Edited: 07.02.2019

Snowflakes

Chapter Song: Ramseses B – Drift Away (ft. Veela)

There are certain memories which serve as a plague to the mind.

And, just like a disease, they begin to take over. Each time that memory finds a way to replay, you experience the same set of emotions, over and over. Slowly, those emotions become the only thing you feel. They engulf you. And they begin to creep into your dreams, turning them into nightmares. You become scared to fall asleep.

The fear turns to terror; every time you close your eyes, it becomes more vivid. More intense. The memories become distorted, turning faces into demons—into disfigured creatures laughing with gnarled teeth and blood spilling from their mouths, and with eyes as black as night and their claws that grow and choke choke choke you—

You begin to see the things from that dream in real life far more frequently, and almost everything starts to work like an unavoidable reminder of that memory. And, every time, it'll replay. But, then again, it's rather hard to run away from a snow flake when winter's claws are constantly coiled around your throat. And that was all it took. A snowflake, and suddenly I was reminded. Suddenly it all replayed, again and again and again. Over and over.

But maybe I was just fated to be stuck in such a cycle.

If we are applying it solely to my situation, however, perhaps calling it a plague isn't the most accurate representation. It wasn't quite tainted, my mind. My emotions were becoming more lacklustre if anything. The more I recalled the event of that night, the more they became images that evoked less and less of a reaction. The pit I felt in my stomach and the lump in my throat lessened. I was freezing; the waters of my mind had been greeted with a harsh wind, and the sub-zero cold was relentless in its pursuit to turn it to ice. My emotions were freezing, but I didn't know how I could handle the agony if they weren't.

Ironic, isn't it? I was almost certain I already had enough ice running through my veins. I did have the blood of this cursed clan.

In all honesty, something about Danzo's corrupted system to make people void of emotion became appealing for a brief period of time during the month or so me and Haku travelled. Where we were travelling to, we didn't know, but we knew we couldn't exactly stay in our childhood home.

Even if we had been able to, I didn't want to. I'm sure my brother didn't want to either. It was just as I said, merely a poisoned memory. Although, we never exactly consulted each other regarding that, or about where we were going. We just kind of…walked. We survived, held in a sort of lingering limbo of shock. I don't know how much we talked that month.

I soon came to my senses regarding my insane desire of Danzo's dehumanizing ideals, however. The empty feeling in my chest seemed a bit better than becoming a mindless robot. Most of the time, at least. But maybe that's why my brother had been so easily manipulated despite how smart he is in the 'original' version of this all. He felt empty too, and he was alone, and Zabuza offered something to fill that emptiness. A distraction. A purpose.

The only reason I really did keep going was for my older brother. Disregarding natural survival instincts, that is. But I wasn't sure they were even entirely functioning properly. I kept having urges to just end everything, to just not deal with the pain anymore, because it was so unbearable. But I didn't want to do that to Haku. I didn't want to leave him alone. Especially when I knew that, if I did, all that would become of him was a tool and then his premature death at the hands of Kakashi, and that seemed to cause me more pain than anything. I needed to stick around, otherwise what the hell was my purpose here? I had to save him from that fate.

My doubt of this world being real seemed to fade slightly more each time I looked at him. Or each time he'd look at me. The pain in his eyes were real. The heat his hands emitted when he would grab onto mine, and the strained smile he would give me as a reassurance was real. Even if this world wasn't.

This was my reality. I accepted that.

And, as humans, there's only so much pain we can take. I couldn't let myself constantly dwell on a past event I had no control over. In another world, Haku had faced this alone. And I didn't want to be weight he needed to drag along. I didn't want to be shackles around his ankles that only slowed him down. Especially not in a world like this, where ninjas roam and murderers lurk. Three wars had already occurred and soon there would be a fourth. It's not like I could do anything about that though. I highly doubted I would be on any significance to the storyline. No, I just needed to survive. I just needed to keep Haku alive.

Maybe I was just a plot device. I wasn't meant to exist in this world. But if I have any power to do anything at all here, I'd want to change that one little thing. My brother's death. Even if it cost me my own life. I didn't care how it could affect "Naruto's character development". I would protect my reality.

