Chapter 20
Perspectives and decisions
Going down from the mount, after Hatsumōde, Naoki remained silent with his family until they had reached the base of the temple, where his mother made them look for the strips of paper with the fate in store for them this year. Or rather, what a paper written by people, sorted by chance, claimed about the next twelve months.
Naoki accepted his and read, unlike other years, that he would have an unpleasant fortune, which should be the same as his brother, who began mumbling unintelligible things related to "this is the fault of the stupid" and throw away his paper.
"Good luck!" Kotoko cried, jumping as her traditional clothes allowed her, and he rolled his eyes.
"Stupid superstitions," muttered Yuuki, while his mother tried to investigate their fates.
"What do you have?" Asked his girlfriend, hanging onto his arm; grumpily, he realized he could not get loose furtively.
"Nothing important," he mumbled, looking at her out of the corner of his eye.
Perhaps, if he believed in that, it would be as Yuuki had said; Kotoko could be the cause of omen of bad luck because she meant trouble. Although if he had other surprises in store due to her, and if she made him experience different situations as always, the year would not be so bad.
He could accept that future, and definitely Kotoko, as long as she did not put his world upside down too much.
It would be impossible, but worth dreaming.
Even with her blunders and missteps, his girlfriend had made something different from the past year, and he liked it as much as he liked her. He should be put in mental care, but he liked her and could welcome another three hundred and sixty-five days in her company. At times, she would make the long hours bearable.
He sighed, that year he would begin college and, with the closeness of examinations for the admission to prestigious universities, he had other things to think about.
[…]
Naoki had decided to give a try to the national examination and the possibility of studying at Tokyo University or another college; so that day he was preparing his belongings to go downtown to take the assessment, which he was not keen to do though it had great meaning for others.
He left the room and went downstairs, with an annoying discomfort in the chest, from a slight cold, compared to the one he had a few months ago. His wakefulness from reflecting had taken his toll on him.
At the main floor he saw his family gathered before him, anxious, to the point that his father had two different socks and changed his body weight from one foot to another; and his mother watched him in dismay.
He had not told them yet what he would study and they had no idea. Kotoko had remained silent about it.
"Are you ready? Do you have everything?" asked his father.
He rolled his eyes, nodding.
"Not all!" Kotoko said and knelt beside him, showing him a red small bag with the words "good luck" knitted. She didn't seem to have a hangover after drinking a lot of alcohol the day before, in a "celebration" for his test at Shigeo-san's restaurant, who only used as an excuse to drink sake… and get her drunk; Kotoko could not stand the drink and almost throw up. "I made a good luck charm, Naoki-kun."
He denied huffing and shrugging at the ridiculous gesture.
"You're a wonderful girlfriend, Kotoko-chan." The aforementioned blushed.
He coughed.
"What?!" They cried all, making him wince. How irritating.
Kotoko ran.
"Onii-chan! You are sick!" exclaimed his mother. Yes, he realized staying in the open last night had been a bad idea.
His girlfriend then returned with a box of tablets on hand.
"Here, medicine. Take one!"
He saw the yellow box and denied. "I will give me drowsiness." Also, while walking in the snow, as well as coughing, it would be problematic.
"Oh!" Kotoko said, holding a hand to her mouth, before reading and nodding with wide eyes. Then, she smiled. "That's true, but you must know more than me, Naoki-kun."
He didn't give it great importance and walked to the front door, with them following him.
"Are you following me all the way?" he asked irritated, changing his footwear.
They denied.
"Good luck!" They told him.
He left the house and calm went to the station. When he entered, the subway made its arrival.
Watanabe would join him three stops later. In a month time, his classmate would take the exam for Waseda University, Department of Law.
He moved his briefcase and rose to see the amulet Kotoko had tied to it. He surprised himself untying it and placing it in his inner pocket where his hand touched the pass for the exam, which that morning had been altered by the childish and ridiculous scribbles of his girlfriend (he did not know at what point she sneaked into his room to do so).
After leaving the train to chain lines, he found Watanabe and both boarded the same line. His classmate had a face of anxiety.
Too quickly, they arrived at the test site and he found himself in a sit, answering questions that seemed very simple; but from the expressions of others, they looked kind of demanding and complex. He only doubted once.
