Dean couldn't sleep. He shot up in the middle of the night. Dripping sweat and his heart racing. He had the same damn nightmare every night. The one he blocked out with those pills. He wiped the sweat from his forehead. He reached for his shoes and put them on. Grabbing his grandpa's truck keys and driving home.
Getting to the house, he unlocked it. Quietly making his way inside. When he got to the stairs, he stopped, smelling smoke. He looked up and saw the dark smoke before running upstairs.
"Izzy", he called.
No answer.
"Isabelle. Fire.", Dean yelled again.
Getting to the second floor. All the doors were closed and smoke coming from underneath them. He could see the orange glow from the flames. He slammed his body against the door to get it to open, but it wouldn't budge.
"Isabelle", he screamed.
Finally getting the door open, he fell back as the fire covered the bedroom. He screamed.
"Isabelle", he yelled.
Feeling someone shake him, he shot up and was gasping for air, coughing.
"Its ok, it was just a dream, son", his grandpa said.
Dean looked at him.
"It felt so real", Dean said, his whole body was shaking and he felt cold.
His grandpa covered him.
"How often do you have those nightmares?", his grandpa asked, giving him some water.
He downed the whole cup.
"Ever since waking up", Dean answered.
His grandpa nodded.
"Why didn't you say anything, son?", he asked.
"I didn't want anyone worrying about me. Izzy has had enough on her plate since my coma, adding another worry, didn't seem fair to her", he replied.
"That woman is stronger than you give her credit for. What do you think she's doing now, Dean? She is still worrying about you.", Jon said.
Dean nodded.
"You think she will ever forgive me?", he asked.
His grandpa squeezed his shoulder.
"I believe so. Abel is another story", his grandpa said.
"I know", Dean said, rubbing his eyes.
"Get showered and dressed. We are meeting Paul today. I told him it was an emergency", his grandpa said.
Dean nodded.
"How are you doing?", Paige asked.
Isabelle had gotten the day off. She also let Abel stay home from school. Seth and Roman had told Nikki and Paige what happened. They figured she could use her girls for support.
"I think I'm still in shock, I guess. Dean, he's never, I have never seen him", she sighed.
Nikki rubbed her back.
"Just remember, it was the pills. Dean would never actually hurt you", Nikki said.
"I know, but I don't want that around the kids. My first priority is them. This isn't me giving up on him, I just need a moment to process", Isabelle said.
Nikki and Paige nodded.
"As it should be.", Paige said.
"How's Abel? Roman told me what he said to Dean", Nikki said.
"He's with my grandma. Spencer spoke to him and let him know it wasn't the same thing. I think he gets it, but like me, needs a moment to process", Isabelle said.
"And Mia? What do you plan to do with that?", Paige asked.
"Dean's angry right now. I might just let him take his anger out on Jason", Isabelle said.
The girls laughed softly.
"I just feel so bad that I didn't notice. I mean, I did, but I didn't think it was that of all things. I thought maybe she was pregnant or something and couldn't tell me", Izzy said.
"She seemed fine when she came down a few weeks ago, but then again, some women are good at hiding it", Nikki said.
"What else could fucking go wrong?", Isabelle asked.
Dean was sitting beside his grandpa and biting his nails. His leg was bouncing quickly, till his grandpa set his hand on his knee to stop it.
"Sorry", Dean mumbled.
Paul came out with Spencer. Shaking his hand.
"I think you're just about done, Spencer. Maybe a few more", Paul said.
"Thank you, you've done so much for me.", Spencer said.
Dean and Jon stood, Spencer looked at him.
"Hey", Spencer said.
Dean sent him a nod.
"Good on you, Dean, for doing this.", Spencer said.
"Thanks Spence", Dean replied.
Paul gestured for Dean to come in. He looked at his grandpa.
"Come with me pops?", Dean asked.
Jon smiled and nodded. He followed Dean in. Paul sat across from them.
"So, your grandpa gave me a bit of the details. How about you tell me what you think triggered the meds abuse", Paul said.
Dean nodded.
"I'm a firefighter. A few months ago, I was in an accident saving a little boy. I was in a coma and when I woke up, everything was fine. Then a few days later, I have this nightmare. The pills helped me sleep through the night", Dean shrugged.
Paul nodded and wrote it down.
