Cordano twist on 'Rescue me' and 'The Dance We Do'...
Chapter Thirteen -
Fighting back the tears, Elizabeth fled his office and made a beeline for the elevator. Keeping her head down, she punched the button. She needed to find some space, needed to find fresh air to breathe and turned instead, for the stairs, pushing past the flow of people, until she reached the ambulance bay. It was raining hard and she hugged the wall with her back, trying not to get soaked. She put her head in her hands, and felt her legs giving way as she slowly slid down.
'What have I done?' she asked herself. She couldn't believe she'd hit him, but she was just so angry with him. How could he think she would have compromised her patient, just so she could get away for the weekend?! And how could he speak to her like that?!
"Elizabeth?"
She looked up to see Mark looking down at her with a concerned expression. "Are you okay?" He knelt down beside her, lifting his jacket above their heads in an attempt to stave off the rain.
She couldn't help it, and burst into tears. He put his arm around her and pulled her into his side. "Hey, hey, hey, what's the matter? C'mon, talk to me...what's he done?"
She tried to swallow the tears but failed. "Wh-what?"
"Romano...what's he done?"
She shook her head. "We just had a terrible row...I, I think we're over," she said, and the reality of those words tore at her and made fresh tears come.
Mark looked around them, then up at the heavens. "Let's get you out of this rain, okay? C'mon, we'll go grab a coffee and you can start from the beginning." His kindness was too much and she accepted his hand allowing him to pull her up and lead her across the road to Doc MaGoos's.
Once seated in a booth with coffee, Mark reached across and took her hands in his. He noted the absence of an engagement ring and tried not to smile. "So, what happened?"
She shook her head, not even sure where to begin and sniffed before wiping her face. "Well, for a start, I'm being sued for malpractice."
He wasn't expecting that. She filled him in on the surgery and its unfortunate outcome and he listened carefully. "Okay. But, I'm assuming Romano's got your back?"
"You would think so wouldn't you, but no. He pretty much said it's all my fault and warned me not to speak to anyone. We had a huge argument, and I...I threw his ring back at him!"
He tried not to smile at the image, but failed. "You're not going to listen to him, are you?"
"I don't think I have a choice, do I?"
"Of course you do, Elizabeth! You're being sued...you have to respond. You need to get yourself a lawyer."
"I know, but Robert was very insistent...he said he'd handle it."
"Yeah, I bet he did...you said he's been named in the suit? He's going to cover his own ass and hang you out to dry!"
"No, he wouldn't do that to me," she said shaking her head.
'Yes, he would Elizabeth," he said. "I told you didn't I? I told you he'd hurt you? You can't trust him, he's just protecting his own interest. Look, let me talk to my buddy Dave Medler. He's in Risk Management...off the record. See what he thinks."
She didn't believe for a moment Robert would hang her out to dry, but it couldn't hurt to get another opinion, she thought. "Okay. But strictly off the record, though." She pulled her hands back and wrapped them around the coffee cup and took a sip. "Thank you, Mark..I know we didn't really part on the best of terms; it's very sweet of you to help me."
"It's no problem."
"I'm sorry, I hate to drag you into this."
"Hey, like I said its no problem...we're still friends, right?"
She nodded and gave him a smile she didn't really feel.
"Well, friends help each other out," he said smiling and reached for his coffee.
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Robert sat in his car, his hands resting on the wheel, and stared at the darkened house. He didn't want to get out. He didn't want to go in, afraid of finding her gone. It was lashing it down with rain and the noise of it, battering against the car was deafening. "Fuck it", he said and opened the door, climbed out and raised his head upwards into the rain letting it soak him, no longer caring. God must really hate me, he thought. He trudged up the path and let himself in and knew instantly. She'd gone, left him, just like that, after one lousy argument. Still, he walked the whole of the house, looking in every room, hope still burning cruelly within him, but by the time he came back down the stairs, it had been extinguished and his worst fear... the one he'd confessed to her...realised.