Our continuous walking did eventually let us reach a destination: a city. A city which was very much for civilians.

How we survived before that was trivial for the most part. It was simply scavenging and stealing for food, which didn't change when we arrived at the city. Begging was futile. The country was in economic strife. Once again humans showed me their true nature. They were selfish. Two underfed children were treated the same as stray dogs here—and nobody seemed to care for stray dogs here. We were hardly ever acknowledged, and we were never shown remorse. We were hungry, and we were tired.

But there was one thing we weren't, despite it being winter. And this one thing that we weren't was most likely our saving grace; we weren't cold. Or, rather, we weren't being affected by the cold. I figured it out quite quickly. We still felt the cold, but our body didn't react the same. Any other child clothed so lightly in the winter for such a prolonged period of time would've died from hypothermia. But we didn't. I concluded that our bloodline granted us some form of 'immunity'. I presumed that we could withstand a lowered body temperature and were in a way adapted to it. Perhaps even with the right training, it's possible for us to control our body temperature. I really had no idea. I mean, the concept of chakra was still one practically unbeknownst to me. I was familiar with it, but I had no idea how to mould or wield it, it was just a thing in my body. A weird…energy.

I may have been living in a ninja world, but I was definitely not a ninja.

I knew at some point we would encounter Zabuza. My brother had travelled with him, and so far, this world was following the same storyline (with the addition of me) so I assumed that we would meet him. It was just a matter of when. I also wasn't entirely sure if I wanted us to go with him when the time occurred. I was too scared of losing Haku.

But we were going to die out here eventually if we didn't go with him. We needed shelter, and we needed to be trained as ninja. We needed to be trained to protect ourselves. We needed to learn how to wield this bloodline, as much as I despised it. I was just worried that Haku would become loyal to him. That was something I didn't want. I wanted us to learn, then preferably leave. Somehow. I wanted to avoid that mission where my brother died at all costs.

I was the tiniest bit intrigued by learning to become a ninja, however. It seemed completely unreal. It was a much-normalised thing in this world, but to me having those abilities was beyond incomprehensible. It was a thing of movies and stories and legend. But here, it was real. How something like chakra and basically magic ninja had real baffled me to no end, but this world had the science for it to be completely plausible and realistic. It made me feel sort of bubbly, even under these circumstances. I detested this bloodline…but I had the ability to make so much from it. It was rare too. It was the thing that cursed me yet also the thing that gave me a twisted advantage to the life it had fated me to have!

A mumble came from my brother, but he was still asleep. Our current 'shelter' (if it could even be called that) was located behind a large bin and made out of cardboard and old blankets. It was at least something. I didn't like being asleep at the same time Haku was. I barely liked being asleep when he was awake. I was terrified, in all honesty. We were both completely vulnerable. Most people here didn't care about us, but even regardless of that, I didn't know if the same threats lurked in this world as in the other. It was never mentioned in the manga, but I didn't know if there were people here who abducted children and exploited them. I didn't know if people were twisted in the same way. If people tortured, raped, or just straight out murdered for the sake of being able to murder. And that thought terrified me. I didn't care what my mental age was. In every respect, I was still an inexperienced, naïve, and scared child, and I was almost entirely defenceless.

I really hoped that with all the danger and evil things that exist in this universe that, potentially, the only evils of this world were people wanting power—which was what the anime had shown it to be. But, then again, I wondered if the sick desires that exists in some humans really differed based on the universe you existed in.

Barely anyone walked down these alleyways though. It was mostly just dogs. I usually adored dogs, but these were ones that had been abandoned and hurt. They were vicious. They didn't like humans. Their driving force was their natural instinct to survive. You did see the odd pack of dogs, though—and they were the ones you really had to avoid. I did enjoy observing them, nonetheless. I realised you can learn so much about human nature from watching the behaviour of the animal.

See, when some humans when are mistreated and alienated by the rest of society, they turn on the human race. They see no hope for mankind. They dislike humans. Just like some beaten and abandoned dogs. They believe every human to be the same. They think every one of them is out to harm them. And sometimes humans join forces with other humans who are like them—they join other humans who have the same disdain. They bond over their shared animosity and resentment and, just like that, just like dogs, a pack is formed. And suddenly their goal, whether that be revenge or survival, becomes easier to achieve. I'm sure this was the case with organisations such as Akatsuki. At least, for some of the members, such as Pein and Obito.

