Chapter 6

When the glass is half full or half empty

The next morning Naoki found an animated Kotoko during breakfast, which earned him a pat on the shoulder from his mother when she gave him his bowl of food.

He had to admit to himself that she was in better condition than she was last night; but all he knew was that the possibility of having her against him had been removed and it was fine for his purpose, because it would keep her willingness for what he would require of her.

Indeed, in the evenings he would have to serve as her tutor; where it would only be profitable for him to analyze if an educational route was suited to him.

Being honest with himself, he didn't think teaching was the course to take in his life, mostly because to spend his years making others learn didn't seem like an activity that he wanted to repeat, less to a large number of people, many of whom would not see the importance of knowledge.

Thinking about that, he placed his belongings in his school bag more slowly than ever and nodded farewell to Watanabe, who left the classroom before him.

That day, to his own bewilderment, he had noticed that the rhythm of time didn't pass with its usual relative slowness. He hadn't given a look at the clock and hours passed quickly. If he thought about it more, some few days like that had already happened and he couldn't find an explanation with which he could settle with.

Perhaps it was because he had deviated a little more from his routine.

"Irie-san?" The woman's voice pulled him from his musings.

Looking away from his bag, already full, he found the face of one of his classmates, with black shoulder-length hair and light eyes, there stood the girl who occupied the third place on the board.

"Koujiro-san," he said holding the handle of his bag, ready to go.

"Can I talk to you?"

She was already doing it, but he nodded anyway because it should be a school matter that he had to hear.

Koujiro lowered her head and muttered a phrase that was incomprehensible, causing him annoyance for wasting his time that way.

"What did you say?" He questioned wearily.

"I like you, Irie-san," she said a little louder.

Naoki was surprised but didn't show it, because he never considered that this quiet and focused teenager had interest in him, as she never gave a glimpse of it. Had he known, he would have considered her for the proposition of his father, but in reality, he didn't pay her any attention when it wasn't related to school matters.

The confession was nothing new, once a month there was a girl who approached him to express her feelings or to put a letter in his locker, which was disposed of, unread, once he recognized what it was. He didn't want to have useless confessions in his head.

However, it caused him curiosity that Koujiro's words came when he had a girlfriend, she had many opportunities to confess and was not a stupid teenager like many that liked him.

"Why do you confess?"

His interlocutor raised her face, her cheeks were flushed, and she glanced at the door.

"I didn't want to say anything because I thought I wasn't enough for... But since Aihara-san is... Never mind. I knew it would be useless," Koujiro said stuttering, and then ran towards the exit without looking back, removing relevance to the matter.

He shrugged and took the same direction, he had already lost some time with his classmate; he didn't give importance to what she said because it wasn't a major issue, as she had also abandoned it.

He walked calmly up to the metro station, frowning when he reached it, after finding in the distance the hair of his girlfriend in the company of the unmistakable figure of the F's idiot, whose body was placed too close to Kotoko, who repeatedly shook her head in denial.

Naoki approached a little faster than he would've normally walked, in order to hear what the loud-mouthed boy was saying. He hoped that he wasn't convincing Kotoko to do something stupid that he would regret later.

He stopped his steps behind the two of them, that waited for the arrival of transport. "Kotoko, if he cannot wait for you before he goes home, don't go out with him," the clown said at the time, with that nagging voice that caused him irritation and disgust just by hearing it.

Naoki's eyes narrowed at the intentions of the dumb, who didn't seem to understand that Kotoko was his girlfriend and that he shouldn't interfere in his plans. It was very daring and stupid to want to meddle, even after she proved that she preferred him.

"Give me a chance, I already have a plan for us both together for eternity," the guy declared ridiculously, extracting a small booklet out of his pocket, opening up a sheet full of spelling faults and hearts, where he had written nonsense for a relationship of marriage between the two.

He stifled a laugh at such nonsense but smiled to himself.

If he allowed him to get away with it and stay with Kotoko, he would lose his plans because of an idiot, and he would not commit such barbarity, although Ikezawa, as he said he was called, well, he didn't care in the least about him. Only that the stupid guy intended to stand in his plans and that was something he could not accept.

If Kotoko wasn't his girlfriend, he would have congratulated them because they were at the same level. A union like theirs would be bad for society, for the children they would produce... Reality was that the capabilities of they both matched.