He grabbed a bottle of scotch and a glass from the bar, then sat down on the couch and poured himself the first of many generous measures and drank to forget the day he ever laid eyes on her. He closed his eyes and wiped his hand across his face and noticed it was still wet, but figured that's what happens when you stand in the rain. He raised his glass up in an empty toast. "Happy fucking Thanksgiving," he said bitterly.
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Elizabeth came out of the bathroom stall and looked up to see Abby leaning against the sink, holding out a tissue. She accepted it and smiled gratefully, wiping her face.
"Feeling better?"
"A little," she said.
"Are you okay?" Abby asked quietly. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not really. I'm sure by now, the whole hospital knows we've split up," she confessed.
Abby gave a slight shrug. "You know the rumour mill."
"I suppose everybody is laughing?"
"You're joking, right? Elizabeth, no-one is laughing...just the opposite in fact. Since the two of you got together, Romano has almost been a pleasure. We like the happy, loved up Romano. We don't like broken-hearted, rampaging, Romano."
It hurt to hear how upset he obviously was. But it hurt even more, that he hadn't made any overtures about sorting things out. They'd done a spectacular job of avoiding each other the last two weeks. Any situations where they'd had to work together or speak, they'd been overly polite and formal with each other.
"You miss him, don't you?"
Elizabeth felt tears forming and nodded.
"Is there a chance of fixing it?"
"I don't know...we said some horrible things to each other. I even slapped him, and I..I threw his ring back in his face, Abby," she cried.
"Did he deserve it?"
Elizabeth thought hard. "Honestly? Probably not, but I was very angry. We both were...I'm not sure he even wants to try."
"Elizabeth, its clear to anyone with eyes in their head that, that man worships you. He'd do anything for you."
"Anything, but believe in me it seems."
"Have you never doubted him? Or, let him down?"
More times than I care to count, her inner voice said.
"Elizabeth, people argue all the time. There must be a way back for you? I've never seen you look happier since the two of you got together. Go find him, talk to him; hear him out at least. You'd be mad to throw it all away. Just my opinion..."
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"Hey, you okay Elizabeth? You look a bit pale," Mark said.
She nodded and gave a weak smile. "I'm fine. Tired and a little stressed..its the deposition on Monday."
"Ahh. Don't worry, just stick to the facts and you'll be fine."
"Yeah, that's what Gordon keeps telling me."
"He's a good lawyer. He'll get you through this."
"Let's hope."
He nudged his head in the direction she'd just come from. "So, did I see you just come out of Romano's office?"
"Yes and no," she sighed. "I wanted to talk to him, but he's not there. Brenda's just informed me he's gone to New York for a cardio-thoracic conference."
"The week before your deposition?! See, if he cared about you Elizabeth, he'd be here beating down your door, offering you help and support. He's probably not even at a conference. He'll be off with some bimbo..."
"Mark, stop it...please."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you, but like I said before...I know men like him, Elizabeth! You're better off without him. Look, I'm off Sunday. How 'bout I come round to yours? We can run through the Q&A together?"
She gave a small smile and nodded gratefully.
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Robert looked up as the door opened on his delighted mother. "Robbie?!"
"I was in New York for a conference. Thought I'd stop off on my way back," he explained and gave her a hug.
"Oh, bless you….what a lovely surprise. So is Elizabeth not with you?" Mary asked and saw the sadness fall over his face. "What's the matter?"
He looked down at his feet and took a deep breath before looking back up at her, and shrugged. "Short version...she left me."
"Best, you come in and tell me all about it then, boy."
Robert followed her into the kitchen and sat at the table he'd eaten so many meals from, and watched while she made coffee. She placed two steaming cups on the table, then turned to a cupboard and pulled out a bottle of Jameson's. "Drop of the hard stuff?"
He nodded and she poured a generous dram into both cups. Handing one to him, she sat opposite with hers. "So tell me then."
He lifted the cup to his mouth and took a quick sip. "We had a fight and she left me. She's not talking to me and I, well I think we're through."
"That look in your eyes tells me otherwise, Robert. What was the fight about?"
"It's stupid! There was a case that went bad at work. She messed up and a patient was left paralysed...I had to call her on it. We argued, and she basically threw the ring back in my face, and walked out on me."
