Warning: As usual, this story has triggering issues.

CHAPTER SIX

September 14, 2015 - Rural North Carolina

I lay in bed, listening to the television quietly drone on about celebrity gossip. When his name came up, I only managed to resist the urge to glance at the screen for a mere second before staring into his beaming face. He looked so happy as he kissed her with a passion that made my stomach churn.

He knew that camera was on them. He didn't care, not like when we were a couple. He didn't want anyone to know we were together. It felt as if I had been his dirty, little secret.

My eyes stung and those fucking tears came falling all over again. I shouldn't have been feeling this way anymore. It had been well over a year, but ti was as if he had permanently engraved himself into my heart and no matter how I rubbed at it, the mark remained untarnished.

With a scream, I threw the remote control at the television set. The screen immediately shattered in the centre and the entire thing went tumbling down. I could still hear his voice talking to the interviewer and then, hervoice joined his.

I curled up in my bed, wondering when it had gone so wrong between us. Hadn't he felt the same connection Id id? Hadn't I given him enough? What more could I have done to have him stay with me?

The phone beside me rang, cutting through the sadness that had plagued me since his departure. "H-Hello?" My voice cracked.

"Madison? Are you crying, again? God damn it! It better not be about that fuckin' bastard!" My agent, Luke Moore, had been there when I fell apart. He had also been there when I stripped myself to change everything I was just to make him happy. "Do I have to come over?"

"No." I didn't want to see anyone. I just wanted to be alone/

"Fuck! I'm coming over!" Loud rustling came from the other end. "Don't you do anything stupid, you hear me?"

I rubbed my tired eyes. "I'm fine, Lucas."

"Stay. Right there. I'll see you, soon." He was about to hand up the phone, but seemed tot hink better of it. "Actually, keep talking to me. I need the company."

"You'll get into an accident! I'll be fine," I sighed.

"No. I have my hands free shit on," he protested. I heard him get into his car and the engine started up.

I knew what he was doing. Not more than once did I find myself waking up on a hospital bed being scolded for being stupid. I didn't know what was wrong with me. Maybe I was just wired wrong. It wasn't something they could just fix with pills. They didn't work. They never worked. I was done with them upping the dose and giving me more and more pills to take. Switching didn't help. They only subjected me to mood swings after mood swings. I was just so tired all the time and it was all his fault.

He was a disease I could not be cured of. It didn't matter what anyone else said. It didn't matter what I tried to force myself to think and feel. He was everywhere infecting me.

"Talk to me!" Luke demanded when I fell silent.

"I'm still here," I quietly replied.

I closed my eyes, pressing my cheek down on the cold, tiled floors of the bathroom. The sensation numbed me. It felt good.

Since being publically exposed of having mental issues, my career had become a rollercoaster ride. The publicity was enough for some fashion designers to hire me, while others thought I was going to be a poor role model for the future generations. I didn't blame them. I didn't even like what I did. I only became a model for him because he thought I should go into something more in the lines of his own career. Since I wasn't a particularly good actress, I modelled. I was a little more on the short, petite side, but it wasn't as if I was a runway model. No one needed to know how tall I was as long as the proportions were alright.

…

"I really don't know… You probably don't want all the cameras on you. I mean, you're always so shy and quiet. I'd hate to do that to you." He had momentarily put his script down. "Maybe after you've gotten used to it a little."

"I'm always in front of the cameras these days!" I protested. "I'm a model! Photoshoots are basically all I do!"

"Exactly! Photoshoots are in a controlled environment! They're private with only a few people there!" he argued back. "Those paps are fuckin' crazy! You wouldn't understand. If you say anything wrong, it's going to be the end of my career!"

The stab hurt. It pierced deeply and mercilessly. "So that's it, then? You're worried that I'll say something that will make you look bad. Are you even listening to what you're saying?! If I wanted to do that, I could've done it ages ago! I have no reason to do that. I love you."

