Chapter 19

The matryoshka

Naoki laid his eyes on Kotoko; with a puzzled look, he watched her slowly approaching where he was. A smile was forming in her face.

He sat up in his bed, wondering what she wanted, when she surprised him by placing one knee on the mattress and standing astride of his legs. Slowly, she got close to the lower part of his body, where she began to move in a circular way, warming his skin and activating his bloodstream to the area where she was, making him stiffen in response.

From his own mouth, he heard out a groan of discomfort. He felt a frustration grow in his body, which rushed to his hands and made him raise them toward the hips of Kotoko, to stop that strange deed that only stirred him up, because it would not end in the common way. She had just been operated not long ago and their relationship was not like that.

Although he felt attracted to continue.

His hands began to ascend the hips of Kotoko, to the waist, then his right hand slipped under her top pajamas, causing a gasp and a shiver of her small mouth, when her hot skin made contact with his on her stomach. His left hand brushed the place of the scar, reminding him that he should not keep going, but instinct was stronger and prompted him to hoist slowly the bottom of her blouse.

Kotoko placed her hands on his chest and leaned into his mouth; he stepped forward, taking possession of her lips, moving his slowly, making out the tip of his tongue to enter the cavity of hers and feel the touch of her wet mouth. It made him experience heat inside, more than he already felt, with fire running through his veins. She continued her dance above him, who slid his lips over her jaw, delivering light kisses until he reached her neck and tasted her white skin.

Naoki smiled as he heard her gasp when he reached a point in her neck that he discovered was sensitive. He continued up her blouse, guided by touch, and laid his eyes on her earlobe, which his lips gave attention. She pressed her fingers into his shoulders and a moan escaped her throat.

He broke away and looked into her eyes, bright and slightly darkened. She blinked, before outlining a mischievous smile and putting her hands on him, to speed up his work.

He removed his hands from the cloth and positioned them on her tiny waist, feeling longing, looking expectantly at the skin of her stomach that was appearing before his eyes. He licked his lips, swallowing saliva, expectantly.

He lowered his eyelids and breathed in.

When he opened them, he found darkness. Moreover, his hands were clenching the sheets.

His gasp broke the stillness of the dark and quiet room and he gritted his teeth in anger and frustration, so much that it hurt his jaw.

Thus, in the middle of the night, he got angry with himself. First, by the kind of dream he'd just had (which was normal, he knew, but didn't comfort him, because bring it to reality was difficult); and second, by not concluding that twisted fantasy starring Kotoko, where her act wasn't exactly as he thought of her, though her body really was the same.

Or what he had seen.

In addition to the day of the pond, where he glimpsed her breasts, she had now shown him her tiny scar, amazed by the surgeon's work; in the current time, a few days after that, he was having that kind of dream that, he cursed, did not stay in his unconscious.

Of course, they had never been in a similar situation, to know how it would be at such a time… He shouldn't be thinking about it, but his night-mind and his current discomfort made it impossible to change the topic in his head. His relationship with her was not so physical, that aspect would be presented later and he would find out the way then…

That was disappointing, partly.

And a bad thought. Because by now it was unthinkable that something like that would happen, and neither was their priority. Nor he spent all the time thinking about it.

He didn't see Kotoko and thought of them like that, obviously, he didn't, although he liked her, something that had already been clear in the past.

"Hell," he cursed, hearing a snort of Yuuki in the midst of his dreams. His must be calm, without suffering the kind of episode that had just happened to him, an erotic dream with his girlfriend, who must also be sleeping quietly, with the same pajamas he saw in the dream world. She did not know what was going through his head, resting and enjoying her night.

Naoki did not know why he'd dreamed of that.

He shook his head, this was not the best time to mull over this, not with his body somewhat sweaty… and a pulsating tension between his legs, which he wouldn't relief in a way he considered shameful, yet still normal. How annoying.

Neither he wanted to use the cold way; he hoped libido diminished alone.

He had to keep his mind completely blank and relax his body. Something that could get difficult in his current circumstances.

