Chapter 18
It depends on how you look at it
"Have you heard what people say?" Naoki looked up from his book to Watanabe, who always tried to find out things that happened.
Naoki had realized a long time ago that his friend liked rumors. He didn't know if his career choice, Law, would be suited for him, because sometimes Watanabe's good ear for rumors, gave him the impression that he should be a journalist. Although his opinion wasn't needed and, also, his friend had qualities that would serve him in Law and had his mind set in that future… something Naoki lacked, so he shouldn't be one to talk.
He raised an eyebrow and Watanabe took the chair in front of him.
"All Class F's students, except one, have passed examinations and have the opportunity to graduate and go to Tonan if they want," mentioned his classmate amazed. Naoki nodded, thinking that the only missing was Ikezawa, probably because he was the only one who did not attend to his tutoring.
He didn't know whether Ikezawa didn't attend due to pride, disgust or disinterest, but it was better for him because he wouldn't have to help the guy who had too many attentions with his girlfriend.
"Apparently, this does not surprise you," pointed his friend. He shrugged. "I guess after seeing Aihara-san's skills, it isn't strange."
Naoki released a low laugh.
"If only you knew," he murmured when the bell to start class rang.
"Young students, the last stage of your school studies at Tonan begins," said his sensei entering the classroom, drawing everyone's attention for the next lesson.
That was the way of his sensei to start the last part of the academic year. For the last year's, the third trimester began almost in December, as the university exams were close; otherwise, their exams would be on next week and the last trimester would start in January.
"I know it will be tough. The entrance test to the best universities are close and these are very important, more difficult than the common ones, but I trust you, Class A."
Naoki rolled his eyes; there they were, again with the same. And he still was anywhere.
Well, if by February he didn't have a clue about a path, he'd work one year at Pandai to find out if he should give it a chance in his future, perhaps not as its president, but in another area. He would do it to don't feel that he was not doing anything with his life… that he didn't have a dream, or that he didn't know what to do or where to go…
He needed it to don't feel that he was…
He wanted to have the same faith that Kotoko had in him, because she trusted that he would take Todai test happily knowing his career; she even had the purpose of occupying the winter holidays just in that. Meanwhile… he thought there was nothing that could give real meaning to his life.
He sighed.
He should stop his self-pity act. It was stupid and improper for him.
He was not a failure.
Moreover, he should value the great efforts that Kotoko made for him.
[…]
"My teacher wept with emotion when he said the grades today," Kotoko commented at his side with impressed voice.
There was a silent moment, so Naoki gave her a surreptitious glance. She smiled, after shaking her head, and removed her hand from her stomach.
"Kin-chan did not approve, but he bragged he already has a plan to get ahead of us in society."
He rolled his eyes, crinkling his nose after the mention of the guy.
"Satomi told him that this was an excuse, though he only laughed, saying she was jealous. I cannot think what he can do if he doesn't pass the exams to graduate." Kotoko laughed. "His face, when the teacher asked him to study after school with him, was funny."
He gave a slight laugh at that. Ikezawa deserved it; he shouldn't have put any effort to pass that exam.
"I've been thinking all day and I don't see you like that thing of Crimonilogy."
"Criminology," he corrected. That was the last one of C, after too many sciences and other professions starting with that letter. She had continued to devote her time to him and his dilemma, sometimes even exceeding his interest. She made it so carefully as if it was for her and he should feel embarrassed, but it made him feel proud of her and indebted.
Sometimes he wished he had her determination and persistence.
Kotoko made several attempts without finding the right word.
"Criminology," he repeated, not bothering to do it.
"Well, that!" Kotoko said, giving up. He snorted, amused. "And I thought of you as a detective, like this man in movies, Sherlock Holmes." He rolled his eyes without saying that the idea came from a series of books. "I pictured you solving difficult crimes and catching the bad guys… and you like mystery books."
Naoki shook his head, hardly think about it; he wasn't interested. Investigating crimes could have his dose of adrenaline and novelty, but it was very close to the police, and he did not want to get involved in a system that he often questioned.
