nauseous to think of his hands, his lips and any other part of him on her. I'd rather have my eyes gouged out.

"I'm not dating Mic." She insists and given her sudden irritability, I can tell it's true. "He took me out to dinner once to apologize. Then he took me home, saw me to the door and tried to kiss me. So, I introduced his face to my right hook."

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh."

That explains the black eye the following morning claimed by Mic to be an early morning fight with a man that tried to mug him. What an asshole.

She snatches an olive from the salad bowl and pops it in her mouth. "Let's agree not to assume anymore. We used to talk about almost everything, I want that back."

"I do too."