He could not judge, he was learning the lesson… people had different abilities, and smart people didn't have the best all the time. Nevertheless, not because of it had he stopped loathing stupid people.
[…]
The results of the test—with a score of 999 out of 1000—soon arrived, and the days took a normal course, accompanied by the clumsiness and occurrences of Kotoko. Promptly, the day of the day came.
"Happy Valentine's Day, Naoki-kun!" He was surprised by Kotoko jumping in front of his door just as he opened it, after being ready to go.
In her small hands, she had an object in the form of a heart, wrapped with pink; he knew it was his chocolate for Valentine's Day. She hadn't given it to him two days ago because she hadn't had a good result after a week trying to do the "perfect" chocolate. She must have succeeded when he was asleep the day before.
"I know you do not like sweets, but this is bitter chocolate with peanut, and oba-sama said it was better to melt a bar, after many attempts."
To him, it wasn't important to receive one, but he guessed she was conflicted, for slight dark circles under her eyes.
He sighed and accepted it. "Thanks," he muttered with curtness, assuming that he shouldn't miss the tradition of White Day, especially because his mother would be there pestering.
How annoying. However, he would make an exception this time, and then he would make it clear to her, somehow, that he didn't do such things. It would be a return for the previous year.
He put the chocolate in his briefcase.
"Today is an important day! You are taking the exam to Todai! Aren't you nervous?" she asked as they descended the stairs.
"No," he said, walking over to the table with breakfast, nodding good morning to others and thanking for the food before eating.
Kotoko also took her place, watching him with a puzzled expression, but with a pout of her lips. Then she devoted herself to her breakfast.
He felt the atmosphere irritating, with everyone watching him at all times, causing him the same discomfort as in the previous test.
"I've finished," he muttered standing up, and all followed suit, going after him.
He felt the growl wanting to spring from his chest, but he swallowed it.
"You're sure you have everything? There's nothing missing? Are you going well wrapped up?! Did you have your bus pass?" asked his father barely breathing.
He nodded.
"I have a lot of apprehension," said his father.
As if he were the one taking the test.
"I'll go with you!" Kotoko announced suddenly, and he looked at her with a raised eyebrow, she ignored looking for her belongings, reappearing quickly, as if she were prepared. "I will make sure he arrives."
His mother nodded enthusiastically.
He rolled his eyes and nodded without saying anything else.
They left home and did a long path in silence, with light snowflakes falling on them, until she spoke:
"And… are you excited about the chance to go to Tokyo University?"
He did not respond aloud, nor moved his body, having no certain answer.
"Naoki-kun, do you want to go to Todai?" she asked in a more serious voice.
It sounded like the voice of his own conscience.
"Is not it the best university?" He argued, more to himself than to her, who nodded as resolved.
However, he wasn't it, on the road reflecting the same as many weeks. Going to Todai or not going… was it the best to go there?
"You got my amulet?" She asked when they were approaching the place; he huffed, without saying he had it, after a strange impulse that made him take it when it fell from his bookshelf.
He grabbed her arm when she was slipping by, wanting to see his face. He no longer told her not to be distracted; it was unsuccessful. At least the light snowfall was finished, so Kotoko walking alone would not be so problematic.
"Now you can leave," he ordered arriving at the campus, going to the information desk to ask where he had to go specifically.
He turned and saw that she was still where he had left her. He closed his eyes massaging the bridge of his nose, thinking she did not understand his farewell.
Seconds later, he felt her hugging him and felt a wave of heat in his face.
"Good luck, Naoki-kun, though I know you'll do it great," he said and he opened his eyes, looking at her with them narrowed.
Kotoko smiled the way she always did and that was what prevented him from reprimanding her; it would not work.
He turned away and said nothing. He crossed the front door, feeling the first step made a big echo around himself.
Did he actually want to go to the most important university? Would he study Medicine there? Was it necessary that best student attended a prestigious school? Could he take an option that others did not expect from him, but it was a possibility and a course chosen by him?
Did he have to study at the University of Tokyo?
It would be too predictable for him, but it did not offer him great prospects as another option. And what about being a common student? He was tempted to have the experiences that Kotoko mentioned, but did not feel he could live them at the university where he was now; in fact, many of his good experiences were linked to her, who could show him what she said about college… and it must be at the same place.
