A/N: *Blows off dust* It's been, like, 2 months since I logged onto here? Sheesh.
And yeah...apparently is glitching up a bit, so...uh...
Anyhoo, enjoy!
*In Bad-anon, where the Bad Guys are trying to convince Ralph to accept his 'Bad Guy' role*
Ralph: Right…I'm sorry, you, you lost me there.
Zombie: Zombie! Bad Guy!
Ralph: Uh, hi Zombie. *faces clouds with slight disgust and jerks away slightly*
Zombie: Labels don't make you happy! Good! Bad! *groans* You must love you…*head slumps on Ralph's shoulder*
Cyborg: Yeah! Inside he-*plunges hand into Zombie's chest…but he plunges too deeply, causing Zombie to scream as he falls to the ground* Oh! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Lemme, uh…guys, I can't pull my hand out! I can't get it out!
*Cyborg tries to free his hand with his other one, but accidently pokes it into Zombie's body and pulls out a bunch of um…um…rather graphic stuff. Ralph is seen frantically using his hands to cover everything Cyborg manages to pull out*
Zombie: ZOMBIE! DYING!
Ralph: Um, can someone either censor or cut this one out, we can't let the kids see this! Here, let me help you out, Cyborg.
*Ralph uses one hand to help Cyborg, but his hand is still stuck inside Zombie's body*
Cyborg: RALPH, STOP! ! ! IT HURTS! ! ! YOU'RE RIPPING MY ARM OFF! ! ! ! !
Zombie: ZOMBIE! ! ! DYING AGAIN! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Director Moore: CUT!
*In Sugar Rush, where Calhoun and Felix are looking for Ralph *
Calhoun: Yeah, this is like a selfish, mangy dog, chasing a cautionary tale…
Felix: I know right?
*They step onto a large double-stripped branch*
Felix: That's why I got to get Ralph home, or the same thing's gonna happen to my game…
*He trails off, and both expect the branch to break and fall onto the Nesquik-sand below…only it never breaks.*
Calhoun: Hey, did someone forgot to activate this branch? It's not cracking! *walks forwards and backwards, and also jumps lightly on the branch*
Felix: Well, I sure hope this is not gonna be the same as what I experienced with the trapdoor earlier on…*glances down nervously*
Calhoun: What experience?
*At that moment, the branch flickers and disappears, causing the two to fall down without warning. We hear them screaming as they both reach the bottom, then land with a grunt*
Felix: *flatly* That.
Director Moore: CUT!
*In Hero's Duty, where Ralph is on the top floor, trying to get his medal*
Ralph: *tip-toeing* Nice eggs, nice-WHOOOOOA! ! ! ! ! ! ! *slips and falls onto the egg filled ground, and cracking sounds are heard*
*Seconds later, Ralph is seen getting up, his shirt stuck with bits of cy-bug egg shells and a few baby cy-bugs clinging onto it*
Ralph: Ah! Guys! GUYS! Stop it, it tickles! *giggles a bit* God, these guys love me. Hey, later, later. *tries to pry some of the cy-bugs off his shirt, in which some cry out in protest* Hey can we try this again?
Director Moore: Sure. CUT!
[Take 2]
Ralph: Nice eggs! Nice eggs! *successfully crosses the egg-filled ground, but he didn't look back at what was coming at him from behind…*
Ralph: AHHHHH! *he screams as a group of baby cy-bugs, probably the same ones from the last take, tackles him from behind, causing him to fall face-first into the ground*
Ralph: STOP IT, GUYS, STOP! STOP! ! ! ! ! !
*Cameraman lifts up camera and walks over to where Ralph has fallen, where he is being 'attacked' by a swarm of baby cy-bugs, all tickling and nibbling him. Ralph is seen laughing among them all*
Ralph: *laughing* I guess…I guess filming is stopped for now, right? I mean, I wanna keep going, but these guys won't let me-hey! *stops as a cy-bug has just started chewing on his hair, hoping to grab his attention* These guys, they just wanna play…*raises hand and pets said cy-bug*
Director Moore: Okay. After all, they're just kids, we can't take them seriously… CUT!
*In Sugar Rush, where Ralph is apparently having a temper tantrum with Vanellope*
Vanellope: Well, unless you have a go-kart hidden in the fat folds of your neck, I can't help you!