He gritted his teeth. He needed a repulsive thought to distract him; concentrating on numbers or words would not help him, they didn't occupy his mind enough.

Excellent time for hormones to work with his body.

It was frustrating and annoying, irritating. Why did something like that had to happen to him?

"A loathing thought…" he whispered closing his eyes tightly.

He started brooding on things and somehow, sleep or fatigue, caught him first.

[…]

The doorbell rang and Naoki, in the middle of watching TV like the rest of his family, raised his head towards the door. They had the same expressions of bewilderment. He picked up the TV remote and set silent for a moment, and then took another sip his coffee.

His mother, with a curious expression, went to open the door, while he wondered who might be visiting, a few moments before dinnertime.

"Come in, come in. Onii-chan, is for you!" Yelled his mother, making him feel more intrigued.

"Who is it?" Kotoko asked for him. Calmer as not to blush for the dream he had with her, he saw her leaning carefully to place her cup of hot chocolate in the plate on the table.

She opened her eyes with the focus behind him, forcing him to look at the door.

There, at the top of the stairs, were her two friends, smiling.

"They again," Yuuki muttered, and he understood his discomfort, they weren't his favorite too. He watched them descend rapidly, with a gift box in their hands, which gave him a bad feeling.

"Jinko? Satomi? What are you doing here? What do you have there? And why did oba-sama say you came for Naoki-kun?

The two girls smiled and turned to face him.

"We come representing Class F."

"Great," muttered his brother. He nodded.

"What do you want now?" Naoki asked curtly, resisting the urge to roll his eyes at the girls.

"Do not say that onii-chan; it was very good that you could have a good time with Kotoko-chan's classmates."

"Sure," he said sarcastically, raising an eyebrow at his girlfriend's friends.

"We've brought Irie-san a gift in thanks for having taught us and helped us pass our exams," explained the taller girl.

"Thank you, Irie-san!" They said in unison, bowing their heads.

"I do not need a gift," he said loudly, not caring what others thought.

"Even so, we have brought it," the brunette replied, giving him the box with her head high. "We all think of this."

"Come, onii-chan, open it."

Kotoko and Yuuki leaned towards him, to have a look, and he saw his father paid close attention to his movements.

He sighed and undid the red bow enveloping the box, and then removed the top cover.

His left eyelid trembled when he saw the content. He grimaced and pulled out the doll made of cloth from inside; it had about forty centimeters, with coppery hair and brown eyes, and it was dressed in uniform, similar to his girlfriend.

"It's Kotoko-chan!" Cried his mother. "So cute!"

"I do not play with dolls," he claimed, looking distastefully at the gift. Especially because it made him remember the time when his mother dressed him as a girl and the many dolls that accompanied him in her photo shoots.

"Don't be like that, onii-chan, they gave you a doll that looks like your girlfriend."

And that was good because…?

"We know he has the real one, but thought it was the best we could give him," said the taller girl, with an amused smile. "And…"

The other girl ran to the exit, while Naoki experienced a wave of annoyance.

"For Kotoko, for helping us so Irie-san taught us," continued Satomi, mysteriously.

"We have her a Naoki-kun!" completed the other friend, returning with another doll, like him, that she gave to his girlfriend, who smiled and squealed as if she had received the moon.

"So nice!" Kotoko blurted, and Yuuki laughed. The doll had brown hair and violet eyes like his and a line as a mouth, without a hint of a smile. It was a manual creation like Kotoko, defective.

Naoki pressed his lips into a line and undid the gesture with his eyes on the face of the doll, which had that expression.

"Thank you!" Kotoko shouted with great spirits, hugging her gift.

He saw, without much pleasure, the doll he still had in his hands.

"You're so wonderful!" said delighted his mother, who at some point took out her camera and recorded everything. "Onii-chan! Don't you have something to say?"

"You shouldn't have bothered," he remarked ironically.

Kotoko's two friends shook their heads, without understanding, believing that he meant by kindness, surely. He gave a warning look at Yuuki, telling him to shut his laugh up.