And, just deep inside, he believed that, by going to the same university as her, he would fulfill the responsibility of having her as his girlfriend, making sure her clumsiness didn't kill her.
Todai was just a university. Moreover, as he thought in the past, it depended much more on the ability of the person than on the site. He had already reviewed Tonan's program and it was good, very similar to other universities.
Tonan would do.
With that, he turned and left the campus of Todai, walked down the street and turned a corner; there, he saw a well-known hair in a young woman sat on a bench.
Making a grimace that would pass as a public smile, he went to where she was and sat beside her, staring straight ahead like her; There was nothing special, just passersby.
While she didn't note his presence yet, he drew the chocolate and removed the wrapping, starting a piece, to do something. He brought it to his mouth; it was a little hard, but it was not sweet, as Kotoko said, and he felt the peanuts.
"What's so interesting?" he asked, seeing nothing impressive in the passersby.
"Naoki-kun! What are you doing here?! And your exam?!" she exclaimed, getting too close to his face.
He took another piece of chocolate, taking the misspellings of the congratulation.
"I won't take it," he said, as it were nothing, before saving the rest of the chocolate for Yuuki.
"But… but… are you going to the same university as me?" She spoke slowly.
Naoki shrugged. "It has a good program," he replied.
"Naoki-kun!" She let out excited, and he avoided curving his mouth.
He stood, taking out the strip from his briefcase to hang it on his shoulder.
"Have you ever been here?"
She refused, bewildered. He smiled slyly.
"Come," he gestured and walked over to where the shops were.
Kotoko gasped behind him and Naoki almost missed a step when she slung his arm.
"We'll study at the same university!" She exclaimed too enthusiastically. "We'll go together every day and eat in the cafeteria; students will know us as the best couple!"
"I'm still in time to take the exam," he expressed with false stoicism.
"No, no, no, no! Forget what I said, Naoki-kun!" Kotoko yelled gesticulating exaggeratedly, almost hitting a young man with lenses that seemed to go rushed to the direction of the university. "I am sorry!" She said bowing.
The raven man stopped and opened his mouth, then closed it and nodded, adjusting his glasses.
Kotoko put her arms at her sides, motionless, and the two watched the man, who looked like in a bundle of nerves, turned the corner. That was the kind of enthusiastic young people entering the University of Tokyo, not like him, casting aside the chance.
But he did not care. They could say he was silly for that—and it would be the first time he received such adjective—, but he did not care. It was as if after leaving the campus, he had relieved from some responsibilities and could focus on the most important for him at the time, his future.
It felt good knowing he had already thought about it and that he could see his future in a clearer and definite form, instead of fuzzy images where he looked more like a spectator of the enjoyment of others, while living with no big expectations and doing activities with no excitement, following the same pace of everyday life, without changes or exciting things out of the ordinary.
"A pet store!" Indicated Kotoko pointing a local, in which behind the windows were visible, to the right of the door, pussycats' cages, and to the left, tanks with different aquatic animals.
Next to the establishment, there was a dogs cafeteria. "Why are there two pet stores together?"
"They're the same pet store, but this part is a cafe where you can rent an animal for an hour to go for a walk," he remarked, going to the last one to show her. He was surprised she did not know, living in Japan.
"They are dogs!" Kotoko exclaimed behind his body, holding his arm, and he saw the dogs milling around at the door without leaving the cafeteria. There were dogs of medium height, showing the tongue; except for one, that looked like Spitz puppy. "Let's go, they will bite us."
"They do nothing," he answered, turning to her, finding her trembling face. "They're well-trained pet animals."
"Eh, no…"
He curled a smile.
"Or you are afraid?" he asked, without malice, quickly finding the answer.
"Am not!" Kotoko said, shaking her head repeatedly. "If they don't bite."
"Then enter," he said and turned to the local, where dogs made way for him to go inside, pulling out their tongues and wagging their tails happily.
He looked a sign of information, for five hundred yen, he could walk a small dog for an hour. He thought for a moment and saw Kotoko stood at the door, hesitant to enter, although dogs weren't blocking the path.
It would be nice try to get her used to the presence of a dog, before she saw the monster of his grandmother, Chibi, a St. Bernard. In spring break, Chibi would be at their home, because his grandmother would go to vacations with her tea companions, and she didn't want anyone else to take care of it—even with her large family.