She took a nip of her drink. "Does she know she did wrong?"
"She knows it. She just hasn't admitted it to herself yet...but, she will."
"And you know that how?"
"Because I know her."
"So when she's ready to admit it, be there for her."
"Did you miss the bit, where I said she threw the ring back in my face?"
"So, what? So she hurt your pride? Is that what you're telling me? Tell me, are you happy to be miserable then for the rest of your days, for the sake of your pride?"
"No….but I'd probably be wasting my time...even if I tried, she wouldn't talk to me."
"And have you? Tried?"
Robert looked down at his cup and took another, longer drink.
"That's what I thought. You're a bright boy Robbie, but sometimes you're as dense as your da was. To make a marriage work, especially when two strong willed people fall in love; at least one of you has to learn the art of compromise. You, my boy managed to find yourself a woman with an even bigger capacity for stubbornness than yourself. If you want to keep her, you're going to have to learn to be the one who compromises. And you have it within you. Don't be stupid. You and Elizabeth? Ya have something wonderful there. Don't throw it away just because she hurt your pride. It's not giving in, and it's certainly not being weak. When she comes to her senses, as you reckon she will...be there for her."
Robert drank his coffee and considered her words.
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Elizabeth sat on her couch wrapped in her bathrobe staring at the small white box that sat on the table next to the gigantic deposition brief. She took another sip from the glass of water she was nursing, and wondered how her happy life had turned so wrong, so quickly. The ringing of the telephone jolted her out of her miserable reverie, and she reached for it, snapping out an irritable, "Hello?"
"Hey Lizzie...it's me."
She closed her eyes at the sound of his voice, amazed at just how much she'd missed it, and overjoyed to hear him call her Lizzie, and not the Doctor Corday he'd taken to addressing her as.
"Lizzie?"
"I'm here..."
"How are you?"
"I'm okay. You?"
"I'm okay...just got back from the dullest conference ever. Look, Lizzie can I err, can I come over? I want us to talk...I want us to fix this."
She closed her eyes shut in relief and smiled into the mouthpiece. "I do too," she said and heard his sudden intake of breath.
"Okay...I'm on my way."
"No Robert, wait!"
"What?"
"I do want to talk I really do. I just can't today...I'm preparing for my deposition tomorrow."
"Well, I can help you with that."
"No really, I've got it covered. Look you're right, we do need to talk, and I do want us to, but right now I need to be fully focused on my deposition. After that, then we can talk...maybe I could cook us dinner tomorrow evening?"
"Robert?" she prodded when he said nothing.
"Do you miss me?"
"Of course, I bloody miss you!"
"So come home then!"
"It's not that simple, Robert!"
"Why not? We had a fight, Lizzie! Wasn't the first, probably won't be the last. It doesn't mean you just give up on us!"
"You gave up on us!"
"What?! No I didn't!"
"You told me to get out!"
She could hear him taking in a deep breath. "In all fairness, Lizzie, you had just slapped me and thrown your ring back in my face."
"I know...and I'm sorry about that. Look, I can't do this right now, especially down a telephone."
"Don't go. Please."
She heard the pleading in his voice and wanted to give in, but the legal brief on the table taunted her and she knew she had to focus solely on that for now.
"I really do want us to fix this, but right now, I need to focus on tomorrows deposition. Please, Robert. I promise we'll talk then."
"I love you."
She closed her eyes and felt a tear trickle down her cheek.
"I love you too."
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Later, Mark came round as promised and they sat together with coffee going over the brief.
"There was no epidural. I was the only one remotely close to the dura," Elizabeth said.
"Just answer the questions honestly. You'll do fine," Mark replied.
"I had to have punctured it."
"Its a known risk. It doesn't constitute negligence."
"Mark, missing a leak does. I don't even remember looking before I removed the endoscope."
"You've done a hundred of these. You know the procedure. There was a bad outcome and they're looking for someone to blame. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong."
"How long do these depositions last?"
A knock at the door stopped him from answering and they both turned to look in the direction of it.