He looked at the gift, what would he do with a doll? It was a stupid gift, and he didn't want a copy of her in his bedroom. Really, what kind of things did Kotoko's classmates thought of?

'I bet they believed that it would make me very happy', he thought, glancing at Kotoko, hugging her ridiculous gift.

That wasn't the case. Surreptitiously, he would get it to stay in her room.

If he got rid of the doll, he would not see tomorrow.

[…]

"Onii-chan, you have to buy a Christmas' gift for Kotoko-chan!"

Cursing under his breath, Naoki looked at his mother. She returned to her insistence of always, this time for the day supposedly dedicated to romantic couples. They were silly stuff; he had always thought that they did not need a special day to celebrate, with all the romantic paraphernalia concentrated on that day.

"Onii-chan! She is working to give you a gift."

He narrowed his eyes and stopped reading the website he had in the laptop, turning the chair over to his mother. What was that silly doing working just a week and a half after her operation?

"What kind of job?" he asked, crossing his arms.

She would deserve a good scolding if it was one of the heavy types, by going against doctor's orders, and because, if anything happened, he and the others would suffer the consequences, having to attend her in the future.

"I don't know, Kotoko-chan doesn't tell me," his mother whispered with a pout.

And when had that stopped her? He thought sarcastically. Then he recalled the summer, when Kotoko took a temporary job; at the time, his mother did not follow her or find out much about it. Therefore, as it did not happen then, it came into his head that she wanted him to have an interest in her activities.

Naïve, as if his world revolved around Kotoko.

He would inquire whether it was a heavy work.

"Maybe she'll tell you where she works," his mother said. He rolled his eyes and turned to the desk; without thinking, he closed the browser and turned off the laptop.

Then he got up and went for his coat and scarf, which he began to put with his mother's eyes following his movements. In addition, he took part of his savings.

"Are you going out to look for Kotoko?" She inquired with a big smile. "Will you buy her a gift?"

He duly adjusted his blue scarf around his neck and shook his head, twisting a mocking smile.

"I'm going to the bookstore," he explained funny, going to the door of the room.

"Onii-chan!" she shouted at his back. "Don't be mean!"

He laughed and went downstairs at a fast rhythm, in high spirits. For the first time, he was really determined and interested; he felt that it was possible for him to become a doctor, to the point of believing that he could have a dream, like many others. He could be good in the field and develop in a specific area where he could use his knowledge and skills in curing diseases.

He had reached a profession that interested him, thanks to Kotoko; he felt it was something he could do, and had felt excitement at Kotoko's prospect of being a doctor, thinking it so as he read.

It would not be the easiest thing in the world, it was a demanding career, which in a sense would mean more work than other jobs; it required perseverance, effort, and dedication. Moreover, he discovered a genuine interest in using his skills and good traits that had been given to him in life, to help others. As Kotoko said, for the society, not so much for himself.

There was the detail, he always wanted to know for him, what he could do, and until he had not seen the other way, with a different perspective of his future, he could not find an answer. After deciding, he could think about the benefits that it would bring him.

In addition, with Kotoko's help, he was able to discern other perspectives and had not felt alone in the path of discovering his future.

He already had his choice of the future, after many months mulling without deciding on anything in particular.

He could have chosen anything, he had the ability, but deep inside he hadn't wanted to err on something that was not for him, he hadn't wanted to fail, he had wished that his choice were correct. Err meant something he did not want for himself, because he knew deep inside it was an affectation to the persona that had taken him a long time to build.

Fortunately, medicine was an opportunity for him and a choice with its difficulties, but he'd face it, as hard as it could be. And he would put his strength on it because he felt that with that path he was taking the right direction. It would not be easy, but he would give his all for trying and not failing.

Walking down the street, he shoved his hands in his pockets and let out a big sigh.

Only he knew the deep meaning behind it.