He sighed, ruffling his curls. "You know I didn't mean it that way. You wouldn't do it on purpose, but you're not that good with words. You're socially awkward. Before I pushed you into the entertainment industry, you never socialised with anyone! You're always in front of the damn computer doing who knows what!"

I shook my head, not believing what I was hearing. 'I deal with cyber security! Of course, I was always in front of the computer! I didn't go through all those years in university for nothing. And it was my paycheque that supported you while you were still struggling to find gigs!" I had a six figure salary before I threw it all away to pursue something I wasn't even passionate about. I had given up my dream for him! What more did he even want from me?

"And I appreciate that, but you're still not ready for us to go public. It'll do both our careers no good." He was adamant with his decision and every time we argued about it, I'd lose. Maybe he was right. I was just no good with words. Or maybe I just loved him too much to deny him of anything.

I never figured out why he was so opposed to the idea. It wasn't as if I was going to break down or blurt out embarrassing secrets from our childhood. I thought he would've trusted me more than that by now. We have together all through high school and post secondary. I thought he would've known me better by now.

Besides, with my job at the bank as their cyber security tech, I had to be very close-lipped about everything. It was all confidential, even the simplest detail that people discussed in their normal day to day lives, I wasn't allowed to say a word about it. Why did he ever think that I would do anything different with the media?

There was really no reason for him to be so irrational about this, unless… unless…

I swallowed hard and banished the thought. With how distant he had been, lately, my mind tended to wander to all the different possibilities and one would always stand out from the rest.

He was cheating on me.

No matter how hard I tried to talk myself out of that possibility, it would always resurface. The question nagged at me day and night, but I was afraid to ask him. Our relationship was already so rocky. I didn't want this to be the final stake in the coffin.

It wasn't long before I found out that all my fretting didn't even matter. Everyone seemed to know the truth already. I was just too naïve to follow my instincts.

When everything came crashing down on me, I hadn't been prepared. I had hoped for so long that I managed to fool myself into thinking that everything was still alright.

One moment he was there and the next, he was gone.

Somehow, I had gone missing as well and I was still trying to find the pieces that were scattered in all the directions I had been pulled in. I had become nothing but a burden to everyone around me. Luke was the one who was there the most.

HE pushed me to keep going even though all I wanted to do was stay locked up in my room. During my lowest point, I was so medicated that I felt nothing at all. T he numbness had been a God sent reprieve to the pain that constantly held me in its grasp, but it didn't last long. The dose the good doctor put me on wasn't enough anymore and he wasn't willing to increase it on paper, so Id id it myself. I took enough to keep me functional for work. It cleared up all the fluff that distracted me. I hadn't realised just how much I was taking until one night, I didn't wake up the next morning.

Luke had rang and rang the phone, Eventually, he knocked my door down and found me unresponsive. It was the most sleep I had gotten for a long time, but I was also left hospitalised afterwards.

No matter how he tried to keep me away from the media, they had a way of finding out. The moment they caught wind of what I had done, his name popped up and then, the endless calls came.

I had even seen them interview him on television. He was careful to deny everything.

Everything.

It was as if I had been nothing more than a former school mate to him. Our relationship had been reduced to nothing but a speck of the past.

I lost my TV privilege that day when I smashed the mirror and slit my throat. There was so much blood. I still wondered how I had survived. If only they hadn't been making rounds. I should've been keeping time. I should've been smart.

About everything.

…

"Hey! Don't get quiet on me, again!"

I hummed, feeling myself slowly dosing. I was tired, but my mind refused to fully go under. It hovered between sleep and awareness. It was as if my dreams – my nightmares – were being relieved again. They crawled all over my skin and the itch persisted, until I was clawing at my arms. The scars were bothering me. I could feel the blade running down the soft flesh and then the itch of it healing beneath the bandages.

It was driving me crazy.

"Stop!"

Suddenly, his voice didn't sound so far away anymore. Two hands pinned me down, until I was immobile. The sudden restraint put my mind into overdrive as I tried to pick out what was reality and what was created by the chemical imbalance in my brain.