"Are you getting hungry?" she asked getting up. "Do you want to order us a pizza?"
"Sure thing."
"There's a flyer on the fridge," she called out over her shoulder as she walked to the door. When she opened it, she did a surprised double take as she saw a pair of legs, sporting a massive bouquet of flowers.
Robert tipped his head to the side revealing himself, with an apprehensive smile. "Peace offering?"
She cursed his timing, but smiled despite her best efforts not to. "They're beautiful!" she said admiring them.
"Beautiful enough to gain me entry?" he asked, sensing a breach in the wall of silence they'd managed to build the last two weeks. "Look, I know you said tomorrow, but I needed to see you...and I'm here to help."
She glanced back nervously. "Oh, erm, actually it's really not a good time."
"Oh," he said making no effort to hide his disappointment.
"Yeah, its just," she said quietly and stepped out off the apartment, holding the door half open.
"Hey, Elizabeth, you still okay with pepperoni?" Mark Greene's voice called out from within and Robert's eyes immediately registered surprise, quickly turning to angry hurt. "That's why you didn't want me to come over?"
She shot her hand out to his arm before he could even think about leaving. "No!...he's here helping me prepare for my deposition tomorrow," she explained. "That is all."
He swallowed and looked down at his feet, unsure of how to proceed.
"Elizabeth, did you hear?" Mark suddenly appeared behind her. "Oh," he said when he saw Robert standing there.
'Oh God, could this get any more awkward,' she thought, as both men stood scowling at each other.
"I should go," Robert said and thrust the flowers into her hands and turned to leave.
"No, Robert wait! Don't go!"
He did a little quasi half-turn and looked back at her, searching her face and she held his gaze. "Mark, I'm sorry, but would you mind….Robert and I need to talk."
"Elizabeth," he said quietly. "Don't let him worm his way back in."
Robert took an angry step forward and Elizabeth put a hand to his chest to stay him, shaking her head. Instead, he jutted his chin up and glared at Mark. "Pretty sure she just asked you to leave."
Mark looked at Elizabeth once again and she nodded imperceptibly. He shook his head disapprovingly and went back inside, returning a moment later with his coat. "Call me, if you need me," he said.
Robert bit back the comment on the tip of his tongue and instead placed a possessive hand on her waist, and mark shoved past him.
They watched him go briefly then turned back to each other. "Better come in, then."
He followed her inside and took note of the general disarray. She was never the tidiest of people and this was reflected by the state of the place.
She placed the flowers in the sink, took a deep breath and turned around. "So what did you want to say, that couldn't wait until tomorrow?"
He stepped into her space. "Where do you want me to start? I'm an idiot who loves you, misses you, and wants you to come home. And that I'm sorry." He took another step closing the distance between them, and his unmistakable scent charged and thickened the air around her and she inhaled deeply, breathing all of him in. She wanted to kiss him and fall back into the familiar, but she managed to get a grip and asked. "Tea?"
He didn't really want any but shrugged yes, and watched as she sidestepped away from him and busied herself making it.
"So, I'm guessing its the maid's day off?" he quipped. She looked up from filling the kettle with a scowl, but gave a semi-smirk.
"Feel free to tidy."
He held her gaze then shrugged and started clearing up. By the time she placed the drinks on the coffee table, he'd made made some headway into squaring most things away, and she chuckled looking around. "I don't think I ever really appreciated how much of a neat freak you are."
She sat down and gestured he should sit next to her passing him a cup of tea. He accepted it but then set it straight back down on the coffee table and reached for her hand, pleased she made no effort to pull away. "I don't want tea, Lizzie. I want us back."
She put her own teacup down and closed her hand over his. She chanced a quick glance at his face, and saw only eyes filled with love looking back at her, and wanted nothing more than to be back in his arms. "I want that too, I really do, but we need to talk about what happened first."
He nodded, agreeing. "Look, you know I'm not the worlds best communicator, Lizzie. Its really not an excuse though. I'm sorry I lost my temper and for the way I spoke to you. You were right...I was out of order, when I should have been supportive."
She squeezed his hand, accepting his apology. "Why were you so mad? I mean beyond, the obvious?"
