REGRET Part 2
ROY
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Elizabeth asked sadly. They were currently still on the same couch Roy had led her too to fix up her arm. However, as Roy had told her more about his nightmares and everything that had happened over the past few weeks she had moved to sit on the coffee table. She had gripped his hands tightly, facing him directly as he explained everything. Roy had noticed tears falling down her cheeks as he recounted how he had felt during their first and only meeting about finding Father.
He had wanted nothing more than to envelop her in his arms, wiping away her tears, but he didn't deserve too.
Roy shrugged, struggling to come up with an answer. "I thought about it every day. I wanted to, but you were so busy. And that's not your fault," he added quickly. "Not at all. I just… Didn't want to bother you. I thought I could handle it," he said quietly, lowering his gaze. "Evidently not."
"Roy, I feel like I must apologise." He opened his mouth to protest, his gaze snapping back up to hers. She had nothing to apologise for. "Hear me out. I fought and fought to get you back," she began. "And once I did get you back, I essentially abandoned you to find Father. I swore to you I would help you get through this, but I have done nothing of the sort. And for that, I must apologise.
"I promise that from now," she swore to him, gripping his hands tightly. "I will step down from leading the search for Father."
"Please don't do that," Roy begged her. "Not for me. He needs to be stopped –"
"The search will continue," she reassured him. "My Father will take over. He will understand." She paused, her expression turning to a frown. "He has actually pushed me to step down to spend more time with you and to get some rest to recover from the poison." Roy flinched at the mention of it. Elizabeth noticed and squeezed his hands.
"Don't worry, it is all out of my system. I've just been pushing myself too hard these past few weeks and it is all catching up." She stood from her current seat on the table and sat next to Roy on the couch. She lay her head on his shoulder, keeping a tight hold of his hands.
"I just wished I had listened to him sooner," she whispered. "He told me something wasn't right with you, but I was so focussed on revenge for what Father had done to you that I was blinded by it."
"I kept my distance," Roy added. "After that day in the meeting room. Everyone, including you, looked at me with fear and it crushed me once I snapped out of it." He heard and felt Elizabeth sigh against him. "I didn't want to bother you and I didn't want to see their faces filled with fear, knowing I caused it. I was a monster, so I guess it was only natural."
"Don't call yourself that," Elizabeth cut him off. "You are not a monster." Her voice was firm and left no room for arguments.
"I saw my eyes after that meeting. They were black, like they had been when I was under control of the darkness."
"That doesn't mean you are a monster now." She sat up, fixing her gaze on his. "Please don't think of yourself that way," she begged.
He looked into her eyes, seeing the pain held within. She was visibly upset that he referred to himself in that way. Well, when the shoe fits –
Roy cut his thought off shaking his head, trying to rid it for good. Thinking like that would get him nowhere. He needed to stop.
"I won't," he told her. "Not anymore. Not if it upsets you."
Elizabeth nodded. "Thank you. You are Roy Mustang. Nothing more, nothing less. Don't ever forget that." She took her place, resting against his shoulder again. She gripped his bicep tightly, hugging into his arm.
For the first time in a long time, he felt a laugh bubble in his throat. It felt odd to laugh again. But welcome. "That makes me sound so boring," he commented.
"Good," Elizabeth replied, but he could pick out the amused tone in her voice. "The more boring the better."
Roy huffed in amusement, suddenly feeling very grateful for the woman sitting beside him.
Elizabeth made no move to stand and move to the bed and neither did Roy. It was late, the middle of the night actually. They should be asleep in bed, but neither wanted to move.
Roy had a lot to work through still, but he felt lighter after getting everything off his chest. It was like a weight which had been crushing his chest had been lifted. He turned his head slightly to look down at the woman who was hugging his arm tightly. He shouldn't feel the way he did, he didn't deserve to after the things he had done, but he loved her so much.
Things had been rocky since he had returned, but she remained a constant in his life. Even when he had kept his distance and pushed her away, she still returned to sleep in the same bed as him. She had shown fear in that meeting room – a memory Roy continually tried to forget, but it had been burned into his memory – yet still returned to him each night.
She was incredible, no doubt about it.
He didn't deserve her.
He rested his exhausted body against the back of the couch, getting himself comfortable. He gripped her hand tightly as he drifted off to sleep, feeling Elizabeth faintly squeeze back. For the first time since he had returned, he had a dreamless sleep.