Previously on Amber Sheets

Remus paused cautiously at the door, Snape was known as the 'attack now as questions later' kind of guy, and Remus really didn't fancy a visit to the hospital wing. Remus cleared his throat and walked into the room.

"Well?" Snape asked, not bothering to turn to look at him or stop what he was doing.

"Snape I..."

Chapter Five

Of Friendships, Love and Disloyalty

Remus vomited violently, and stumbled limply to the floor of the Shrieking shack. Wood and other debris was scattered all about the room, scratches were etched deeply into the seemingly flimsy wooden walls. Remus choked, his throat was swelling and felt uncomfortably clogged. His chest was beginning to bulge, looking unnaturally contorted, disfigured. Remus couldn't even scream, it was like an allergic reaction, his throat had completely cut off its airway.

His throat was assailed by painful spasms, his vision blurred. Remus' swelled wrists, had began to develop an unsightly rash on his sensitive skin. The bite on his shoulder began to glow and throb violently as Remus began to slip in and out of consciousness. Heat, a sudden grueling warmth, interrogated his fever. His abdomen cramped and heaved, nauseously he coughed. His heart was beating quite irregularly even for a transformation, and Remus wheezed, trying without success to breathe through his nose.

The blood curdling smell of his own vomit made the acerbic substance develop once again in his mouth. He coughed it up, and wasn't a bit surprised to see blood in it. Remus began to thrash violently, feeling disoriented.

Remus' face was distorted in a terribly contorted grimace. Sweat layered his clammy skin. Faint sullen hairs sprouted from his open pores. His jaw extended unnaturally, looking strained and stressed.

Instead of screaming, Remus felt the small amount of air that he had been getting get abruptly cut off, his throat completely closing off. With one last gasp, his hands reflexively scarfed around his neck; he collapsed to the floor, his legs flailing violently. Tingling sensations began to run throughout his arm, as he continuously hit his arms against the floorboards.

Remus fought for control, he wouldn't go down without a fight. He kicked, scuffing the wood. Irrationally Remus tried to scream, he was beginning to freak out. Anticipating what was to come.

When Remus thought back to the reason he was now in this heinous situation. In hindsight, he didn't remember much; he had been but a young boy after all. He remembered black, red crusted eyes, that seemed irrational, evil, unmerciful,m the bristling grayish, black fur. The sharp petulant claws scuffed his shirt, the stealthy movements agile as Remus vainly lifted his small arms to protect himself from the vicious attacker. The blinding pain that engulfed him as yellow, drooling teeth infiltrated his skin, sharp and dull. His scream, warned those near of the ending to his normal childhood, his normal life.

Meticulously, Remus pressed himself closer to the incorrigible floor. He coughed. He grasped his neck between his two palms, his jaw throbbing as it augmented a size larger than what was natural. Body discorded with his thrashing movements as pain ran through his body. Remus' nose and mouth extended between his prudent bulging eyes, lethargically. Hair began to protrude from his musty open pores. Suddenly he convulsed, contorting unnaturally, agony rippling throughout his slanted and lateral body. Surpassing acceptable or pertain-able anguish.

Remus' back arched and ached noxiously. He felt nauseous as he convulsed again perniciously. His pelvis began to transpose. Remus attempted to cough, his throat reacted by burning, air suppressed. Remus' attention straggled as he stared preoccupied at the ceiling.

Remus was hit by another round of irascible convulsions. He heard a deafening crack, a sound in which resembled two giants colliding together in a fist fight; it was his arching spine. His shoulders squared without his permission. Remus yelped hoarsely as the pain didn't stop; but instead increased. The entire proportion of his body was jerking in impossible angles, positioning his body uncomfortably before his very eyes, his body conformed to the varying convulsing movements.

Remus' chest heaved as he puffed up, faintly he heard the faint sound of his school shirt tearing, and he cursed himself for not having the presence of mind to take off his clothes before his transformation. Hair pricked through his shirt, ripping holes in the delicate fabric. Receding tautly and returning in size, altering. The rigor pain increased and my body shot up with a harsh snap. It was almost spurious.

In the macabre he cried out, his airways finally relieved of the lump that had resided there. Remus inhaled deeply, discerning the bungled air, his throat no longer throttled by pain. Everything felt different, and yet familiar, for he had done the same every month for the last twelve months. The way his mouth moved, it felt as if his whole jaw was exercising. An array of motion. He breathed facetiously, feeling as if it wasn't real.

