~ Denali Residence, Alaska - December 13, 1994 ~
Garrett's observation on our desire to behave as humans had been appropriate. Inside the Denali house we settled in the great room like a typical family of humans. A large stone fireplace dominated one wall. Inside it, a fire crackled and warmed the air. No one in attendance needed the heat, but we all appreciated the ambience it provided and how it made us seem normal.
Several hours passed as we engaged in small talk covering everything from how life had been in Denali to my solo adventures, including some of what happened in Phoenix. Carlisle and Alice had already given them an overview of what happened, so I choose not to elaborate on it beyond what they already were told.
Outside we heard the return of Kate and Garrett. Kate called out for the girls, who all looked to another before excusing themselves. Eleazar looked to me for an explanation. I listened to Kate's thoughts and smiled.
"It appears, Eleazar, that there will be some changes to our sleeping arrangements. Kate and Garrett are both moving into the guest cabin and I am being moved into the main house here."
Eleazar nodded. "I see. I need to ask you, Edward. Is he a good man? Kate deserves a good man."
"I have only spent a few weeks with him, but I believe that he is. As it seems he will be spending some time here, I will let him tell his stories."
"What about his diet, Edward? I appreciate him trying our lifestyle, but living it is much different. I don't want to loose Kate, but we can't put the humans around here at risk."
Thoughts of Carlisle and the lifestyle he introduced to Eleazar and Carmen floated through his mind. The toll of taking human lives still weighed heavily upon him. During his time with the Volturi the amount of lives lost had been staggering. He hadn't known of another way of surviving until Carlisle came along. He would, of course, allow Kate to choose her own path, but if she choose to follow Garrett's lifestyle, they would have to leave.
"I don't know, Eleazar. They have been engaged in more intimate pursuits." I pinched my brow, as I had no desire dwell on what I read in their thoughts. "As you know, a vampire will do anything for his mate. Jasper converted, maybe Garrett will as well. Too bad Carlisle is not here, he and Garrett have some history and Carlisle can be very persuasive."
"I know," Eleazar sighed. "I have never sensed any formal gift in Carlisle, but he is truly a unique vampire. His belief that we can rise above our base instincts is contagious. Besides finding my Carmen, his friendship and guidance has made this family and this home possible."
He was sad over the idea that he might lose Kate to Garrett's nomadic ways. However, my short time with Garrett taught me that he enjoyed being challenged. I suspected he would make a go of our lifestyle, especially if Kate wanted him too.
Tanya walked into the room shaking her head. A vision of Kate with wild, post-sex hair and a wide smile dominated her thoughts. "Kate would like to speak to you and Carmen, Eleazar, and I would like to have few words with my cousin."
With a nod, Eleazar excused himself, but not before mentally apologizing for leaving me alone with Tanya.
"Lets take a walk of our own, shall we?" Tanya asked, but she did not wait for an answer as she me pulled up and out of the house. "I found a place I think you will like," she cooed. "Lets go."
Tanya mind flashed to a stony ledge that overlooked a wooded valley with Mt. McKinley rising up in the distance.
"I'll be good. I promise. I just want to talk. Unless of course you would rather we do something other than talk?" An image of me lying naked on the forest floor with an equally naked Tanya astride me, writhing in pleasure assaulted my mind.
I closed my eyes and I shook my head.
"Sorry, being around Kate has got me worked up a bit." She spoke her apology aloud, but her thoughts told me she wasn't sorry at all. Tanya had never been shy about showing me what her desires were. She played out the scene a bit longer in her mind, before she focused on the view she wanted me to see. "Shall we go?"
I nodded and we both ran off into the forest.
After we arrived at Tanya's destination. We settled down on the stone ledge and looked out onto the valley below. We sat in silence for a while, before she finally spoke.
"I can't believe you met your singer in Phoenix." She looked closely at my eyes. "It's amazing, I don't see a hint of red in your eyes. The last time I slipped my eyes had a reddish tint for weeks."
"I didn't feed from her."
"What?" Tanya eyes were wide with astonishment. I shook my head. "Impossible! I've never heard of such a thing. Did Garrett stop you? I didn't realize he was that strong."