[…]

Along Watanabe, Naoki walked silently in the busy streets of the city, with the mind on the bookstore, nodding at certain times when the brunette addressed a direct question.

He had met his classmate in the subway exit, and he had joined him when he knew both were going to the same place, the bookstore. It was Watanabe's first stop before going to buy a gift for his girlfriend—that Naoki didn't even know he had.

"I've been saving my allowance to buy my first book of law," excitedly remarked the other, finished the talk about his girlfriend (finally).

He thought that many people changed because of Christmas, Valentine's Day and White Day, as his classmate, who had never given much rambling, at this time was talking too much about his plans for his girlfriend. He would not have thought Watanabe would be someone very open, but they weren't deeply related, to the point of knowing.

They reached the front of the bookstore that both sought.

"Isn't that Aihara-san?" Watanabe asked, pointing across the window, inside the bookstore, in a place away from the front of the establishment, but possible to see.

Naoki looked at the redhead within a few seconds, identifying her unique hair color, and nodded. She had a book in her lap, sitting on a chair, and around her there were children.

Then she leaned the book, moving her mouth, and infants began laughing, making clear that Kotoko was reading to them.

Who'd have said it? She, in a bookstore, reading to someone else?

At least she was reading to people with a mindset closer to hers, so she wasn't ashamed. She must understand what she read; he was surprised that someone that could be fifty in school did not get to read simple kanjis (the few ones in children books). Yuuki, until that day, scoffed when he did his homework and she was close.

"It seems that children like her," noted Watanabe.

He shrugged, thinking the same, before entering and receiving the warm temperature inside the library, unlike the cold air outside.

The voice of Kotoko reached his ears; it was a ridiculous imitation of the alleged voices of the different characters in the story, causing laughter and astonishment sounds of her audience. He acknowledged that she was conscious, looking for something that required being seated and uncharged of moving objects. She had saved herself from the reprimand.

Watanabe went to a place different from him, who searched the signs to find the section on medical books, where he read the titles to look for an Anatomic Atlas, the one he wanted to acquire, before anything else.

He went to the register and they quickly attended him, giving him a paper bag with his book.

His companion arrived at that moment with a small, but thick, book related to the criminal code.

"I'll see you tomorrow at school, Irie," said Watanabe after leaving the bookstore and Naoki nodded, taking the way back to the station, where he would take a direct line that went near his home. He didn't feel like changing lines.

Before arriving, he saw a cafeteria; he went in to order a black coffee and sit at a table where he pulled out his new purchase and opened it on the first page, not waiting until home.

After finishing the prologue, he took a sip of his drink and grimaced, thinking it was not as good as Kotoko's, who, to his surprise and bewilderment, prepared the drink in the traditional way, with the exact amount of coffee beans and water, making it his favorite—he took advantage of the moments when she prepared it.

Not that she knew he liked it, there were things that he did not need to say nor people should know.

He finished the coffee and the first chapter, dedicated to the conception of anatomy; then, he put the book on the bag and stood. The next time, he'd start with the basics. He already had a good precedent in his science classes, where he learned about the cells and everything related.

He left the cafe and went to the station. A few steps from its entrance, his gaze met a store of foreign articles; his eyes were caught by a Russian wooden doll on the other side of the window, just under half a foot, which made him remember the F's stupid gift.

He felt rare the presence of a matryoshka there, with the tensions between the two nations.

However, the thing that called his attention was the hair of the doll, which was orange, and her eyes, although it was Russian, strangely brown. Too much coincidence. The doll's face had a smile and her clothes were full of flowers, the dress had a white background and the part covering her head was completely red.

He thought for a moment and entered the store, wondering if it would be enough the amount he had in his wallet, which at the end, wasn't.

He shrugged and returned home.

[…]

On Tuesday, Christmas Day and winter holiday, Naoki locked himself in his room to read. He was unwilling to listen to his mother repeating insinuations of couples dates and happy young people walking holding hands and sharing their gifts, while she was decorating the house with stupid lights along his girlfriend, to give joy to their home.

His mother was of those people very interested in Western customs.