Ralph: *Growls, and angrily runs over to break a few lollipop-like candies, then turns to a seemingly-unbreakable jawbreaker. He pounds on it with one fist…and it breaks into two immediately. Ralph looks at the camera, eyebrow raised*
*Crew starts laughing*
Director Moore: Alright, alright! Replace that thing! CUT!
Shoutout to Clarissa Fazbear for suggesting this! :)
*In Sugar Rush, where Vanellope has just finished taunting the racers after her restoration to the throne*
Ralph: Wow! *walks over to Vanellope, in her princess dress* So this is the real you, a princess.
Vanellope: Aw, Ralph! What are you, nuts?! C'mon, this isn't me.
*Attempts to glitch out of her dress and into her regular get-up, but the glitch doesn't work as expected: she had tied in her dress too tightly before filming, so when she tried to glitch, her foot catches on the hem of her dress and she trips and falls down. She tries to wriggle out, but instead rolls forwards and backwards, still stuck in her dress, on the ground*
*Everyone, including the crew members, laugh wildly*
Vanellope: HEY! GET ME OUTA HERE! I'M A RACER, NOT A CATAPILLAR! ! ! ! ! !
*Laughing gets even louder. Ralph attempts to free Vanellope out of her dress, but fails to do so, and ends up ripping part of the fabric away*
Ralph: Uh, this is awkward…
Director Moore: *between laughs* OKAY, OKAY! CUT! AND GET HER OUTA THAT DRESS! ! ! ! !
[You're just the bad guy who wrecks the building! —Take 2]
Gene: If you won a medal, we'd let you live up here in the Penthouse! But it will never happen, because you're just the Bad Guy who wrecks the building!
Ralph: No, I'm not.
Gene: Yes, you are. *pushes Ralph figurine deeper into the chocolate mud*
Ralph: *raises fists* NO, I'M NOT!
*Ralph smashes his fists down, without jumping up, of course. But he didn't smash them onto the cake. Instead, the table breaks in half and the cake simply falls onto the floor*
*Everyone is silent for a moment, then burst out laughing*
Ralph: Okay! Let me go again!
[Take 3]
Ralph: *Raises fists* NO, I'M NOT!
*Again, he smashes his fists down, this time on the cake. But alas, the cake does not break into bits of icing and pieces, and is, instead, stuck to Ralph's hand when he brings it back up. Ralph is seen shaking his fist rapidly, but the cake still stays put*
*Laughter is heard, very loud laughter*
Ralph: GET OFF, YOU SUCKER, GET OFF! ! ! ! *still wringing his hands, trying to get the cake off, but it still doesn't budge. He finally gives up and laughs, amused by the absurdity of the situation* I guess someone used too much glue-like icing on the cake, right? Cake anyone? *raises his cake-encased fist up*
Director Moore: Okay. Who swapped the icing? I thought we made a cake that doesn't have this kind of icing…
*A man's laughter is heard*
Ralph: TURBO?! *turns to camera in mock anger, fist raised* If it is really you who did this, get your hideous, 8-bit face over here and I'll show you what it takes to be a 'cake-head'! *tries to be angry, but he cannot help giggling*
Director Moore: OKAY! OKAY! CUT!
Shoutout for E1craZ4life for suggesting this! :)
*In Sugar Rush, where Vanellope is showing Ralph around her home*
Vanellope: See? Oh, look, look, look! *runs and points* Welcome to my home! I sleep in these candy wrappers and bundle myself up like a little homeless lady…
Ralph: Really? You sleep in these? *winks at camera*
Vanellope: Yeah!
Ralph: And…they've always been that clean? They're not…wet? *winks again: it is clear that he has gotten off script and had something else in mind…*
Vanellope: What do you mean? They've always been this dry: I've never wet them! Kicked that off long time ago!
Ralph: And…you once mocked Brittney Spears for finishing too many life achievements in too little time?
Vanellope: Oh! C'mon! We can all see it! It's too obvious!
Ralph: Annnnnnnnd…you apparently have a huge habit of swearing, regardless of your age at any given time?