Remus breathed deeply relaxing, thinking that the transformation was finally over, when he was hit with another convulsion. This time the pain was unbearable for Remus; propulsion was pain. He screamed, but it came out as a incoherent howl, with broken syllables. And then, everything stopped. His body ached , throttled by the numbness.

Remus' face was scruffy with fur. His jaw was replaced by a dog's muzzle, his entire face substituted with animal features. His skin was manipulated by long, thick hairs. His facial expression could only be described as one of animosity. His teeth were sharp daggers, syndicated closely, enamels sharp. Canines were extended into lethal fangs, splotches of brown layered his gums.

Remus stretched out his body, sturdying himself stealthily. Remus stood upright, much bigger than the average pack wolf. His uniform was completely mangled and torn, faint signs of his abs showed beneath the tufts of fur. He looked more human than wolf, his muzzle was smaller than one would expect from the wolf species. A combination of man and wolf.

Remus tried to hold back the urge to howl, when he noticed that his friends had not come in after his transformation. His claws slashed into the walls and he growled angrily. Then Remus blacked out. When he awoke in the morning it was in a pool of his own blood, he was alone, cold and felt utterly abandoned by his friends.

o0o

The smell of a hospital usually always made people feel uncomfortable, but to Remus, the smell was that of safety and refuge. A place where he could forget what happened to him the night before and just move on; usually anyway. This time it pained Remus to be in the over sterile room. What was once a room usually filled with laughter, chocolates, and hugs, was now an empty room with a lonely werewolf. There was no laughter, no chocolates, and forget hugs because no one was there with him.

This he deserved, Remus supposed as he thought back to the events that lead up to just before his transformation. The events that lead to him being alone during his night as a werewolf. The events that lead up to what Remus would later describe as the worst transformation he ever had.

"Lily, Sn-, Severus really isn't that bad a guy, maybe you should give him another chance." Remus took Lily's hands into his own, and looked her straight in the eye, trying to get her to understand his predicament. "Please Lily, you have no idea how much it would help me."

Lily studied Remus' eyes and was shocked at how desperate and pained they looked. Placing her hand on his cheek, she recoiled when tears fell onto her fingers. "What's the matter, Remus?"

Remus pulled away from her, and turned his back so he couldn't see the pain on his face. "Nothing, I just think he deserves another chance Lily."

"He called me a Mudblood," she pointed out to him. She crossed her arms and looked at the back of his head with raised eyebrows, "surely he doesn't deserve another chance after that."

Remus turned around, annoyance and something akin to anger flickering in his eyes. "It was only because he was completely humiliated by us! Come on Lily, even I would have said that to you had the position been reversed!"

Lily paused her argument, she had never considered that before. Thinking back her, herself would have probably said something similar. Lily shook her head, "doesn't matter. It's too late now, that was over a year and a half ago. There is no way he would consider being friends with me again after all that time."

Remus chuckled to himself. Oh how wrong sweet little Lily was! "I say give him a chance. You will regret it if you don't Lily. Maybe not be now, or even after you graduate, but eventually you will." Remus paused and closed his eyes, trying to keep to the tears at bay. God did he feel horrible about doing this to James. "Listen Lily, if I am perfectly honest with you I have an ulterior motive in asking you to do this. Trust me, after all the crap Snape was given me, I wouldn't ask unless it was integral in what I needed."

Lily's eyebrows knitted together as she studied her friend, "Remus, what have you gotten yourself into?"

Remus sighed in defeat. "Lily, you know about my er.."

"Your furry lil problem?"

Remus nodded, "as James likes to call it, yes." Remus motioned to the wall and he leaned against it, sliding down the wall until he was sitting on the floor. Lily followed suit, keeping her eyes glued to Remus as he told her the truth. "Well a few months ago they came up with a potion to help with my..."

"Furry little problem."

"Right, that. Well it aids in helping people have a more comfortable problem, namely it puts them to sleep for the entire thing."

Lily's eyes widened and she clapped her hands, "Remus that is wonderful!" Lily's face fell at the look on Remus' face. "Isn't it?"

Remus sighed and looked up at the pitch black ceiling, "don't get me wrong, it is a wonderful invention. Problem is that is so expensive that no werewolf could afford it, and if they could, not for very long."

"Right, Ministry's got money grubbing problems." Lily shook her head in disgust. "I really don't see what this has to do with Severus though."