He could only imagine what the stupid family would be and that in itself was laughable.

Unpleasant.

"So I'll walk home after school to prove I'm better than that arrogant Irie," Ikezawa said, after his romantic speech.

"Kin-chan, that's not necessary," Kotoko replied, making Naoki smile derisively at the deflation of her companion's shoulders. "And you live on the other side of town." Moron, he thought.

"It doesn't matter, Kotoko. I will accompany you. I would do anything for you!" Ikezawa exclaimed.

Naoki rolled his eyes. "You should learn to respect other people's girlfriends," he finally spoke, making the two F students jump.

Ikezawa, for his pleasure, blushed, although his eyes looked mad.

"Naoki-kun!" Kotoko's hazel orbs lit up when she saw him and turned away from idiot to stick completely to him. "I thought you'd advance home."

He glanced at her for a second.

"As you see, it's not necessary of you to accompany her, Ikezawa," he said raising an eyebrow towards the other, who seemed to explode in any second. "Come on," he told Kotoko when transportation made its arrival, ignoring the replies of the idiot.

"Yes, see you tomorrow, Kin-chan!" His girlfriend said goodbye without breaking away from him, making him smile with superiority to the rejected guy.

He was accompanied by Kotoko's prattle about her day, with the thought that from then, he would be careful of attempts by the other, and accept the presence of his girlfriend on the way home.

To which things he felt obliged due to her, he thought, stealing a glance at her, analyzing ironically that she seemed very recomposed after her previous state. If even her hairstyle had changed, she was holding her hair with a pin behind her head at a half ponytail.

It was like nothing had happened, the matter forgotten; but that was fine. At least, her smile continued, and that was a sign that his plan was on track.

[...]

Kotoko jumped when Naoki dropped a book on the table to get her attention from what she was seeing on her phone screen. He didn't know how she had allowed him into the room if, within five minutes or more that he had been there, at no time she had paid attention to his presence.

It irked him how she was wasting his time that way.

"Sorry, Naoki-kun." She looked at the screen of her mobile phone biting her lower lip, making her seem very interested in what was happening there.

He frowned and folded his arms.

"I will only give you an hour and a half per day, no more," he said glancing at his watch. "And it's been eight minutes."

The redhead nodded and with a desperate movement threw the mobile onto the bed, reaching out to take a notebook. He was inwardly surprised at how quickly time ran.

"Math, I have math homework," she said opening the notebook quickly to a page with exercises of derivatives, the same subject he had seen in class a few days earlier.

He carefully inspected the annotations; which were unlike what his teacher had instructed them in class, who explained the method step by step until reaching an obvious stopping point. In Kotoko's notes, he saw that some parts were skipped. That could be the reason why the subject could be incomprehensible to students, he analyzed, whilst solving an operation beside her scribbles.

If the teacher of F took the same time that his took, it could make a significant difference to the understanding of students like Kotoko. It might be more suited to the abilities of the students of Class F. The sensei probably forgot who he was teaching, maybe thinking he was dealing with good mathematicians and not, well, people with the skills of his girlfriend.

He concluded the operation with all the steps and put the notebook back to the table to give an explanation to Kotoko.

He looked at her, finding her sight diverted to the phone on her bed.

It bothered him that her attention was on the device rather than on him, because she was wasting his time if she wasn't interested.

"Kotoko," he uttered through clenched teeth, making her jump and move her hazel eyes back to him. "Pay attention."

"Yes." Her eyes betrayed her a second when he was about to speak.

"What's so interesting about that phone?" He muttered, thinking of the annoyance that would be an hour and a fraction, with her giving more attention to an inert device, forcing him to repeat his words. Which he hated.

"Naoki-kun, do you have a dream?"

He pressed the pencil in his hand firmly when she asked, for he had no positive response.

What was a dream, really?

An idea doomed to failure for a person without skills toward the end? An illusion that ended when efforts did not bear fruit? An aspiration, a yearning? An impossibility?

He had never had such a desire to get something, mainly because everything he worked towards ended up resulting well, once he put his mind on it. Weren't dreams for those who could not fulfill what they wanted? Or for those who felt a special interest in a particular thing? And they drove the people to act towards their goal?

He did not fit those descriptions in his head.

