~ South of Denali National Park, Alaska - December 12, 1994 ~
Before meeting with my Denali cousins, I decided to hunt. It didn't matter to Garrett or I that frigid winds and snow ravaged the landscape of the Alaska tundra, but the extreme weather restricted the available animals. The largest of the native predators, the bears, had already been hibernating for a couple of months, but there were plenty of wolves. They were hungry too, just like us. Most of the wolves were smart enough to avoid Garrett and I, but a few desperate ones would come close. I was torn between making the easy kill on the ones that trailed us, and seeking out the ones that ran away. I hoped the illusion of a challenge would make their gamey blood a bit tastier for Garrett.
"If you're going to make me quench my thirst on mutts, at least lets make it interesting," Garrett said, breaking our silence.
I gave him a nod before we speed off in search of the wolves that wanted nothing to do with us.
Garrett's first foray into my vegetarian lifestyle had been amusing. I had suggested he try my way of hunting before meeting the Denalis. It would be more respectful of him if his last meal were not human. His eyes would still be red, but his smell would not remind them of what they had decided to abstain from.
As I expected, he was not too wild about the flavor. Wolf was gamey. However, he greatly enjoyed the actual hunt. Unlike humans, who were largely predictable, even for a non-mind reading vampire, the actions of predatory animals were not easily anticipated. Several times Garrett had lunged for a wolf only to have it dart off in a different direction. For a vampire, even the slightest challenge made the hunt worthwhile.
Afterwards, we both sat under the cover of a thicket of black spruce trees.
"Those wolves are crafty little creatures. If only humans offered such sport." Garrett mused.
"I think you would like bears. They taste much better. They are Emmett's favorite by far. Plus, in the spring, they are exceptionally ornery. No real match for us, but at least they try to put up a fight. Personally, I like the big cats. They're lithe and fast, and even more unpredictable than the wolves. And it doesn't hurt that their flavor is my favorite. Don't get me wrong though, the taste will never compare to a human's."
We spoke a bit more about my family's vegetarian lifestyle. After a long pause I decided to bring up a topic I had been interested in Garrett's input on.
"Garrett, what is you feeling on vampires having souls."
Garrett thought about my question for a moment. He had actually given the topic a fair amount of thought during his existence. For him it depended on the vampire in question. I really didn't need for him to vocalize on the topic as I had already seen his beliefs, but he wanted to discuss the subject and I was more than happy to oblige.
"I don't believe becoming what we are removes the soul from the person, Edward. I think it is what the person does, whether they are vampire or human, that defines the status of their soul. I also do not subscribe to the notion that our existence is founded on something evil. I believe that many millennia ago, the human path diverged…mutated. On this new path we evolved. Our existence is quintessential Darwinism. I suspect in the future the human or vampire path will diverge again and we will no longer be at the top of the food chain. History has proven this to always be the case."
I raised my brow over his decidedly modern and analytical response.
"What? Just because I choose to live a nomadic existence does not mean I am not well read on current theological and scientific theories." Images of Garrett breaking into various libraries to read the books were provided as evidence that the man before me was more than what he appeared. "Now I have one for you, Edward. You had mentioned that in you human life you wanted to be a solider."
"I did. If I had been old enough, I would have joined to fight in the Great War."
"Would it also be fair to say that you carry a lot of guilt regarding the human lives you took when you left your vegetarian ways?"
"I do." I hung my head, as there was really nothing more to say.
"Edward, I've spent my existence, both human and vampire, around war. Besides offering a plentiful bounty of feeding options, it has allowed me to observe the battle between good and evil played out thousands of ways. I have seen men killed both savagely and honorably. I have seen women and children slaughtered because soldiers were ordered to use them as human shields to protect cowardly officers. I have seen a single man give his life to save a squadron of twenty. I have also seen thousands of collateral deaths on both sides of a battlefield, all because each side would rather fight to the death instead of listening to reason. Each side of a war views the other as the evil one, however both sides commit the same brutalities and atrocities. Demons and saints...there isn't much of a difference between them, especially when both sides believe their fight is honorable or that God is with them. It all in one's own perception."
"I never thought of it in those terms before." I paused as his words took hold. His logic wasn't without its flaws, but I could see in his thoughts it wasn't about absolutes, but about intent. "I always considered the life of a soldier as an honorable one." I paused again as I thought about how easily I would have accepted murdering my enemy because he was willing to do the same to me. I knew I would not have harbored guilt for such an act. "You're right, I have seen it in their thoughts. Regardless of their loyalty, many believe they were acting justly. How can God punish one side of the battlefield but not the other if both sides feel their motivations and methods are righteous, not only in their own minds, but their god's as well?"
"Along those same lines of fairness, my friend, how could a person become damned just for being changed into a vampire? It is what you do that compromises or strengthens the soul. Think of your sire, Carlisle. He endeavors to be the best of men. Not the best human or the best vampire, just the best man he can be. No one without a good soul could do that."
Garrett paused and placed his hand on my shoulder.
"Likewise, Edward, your actions in Phoenix prove the existence of your soul…and that it is a good one. You struggle against our natural instincts and feed off animals. You allowed your singer to walk away unharmed, which I'm still amazed over! You have used your gift to rid the world of some truly horrific monsters. The murderous rapist in Phoenix, he was a true demon. You have saved countless lives and the needless suffering of their family and friends by your actions. Not only in Phoenix, but every time you stopped someone from committing those atrocities. Furthermore, someone damned, someone with a fouled soul, would never feel guilt like you do. You are not perfect, my friend, but perhaps you were given this life and your gifts for a reason. You have worked hard to control what you consider to be the monster inside you, but I don't think you will be able to relieve your burdens and find the peace you seek until you embrace the inherent good inside you as well."
Garrett's thoughts echoed his words. He truly believed we were a natural phenomenon, a simple byproduct of evolution. Likewise, he believed actions defined the goodness of a person. He reserved assigning damnation until the person ultimately left this earth. Just like Lady Justice and her scales, when you reached the very end of your existence, a judgment would be made. All acts, all intentions, all derived outcomes, all the lives changed or lost would be weighed. Those persons with a heart that is more good than bad will get rewarded. The others won't. It was just that simple for him.
Garrett never tried to fight his vampire nature. He embraced the demon and the soldier within him, balancing his natural needs against his own derived honor. He fed from humans, but overall most them were either dying on the battlefield or ones he deemed unworthy. He truly felt the scales would tip in his favor because of the choices he had made. I hoped, for his sake, that he was right.
Garrett unnecessarily cleared his throat. "All this talk has made me thirsty again." This time his thoughts betrayed him. He had said his peace. It would be up to me to ponder and analyze our conversation. His mind was set on the matter. Now he wanted to move on and meet the Denalis. "Lets have a go at some more wolves, then I believe it will be time for you introduce me to your cousins."