He looked down and thought for a moment. "Truthfully? I was angry you chose to stay and help Benton after I'd told you to get upstairs. It just seems to me, that where he's concerned I always come off a poor second."
Remembering their recent falling out over Peter, she finally began to understand just how deeply her little white lie regarding her relationship with Peter, had hurt him. She'd never really had to think of Robert as being sensitive or insecure, but clearly she would have to do better. "I'm sorry for making you feel that way. I really don't mean to. If I make you feel that way again, you must tell me straight away, okay?"
He nodded. "Also, why did you ignore me and go ahead with the endoscopy?"
"Because it's what the patient wanted, Robert! He was my patient. I spoke to him, explained his options and he didn't want back surgery!" she said, letting go of his hands and he held his up, in surrender. "Okay, okay."
"Okay?"
"Yes, okay. I didn't know that...but the reason I didn't know that, is because you never told me, because you were so focused on helping Benton. Can you please try and see it from my perspective? Lizzie, I'm your boss. I can't be seen to be giving you preferential treatment. Every time we argue, every time you go against my wishes...it weakens my position, and compromises me."
"So what do we do when we're married?"
He smiled. "So you do still want to marry me?"
"Off course I do!"
Robert felt a wave of relief wash over him as she said it. "Actually, I've been thinking about that a lot. I was thinking maybe, I should step down as Chief of Surgery?"
"You'd do that?" she said, shocked.
"I'd do anything for you Lizzie, you should know that by now. I was thinking I'd ask Donald to head up Surgery again. It would remove any future conflicts. What do you think?"
She nodded. "I think it's a good idea, and obviously I would step down too. What about Chief of Staff? Would you give that up too?"
"I will if I have to."
"Who would take your place?"
He looked her dead in the eye. "In all likelihood, I'm pretty sure it would be Kerry."
"Well then, that's not happening," she laughed and he breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn't quite known how he'd cope handing her the power to lord it over him. "I'll talk to Donald. See what he thinks."
She nodded enthusiastically. "I think that's a good idea."
He leaned in to kiss her but she placed her hand over the cheek she had slapped, caressing it gently. "I can't believe I hit you," she said. "I'm sorry for everything. For hitting you, for throwing my ring at you... and for... for leaving you." She felt him stiffen as she said it. "I know, I know. You told me it was the one thing you feared and I went and did it to you anyway! I'd give anything to be able to rewind and fix it."
"Just promise me one thing," he said, leaning into her hand.
"Anything."
"That you'll never leave me again."
"I promise." She dropped her hand from his face and folded her fingers around his hand, and laid it against her stomach. "I promise we'll never leave you."
She held her breath and watched puzzlement form briefly in his eyes, before he lowered them to where their hands lay. Slowly, he lifted them back up to meet her eyes searching for confirmation, and puzzlement gave way to wonder, as he saw her smile.
"You're?"
"Yes."
"We're?"
"Yes."
He closed his eyes, as he digested the news and thanked every deity ever known to man. He couldn't control the smile that threatened to stretch his face in half, and spread his fingers over her stomach. "How long?"
"I'm not sure. I only found out this morning...just before you called...I did a test…"
"Well, why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't want it to be the reason we got back together..."
"Okay," he said understanding her reasoning. "But...you're on the pill?"
"I may have missed a few," she admitted. "Sometimes with our crazy schedule I just forget...I'm sorry..I.."
He stopped her with his mouth and kissed her. "Don't be sorry," he said smiling. "We're having a baby? Really?"
She nodded, smiling.
"And you're...you're happy about it? Because I am most definitely happy about it!"
She nodded again.
"I have never loved you as much as I do right now." He slid off the couch and knelt between her legs and kissed her stomach. "I have something for you," he said reaching into his trouser pocket and pulled out her engagement ring. "I think you might have dropped this in my office. May I?"
She nodded, and watched trying not to cry as he slowly, slid it back onto her finger.
He looked up at her, smiling. "Can we please get married now?"