And that was one of the reasons why he was accompanied by Kotoko at the time, arisen from the concern that came to him one Sunday two months ago. Sitting next to Yuuki, he heard him say that his dream was to direct Pandai when he grew up (with his oniichan), designing toys like the drawings he had in his notebooks, which Yuuki showed him regularly. This made him see that his otōto, from his young age, wanted something intensely and enjoyed having a dream, and his actions were towards that goal.

He had seen that he didn't want to follow in the footsteps of his father in the future, as Pandai's chairman… and instead find something else.

It forced him to think about what he would do with his life and found nothing that caused the interest and excitement he sensed from his brother. It made him want to be interested in what he would do after high school. Because he had no life plan, no goal that would feel good to achieve.

"Naoki-kun?"

He blinked at the call of Kotoko, who looked at him closely.

"No," he admitted aloud for the first time to someone else. Kotoko would be present in his future, so knowing some of it would not be bad. And he wasn't a liar, he looked for the best response that avoided the truth, but he didn't lie.

He wasn't going to tell her he had one or ask to hear her own fantasies about her own dream and see that someone like her, or Ikezawa, had more aspirations.

In addition, to some extent he didn't understand, he felt the need to speak to someone else about it. That girl, his girlfriend, was the one who had asked, without assuming anything. At least she deserved to hear it.

A few seconds after his words, she dropped her shoulders and smiled slightly.

"Everyone seems to have a dream," she muttered, looking down at her math notebook, "I would like to find mine. So I want to learn from my subjects, graduate and go to college. "

So she didn't have a dream either. To hear it made him feel better, in a selfish way.

"What are you going to study?" He asked, genuinely interested in what Kotoko had said. He wanted to know what she thought of doing with her life and why, despite not having a dream. He was intrigued that she wanted to attend college, even without knowing exactly what she aspired to do, or the fact that it was a very large demand for her skills.

"I don't know yet," she replied naively and he found himself raising the corners of his mouth into a little smile that he hid when she looked at him, "but I want to go to college to experience and discover what I want from my life. I am very excited and I want to push myself to reach college and learn what I want in life. If I put in all my strength, I will achieve."

He saw, with admiration, the determination in the eyes of Kotoko, and felt jealous, because she, despite the low level of her skills, had something important for which to apply her spirit; she had an objective—in need of improvement—that she wanted to fulfill, and an emotion bigger than he had, even though his skills were better.

"What's the point, if most the things you do are wrong," he said, even though he suspected she would put in two hundred percent of effort. Her determination was very strong.

She blushed. "Well…"

"It does not matter," he cut in, wanting to return to what he was trying to teach.

"What will you study at university?" Kotoko asked, as he feared.

She would not leave the subject so easily. And he didn't want her insisting. "I'm not sure I'll study in college," he confessed, waiting for her outburst.

"You have to!" Kotoko said, facing him. "Even if you don't know what, you cannot let your potential go to waste, for you can do a lot for society!"

How did she guess he had no idea what to do in life? He wondered to himself, watching the expressions on her face with the words she said.

"Why should I go, if I can learn what I want on my own," he resolved shrugging. He didn't know what to do after school, but the idea of going to college wasn't really convincing.

"But Naoki-kun! You cannot not go, you'll meet new people and hear about successful people with their careers, who enjoy it a lot, and will prepare you to do many things. You need to live those experiences!"

Naoki sighed and looked at the clock. He had a feeling she wouldn't desist to convince him, and she would not end now. The topic was something he should think about; his opinion would not change at once.

"Forty minutes left," he said, hoping thus to end the last conversation he never hoped to have with her. He pointed the pencil to the notes, to begin.

Kotoko snapped her fingers. "I'll help you find out what to do in college!" She cried and he dropped his pencil from his fingers.

Naoki stared at her, experiencing a strange feeling inside, seeing that she had that same look as when she announced that she would enter the list of top fifty. She was completely serious.

He watched her smile, noticing a chill coursing through him by the happiness that it gave her helping him, without asking anything in return for her offer, with the sole intention of doing it for him.

He frowned slightly, how could she be so cheerful even with what she had to live? Did it really make her that happy to help him reach his goal? Why did he suddenly have the feeling that Kotoko was a much better person than him?

He closed those insidious and unnecessary thoughts and picked up the pencil.

"Pay attention," he said again, watching her nod and put all her senses in what followed.