"He tried to stop me, but ultimately I just couldn't do it. My singer was a female child. At first I wanted to drain her, but as the moments passed, the need to protect her outweighed the bloodlust."
Tanya's thoughts went muddy as focused hard on a single leaf on a tree one hundred yards away from us. I knew over the years she had been practicing hiding from me. Her goal was to keep her seduction plans a secret. Alice could also occasionally do it as well, however Alice's way was to recite popular verses backwards and in some exotic tongue. Tanya's thoughts just became muffled as she focused intently on some object. I could grasp the tenor of her actual thoughts, but the detail was sketchy. Her blurred thoughts told me she was jealous, but nothing else. I couldn't help feeling a bit smug, because Garrett was jealous of my control as well.
"I see." was her only verbal response.
I quickly decided to change the subject.
"It looks like I lost a traveling companion, and you and Irina lost a single sister." Tanya pushed away her current thoughts and focused on the new direction of the conversation.
"I believe so, but I am happy for them. Funny, I always thought Irina would mate before Kate or I." Tanya paused for moment before taking my hand in hers. She thought briefly about my singer in Phoenix before gathering her resolve. "Why don't you stay awhile, Edward? I know we are not mates in the truest of ways, but I believe we can be very good for one another. I don't see that finding a companion and enjoying one another is a terrible alternative. Why can't vampires share closeness and intimacy without the mating bond? You don't have to be alone, Edward. We could both have each other."
I didn't know what to say. Normally Tanya's advances have always been sexual. But her thoughts were now much different. She envisioned us as a couple beyond the bedroom. She wanted us to be companions and lovers. Her idea did have a certain appeal to it. It was what I imagined when I thought of having a mate, but my feelings for her, at least romantically, would always be forced, if not faked. Plus, what happened in Phoenix changed me somehow. For the longest time I felt my lack of mate was because I was not worthy of one. A monster is not supposed to find happiness. However, after my talk with Garrett I was starting to believe maybe he could be right. Maybe I am worthy of the kind of happiness the mated couples in my family shared. Something in me was good enough to stop myself from killing the girl in Phoenix. Experiencing Garrett and Kate mating only reinforced that, maybe, there was someone out there for me. Perhaps, I could be worthy of such a gift.
Tanya waited patiently for my answer. She schooled herself not to think or feel anything, but it was easy to tell she was anxious and scared. It had been easy for me to turn down her sexual advances, but this was different. Tanya wanted this. She wanted an "us" beyond just the physical pleasures we could provide each other. Unlike my other rejections, this one would hurt more than her pride. For that reason alone I could almost agree to it, but I had to remember why I left my family to begin with. The path I took was for me. It was so I could grow and change…it was so I could find my own happily ever after. Entering into a relationship of convenience with Tanya was not the path I set out on. Ultimately, it would not be fair to her and it would not be fair to me.
"Tanya, I don't think I am capable sharing that kind of life with anyone but my mate. I love you, but as family. Look at what happened today with Kate. Someday, I hope that will happen for all of us. Maybe I have been around mated couples too much. A relationship of convenience may be okay for some, but I want the real thing. I think you do too."
Tanya let go of my hand and walked away from me. After a couple of steps, she turned around. She was not angry at my denial, but sad, and ultimately resigned to my decision. "You know, Edward. For someone that doesn't believe we have souls, you're putting an awful lot of stock in being able to find a soul mate."
"I think I may be seeing things differently."
"You mean after Phoenix."
"Yes, that's part of it. But this has been coming on for a while now. The trip up here, including what happened in Phoenix, just helped make things more clear."
Tanya turned away from me, her thoughts hazy again. "I hope you're right about there being a mate for all of us, Edward. After a thousand years, Kate found hers." She paused as her conversation with Kate was remembered. "She told me it was worth the wait. That she loved all of us, but nothing could compare to how complete she now feels."
"If it is any consolation Tanya, I did seriously consider your offer. It was very tempting. Thank you for wanting that with me."
Tanya never turned back towards me. She just nodded before she took off into the woods, leaving me with a final thought. "Maybe yours, Irina's and mine will be right around the corner too."