Chapter Four:

Of Decisions and Friendships

Wind whipped through Remus' hair like a constant array of bullets. Rain poured down upon him, causing his robes to heavily weigh him down as he walked the Hogwarts grounds. Remus didn't notice any of these things, though, he was to lost in his own thoughts. Even if he had noticed, you could bet that he wouldn't care; not when he had a huge decision to make.

Steadily, he climbed, making his way towards the quidditch pitch stands. He knew that was the last place (if his friends even considered it a place) he would be. The echo of a whistle in the distance warned him of a team practice, but one glance told him that the player's zooming above him were the Ravenclaw team.

What he didn't notice however, until far too late, was that Sirius was on the bleachers and was now making his way towards him.

Remus wondered if he had enough time to walk away and just pretend that he didn't see the dog Animagi, when his friends hand touched his shoulder. "Remus, what on earth are you doing out here! Look at you, you're completely soaked!"

"I came out here to think!" Remus screamed towards him, the wind blocking out most of his words even though they were no more than two feet apart.

Sirius pulled long wet strands of his black hair out of his eyes, and squinted towards Remus. "What is there to think about!"

"What was that about trout?" At Sirius' confused look Remus grabbed his friends sleeve, and dragged him under the bleachers. The pitter patter of the raindrops on the tarp was still deafening to the ears, but at least they were no longer getting pelted by the wind and ice cold rain. Muttering a drying spell on their clothes, the two boys sighed in relief at the sudden dryness it provided. Sirius leaned down and shook the rain from his hair, before throwing his head back and tying his hair away from his face. "Rem, what is there to think about?"

"Nothing," Remus said defiantly, rain droplets running down the length of his face. Sirius glared at his friend and folded his arms across his chest.

"Lies."

Remus sighed and sat down at his friends feet. With his hands placed firmly on the ground behind his back, Remus leaned so that he had a perfect view of Sirius from his seat. "Why should I tell you?"

"Because you are my best friend, and we always tell each other everything." It was a simple answer, probably the same exact one he would have given had the situation been reversed.

"I am not your best friend, James is." Remus recognized the shimmer of determination in Sirius' eyes, and knew he could reel the boy into a argument.

"Fine, you are my second best friend."

"Oh. You think I am going to tell you now, after you tell me I am only your second best friend?"

"Remus!" Sirius' voice was final. He wanted answers, and he refused to stop until he got what he wanted.

Remus sighed, defeated. "Fine!"

"Don't you curse at me, Remus John Lupin!"

Remus looked up incredulously, "when did I curse at you!"

"You said fine!"

"Yeah so?"

"Fine doesn't mean fine. Fine means fuck you!"

"What the hell are you talking about!"

"I..." Sirius paused for a moment trying to think about what his point had been, "I don't know!"

Remus chuckled, "Then shut up and let me tell you!"

Sticking out his tongue, Sirius plopped down onto the floor beside Remus. "Fine!"

"Fuck you too!"

Remus and Sirius burst into uncontrollable laughter, their faces turning red. Taking a few calming breaths, the boys calmed down and the atmosphere turned serious. Sirius moved so he was in front of Remus, and studied his friend's face.

Remus looked exhausted, as if he didn't get any sleep the night before. Remus' normally sparkling eyes were red, puffy and seemingly clouded. In short, Remus did not look good. "Remus, be straight up with me, what's going on? You know I will help you out, no matter the situation."

Remus rubbed his left arm where a small tattoo laid. The image was black and white, a wolf surrounded by a dog, rat and stag. It was something the Marauder's had all gotten the summer before; a symbol of the loyalty, strength and love they had for each other. "Sirius, what would you do if someone gave you a choice between something that could potentially save your life, or at least make it a bit more comfortable, and being loyal to a friend."

Sirius sighed, suddenly feeling the gravity of the situation Remus could be involved in. "Honestly?" Remus nodded his head.

"It would depend on the situation as a whole."

Remus' perked up at that, "so you mean there are situations where breaking a friends loyalty is ok?"

Sirius shook his head, "no. It is never ok to break a friends loyalty. All I am saying is there are situations in which it is impossible to avoid it, and thus, are forgivable."

"Ah," Remus paused to collect his thoughts, unsure of how to ask the next question. "How do you know?"

