~ Rio de Janeiro, Brazil - January 1999 ~

The Volturi headed west so I went northeast, which was the direction Carlisle and Jasper's thoughts had come from. Once I was out of the city limits I picked up Jasper's thoughts.

"Let's meet in Serra dos Órgãos, Pedra do Sino."

I took off at full speed towards the destination. I knew the Serra dos Órgãos mountain range well; so it didn't take me long to travel forty or so miles. Once I reached the mountains, I scaled the tallest one, Pedra do Sino, quickly. Given my speed, it didn't surprise me that I had beat Jasper to the mountain, however I was surprised to find Carlisle waiting for me. I approached Carlisle at human speed. It had been over eleven years since I had seen him. Not terribly long in terms of vampire longevity, but still the longest any of the family had been away.

I stopped about ten feet from Carlisle. He had been seated on a rock, but he stood as I approached. "Hello, Carlisle. It's good to see you."

Less than a second later his arms surrounded me as he hugged me close. "Its good to see you too, Edward. It's been too long." After hearty squeeze he released me and motioned towards the rock he had been sitting on. "Let's sit and talk."

After we both sat, Carlisle took a deep and unnecessary breath before relaxing. "Jasper won't be joining us. He and Emmett are making sure Aro leaves without any issues."

"Emmett is here too?"

"Actually the entire family is here…well out at Isle Esme. We weren't going to make you go through this alone. But they have all agreed to remain and respect your wishes for space." Carlisle turned to look at me. "I wish I could've been more help today, but Alice saw that if came any closer, Demetri could have picked up my trail. As it was, Alice only gave me a couple of minutes I could be in the city. It was a last minute decision by Aro whether Demetri was going to be asked to stay for meeting or not. If he stayed, none of us would have been able to be in the city. And if I showed up at the church or if Demetri found me, the agreement you brokered would not have happened. Demetri has never met Jasper or Emmett so they could remain closer as his gift is more potent once he has met the vampire. In fact, it was key that Alice stay as far away as possible. If Aro learned of Alice's gift before the agreement was forged, he would most likely have stop at nothing to acquire her. Rosalie always ended up distracting Emmett, so she was forced to stay behind, and Esme stayed on the island to comfort Rosalie and Alice."

"So you wanted me to strike a deal with Aro? I don't understand."

"It's a bit complicated, but, yes, after reviewing Alice's visions, our family, you included, will be much better off and happy with the alliance you brokered with Aro. Jasper had a particularly hard time reconciling that the price of our freedom was to be linked with the Volturi, but currently there doesn't seem to be any other way."

Images of Alice's visions flashed through Carlisle's mind. Some of his thoughts were incomplete as he had purposely blocked me from seeing different aspects of the visions. However, I could tell that it was done out of love and not any other emotion. He wanted me to have the opportunity to experience my future without too much intervention.

Some of the scenes ended terribly. Whether it was years, decades, or centuries into the future, eventually Aro's jealously and lust for power would cause him to forcibly break apart the family, often with unspeakable deaths on both sides.

Other scenarios showed Jasper and Alice leaving the family, and in some, they joined the Volturi to keep Aro from harming the rest of us.

The only scenario that did not end in the loss of one our family was created with this deal. Some of the tasks Aro would ask our assistance on would be hard live with, but ultimately the three mated couples in the family would stay together and they would be happy. Additionally, Aro's power lust would be indulged, as further alliances with other covens would be formed.

The downside of the scenario Carlisle dwelled upon was that he refused to let me see any of my future. His thoughts seemed a bit sad, yet hopeful, but I could not see what actually would become of me. I also found out that this is the real reason Jasper and Emmett were not at this meeting. Neither one of them would've been able to keep me from seeing my future in Alice's visions. She was adamant that I not see beyond this meeting.