Vanellope: You want me to prove it? Fine! I'll…HEY! WHY AM I SAYING THIS? THIS ISN'T IN MY SCRIPT!
Ralph: Well, after last time you pranked me with the name and achievements regarding John C. Reilly, which, by the way, really is me in another world, I thought it would be fair if I got YOU to say about yourself in another world too. *finishes with a smug grin*
Vanellope: Who? Wait wait wait wait…NOT SARAH SILVERMAN! YOU DID NOT MAKE ME TALK ABOUT SARAH SILVERMAN! ! ! ! !
Ralph: Too bad. You just did.
Vanellope: But…why would you do this, Ralph? WHY?!
Ralph: Well…you pranked me before, and I did not force those words out of your mouth, you said them yourself. I just…helped you out a bit, that's all. Now, now, now; don't look at me like that, for it's not my fault: it's entirely your mistake for blurting everything out. *raises one eyebrow, now very smug* It's called a hustle, sweetheart.
*By now, Vanellope is kicking Ralph hard in the legs and shins and yelling every swear and curse word invented on Earth (censored, of course) at him for the prank, but for some reason the camera kept on rolling. The camera pans to reveal Director Moore, currently writing something furiously down on a notepad*
Cameraman: Hey Rich! What are you doing?
Director Moore: Just…writing that last line down. I like it! It might come to use later…
Cameraman: Well, we now have two fighting actors on set, don't you wanna do something about it?
Director Moore: Just a sec…okay! *Puts down his pen* Go and separate the two, quickly! AND CUT IT OUT! ! ! ! !
*In Hero's Duty, where Ralph is leaving with his medal*
Ralph: Well, thank you!
General Hologram: You have completed a work of virtue, a legacy beyond repair…
Ralph: Thanks guys, at ease! *salutes and kisses*
General Hologram: You are the universe's greatest hero…
*At that very moment, Ralph slips on the floor and falls on his back, screaming a bit as he did so*
General Hologram: *concerned* Uh…Ralph?
Ralph: *Raises one hand and waves* That's nothing! I'm okay! I'm okay! I'm-AHHHHHH! *He gets cut off as a baby cy-bug is seen flying towards his face* GET OFF! GET OFF! PLAYTIME IS OVER! YOU HEAR ME, TOBI? YOU HEAR ME?
*Camera pans down to see Ralph trying to pry the cy-bug away, but it doesn't budge, and keeps on returning to Ralph. A few seconds later Ralph is seen throwing up his hands in frustration*
Ralph: ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! I GIVE UP! FILMING IS OVER FOR NOW! *gently pries the cy-bug off and cups it in his hands* God, I'm such a magnet for cy-bugs. Don't you agree, Rich?
Director Moore: I agree, one hundred percent. CUT!
*In Sugar Rush, where Ralph is preparing to destroy Vanellope's kart…*
Vanellope: *after Ralph has hung her upon the branch of a nearby tree* TAKE ME DOWN FROM HERE, RALPH! RIGHT NOW! !
Ralph: *turns and looks straight at Vanellope, pointing* I'm doing this for your own good! *turns away and faces the kart*
Vanellope: *understands and starts to cry* No wait. No, no, no, NO, NO! NO! PLEASE, RALPH!
*Ralph closes his eyes and smashes his fists down on the kart, much to Vanellope's dismay. But as Vanellope cries, she, and the audience, cannot help noticing that Ralph is apparently having a very hard time wrecking up the kart. For as long as the camera rolled, the kart stayed its original condition, with no damage whatsoever, no matter how many times Ralph smashed his fists down.*
*Crew members start laughing*
Ralph: *frustrated* ALL RIGHT, GUYS! ! WHO SUPERGLUED THIS FREAKING THING AGAIN? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ? !
*Camera pans back to Vanellope, who, despite her tears, cannot help letting loose a giggle. For she knew something that Ralph didn't…*
Vanellope: *whispering* Revenge complete. *winks at camera*
Director Moore: CUT!
A/N: Well, I think we all now know where Director Moore got that line from in Zootopia...
And yes, apparently Ralph is a moving magnet for cy-bugs, all the time...For good reason though.
Till my next take, Ariel out! Stay shiny, guys!
ANNNNNNND...CUT! GOOD TAKE!