"What about becoming a dentist? That's with D, it should be next on the list."
The next ones were Dancer and Database Administrator, but even so, he replied:
"Aren't you skipping to O?"
"O?" Kotoko asked frowning her eyebrows.
He snorted again. It wasn't important for her that it was "Odontologist" in her list. "It doesn't matter. And no, I'm not interested in spending a lifetime exploring the mouth of others."
Moreover, he felt dislike by the mere thought.
She started laughing and he smiled slyly.
"And designer?" asked Kotoko later.
"What kind of?" he said, without much interest in that area, opening the gate of their house.
"There are many?"
He nodded.
"I did not know… uh… clothes?"
They finished going up the stairs. The door opened before he did; his mother received them on the other side.
"Kotoko-chan, did you forget it?" asked his mother and his girlfriend frowned.
"What did I?" she questioned her, with fear in her voice. Naoki, intrigued, watched his mother.
"No, no, it's nothing serious. But remember that today I'm going with Dad to a dinner and you will cook," his mother explained, waving her right hand in a conciliatory gesture.
"It is safe?" He could not help but ask, before heading to the stairs.
"Onii-chan! Kotoko-chan has greatly improved."
"To cook an entire meal?" He asked, scowling. It was an important doubt.
Kotoko blushed, but he did not rethink. His mother was giving her too much responsibility; she must see the reality, even if she trusted his girlfriend. Kotoko was bad in the kitchen, her many attempts ended in failure, or at least, that was the last thing he knew, thanks to Yuuki.
His brother was more interested in that because, despite accepting her, he still bothered sometimes, especially with her lack of culinary skills, her worst quality.
"She can do it, right, Kotoko-chan?"
His girlfriend, without hesitation, nodded.
He sighed and shrugged. If both thought it was safe, he should try it, even if he wasn't sure.
…Therefore, when he came down at dinnertime, he gave a scornful look to the dishes, trying to guess what they were, because their appearance was rare.
"Weren't you better?" He had to ask, watching the brown liquid with a meat and some vegetables in a bowl, imagining that it could be a kind of stew, like the recipes of his mother.
Being honest, he asked himself if eating something that did not look appetizing could be wrong.
Yuuki made the sound of gagging.
His girlfriend placed the last dish with a decent—at least—rice and laughed a little.
"I wanted to try something new and impress you," she said, biting her lower lip.
"Well, this is disgusting, baka," condemned Yuuki in an exaggerated way, which made her drop her face in shame.
Naoki sighed. "It's what we have to eat," he muttered, without reprimanding Yuuki, but also without giving a favorable opinion to Kotoko. He could not lie about that, the broth didn't encourage him to eat.
At least he hoped he wasn't extremely unpleasant with his words.
He tasted the food, and grimaced at the salty broth, although the meat and the vegetables were well cooked. Perhaps she had to be far away of the salt and leave everybody to add it at their liking.
He bit a piece of meat and it hit him, excessively, the taste of spices that flavored the broth.
Besides him, Yuuki did the same face… even Kotoko, who blushed in deep crimson and made an expression of disgust.
He tried the rice and noticed the taste was much better. At least she did something edible with the practiced things. If she had not left her comfort zone, the dinner would have been better.
Naoki thought that if he combined the broth with the rice, he could finish eating, although spices let his tongue irritated. However, he should definitely make her swear not to try new things when she wasn't supervised. Of course, if she had plans to cook in the future.
"You don't need to finish, we could try for a take-out," Kotoko said in a whisper.
"That's a waste," he spoke, before Yuuki. "We won't throw away food," he reprimanded his brother. "Just eat the broth with the rice, it tastes better."
"Naoki-kun…"
His brother sighed audibly. "All right, onii-chan."
He looked at Kotoko, who ate almost nothing of the dinner, and toyed with the rest of her meal. Maybe from shame.