"I want to tell you, Edward, how proud I am of you. You handled Aro masterfully. I was beyond surprised when Alice relayed her vision to us of you meeting Aro in Lima. I guess I always suspected that Eleazar was still involved with the Volturi. No one, except for Eleazar, has ever been allowed to leave the service of the Volturi. It now makes sense. If Aro wanted to keep his access to Eleazar's special gift he needed to bend and allow him to leave, as Eleazar would have fought for his and Carmen's release. You deftly choose the only course that kept you out of the Guard and still alive. If you did not include the family in your agreement…well I'll just say that eventually Aro would have found ways to break up our family. Given my history with the Volturi, I would not have been able to reason as convincingly or as astutely as you did. Aro would have used the vulnerabilities of my life against me during the negotiations." I could see in his thoughts that the vulnerabilities he spoke of were his love for Esme and the rest of our family, as well as his deep-seated need to just seek a peaceful means to conflicts. "You have been able to gift us all with a future free of Volturi interference, except for the occasional service that is to be rendered. A small, and easily paid, price to keep all of us together."

Carlisle thought through the family's reaction to the deal. Esme, Alice, and surprisingly, Rosalie were all for the agreement. Emmett wasn't afraid of fighting the Volturi, but he could appreciate the guarantee of Rose and the family being safe. Jasper was, and never will be, comfortable with aligning ourselves with the "Italian tyrants", but he recognized that it was the best strategy.

Carlisle and I sat for while as I soaked in his thoughts and his words. I never really gave much thought to how our long term future could have been impacted by the Volturi's need to collect powerful vampires and break up covens that posed a threat, even if it was just a perceived threat, to their rule. I didn't set out to change the course of our family history with my deal with Aro, and I shuddered to think what the potential conflicts between our covens would have brought upon our lives. The idea of my family members being destroyed, as well as Alice, Jasper, and I donning Volturi cloaks and having red eyes, was very disturbing. I was beyond glad I was able to stop it, not only for myself, but also for the entire family. It felt good to contribute something of value.

Carlisle broke our silence. "I've really missed you, Edward. Things just haven't been the same without you at home. However, after seeing the man you have become this past decade, I can see that you seeking out your own path was worthwhile. Esme and I, along with the rest of the family, hope you find what you are missing. We want you to come home, but more importantly we want you to be happy."

"Thank you, Carlisle. I have missed you all as well. On more than a few occasions I have considered coming back home, but I haven't found what I am looking for yet."

"You mean a mate?"

"Yes, but also some understanding and peace with my existence. I have been staying away for a lot of reasons. Being alone in a family of mated vampires is just one of them."

"I'm sorry we weren't more respectful to you with regards to our intimacy. Rose feels terrible about what she said that day. She has changed in many ways since you left."

Carlisle's mind drifted through a few memories of Rosalie after I left. Some were cut off deliberately, but others were played out. Jasper's and Rose's early fights were epic. I had to suppress a snicker at one memory of Jasper tossing Rose through the outside wall of the Syracuse house after she pushed one too many of his buttons. However, it was the last set of memories Carlisle revealed that made my heart ache.

It started with Esme telling the other family members to clear out of the house. She wanted to have a woman-to-woman talk with Rose after she learned that earlier in the day Rose had deliberately given a girl at school a paper cut to taunt and torture Jasper who hadn't hunted in over a week.

"I don't have to listen to this!" Rose screamed. There was a crash and a sound of what appeared to be a vampire body being slammed against a wall.

"You will listen to me!" Esme roared. "I am tired of this! Ever since your change, you have acted like a selfish brat. I am truly sorry for the final hours of your human life. No one should have to go through the terror, degradation, and pain Royce and his friends put you through. I know a bit about that kind of abuse myself. I supported Carlisle changing you then, and I am still grateful for it today, but even I have my limits. You claim to hate this life, and offer up as a defense the night you died and all the human things you have been robbed of by Royce...and by Carlisle. Yet, you begged Carlisle to change Emmett...you begged Carlisle to bring him into this life you claim to hate. That's a bit hypocritical, don't you think?"