"Snape offered to make me the potion, in return for convincing you to date him."

Lily's face turned red and her hands clenched into fist, "he did WHAT?" Lily threw her hands over her head in outrage, "what did you say!"

Remus looked towards Lily slightly frightened, and he wrung is hands nervously. "I told him I would think about it, I had to think about James as well. Wasn't an easy decision to make."

Lily's face scrunched up in confusion, "why on earth would you have to think of Potter? What has he got to do with any of this?"

"Sadly a lot more than you would think," at her confused look he shook his head. "Never mind, not really the important part."

"But you just said-"

Remus' eyes flashed red and he yelled at Lily. "Lily, will you listen to me!" Lily closed her mouth and nodded, slightly afraid that his eyes would flash red again.

"The James part is not important for you to know, not right now at any rate. What you need to know is, Snape offered to make the potion in exchange for me convincing you to date him. God Lily, please tell me you will do it... the potion could save my life." The flash of concern that flashed through Lily's eyes, told Remus that he had won, or was about to.

Lily closed her eyes, and swallowed hard. "I'll do it. I'll become friends again with Severus, if I think he has evolved, then and only then will I agree on a date with him."

Remus grinned inwardly, he had only technically told Snape he would get her to be friends with him again. Snape didn't say for how long she had to be friends with him, he put no limit whatsoever. "Oh Lily, thank you!" Remus hugged her tightly, and he pressed his lips against hers quickly as a thank you.

Lily grinned at his boyish behavior, "I am only doing this for you. I can't promise I will like it."

Remus folded his hands on his lap and looked at her with his best professor face, "Lily, if you did like it I would probably have to admit you to St. Mungo's, because obviously something would be terribly wrong with you."

Lily snorted and punched Remus lightly in the arm. The bells signaling dinner chimed, and Lily stood brushing off her dress. Offering a hand to him, Remus smiled and happily accepted, Remus was about to get up when something hard pushed at his shoulder, causing him to lose balance and hit his head on the concrete.

"Potter! What on earth is the matter with you, he's your friend!" Lily shouted, bending down and helping Remus sit up. Groaning Remus put a hand to his aching head, a thick wetness met his fingertips.

"Dude I am bleeding, what the hell is the matter with you?" Remus complained, standing up with the help of Lily. Remus glanced blurrily towards James, and the look of pure anger on his friends face caused him to pause. Placing the cuff of the sweater he attempted to stop the bleeding and turned to smile at Lily. "James seems to need to really talk to me," turning once more to look at James' angry face, Remus turned back around towards Lily and bit his lip, "like really badly, in private by the looks of his face. So I'll er, catch you later. And thank you Lily, I really appreciate what you are doing for me."

Lily nodded, her eyes glaring daggers at James, "well if you are positive you are all right." At Remus' nod she sighed, "if it doesn't stop bleeding in a couple of minutes go to the Hospital Wing OK?"

"Yes Mummy," Remus shot back, his face turning to disgust as he felt a drop of blood slide down his face.

Lily kissed Remus' cheek, and glared once more towards James before turning and leaving the two friends alone in the dark corridor.

Remus let down his arm, convinced that his wound had stopped bleeding, and looked at James guiltily. "James?"

James squinted his eyes at Remus, "how long have you two been going out?"

Remus choked a bit, that hadn't been what he was expecting by a long shot. "E-excuse me?"

James nodded in the direction Lily left in, "you and Evans. How long have you two been dating?"

Remus almost laughed at the irony of the situation, it was too much to handle. "James, me and Lily aren't together."

James' hand flew out and Remus flinched, afraid James was going to hit him. He hadn't, instead his fist collided with the wall, causing bits of brick and stone to fall to the ground, their sounds echoing in the empty corridor. "don't lie to me, Remus. I saw you and her kiss."

Remus snorted, "please I have kissed my mother for longer." At James' look of repulsion Remus shook his head, "that came out wrong."

"If you two aren't dating, then what was that I witnessed?"

Remus sighed, feeling drained. "You have the most horrible timing, just an FYI, you may want to fix that." At James' glare Remus' shoulder's slumped. "I can't tell you OK?"

"Marauder's don't keep secrets from other Marauder's Remus."

"We aren't children anymore James, sometimes as a person grows they begin to hold secrets more important than where Peter hides his porn collection. Secrets that they are unable to reveal to others."