Of course, he was not going to fool her saying that what she did was good. He liked her, but it did not mean he had to be blind to reality. The meal she had done was awful, he should let her know, but he understood that she did her best and that was better than his own empty successes.
[…]
The next morning, Naoki found the bathroom door open and went in to brush his teeth, stopping short when he saw the messy figure of Kotoko, who had her blouse and pants unkempt, her hair tangled and her eyes red; an appearance that stunned him. She must have fallen asleep, as she wasn't wearing her uniform yet.
"Such bad appearance," he remarked, more as a joke, though his tone did not let a glimpse of it.
She stirred and opened her eyes, before covering her face and trying to style her hair, though it remained messy.
He let out a laugh. "Don't take it so seriously," he said, putting toothpaste on his toothbrush and rinsing his mouth before cleaning it.
He saw her looking at him between her fingers and rolled his eyes. At that moment, she put her hands to her sides, without taking her eyes off him, frowning some seconds.
He used mouthwash, wondering if she intended to stay all the time looking and not preparing for school. She looked away and he imagined if it would be one of the issues of women barely speak to men.
Naoki shrugged, he didn't have that kind of intimacy with her to bring it up, so he hurried to leave the bathroom, but he realized she still did not move, and instead she put a hand close to her stomach.
"Don't be late to school," he advised, deciding not to wait for her at home and give her time to go out when she considered it appropriate; she could see his presence as a way to rush her.
She nodded, her face slightly rosy, and closed the bathroom door behind him.
[…]
Naoki saw Kotoko shrink as they walked back home and frowned, puzzled by her period. He didn't think her menses could cause such a degree of pain, as in recent months she never showed such responses, and he saw her daily, so hardly some things go unnoticed (a few days—he dared not consciously do the math—she acted differently).
He stopped a few steps ahead of her. She, reaching him, smiled as though nothing had happened, but her face was slightly flushed.
"Are you well?" he asked politely.
She waved her head. "Yes, it's nothing."
During the way home, he continued observing her, wondering if, indeed, the female period that caused those reactions. She seemed strange and, for a moment, he saw her put her hand in a place that wasn't her underbelly. He could not see, due to her baggy school uniform, if she had inflammation.
On leaving the station, she returned to shrink her body, holding now her stomach.
"Kotoko…"
"I'm fine, really."
He sighed, if she did not want to tell him, to insist would be useless. Besides, he was not used to it. They kept walking in silence.
"Naoki-kun… I…" He turned towards her and moved quickly seeing that her eyes became white and she was beginning to pass out.
"Kotoko!" he yelled, dropping his briefcase and holding her in his arms, watching as her head fell back.
She had fainted.
He had a feeling of dread. She was boiling.
He knelt on the floor with her in his arms and listened to, with his heart racing, steps coming closer to where they were. "Kotoko," he called, patting her on the cheek, worried by her temperature and her lack of reaction. "Hell, wake up," he said; ordering his head to keep cool, thinking about the seriousness of what she could have, ignoring his heartbeat and concern in a part in his mind, now, not so important.
He needed her awoken to tell him what she felt.
"Do I call an ambulance?" asked someone, just when he saw that she was beginning to blink.
He denied without speaking. He would take her directly to the hospital now he saw that she reacted. That way he would not separate from her.
He watched her take her hands to her stomach. "Naoki-kun, it hurts," she whispered with a little sweat on her forehead.
"Where it hurts, specifically?" he questioned, and she held her stomach, although she deviated her hand slightly to the right.
"I… I'm dizzy."
For a moment, it crossed his mind that she had something serious, but denied, as he was not a doctor to assert it, it was his concern for her that made him think so. In addition, he expected to be something of the appendix, the place where her hand was.
"I'll take you to the hospital," he said and saw how the passerby stopped a taxi. He thanked him with a nod.
He rose with Kotoko in arms, who leaned her head to his shoulder, amid quivers, and placed her in the vehicle carefully before entering too. He thanked the passerby as he handed him their belongings and, also, closed the door. He let the taxi-driver speeded up heading to the nearest hospital, to which they were assigned.