Sirius shrugged one shoulder, "you don't." Sirius cocked his head to to the side, "you just do what you feel is necessary and hope that you made the right decision."

Remus grabbed a rock beside his foot and flung it across their shelter. The rock hit a abandoned bucket in the corner before disappearing out of sight. "So that's it, eh?" Remus stood up and slammed his fist against a foundation pole holding up the bleachers. The pole shook, and dust flew from the pole and the ceiling above, covering them. "I make a decision and hope that it doesn't get me killed or lose all my friends?"

"Remus what the hell is going on?" Sirius jumped to his feet, and grabbed Remus by his shoulders, gripping him tightly. "Remus, look at me." Sirius shook his friend, and finally Remus relented, looking up at his friend through tear-filled, blurry eyes. Sirius swallowed hard, unable to take his eyes off the desperate, scared, hopeless ones gazing up at him. "Rem..."

Sobs that Remus had been holding began to bubble to the surface, and he pushed his face into Sirius' shoulder so he could not see his face. "Remus, shh it's ok."

"Please," Remus choked out. "Whatever happens, please promise me you won't abandon me."

"Of course not!" Sirius rubbed the back of Remus' head comfortably, pulling Remus closer when he felt the boy's hands clutch to his shirt. "You are my brother, I could never abandon you."

Remus laughed, half in relief, half in disbelief. Taking a shuddering breath, Remus took a step away from Sirius and wiped his face with the sleeve of his robes. "I'm sorry."

Sirius shook his head, "don't be ridiculous, nothing to apologize for."

Remus smirked, "I cried all over your robes, they'll be ruined."

Sirius shrugged, "that's ok. They've been cried on so many times, I doubt a few more will make a difference."

Remus chuckled darkly, "I suppose not." The rain had stopped and the lack of shouting and whistles let them know the Ravenclaw practice was over. Remus moved his head towards the grounds, "it's getting late. We better hurry if we want to make it to dinner."

Sirius nodded and followed Remus into the cold wet grounds, "are you going to tell me what is going on with you Remus?"

Remus placed his hands in his pocket and grimaced, "I think I will after I made a decision."

Sirius opened his mouth to protest, but shut his mouth when his companion shook his head. "It's just something I have to decide for on my own, and if I get anymore advice... well it would sway my decision, and I can't have that."

Sirius nodded and cleared his throat, pausing when they reached the front doors of the castle. "If it helps, you are a good person Remus. And I know you would never do anything to purposely hurt any of us, at least not without a good reason."

"Thanks Sirius, I appreciate that." Remus pulled open the front doors of the castle, and followed Sirius in. White noise chatter met their ears, and the two boys fought through the crowd of first and second years who had begun filing into the Great Hall, stopping halfway down the Hall greeting their friends.

James shifted to make room for Remus, while Sirius crawled under the table and came up on the other side, sitting next to Peter. James grabbed Remus' plate and put a spoonful of potatoes on his plate before handing it back, and mimicking the movement to the others. "Where were you guys?"

Remus shrugged, "here and there." Smiling thanks to Peter who passed him the chicken, Remus shot a warning look at Sirius. "I just needed to get some air, I met Padfoot on my way back to the castle." Leaning towards Peter, Remus placed a hand beside the boys ear and whispered, "he was giving out Prongs' secret moves to the Ravenclaw team."

"What?" James yelled, "I'll kill you!"

Remus pulled on James' robes before he attacked Sirius, "it was a joke, Prongs. You know, a haha?"

James pouted, "your haha's are not haha worthy Moony."

"Psh, bitch please! My haha's can beat out your haha's any day."

"Yeah well... you're a blahblahblah!"

Remus rolled his eyes, and turned to his baked chicken that was waiting for him on his plate, while Sirius dragged James and Peter into a discussion as to what their next plan of action was to win over the girls, leaving Remus free to scan the Hall. Remus' eyes paused when he caught sight of Tonks' hair and couldn't help but smile warmly in her direction. He hadn't seen much of her during the day, and the reason was now obvious. Tonks, from the looks of it, had made friends with Lily Evans and her group. He couldn't help but smile widely as the girls all laughed merrily together as if they had all known each other for years. Remus turned his attention back to his friends, when the movement of James standing up from his seat caught his eye.