He could not shake the uneasy feeling that enveloped him.

She never looked again at the phone.

[...]

Naoki and his brother observed Kotoko engulf her breakfast with the same expressions of astonishment, and he glanced briefly at the small figure of his girlfriend, wondering silently where the large number of calories she ate went and why she hadn't choked yet by how quickly she was eating.

"Onii-chan! Yuuki! Don't just look, eat. Today a great day awaits us!" His mother said, moving her hands in front of their faces to make them return to their respective breakfasts.

They had reached Saturday and his mother had planned that the six, as a family, were to play tennis at the tennis club where they were members.

That was one of the hellish attempts by his mother to make him spend more time with Kotoko, besides all the hours he was already forced to coincide with her. He'd have wanted to have a rest at the weekend, but no.

If he left her, she would place one of her photos on the wallpaper of his mobile and personal computer, somehow guessing his passwords, even if he had sixteen characters that he changed constantly.

And it was not his presumption, she had expressly said that Saturday they would all go, in order to make Kotoko feel more comfortable, who had never in her life had played tennis. But next week the two of them would be alone.

If he'd had a normal relationship with Kotoko, he would have felt cheerful of his mother's support, but he didn't even want a stupid girlfriend in first place.

He massaged his temples, he wasn't comfortable having to go play tennis with Kotoko in tow. It was too much living with her. The only thing missing was his mother tricking them to get her into his room and share a bed, if she could get a way to bring down Shigeo-san in her game. He feared she could think of planning an early wedding between the two.

Thinking of Shigeo-san, he wanted to take his place and be rid of that family activity. (As Shigeo had put in the excuse of work, and said he knew they would care of Kotoko in his absence). Only that for him, his mother was too pushy and repeated her insistence until he had no reason to refuse. She was a major headache.

"What a thrill! Kotoko-chan, you'll see that you'll be a star tennis player," his mother spoke moments later, when they entered his father's car. "If just with the uniform you look splendid," she completed pointing to the white blouse and skirt brand that she had purchased for Kotoko with that occasion in mind.

However, the blouse she acquired was mostly made of lycra fabric, and cotton, and the size wasn't exactly the right one. Even so, she looked...

"She looks like a girl," Yuuki muttered as if he thought the same.

He suppressed a smile as his mother scolded his brother and saw Kotoko blush, looking at her discrete attributes.

Surely she must have known that the Japanese were not noted for large sizes, although his otōto's remark was to the overall appearance of his girlfriend, which was of a girl, with her naive face and her diminutive size; if he had little more than a good head apart from her in height and beside him she seemed like a girl in elementary school.

"Onii-chan, tell Kotoko-chan she looks good!" His mother suggested when her word did not give effect to his brother, who stuck his tongue out at the redhead next to the right door at the rear of the car.

Naoki rolled his eyes. As if she required more than the praise of his mother.

"It's just a uniform," he said unperturbed, watching the way through the window.

His mother moaned loudly in exasperation and Yuuki didn't stifle his laughter.

[...]

His father smiled from his position in the center of the field, where he would be counting the points, and Naoki turned his racket in his hand, looking for the ball in his pocket. He asked with a single look at Yuuki, who was his partner, if he was ready, and he nodded.

His mother, with no one who would take the contrary, had decided wrongly that they should begin from the field, confident that Kotoko would be a natural player. She planned to measure her skills, before practicing how she had to pick up a racket.

To that end, she distributed them in "more equitable" teams. Yuuki, with his short experience and size, would be in his company, and Kotoko would be the partner of his mother, who was a good player; a little out of practice, yes, but that served to compensate for his girlfriend, more of the size to match to his brother.

Actually, he didn't care as long as he could make a productive physical activity.

"Onii-chan, start!" His mother shouted from the other side of the court, pointing her racket at Kotoko, occupying the front position slightly on her side.

He shrugged, concentrating on playing. He bounced the ball on the ground and he rose it into the air before he hit it towards Kotoko.

She shrieked, dropped her racket and ran out of the court, frightened, fleeing in terror of the ball.

"For all..." he mumbled.

She was a fool.

His mother was stunned and dropped her racket in her hands. Yuuki and him looked each other for one second, then began to laugh.

Kotoko was ridiculous. That was shameful.

The people in neighboring fields, attracted by her scream, watched and laughed quietly while the 'natural' tennis player lowered her eyes trying to allow the visor to cover her face.