"I think… the food…" Kotoko whispered, softly, and a shiver ran down that made him frown.
"No," he cut her monologue. "Yuuki or I would have had the same reaction," he assured; her food had been very bad, but hadn't given them serious consequences to their stomachs.
He let her lean on his arm during the way to the hospital and, after paying, he helped her get in, directing her to a nurse on duty, to whom he quickly explained the situation. Promptly the nurse took her to the cubicle of a physician.
After that, he waited a long time until the physician went out and gave him news about Kotoko, who would be operated for appendicitis, beyond giving her drug treatment. He did not fully understand what they said but relied on the judgment of physician.
However, he wondered how long she remained silent of her pain, when he sought information about it—he wanted to know, unsure with ignorance.
In the middle of his reading, he realized that he should call their relatives.
[…]
"Can we go into Kotoko-chan's room?"
Naoki rolled his eyes and turned to the page of the magazine in the waiting room. That was the umpteenth time his mother asked the question; it had been almost five minutes since the last time she had asked the same.
"In a few minutes," he answered for the first time, calculating the time of the surgery and the anesthesia to pass its effect, so that they let them enter. He took into account what the surgeons had said before.
Shigeo-san, at his side, sighed with relief. According to what his mother told him, he associated hospitals with the death of his wife and was distressed with her daughter in one of them, even though the operation was a simple procedure for the surgeon, as a nurse tried to reassure him.
He could not question his father-in-law, because he wasn't a father and was unaware of the concern that gave him the welfare of his daughter, with the history he had with hospitals.
For a brief moment, Naoki was concerned about Kotoko, but not enough to be clouded and, once he knew what it was, the remnants of his reactions disappeared. So, he went to the hospital cafeteria while she was being operated, then joined his family in the waiting room when they arrived, doing his homework calmly, without particular attention to the constant sounds of the hospital.
Why was he lying? For a brief moment, he was afraid; a feeling linked to ignorance of the situation, his not enough actions, and… because it was a person very close to him.
Now he was in his usual composure. However, he had never felt that kind of confusion and insecurity, much less that fear that something could fail because of the lack of control of the circumstances, even with his ability. Even more with someone linked to him.
He could not know everything; before he was aware of it… just he had never had it so clear.
He sighed.
The nurse on duty called them and led them to Kotoko's room, only occupied by her.
Shigeo-san and his mother ran to where his girlfriend was beginning to wake up. His father was with Yuuki at home because his brother was not allowed to enter, but his mother had just phoned them.
"Young man, visiting hours ended an hour and a half ago; you only have ten minutes to see the patient. She needs to rest," informed him a nurse different than earlier, this seemed younger. He frowned; she was the fifth one that he had seen in those hours, watching him a bit much, as if he didn't notice.
How annoying.
He gave a nod in response.
"Kotoko-chan."
"Kotoko."
The aforementioned shook her head, a little disoriented. "Dad? Oba-sama?" She moved her head slightly. "Naoki-kun? What happened?"
"Kotoko-chan, we're so happy you're okay."
"Daughter, do not ever scare us like that."
He approached the bed and sat in the chair next to it, placing both school bags on the floor. He noted that the adults were confusing her.
"You had an appendix surgery hours ago," he explained, crossing his arms.
Kotoko blinked and wanted to sit; watching that the others did nothing, he approached, preventing her from stretching the area that was operated on, where she placed her hand with a grimace.
"It's already night?" she asked, looking away to the window.
"Yes," said his mother. "I'll stay with you."
His girlfriend shook her head.
"There's no need, oba-sama, and you have to be home. Nor do you have to stay, Dad. I'm fine. The people here will look after me." She smiled at everyone, in the way she always did, although she must be slightly bothered by the recent operation, and did not show it. "I am sorry to have worried you."
"Then, onii-chan…" His mother replied.
"No," Kotoko interrupted, raising her hand with micropore tape and an IV. "There's school tomorrow, and I'm just going to sleep."