James shook his head, "how can there be an even bigger secret than your Lycanthropcy?"

Remus shrugged, and placed his hands into his jeans. "If you have asked me a week ago, I would say nothing was. Thing's just change James, become more difficult. Not much more I can say."

James' eyes widened, "you aren't a.. you didn't become a... did you?"

Remus gave his friend a confused look, before his eyes widened with realization. "Are you freaking insane?' Remus lifted up the sleeves of his shirt to show his friend that his arms were not blemished with the dark mark. "How could you even think such a thing, James!"

"Then what is it then?"

"I told you I can't tell you! I- James if I could I would all right? This is painful enough as it is, without, God James, I love you! You are one of my best friends, my brother, and it kills me, kills me, that I would wind up hurting you like this."

James shook his head and walked closer to Remus who was shaking, nearly on the verge of tears again. "Remus, what is going on."

Unable to take the pain anymore, Remus closed his eyes and blurted it out. "I told Lily she should give Snape another chance."

James froze, his hands that were centimeters away from Remus' shoulder's dropped to his sides. "Why?"

"James, I.."

"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME! I WAS SO CLOSE REMUS, SO DAMN CLOSE TO GETTING HER TO GO OUT WITH ME AFTER SEVEN DAMN YEARS, AND YOU DO THIS? YOU'VE COMPLETELY RUINED EVERYTHING!"

Remus felt guilty, but he was not one to take being yelled at, and so of course, Remus opened his mouth. "Ruined everything? James, come on, you don't even call her by her first name, there was no everything, you are lucky if there was even a thing to begin with. And not for nothing, had you and Sirius not been bored, I would not even be in this damn mess, because surprise, surprise, Lily and Snape would still have been friends. So if you want to point that finger at someone, maybe you should point it at yourself."

James' face flashed red, and his hands fisted. "You are out of the Marauders."

Remus scoffed and folded his arms across his chest, "excuse me?"

"I said you are out of the Marauders, you are no longer apart of our group."

Remus shook his head, "don't be a prat. It has to be a majority vote, and Sirius and Peter will never vote me out."

"Once they hear about what you did they will."

Remus threw his hands into the air feeling frustrated, "I haven't bloody done anything!"

"You sent Evans off to Snape."

Remus nodded, "yes I did that. But she's just going to be friends with him, I don't see how this interferes with you at all."

"Because he freaking hates me!"

"News flash James, so does Lily." OK, so that wasn't entirely true. Everyone knew about the feeling's Lily had for James. That was of course for Lily and James themselves.

James shook his head, "I am done talking about this Lupin."

Remus looked up at his friend, a flash of hurt in his eyes. "So it's Lupin now, eh James?"

James nodded, "yeah."

"Fine, if that is the way you want to act, so be it."

"Fine."

"FINE," Remus snapped angrily.

James turned and walked down the corridor without another word, leaving Remus in the darkened corridor alone to gather his thoughts.

Remus sighed as tears fell from his cheeks at the memory. Looking down in his hand, he saw that he had written a poem when his thoughts were elsewhere.

Once, silence meant lack of words,
Winter came but once a year.
I ran, red-cheeked,
Each year's first larks.

Ears peaked to catch each song's welcome sound,
I smiled, unaware of natures cycles.

A scrap of confusion,
Whirling in a torrent of sorrow and torment I could not understand.

That smile, teeth flickering, is now my past.
I craved acceptance, too stubborn to see,
I would never be accepted again.

Here I am, wounds ripped open,
Laying down in the pale glow.
Half of my destruction.

In mind, replaced the moon and stars with candles,
Crimson and gray.
As I drown and yesterday fades,
Through my growls.
I hate what I have become.

I knew joy,
I was just a boy.

It was darker than something he would normally write after a transformation, but seeing his inner turmoil, it fit oddly perfect. Tutting, Remus balled up the poem and threw it to the floor. He needed nothing else to remind him of the misery his life had become.

"Remus?" Remus' face shot up and Tonks' smiled worriedly back at him. "How are you feeling, Love?"

"Like utter crap?"

Tonks smiled and leaned over to smooth back the hair from his face, "yes well. That is to be expected I suppose."

Remus leaned forward, his hands folded together under his chin. "What am I going to do, Nympha? I am nothing without them." He didn't even need to catch her up on what had happened, the news was all over the school. Everyone was talking about Remus getting kicked from the Marauders.