"Yes," she cried happily, nodding and reached for him seeking his lips. He kissed her back softly, with a tenderness that he willed would reach all the way down, to the new life they had created.
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Elizabeth met her lawyer outside of Patterson's law firm offices. "Okay, before we go in there, let's just go over the rules again," said Gordon. "Do not guess, speculate, or engage in any kind of argument. If you feel yourself getting upset or angry, you are to turn to me, and we'll find a way to take a break."
She nodded and tried to steady her nerves. "Will it be that antagonistic?"
"It will most likely be. You are the target, and I know this lawyer. He's a weasel, and has a particular skill for needling people. Just try to stay calm and most importantly never volunteer information. Answer yes or no when possible and do not elaborate. Okay?"
"Okay."
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Gripping the side of the bathroom sink she breathed in deep and tried to regain her composure. She couldn't believe how bad it had been. It really couldn't have gone any worse. Patterson's lawyer had been relentless. He'd brought up everything...made her relive her failure to save Peter's nephew. Made her admit just how upset she'd been when she'd started Patterson's surgery. He'd taken personal digs at her, pointing out that while she'd helped Peter, her 'ex-lover', it had been left to Robert, her 'current lover' to fix the leak that she'd missed. He'd accused her of being rushed and distracted and gone over it, over and over again, until then he'd literally wheeled Patterson, himself in. He'd sat in his wheelchair, the wheelchair she'd put him in for the rest of his life, and felt his eyes on her the whole time, boring into her with blame.
She splashed cold water on her face, preparing herself to go back in one more time. She stared back at the reflection looking back at her, no longer sure she even recognised herself. A few weeks ago the face looking back would have been smiling, vibrant and happy. Not this tired, drawn, pale, sad face she saw before her. Funny how reflections can change, she thought; just like peoples views, ideas and impressions can change. She knew now, she'd been deluding herself. She'd gone to work that day, tired, hungover and not wanting to be there. She couldn't remember checking the field because she hadn't checked the field. It was clear to her now and she knew what she had to do.
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Robert stood waiting at the bottom of the buildings steps, leaning against a lamppost, his hands stuffed in his trouser pockets. He spotted Elizabeth and Gordon exiting the building through the glass doors, and saw the telling posture of defeat in her slumped shoulders. He straightened up and pushed himself forward to meet them at the bottom of the steps.
"How'd it go?" he asked softly.
"Horribly," she said, her voice hitching in her throat.
Robert took one more look at her, and turned towards the lawyer. He offered him his hand. "Thanks, Gordy, I got her from here." Gordon nodded at Elizabeth, shook his hand and carried on his way.
"I'm so sorry Robert," she started, the tears glistening brightly in her eyes. When he wrapped his arms around her, and pulled her into him, she felt the familiar blanket of safety envelop her and she clung on to him. The tears came and she couldn't stop them and he held her as they continued to fall. Curious bystanders stared and stepped around them and Robert held her and stroked her back while he made soothing sounds. She didn't know how long they stood like that, but after a time the sobs slowed.
"Shhh, its alright." He ran his hand in comforting circles, drawing them up her back, until he found her face and looked into her eyes. "What happened?"
"I lied Robert! I lied!" He squeezed her tighter to him and she carried on. "The fact is I rushed….I rushed through and didn't inspect the entire surgical field….you were right. That man will never walk again because I wanted to get out early for the weekend. And I couldn't even claim responsibility. I sat there and I swore to God...and I lied to save myself."
He brought his hands back up to her face and cupped her cheeks, looking into her eyes. "Lizzie, you made a mistake. It doesn't make you a bad person. Whatever happens, we'll face it together."
She nodded and he pulled her face down to his. "I love you," he whispered and touched his lips to hers so softly, so gently, the tenderness of it undid her. She cried again with a mixture of love and relief, and he held her steady in his arms, until she was done and shakily asked, "Robert, will you please take us home?"
He smiled. "Absolutely."
TBC
Please don't ask me for any more angst for a while...these last two chapters have put me through the wringer...*phew* thanks to BBIredDI and Lorraine for keeping the morale up! God bless the good ship 'Cordano' and all who sail in her...