"Oh, Kotoko-chan…"
"Does the patient need something?" Interrupted a different nurse, appearing at the entrance.
Naoki rolled his eyes, he preferred the older of a few hours ago; that woman didn't avert her gaze to him, like this one.
"No," Kotoko said, frowning when he saw the nurse came and stood close to him, to "adjust" her pillow.
Her perfume dizzied him.
"His brother has been here a lot of time, doesn't he want something?" Asked the nurse turning to him with a big smile and he had to admire her inventiveness.
"The patient is me," Kotoko muttered, causing the nurse to nod, still looking at him.
He laughed and saw that Kotoko opened her eyes wide, clenching her hands into fists, putting her knuckles white.
"Kotoko-chan is not my son's sister," announced his mother. "She is his girlfriend. And you can now leave us alone," she muttered, while Shigeo-san seemed amused by the situation.
The young nurse turned red and nodded, leaving the room without looking at anyone.
"Those women," grumbled his mother and Kotoko at the same time. Shigeo-san and he laughed in unison, amused.
Kotoko leaned on the pillow with a tired expression; he imagined that the effect of anesthesia was the one that did so, and felt it was best to let her rest, knowing that the next day, after so long in bed, she would want to climb the walls. She would be discharged on Thursday morning, if there were no complications, let them know the surgeon, but "it is sure there won't be, it was the right time, without peritonitis".
In a few days, they would take away the knots, but she should do quiet activities for two and a half weeks to three, after the medical discharge.
His mother had said she would be responsible for caring for her daughter, who at the time yawned.
"Tomorrow we will come to see you, Kotoko-chan, but for now, rest."
She laid on the bed and all three were prepared to leave.
Kotoko held his hand, stopping him. "Thanks, Naoki-kun."
He snorted and shook his head slightly, pulling away after a few seconds.
"Don't pretend to be well again," he advised, hanging the two bags, not reproaching her for making him feel feared for her, due to ignorance. It was not her fault at all.
"Good night, Kotoko," he said, and she closed her eyes.
The three went to the door, leaving the room in silence.
Naoki gave her one last look before leaving.
[…]
The afternoon of the day when Kotoko left the hospital, Naoki entered her bedroom, with a sheet where appeared exercises and activities of Class F. He had managed to obtain that from her teachers, who had said that there would be no problem that she went until Monday, especially if she had an excellent tutor at home, that would check she keep up to date, although she had become so good student and would not need it at all.
She made a face, among all the pillows and stuffed animals that his mother settled into bed to keep her comfortable (he grimaced looking at them).
"Naoki-kun!" Kotoko said in her eternal happiness and he took the desk chair, sitting beside the bed. "I never thought I'd say it, but I want to go to school," she crossed her arms, "or do something," she pouted. "Oba-sama don't let me move."
The day she was in the hospital she didn't look that annoyed.
"Then I have good news," he replied mockingly, showing her the sheet.
The expressive hazel orbs his girlfriend followed closely the paper.
"No, I don't want to do something anymore!" She gave a whimper. "Not homework."
"And your desire to go to school?" he asked, amused by her childish attitude.
"To talk," grumbled Kotoko.
Naoki snorted; so typical of her.
Anyway, her friends will sort that because they planned to visit her, as they told him when they cross paths.
He placed the sheet on her stomach, making her hold it with her hand and near her face.
"These are the tasks of these two days and tomorrow, until you return on Monday. You'll have something to entertain you tomorrow," he remarked, entertained with her whiny expression while watching the large number of activities of physics.
"This is unfair; the sensei gives more homework when I'm not there."
He thought, however, that he had her now in high regard, due to his words about her. She gave a good image to her classmates and increased the one of Class F, which never stood out academically.
"Stop complaining, the early you start…"
"I won't finish early", she refuted under her breath.
If she thought so, good for her.
He stood. "No, stay a few moments," she begged, fluttering her eyelashes.
"I'll do my homework," he said, not sitting.