"Where on earth are you guys going?"

Sirius and Peter grinned at their friend, "we are going to woo our women!"

Remus gave them a look of disdain, and a halfhearted thumbs up, "good luck." When the boys turned their backs, Remus performed a quick protection spell on them, to protect them from any potential wrath the girls may invoke.

Sirius was the first to go. He didn't automatically do something drastic like pop out of her porridge so Remus took that as a sign that he at least learns from his mistakes. Sirius handed Marlene a bouquet of flowers, blue and pink, her favourite colours. She looked pleasantly surprised, and her eyes lit up brightly when small fireworks burst out and spelled, would you go out with me?, in small flashing lights. She was even about to accept, much to Remus' relief, when Sirius did the unthinkable. He groped Marlene.

The slap sounded through the entire Hall, causing everyone to pause and look up from what they were doing towards the group. Sirius held his hand against the throbbing redness on his cheek. "Sirius Black, you are a pig!" Marlene threw the flowers at Sirius and turned back to her friends, ignoring the eyes of those in the Hall.

James lost his stream and pushed Peter ahead of him. Peter bit his lip and looked down sheepishly, "Dor... Dorcas?"

Dorcas turned towards him, about to yell at him and tell him to leave her alone, when she saw how nervous and frightened he looked. "What is it, Pettigrew?"

"Dorcas... I was wondering, if maybe, possibly, you would like to accompany my friends and I... I mean if you would like to... if you would like to come to our picnic..." Peter sighed, "never mind..."

Dorcas smiled softly at Peter, who had turned away from her and was now walking back to Remus. "Peter?" Peter turned back towards her, his face questioning, confused as to what she could possibly want. "I would love to accompany you to your picnic." Peter's face lit up like New York City in the evening, "But only if you promise not to grope me like Black."

"I think I can arrange that."

Dorcas winked at Peter, "then it's a date."

Remus laughed as Peter turned and looked at him in disbelief, "d-did I?" Remus grinned and nodded, chuckling as his friend started dancing around in his spot. "I did it, I did it!"

James and Sirius plopped down in their seats and watched as Peter did his happy dance in the middle of the Hall. They tried to look annoyed, but neither could keep up the act long when Peter looked so happy and proud of himself. "Yeah, yeah shake my booty. I did it, I did it!" Peter moved his hips around in a circle, as his head bobbed, and arms moved happily from side to side over his head.

"Come on, Wormy! Dinner's almost over, sit down and eat already." Peter pouted at James and sat down beside Remus, how was still chuckling at his friends display.

"I have that little dance of yours in my head, Peter. Remind me to put it in a pensive and show you sometime, cause man that was priceless." Peter rolled his eyes at James and began stuffing his dinner into his mouth.

"I can't believe the person that can't eat with his mouth closed got a date and we couldn't." Sirius complained, throwing his fork on his empty plate as he watched Peter devour his food. A look of mild disgust gracing his handsome features, as he tutted at the boy.

"Technically, seeing as I didn't ask Evans, I didn't get rejected, so I still have a chance." James pushed his plate away and placed his elbows on the table, "you on the other hand. You were so close... then you groped her."

"Seriously, what on earth is wrong with you?" Remus asked, shaking his head towards Sirius.

Sirius shrugged uncaring, "I just see something grabable and I grab it."

"You are a pig, seriously at times, you have the most atrocious behavior, you know that?"

"This is coming from a guy afraid to tell a girl how he feels."

Remus rolled his eyes, standing up as the bell signaling the end of dinner rang. "I am not afraid, I just like to be ..." Sirius glared at his friend, his head turning to see what had caused Remus to stop speaking so suddenly. Anger filled his veins as his eyes landed on Snape. Turning to Remus to tell him not to let Snivellus bother him, he noticed that Remus and Snape seemed to be having a silent conversation with one another. Remus gave a ever so slight nod before turning and walking into Sirius. "Sorry... Hey what's the matter?"

James and Peter were already waiting for them at the doors, so Sirius gripped his friends arm and looked him straight in the eye, having no fear that they could be overheard. "What is going on between you and Snape?"

Remus looked at Sirius as if he had gone insane and pulled his arm out of his friends grasp, "what are you going on about now, are you insane?"