I didn't believe the actions of Pein and Obito, or Akatsuki in general, to be evil. Perhaps somewhat selfish, especially in Obito's case, but their goal was not a malicious one. Even Madara didn't seem to have any malicious intent in his goal in my eyes. Black Zetsu had just manipulated them all. Good and bad was just a matter of perception, anyway. I wasn't even entirely sure whose morals to live by or what was truly considered good or bad here. This world's morals were skewed.

I was drawn away from my thoughts when Haku awoke. I needed to sleep myself, but I couldn't bring myself to yet. I had been awake for quite some hours now, which was probably what had been leading my mind astray, but it wasn't anything I wasn't used to.

"You're awake? Did you sleep?" He asked, half yawning, and still very much in a dazed state. I smiled lightly, but I couldn't allow myself to fully enjoy the sight given our surroundings and the dirt that marred my brother's face. It was a cruel reminder of our circumstances, but my brother still seemed untainted despite it all. I didn't know how.

I nodded my head in response. I made sure not to make Haku aware of my lack of sleep. I didn't want to worry him. He had only just about turned nine, but he was far smarter and mature than most nine-year olds I had known in my previous life. I was sure many in this life were. Especially given the trauma. My heart went out to Neji and Sasuke in a way it hadn't in my previous life, because I understood why they became the way they did now. I understood it all.

He frowned. "You look tired."

It was hard to take him seriously with such a childish tone to his voice. It made me giggle slightly. "I'm fine, Haku." I assured. His face softened. He was convinced, thank god.

He stood himself up and began to stretch. "It's getting kind of boring being here. We should go on a walk."

I tilted my head to the side. A walk?

Noticing my confusion, he continued, "Exercise is good for you, you know." Even though he was so young, he was still looking out for his little sister—he was still looking out for me.

I was tired but agreed, nonetheless. "As long as our little place doesn't get stolen by animals."

And we began to walk. Again, the people of the city paid no attention to us. We were just dirt on the side of the road. I learnt not to make eye contact with them to avoid their expressions and dirty looks, it saved me from further losing the small amount of hope I had in humanity.

My hand wrapped around Haku's, whose skin was just as dry and calloused as mine, but even despite the lack of softness and warmth from the touch, I found a comfort in the contact. I released the breath I didn't know I had been holding, and my body seemed to slack and relax, untensing in all the places I didn't realise I had taut. I needed him and, as long as he was alive and here next to me, I was going to be okay.

The city was rather boring itself. And, now that the New Year decorations that had decorated it just a few weeks before down, it had a very what I can only describe as stony feel to it. It was just full grey concrete buildings. Dull and lifeless and cold. It was horribly depressing.

Most of the trek was spent in silence, with the odd glance being exchanged between us. After however long, we stumbled across a park, one which we hadn't found before despite our various explorations of the metropolis. It was rather peaceful in comparison to the hustle and bustle of the central city. The snow was practically untouched, as was the frozen lake. The only marks left was that of our foot prints.

As much as I disliked snow, I couldn't help but find a beauty in it. It made everything look so heavenly.

Perhaps snow was God's way of making a dirty world seem clean.

My fatigue had grown more in the time we had spent wondering. The quietness and falling snow only contributed in lulling me to sleep.

I tugged at my brother's top, causing him to focus his attention on me. We were currently walking across the bridge which crossed the lake, which I was barely tall enough to see over. I pulled him toward the ground, making him sit against the side of the bridge, and cuddled myself into his side.

"Byaku, what are you doing?"

"Shh…" I waved my hand in front of his face. "Sleep..."

"Kids like you won't be needed by anyone and will die beggars."

A deep voice woke me, but I kept my eyes shut.

I felt my brother shift, and after a slight pause, he spoke. "You have the same eyes as us, Mister."

Alarm bells went off in my mind, and one name rang through it.

Zabuza.

Hear the winter bird sing…