"I…" Rose interrupted

"I'm and not done yet!" Esme hollered back followed by another crash. "For over sixty years you have taunted, groused, and selfishly ridiculed every member of this family, all in the name of how wronged and miserable you are. Yet, you spend untold hours glowing in the love and intimacy of your mate. A mate you would have never had if Carlisle left you for dead like Royce did. A mate you would have never had if you didn't ask to have him changed. You punished Royce and the men who wronged you. They deserved everything they got. But do we, your family, deserve to be punished? For decades you goaded Edward. You joyously preyed upon his insecurities and loneliness. Also, you made sure that rarely a day would go by that Carlisle wasn't made to feel a heavy burden of guilt over his decision to change you. To both of them, you have been calculating and vicious in your attacks. Jasper, to his credit, refuses to allow you to get away with it. However, what if Jasper would've harmed, or even killed that girl today? Her innocent blood would've been on your hands as much as his!" Esme paused while Rose remained silent. "I wanted to speak to you alone to tell you it stops today! I love you as a daughter. I love Emmett as a son. But I will no longer tolerate you purposely hurting the other people I love."

"What are you saying?"

"I am saying you need to let go of the anger and hate you have allowed to poison who you are. Instead of lamenting what you've lost, celebrate what you've gained. A loving mate and husband. A family that values and adores you. And a forever to enjoy both."

"What if I can't, or don't want to let go of my anger."

"It pains me to say it, but then you need to remove yourself from this family until you do. I'm going to find Carlisle, Alice and Jasper and go for a hunt. We will be back tomorrow. If you're here tomorrow when we return it means you want to start anew. If you can't or are unwilling to change, then I want you to leave. The choice is yours."

Carlisle sighed. "That was the most unsatisfying hunt of my life. Alice's gift was of no use because Rose couldn't make up her mind what to do. She didn't know how to let go. However, somehow she did. Her change wasn't instant or without a few setbacks, but she seems genuinely happy now. I am proud of the woman she has become. The only one she hasn't been able to reconcile with has been you, and that bothers her greatly."

"Carlisle, please tell her she has nothing to feel guilty about. Rose's remarks and taunts did hurt, but they have been said in the past. I am truly happy for her. My leaving was always about something more than Rose's snide remarks that day. Ever since my change I have wrestled with what I am. I am not saying this to make you feel bad. Part of me is starting to appreciate the life you gave me. However, another part of myself still loathes what I am. Like Rose, I just don't know how to let go. The morality, and the unchristian nature of what our vampire instincts asks of us, weighs on me heavily. The only thing I am sure of is that being on my own is what I need until I can be truly happy with myself…if I ever can be."

"I understand, Edward. Let me show you something that I should have allowed you to see a long time ago." I could hear the sadness in his voice and his thoughts.

Carlisle sighed before recalling his memories. Many of the mental images he provided me were ones he never allowed himself to dwell on, either in my presence or privately. They included him as a newborn struggling with what he had become, as well as numerous instances where he was angry and his faith in God challenged. I had never known that at one time he despised himself. His views were very much like my own. No single event changed this perception, but rather over several decades he reconciled what he had become with the type of man he yearned to be. At one time he believed, as I did, that his soul was damned, but eventually he came to feel otherwise. Now, his renewed faith in God, and his love for our family, help drive him to do his best everyday.

"I'm sorry I never shared that with you previously, Edward. I didn't want to plant the seed of doubt or abhorrence in you or any of our family. I can now see I was wrong not be forthcoming with you and others that I once struggled greatly with what we are. I wanted to appear strong, and I am, still to this day, ashamed of my lack of faith during that time. My vanity never wanted you, or the others, to see my weaknesses. For over a hundred years I barely even allowed myself to acknowledge that period of my existence."

The images I saw were shocking. For as long as I had known Carlisle he had been a pillar of strength and compassion. To see him nearly broken by his own doubts and revulsion was surreal…and encouraging. Perhaps my struggles were not as hopeless as I once thought.

"Thank you, Carlisle. It means a lot me to that you would share those memories. To be honest, the old me would have shrugged them off, claiming that they could not possible relate to me. However, now you have given me plenty to ponder and consider."

Carlisle placed his hand on my shoulder as a sign of acceptance and understanding. "I guess that is all I can ask for."