Sirius nodded, "probably. But I am not blind. I saw that exchange just now between you and Snivellus. Remus if he is hurting you in anyway, just tell us. We can help you."

Remus shook his head, "don't you get it Sirius? You can't help me, this is my decision."

"What is your decision?" Sirius asked him, frustrated at the evasive answers his friend was giving him.

Remus closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "just leave it ok?"

Sirius shook his head, "no. You are my friend, I can't just leave something that is causing you pain. I certainly can't leave something that has you involved with a possible future maniac."

"Sirius I-," Remus was cut off by their friends impatient calls from across the hall. "listen we have to go, can we please talk about this later?"

Sirius folded his arms, and nodded his head. "We will talk about this, Remus." Remus' eyes shot to James and Peter who were now making 'come on' gestures. Sirius shook his head catching his meaning. "I won't tell them unless I feel you are in danger. Can't expect me to keep it from them if you are."

"Yeah.." Remus and Sirius slowly made their way back to their friends. Seeing his friends in front of him and Sirius watching him carefully at his side, Remus nodded to himself. He had made a decision, and for better or worse, he was going to go through with it.

o0o

Tonks' footsteps echoed loudly through the empty corridors, her thoughts on the poem that she had found on the floor of the library one day prior. She smiled as the words she memorized replayed themselves over and over in her mind, causing her to not be able to think of anything else. Remus liked her. Her! Nymphadora Tonks! It was like a weird dream... wait... wasn't it a bit weird?

Tonks stopped and pondered the thought for a moment. Technically, Remus was about twenty nine in her time, making him a whomping twelve years older than she. Illegal in most parts of the Wizarding World. That was just it though, they were no longer in her time. Here, they were almost around the same age, the age difference between them was now quite respectable. Tonks shook her head, just thinking about it hurt her brain. What he had was probably just a little crush, that's all. It would go away as soon as the next cute girl came along.

Even to her that seemed stupid, and she was in disbelief of the whole thing. The question she was avoiding was, does she have feelings for him? If she was completely honest with herself, yes she did. Thinking back on it, the first day she stumbled upon him and held his hand on the Hogwarts grounds, and that insane Potions' class that ended with her covered in goo, that she was still trying to get out of her hair, had to be the most fun she had ever spent at Hogwarts. It wasn't the hand holding or the goo, that happened on a daily basis. No, the one factor that changed was Remus. Remus was what made those activities fun.

"Huh, what do you know."

Tonks turned the corner of the corridor and tripping over the boy sitting on the floor against the wall. "Hey, are you... Snape!" Tonks pulled her hand that she had offered away and glared at Snape in disgust. "You bastard! What the hell are you doing sitting here in the freaking corridors?"

"Bastard? Don't you think that is a bit harsh, I mean I don't even know you." Snape looked up at her, his eyes dark, sinister in the dimly lit corridors.

Tonks glared at him, her hands began to hake with anger. "How could you..."

"I haven't done anything."

"How could you do that to Remus?"

"What are you running your mouth off about?"

"How could you play with Remus' feelings, his loyalty to James!" Tears fell from her eyes from the frustration she felt, and she panted, her breath coming out in small clouds from the cold in dungeon corridor. The anger she felt from the night before was coming back in droves, she couldn't seem to stop the heavy stream of emotion that was running through her body. "Lily and James die in a few years. How can you just rip the Marauder's apart like that, when they haven't a lot of time left together!" Tonks slammed her hand over her mouth, her eyes widening in realization in what she just revealed to him.

Snape glared into her eyes, sparks of confusion shining in his black ones. "What did you just say?"

"Nothing," she lied quickly.

Snape stood up, and placed his hands at either side of her head, on the cold stone walls. "You're lying."

"What is it to you what I said?"

"Because what you just claimed is that Lily, and that pompous fool James Potter die in a few years."

Tonks froze. Recovering quickly, she placed her hands behind her back and gave him a sickly smile. "I did? I don't have any recollection of that."

Footstep echoing through the corridors warned them of students heading their way. Snape leaned close, his breath feathering across her face and neck as he whispered into her hair. "I have no idea who you are, and if I am perfectly honest I really don't care. What I care about is that you seem to be under the assumption that Lily will be dead in a few years."