Someone knocked on the door and he sighed, recognizing whom. He allowed access to his girlfriend watching over his shoulder; she carried a steaming cup, that he identified had coffee, for the smell in his nostrils.

She handed him the cup with a smile and he accepted it with a nod, inhaling the incomparable aroma of caffeine before blowing it and taking a sip. He enjoyed it, as she had prepared it and because it had the ideal temperature not to burn his tongue.

Kotoko looked over his shoulder and he surreptitiously watched her eyes open wide.

"Is it a book of medicine?!" she asked high-pitched, and he nodded, placing the cup on the desk, away from the book, to keep reading. "Naoki-kun, you will study medicine?"

He nodded again, studying a picture of the coronal plane of the muscular system.

"Naoki-kun! That's great!" she said at his back and he took due care not to move the desk when she threw herself to hug him from behind. "I knew you could do it! I'm really happy for you! I know you're the best!"

"Be careful," he ordered, removing her hands around his neck, looking annoyed. "I have not even begun and it won't be as simple as other things. Don't make it look so lightly."

That it supposed a challenge in some ways also made him decide for it. He had made a conscious analysis.

"But…" Kotoko said moments after, "you are Naoki-kun and I trust you can do it," she affirmed with great faith, and he smirked, ironically, but with a sensation in the chest that could be defined as pride. "And what I bought you is perfect!" she cried so hard that he winced before she left the bedroom.

He took the cup again and with his finger outlined the muscles of the picture.

"Your Christmas gift." He blinked at the soft whisper, not realizing that she had returned to the room.

He rolled his eyes, because she would disturb him until he listened. He paid her attention, facing her rounding the chair.

He accepted the gift she offered him smiling and removed the wrapping to see two boxes connected by a masking tape, both with tools made for elderly, designed for tension and stress; they were a bracelet and a small neck massage machine.

"I'm not old," he whispered with a snort.

"Eh?" She wrinkled her nose with a confused expression.

He thought that was something expensive, like the previous gift from her, and nodded. "Thanks," he said dryly, wondering if she would start a custom of buying expensive items.

"I'll let you read, Naoki-kun." She giggled with her hands together, as in a dream. "Doctor Irie."

Naoki shook his head, rolling his eyes as she walked to the door.

"Kotoko," he called.

She jumped and turned, stopping. "Yes?"

He opened his drawer and pulled out the bag with the purchase of the store of last week. "Take this," he muttered, looking away uncomfortably, extending what he had bought in a stupid moment of solidarity with her, after thinking that she helped him to find a profession that interested him, and he would not have found out after some time.

"For me?" She took away the paper bag and he turned his head to watch her.

Kotoko smiled at the doll, with many meanings; but, for him, it seemed more precise the idea that it could represent different aspects to discover in a person as had happened to him in that year, with her.

To be honest, just with himself, admitting the true meaning of the doll, he was grateful that she helped him and took away the feeling that he was nobody… and that, despite being a genius, his life had no path.

She helped him find an answer, which he did not have, showing him multiple facets throughout the year. Kotoko had given him the satisfaction of saying he would do something and it wouldn't be a farce, nor a failure.

"It's very nice," Kotoko whispered, and he heard her whining. "Thank you, Naoki-kun."

He rolled his eyes for the sentimentality.

"Divide it," he instructed.

"How?"

"It parts at the bottom, take its head and hold it on the bottom." She pouted and nodded with narrowed eyes, before doing what he told her, sat on the bed.

"There's one inside!" she said, after getting off the top doll. She looked excited while looking at each of the six figurines inside, with different facial expressions, colors, designs, and types of clothing, without changing the physical features of the main doll. "I've never seen anything like this! I love it! Thank you!"

He turned to his book, pleased with her response.

"Now leave, I'm reading," he asked.

"Yes! I'll show this to oba-sama!"

He denied to himself and returned to his task, hoping his mother was satisfied and did not bother more on that day… or until long after the New Year.

AN: I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Karo.