Kotoko puffed her cheeks, nodding. She should have forgotten that it did not take him long; he'd be back to help her in a while, when he had finished his.
"Do what you can until I return for your lesson," he instructed, looking for her school supplies.
"Naoki-kun…" she called her when he was arranging some books on the chair, so that she had them on hand. "I was thinking… I think you'd make a good doctor," she said and he looked up at her, whose eyes held a different brightness. "You could help many people like the ones in the hospital and help cure diseases with the big brain of yours."
He tried to think about that for a moment, but she, with her head bowed, spoke before:
"Although, well, I do not like much thinking that you'd be surrounded by beautiful and intelligent female doctors or nurses."
He snorted, shaking his head, concluding his mental task. It was greatly funny her attitude about that.
He approached Kotoko, who raised her face, and pressed his finger to her forehead, before averting her bangs.
"Silly, I wouldn't study to see the staff," he replied, with a hint of a joke. "That's something you would do."
At least, to watch him.
She opened her mouth, and then closed it in indignation, saying nothing.
He left the room laughing, considering, at the bottom, the words of her blushing girlfriend.
[…]
Naoki rolled his eyes.
"Mama, give Kotoko-chan a break," pleaded his father, near the door, where his mother put a scarf to his girlfriend, before helping her to change her shoes while she wore a pained face, as if the assistance of his mother was too much.
They were.
"I only care for Kotoko-chan," replied his mother, raising the school bag up and down, checking its weight.
"Don't act as if she were pregnant," muttered Naoki, eager to leave school at once, tired of waiting, because he could not go until Kotoko was ready.
He longed for the three days of the last week, when, in the morning and afternoon, he wasn't with the redhead. Although—he must admit to himself—, he felt strange and almost, not that it was, miss her.
He would not say it, but three silent days, after months of constant chatter and vigilance, were rare and were not the same. To his misfortune, he had grown accustomed to her company. Earlier that year, he would have had the same opinion, but since that time he knew that, just a little, he had changed his thinking and acting.
Since he accepted Kotoko in his life.
Oh, she was quite a force of nature. He thought sarcastic the phrase of the great Noriko Irie.
"The cab must be here," said his mother suddenly.
"What?"
"Kotoko-chan and you will go to school by cab, I called it," she explained, answering his question.
"If she takes it easy, the road will not be very serious," he opined.
Also, he would make sure she did… Nevertheless, on second thought, with Kotoko there could not be tranquility, she was a whirlwind, even in her current circumstances.
"As you're not a doctor, you cannot comment," argued his mother, opening the door and clapping her hands. "There it is. Go down carefully, Kotoko-chan."
He would make no arguing with his mother, he thought, while watching that Kotoko descended the steps without haste and without tangling with her own feet.
"As you're not a doctor, you cannot comment."
He recalled again Kotoko's words, then the weekend reading sporadically on the Internet. Maybe… no, he needed to read more about it, without giving a yes or no to the profession.
He went into the taxi with Kotoko and she said goodbye to his family with a smile.
"With the big brain of yours". What would happen if he used his intelligence for the welfare of people? What would happen if, as Kotoko said, he used his skills for the society and not just to himself? Would he enjoy serving the sick people?
"You could help many people like the ones in the hospital and help cure diseases."
Until that moment, all he knew was that he felt the need to know what she had, after which he felt satisfaction knowing that he was not mistaken and she could be taken care of quickly. He could start researching and keep wondering if medical career could be for him.
He watched Kotoko askance, as she hummed looking out. If she looked at it…
AN: Hi!
This chapter's name was meant to be: "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder", the phrase in English related to the Spanish one, but the meaning isn't the same. I hope the "It depends on how you look at it" is better.
Also, as in the original, I used "Physician" and "Odontologist", instead of the common names for the careers.
Dear God, I have almost 3 hundred words left and 2 months of this year. I'll do my best to, at least, have half of it done this sixty days ha,ha.
Thanks for reading!
With love, Karo.