"Can I ask what that nightmare was about?", Paul asked.
Dean met his eyes. Paul could see the look of terror on his face.
"You don't have to tell me today, but eventually I would like to know. Maybe talking about it will help you sleep", Paul said.
Dean shifted in his seat.
"I wake up at the fire station, sometimes it's the hospital and I get in my truck to drive home. When I get there the house is on fire, sometimes it's just the inside and", he stopped.
"Take your time", Paul said.
"I could hear my girlfriend's screams, my kids calling out to me and I can't get to them because the fire won't let me. I call for help, I scream, but it's like no one can hear me. I should be able to get in and out without a problem, I'm a firefighter, this is what I do", Dean said.
Thinking about those screams made tears well up in his eyes.
"Sometimes I get close to their rooms, but before I reach them, I fall through the floor", Dean said.
"So you've never reached the rooms?", Paul asked.
"I did last night. Opened the door to my bedroom, but the flames pushed me back", Dean said.
Paul nodded.
"Then I woke up", Dean finished.
"Dreams are so powerful and meaningful. They form ways to help us cope with our feelings. Fire, in dreams usually means anger, loss of control. Do you feel like you lost control during your accident?", Paul said.
"I have been a firefighter, almost my whole life. I've been in bad situations", Paul cut him off.
"Situations you can control?", Paul asked.
Dean nodded.
"I should have seen that the floor was ready to give out. I was trained to see these things. I failed at it. It's my fault my family almost lost me. I have a new baby at home, he's too young to remember me.", Dean said.
Paul nodded.
"This was a traumatic experience for you. Not being able to talk about it, to admit your fears, your dreams are telling you something Dean", Paul said.
"I didn't want to tell Izzy, because I didn't want her to see me so weak. My kids were worried about me, I didn't need them to worry", Dean cried.
Jon held his grandson to him.
"I have met Izzy, I doubt she would ever think you were weak", Paul said.
Dean wiped his cheeks.
"You made an honest mistake. Well, not really because you saved a little boy's life. Your family is proud of you", Jon said.
Dean nodded.
"I would like to see you again, Dean. I think a few more of these session will help you deal with your problem. Get you back in control of yourself", Paul said.
"I'd like that. You helped Spencer, and so I trust you", Dean said.
Paul nodded.
Getting back to his grandpa's house. Dean sat up more. Abel was waiting on the porch for them.
"I'll give you two a minute", Jon said as they got off the truck.
They watched Jon walk inside his house.
"Can we talk, dad?", Abel asked.
Dean smiled and nodded.
"Let's go for a walk", Dean said.
Abel nodded and followed his dad.
"Ab, let me start off by apologizing to you for what you saw. I never and I mean never, will I ever put my hands on your mother like that again.", Dean said.
"My dad said it might have been the pills that made you act like that. That addiction is hard", Abel said.
Dean nodded.
"It was easier for me to drown myself in pills then to deal with the real issue", Dean said.
"Can I know?", Abel asked.
Dean looked at him and nodded.
"The accident, I couldn't deal with what happened. I made a few mistakes, mistakes that could have not just caused me to lose my life, but those of my coworkers and the little boy I was trying to save", Dean said.
"Like?", Abel asked.
"The floor, I should have seen that it was ready to give out. I should have called to my partner for help", Dean said.
"But if you would have waited, that little boy and you might have died waiting", Abel said.
Dean nodded.
"You did what you thought was best.", Abel said.
"But that's not what scared me, Ab.", Dean said.
"You were scared?", his son asked.
Dean stopped and nodded.
"My thoughts before I fell and hit my head, was your mother, you, and your siblings. Not getting to see your faces once more. I don't want to fail you, but I also don't want to fail those I need to save", Dean said.
"You're like a superhero", Abel said.
Dean chuckled.
"That's how I see you.", Abel said.
Dean wrapped an arm around his son's shoulder.
"I'm talking to Paul, the same man your dad got help from. I'm going to wait till he clears me before going back to work", Dean said.
Abel nodded.
"What about mom? You should tell her.", Abel said.
"I don't think your mom wants to see me right now", Dean said.
"Dad, you should go and see her. Besides, you have to take me home", Abel said.
Dean chuckled and nodded.
"Let me get grandpa's keys", Dean said.