Tonks sighed and sat on the edge of his bed, rubbing his leg gently with her hand. "I don't know, I for one know you have a good reason for it, but James. He thinks you did it for no good reason."

"Because I won't tell him?"

"You know how he is. He's a bit... a few screws are loose and missing." Remus moved his mouth to the side in deep thought. "Sirius is talking to him though, so I am sure everything will be OK."

Remus shook his head and he beckoned Tonks into his arms. "Please? I just need someone to hold me."

Tonks swallowed and careful not to land on any of his injuries, she snuggled into his arms. Wrapping hers tightly around his waist. Quietly they sat there, listening to the sound of students passing by the door going to their next class. A gust of wind and a gentle flutter of paper falling to the floor was what finally caught their attention. "What was that?"

Tonks shrugged and leaned down, grabbing the piece of paper in her hand, "ah. A note from Lily."

Remus sat up straighter in the bed, "what's it say?"

Wordlessly Tonks handed over the note to him, shrugging. "Can't read it, it looks all blurry."

Remus frowned and studied the paper. Leaning over to his side table Remus grabbed his reading glasses beside his wand and placed them on clumsily. Bright red letters jumped out happily at him, and it took a moment for Remus to adjust to the bright ink.

"Well?"

"It says that she has everything under control."

Tonks gave him a confused look, "what exactly has she got under control?"

"I don't know." Remus laughed and placed the note on the table and his glasses on top of them.

Tonks clapped her hands, "well since Lily has.. whatever it is she has under control. It is time for the reason I have come here."

"Ah good, s you had a purpose?"

Tonks winked at him, "I always have a purpose." Standing up Tonks stripped off her robe threw it onto the floor.

Remus sat up even straighter, and bounced a little bit in his bed. "Ooo are you going to do a striptease for me?"

Tonks put her hand to her heart in mock horror, "Remus, I hardly know you."

"Never stopped a girl before." Remus smiled cockily at Tonks, his amber eyes just a tad brighter than they had been just a few minutes earlier. Tonks crossed her arms and glared, "I kid. I kid."

Rolling her eyes, Tonks sat beside him again. "OK so you know that I am a metamorphagus."

"I have seen you turn into the puppy version of Sirius, we can hardly say that counts."

"Well I have gotten a lot... wait I never turned into the puppy version of Sirius.."

Remus smirked, "yeah you have. Andromeda has the tape at home, I recorded it one day when Sirius and I were babysitting you." Remus scrunched up his face, "come to think of it baby you had pink hair as well."

"Naturally black-haired, though."

Remus pointed at her, "I always wanted to ask this. Do you actually know what your true form is? I mean you change so often, is there like a reset button or something?"

"I am not a robot.. I don't need a reset button. But yeah I do know."

Remus shook his head, "you know about robots... living proof that a Black descendant lives in the muggle world."

"Shh! I won't be living for long if Walburga get's a hold of that information." Tonks giggled playfully.

Remus grabbed her by the waist and tickled her gently. "Silly goose." Tonks giggled, and then settled into Remus' arms, snuggling deeply into their warmth. Remus' face turned serious and he pulled her tightly to him. "Tonks?"

"Yeah?" She asked sleepily.

"Thank you."

Tonks closed her eyes, "Mmmhmm." She murmured, falling into a gentle sleep.

Kissing the top of her head Remus made himself comfortable, deciding that the decisions he made and their consequences could wait. For now, he had Tonks in his arms, and that was all that mattered.

To be Continued...

Next Time on Amber Sheets:

Dear Diary,

It has proven harder than I had initially thought, trying to be friends again with Severus. But I must make an effort, for Remus' sake. I seem to have hit a problem, though. He's a bit suspicious of me, as if he knows I am only doing this for Remus.. that can't be possible... can it? I mean it's not as if he's a mind reader or anything.

Also things took a turn for the weird today. I had such a wonderful talk with Potter he... wasn't a pig. In fact he was sad, and I seriously don't get it Diary. I felt the need to hug him, hold him, make his troubles all go away. This confuses me, I have never felt that need towards Potter before. I am confused as to what it means?

Lily attempts to make amends with Snape, but after a talk with James, Lily is finding it difficult to keep her promise to Remus. What will she do? What will Remus do when Sirius discovers his secret. What will Sirius do? Will he tell James, and try to bring the Marauders back together? Or is it too late? Has their family been ripped apart by all the secrets and lies revolving around their little group?