"Kotoko baka," Yuuki murmured, crossing his arms and looking at him suspiciously.

He frowned, wondering if his brother didn't understand yet that Kotoko was no threat to him. Hadn't he seen in those weeks he was with her more by obligation—and Noriko Irie—than anything else?

"Kotoko-chan! You need to hit the ball with the racket!" His mother shouted and his girlfriend nodded with her shoulders hunched. "Again, onii-chan! Direct it to me for her to see it!"

He made an indication with his hand in agreement and decided to make a throw, his mother as a target. He raised the ball and hit hard, sending it to the left side. He quickly settled into place and saw the sharp blow of his mother direct the ball towards him, who returned it to her side again.

The ball came back to him and he sent it further, to score a point and finish the show.

Yuuki came to collide palms and his father applauded announcing the score.

"All right!" His mother lifted one of her thumbs towards him. "Kotoko-chan! Have you seen?!"

The aforementioned had her hazel eyes glued to him, who narrowed his seeing her engrossed in who knows what thoughts. Again she had to be in some stupid dream, he thought in disgust.

Her habit was tiresome, especially if it was a moment that required her concentration, as when explaining or talking, and she was watching him self-absorbed.

"Kotoko-chan!"

"Yes!" The redhead replied shouting, nodding enthusiastically. "I'm ready!"

Naoki didn't understand how she could express so much emotion into something so silly, but it was no novelty.

"You hit it to Kotoko when mom gives it back, Yuuki," he asked his little brother, aware that the blow would be less than his, even if he tried not to apply much pressure.

Yuuki nodded and smiled.

Naoki returned to the serving position and made his shot; his mother hit the ball and Yuuki gave back, returning it towards Kotoko, who put the racket right in front of her face, her eyes closed.

She was an idiot.

The cry of Kotoko and the hit of the ball coincided.

"Kotoko-chan!" His two parents called his girlfriend in chorus and ran towards her, where she was lying on the floor.

He put his hand to his forehead in irritation and walked to where she was helped by his parents.

"That was stupid," he said dryly, stifling boredom, knowing that his exercise of that day was about to be canceled upon seeing the blood coming out of Kotoko's nose.

His mother kept asking her if she was okay, sticking a towel to her face, and his father blew futilely, mumbling the name of his friend again and again.

What soothing and fastidious; she had not broken anything or there would be more blood, it was just a slight bleeding. Kotoko gave only low moans, he didn't think she was a crybaby who endured the pain.

Naoki knelt beside her and made her sit with her head tilted forward, despite his mother's words. He had to hold her with one arm because she could not be balanced, stunned by the blow.

He gently pressed his fingers into the soft part of her nose to stop the bleeding.

"Kotoko, breathe through your mouth," he said, holding her head when she tried to nod. "Do not move."

"Kotoko baka" Yuuki said beside him, mockingly, which earned him a reprimand from his mother.

He, meanwhile, raised an eyebrow at his brother, because he suspected that Yuuki's return had been stronger than he assumed, though Kotoko was to blame too. Who was stupid enough to put the racket in front of their face?

Only Aihara Kotoko.

There was definitely something wrong with her.

After a few minutes, the bleeding stopped, so Kotoko attempted to rise, wobbling slightly before straightening as a soldier.

"Now I'm fine!" She announced with a smile.

He withdrew rolling his eyes to her positive attitude, whilst his mother entertained his girlfriend with attention wiping the blood from her face and praising how brave she was (without quoting how stupid that could be), until she seemed at ease with the result, leaving her to breathe.

"Oh, you have blood on your hands!" His mother said, causing Kotoko to scream as she raised them to look at them.

Then her eyes rolled and he held her before she fell unconscious.

Yuuki laughed. He snorted in annoyance.

Because of Kotoko, officially, his day of exercise was over.

Just he begged not to be her instructor.

Of course, because of Noriko Irie, that would be impossible.

AN: Right now my times are not pretty, so, no fast updates as I'd like.

But I hope this chapter was good for you; eventually, things will change.

All my love, Karo

Seraphina: Thanks, honey. I loved your words. Kotoko smart? Well, she'll be kinda different it this fic, although her spirit will remain. But she won't be the silly girl of always, she'll show what she's made of. Bisous :)