Tonks raised her eyebrows, "I say weird things when I have greasy smelly idiots yelling in my face. Last I checked there wasn't a law against that."

Snape growled, "don't mess with me Broer, because you will not win."

Tonks moved her fingers in front of her face, "ooh spooky."

Snape chose to ignore her, and just continued as if she had said nothing. "And as for your little wolf friend, I am not doing anything, it is his decision. If he breaks the loyalty of his friends just for some stupid potion, then that is his prerogative. As long as I get what I want, I don't give a rats ass as to what happens to the little freak."

The slap had come so sudden, that Tonks didn't realize that she had been the one to deliver the blow. "You greasy git!" Snape stood back from her, and drew his wand about to curse her when Slughorn's voice sounded from around the corner.

"Severus, is that you?" Snape slid his wand back into his robe, as Slughorn rounded the corner. "I have been looking for you everywhere, boy! You are supposed to be assisting me in my office."

Snape glared at Tonks before picking up his things and smiling sweetly at Slughorn, "sorry, Professor. I was just studying with Brooke-lynn."

"Yes, yes, that is all well and good, but I need your help now." Tonks made a face at Slughorn, but secretly she was glad he had come when he did. Who know what Snape would have done to her if he hadn't.

"Night Broer."

"I enjoyed our study session, we should do it again, Snape."

Snape sneered at her, "I look forward to it." Snape turned his heel and followed Slughorn to hid classroom, leaving Tonks alone in the corridor breathing a sigh of relief.

Feeling suddenly unnerved, Tonks ran down the corridor to the secret portrait that had a tunnel leading to the seventh floor. She needed to get back to her room, she needed to be alone. "Tickle me pink!" Tonks gasped to the Fat Lady, who merely looked at her bored before allowing her entrance into the common room. After stopping to exchange pleasantries with Lily and her friends, Tonks snuck up the stairs, stopping momentarily in front of the seventh year boys dorm in thought. "Nympha?"

"Eek!" Strong arms wrapped around her waist to keep her from falling in her scare.

"Shh! It's just me, Remus." Tonks sighed, and leaned back into his chest, smiling when she felt his arms tighten around her. "Sorry, I gave you quite a scare... are you all right?"

"Yeah."

"Who where you looking for?" Remus asked, letting go of her. One hand went to his pocket, while the other ran through his hair, moving his bangs from his eyes.

"Oh erm..." Tonks bit her lip, "no one. I just got a bit distracted is all."

"Ah," Remus looked down disappointed. "Well I was looking for you."

A gentle smile crossed Tonks' face, "really? What for?"

Remus shrugged, "I just wanted to have a conversion that didn't involve sex, naked girls, chocolate, or pranks."

Tonks playfully pouted and crossed her arms, "but those are the only subjects worth talking about! Like, what else would we talk about?"

"Naked guys?" Remus suggested, and eyebrow arched.

Tonks laughed, and nodded towards her room. "let's go. But speaking of naked guys, Severus Snape has a lovely bum." Tonks bit her lip trying not to burst out laughing at the repulsed look on Remus' face, and raced up the stairs to her room. Saying the password, she threw her door opened and plopped down on her bed.

Remus looked into her room, standing awkwardly at the door. "Come in! The room won't hurt you."

Remus took a cautious step into her room and the door slammed shut behind him, causing him to jump at the noise. Tonks bounced on her bed, "Remus, come sit on my bed with me. Then you can explain to me, why you were looking for me."

Slowly, cautiously, Remus made his way to her bed, as if afraid it would blow up at any moment. A small smile spread across his face when he reached the bed and sat upon it. Nothing had happened. Well not nothing. Tonks poked him in the ribs about to inquire about why he was acting weird, when he giggled. Tonks found the sound intriguing so she poked him again, which elicited another giggle from the boy beside her.

Grinning evilly, Tonks leaned over him and began to shower his sides with pokes of her small fingers until he was gasping for breath under her. "Tonks.. please.. god oh that tickles... don't! He squealed, his body moving violently under her, trying to get away from the poking fingers.