"God damn it, Madison! Did you take anything?!" he shouted, holding my wrists together so that I would stop digging my nails into my soft, fragile flesh. It wasn't my fault that it tore so easily.

My eyes finally snapped open and I saw Luke hovering over me. His hair was a mess. There was a claw mark on his left cheek that looked as if it was about to start bleeding.

When my body went limp, he finally let me go. He was panting heavily, while I stared at him in confusion.

"Why? Why are you doing this to yourself? He doesn't deserve it," he hissed. 'HE doesn't even care if you're alive or not. Stop hurting yourself over that scum!"

I let out a sob. "I don't know how to live anymore. I don't know how to fix this. I'm so confused… I c-can't let him go… Can't. Can't… Can't…"

"You just have to let it go – let him go and then, time will do the rest," he softly told me. "There are people who care about you. Let them help. It'll get better."

I wrapped my arms around him. Ignoring the sting of the wounds and finally allowed him to comfort me. I cried and cried, until there were no tears left. He scooped me up, carrying me back to bed.

"Stay with me?" I mumbled.

He dragged over an armchair and set it by the bed. "Yeah. As if I'm going to leave you by yourself, right now." He crossed his arms and leaned back. His eyes closed, but I could tell that he was not going to be asleep for a long while.

"I'm sorry, Luke…"

"Go to sleep."

"Okay."

…

After that day, I tried again to push through the lingering turmoil and patched myself up. Makeup hid away the remaining marks and covered up the old scars that would forever follow me through the ages.

I had a Go-See to tend to. Luke had to see another client, so I was on my own. It was unfortunate that I was directionally challenged, but somehow, I managed to arrive barely on time. It helped that I always left early to make up for all the wrong turns I knew I was going to make. If only I had the foresight with everything else in my life.

"Hello, I'm Madison Harmon." I gave the tall woman a firm handshake.

"Clarissa Laing. Please, follow me. I have a few sets of clothing I'd like you to try on."

I went through the routine of trying on several sets of clothing and walked up and down the small room, hoping that she wasn't going to see the lingering blemishes on my skin where the concealer had rubbed off.

By the end of the appointment, she gave me a smile and told me to await her call. That was always the hardest part of modelling.

Waiting.

Always waiting.

With my old job, I only had to pass the initial interview and then, I was done. Modelling was like an endless queue of interviews and waiting. More than likely, there was always going to be that one model who was better.

I wondered if I should just go back to cyber security. Surely, that had to be a big step towards my recovery. I had to leave this one last memory of him behind.

I was going to have to discuss this with Luke. He would know what to do. I didn't want to let this go and then, lose it all. Besides, with my face and name attached to all the mud and exaggerations, companies may not want to hire me anymore.

As I walked by a movie poster, I stared into his face. He looked so beautiful. His dark eyes were like molten lava. They portrayed the deepest of desire with a promise to fulfill them. His lips were curled into a smirk, teasing and inviting.

I took another step towards him and then, I felt the impact as my body went flying through the air. I felt so weightless. It was a nice change.

When I came crashing back down, my world turned to black and I finally let go.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Sooooo… After much contemplation, I had decided to continue this story with the main plot of Roanoke Nightmare told in the view of Madi who is experiencing some… technical difficulties.

Thank you BlackDragonTalom, Bookie Twiling, Jezabelle31415926, guest (Guest, Guest, AFAN)

Guest: Thank you! I'm so sorry it took me so long to reply to your review, but at least I had Hotel done? :D

Guest: There will be more Edward in this story, no worries!

BlackDragonTalom: I've decided to end the past in Chapter Five, but I will be writing more on Roanoke Nightmare and more on Edward Mott, as well!

Brookie Twiling: Hehe… Not complete, after all! Teehee… Hope you're awake now *pokes*

Jezabelle31415926: Aww… Thank you! I love them together, too! Soooooooo more to come!

AFAN: OoooH! I haven't heard from you for so long! I hope you're doing well!

Thank you as well to everyone who has favourited and followed this story.

Please, leave a review if you enjoyed it!