Remus connected his legs with hers, and used his strength to turn them over so that he was above her. Tonks gasped, her fingers twitching nervously as she say the mischievous gleam in his amber eyes. Remus sucked in his breath when he caught sight of her eyes, suddenly he felt mesmerized., unable to move. "Remus." Tonks pushed herself up onto her elbows so that their faces were just an inch or so apart, she could feel his breath on her face, which in comparison to Snape's breath early, was pure heaven.

Remus' face moved closer to her, and Tonks felt compelled to follow his example. His lips gently brushed against hers, and she felt as if sheer electricity was flowing through her veins. Tap Tap Tap! "Shite," Remus cursed under his breath and quickly rolled over onto the bed freeing her from under his body.

Tonks, red-faced, jumped from the bed and flung open her window. An owl that reminded her too much of the slime ball Snape glared ruefully at her. Tonks took the small piece of parchment from the bird threw it a piece of bread she had saved from dinner before shutting the window. Not even bothering to look at the note, Tonks threw it onto her desk before joining Remus back on her bed.

"Who was that from?" Remus asked, his head was propped up on her pillows and he looked quite content to stay there.

Tonks merely shrugged, and crawled next to him, laying against the two free pillows beside him. "Dunno, I didn't bother to look." Remus nodded, and the room grew silent, the only thing being heard was their even breathing. "Remus?"

"Hmm?"

"You should do what is best for you."

Remus turned his face towards her, "what are you talking about?"

"Just think you don't do what is best for you all the time. You do what is best for others all the time, but never what is best for yourself." Tonks smiled sweetly at him, "that's merely my opinion though. Whether you choose what is best for you or not, I'd be there for you either way to help you deal with the consequences."

Remus chuckled and placed his head on her shoulder, "I haven't a clue as to what you are talking about, but thanks I guess."

Tonks placed her head on top of his, and closed her eyes. Suddenly she felt very sleepy. "Anytime."

They fell into silence, and soon they both fell into a peaceful sleep. The note that had been on her desk, fell off, pushed from a gentle wind. The note fell to the floor, ten bold words stood on in stalk contrast to the parchment it was written on. No one is safe as long as you are here.

o0o

It was eleven fifty when Remus finally forced himself to leave a slumbering Tonks in her room. He had made his decision and needed to tell Snape to his face, whether the boy wanted him too or not. Using James' invisibility cloak that he had borrowed from his friend earlier that day, Remus snuck out of the portrait hole into the freezing corridors of the castle. Using the portrait of Pompero Seveato, an ancient wizard alchemist no one cared about, Remus raced to the dungeons. He knew that Snape wouldn't be in the common room, and instead went towards the kitchens making a sharp left at the suit of armor that stood ten feet from the kitchen entrance. Coming to a brick wall, Remus tapped the brick that was a foot above his head, then one two to it's left, tenth one down from that and then tapped one, two bricks to the right. Stepping back, the bricks began to move into a small archway that lead him into a small clubhouse. It was something that Snape and Lily had made when they had first arrived at Hogwarts.

It was supposed to be secret, but with the Marauders around, it was impossible to keep secrets, such as awesome hidden rooms, secret for long. Sure enough, in the middle of the room sitting on an emerald push chair was Severus Snape. His back was to Remus and he was hunched over, so Remus was unable to see what he was doing.

Remus paused cautiously at the door, Snape was known as the 'attack now as questions later' kind of guy, and Remus really didn't fancy a visit to the hospital wing. Remus cleared his throat and walked into the room.

"Well?" Snape asked, not bothering to turn to look at him or stop what he was doing.

"Snape I..."

To Be Continued...

Next time on Amber Sheets:

Once, silence meant lack of words
Winter came once a year
I ran, red-cheeked
Each year's first larks

Ears peaked to catch each song's welcome sound
I smiled, unaware of natures cycles

A scrap of confusion
Whirling in a torrent of sorrow and torment I could not understand

That smile, teeth flickering, is now my past
I craved acceptance, too stubborn to see
I would never be accepted again

Here I am, wounds ripped open
Laying down in the pale glow
Half of my destruction

In mind, replaced the moon and stars with candles
Crimson and grey
As I drown and yesterday fades
Through my growls
I hate what I have become

I knew joy
I was just a boy

Remus follows through with his decision. After a disastrous transformation he falls into a terrible depression, and the only one who is able to pull him out is Tonks.