A small breed Shiba puppy approached him when he went to the manager, and it clung to his legs, begging to be petted.
He knelt and put his hand on its golden brown fur, receiving a satisfaction sound from the animal.
"What's the name of this one?" he asked the manager.
"Jun."
"So you are obedient, eh?" he said with a smile to the dog, who raised his head and ears by hearing his name. "Good boy."
He returned to his normal height and pulled from his wallet the amount demanded, getting a leash, some dog cookies and a couple of bags for garbage, as well as a pair of instructions.
He thanked the man and put the leash on the dog, who walked meekly beside him to the door, where Kotoko waited. She opened her eyes as he approached with the animal.
"Naoki-kun! That's… that's…"
"A dog," he whispered mockingly. "You said you don't fear them," he added, knowing she was lying; but it seemed more dislike of them, in his opinion.
"But… but… Did you buy it?"
He denied. "We are taking Jun for a walk during one hour," he explained finally leaving the place.
He directed the dog to his right, in the middle of the two. At the time, Jun did it, but approached Kotoko to smell her.
She jumped with a shriek and took a few steps away. The little animal whimpered; he knew the race was generally affectionate, so it must have felt rejected by her actions.
June tried again to approach her, whimpering.
Naoki suppressed a smile; it was also a clever and manipulative animal, because Kotoko seemed softened by the tears, giving light steps up his level, while maintaining a safe distance.
"It wants to eat me!" she cried when the dog rubbed against her leg, as it did with him. "Naoki-kun!" she shouted as the animal licked her, it must have liked her body odor.
"He doesn't bite," he said. "Or that's what the manager claims," he added in feigned innocence.
"What?!" Kotoko squealed running to him, hanging onto his arm, letting out a groan when the dog chased her.
He could not hold it longer and let out loud laugh, holding his stomach.
It was very funny.
"Naoki-kuuun!" She complained, hiding behind him.
The leash surrounded his legs.
His laughter subsided and he recovered the steadiness.
"Jun, stay still," he gestured to the dog, who quickly followed his order.
"Hey!" Kotoko cried, showing from one side.
"It seems he likes you more than you like him," Naoki noted as he saw that the dog remained its sight fixed on his girlfriend. It should perceive her displeasure and try to win her over. "Come on, Jun, go at the left," he ordered and continued on his way.
He looked over his shoulder.
"Are you coming?" he asked Kotoko, who nodded reluctantly, muttering under her breath against dogs like foxes.
Around the corner, he saw a small park and went to it, walking to the paved road in the middle of leafless trees of February. Jun barked at ease and stirred slightly, but he didn't let it go, because the manager assured him that he would get tired of chasing it to hold it back; it was the only rule that the animal did not obey to strangers.
The dark eyes of the dog went back to Kotoko; it barked dancing in front of her, who pressed her lips into a thin line.
"Give him one," he instructed, showing signs of giving the bag of cookies.
"I?" Kotoko pointed herself, with wide-open eyes.
"Do you prefer to hold the leash?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. She nodded.
He shrugged; feeding was to demand much. He extended his hand that held the dog and Kotoko took the leash with a face of uncertainty.
"Hold it strongly," he requested, before kneeling in front of Jun, taking a cookie from the bag.
The dog stood on two legs with its tongue out.
He heard a lightly laugh from Kotoko. "It is funny."
"Sit," he ordered to Jun, noting with satisfaction that it sat on its back, meekly, looking at the cookie.
He gave it to him. He extracted another three and Jun jumped excitedly.
"It attends orders," Kotoko commented. He looked up.
"They're trained," he repeated, an eyebrow raised. She pouted.
He wondered if her dislike of dogs came from a past event or because she never lived with them. Generally, the pets in the country were well behaved, due to the house arrangements of Japan; also, instruction and correction were a custom in the population, as a matter of urbanity.
Naoki returned his eyes to the dog, who no longer sniffed cookies, but watched the tree. He followed its gaze frowning.
"Hold it strongly," he said too late when the dog gained in strength to his girlfriend and dragged her to a squirrel, while he stood up.
Kotoko stumbled on the traces of the morning snow and fell down, groaning loudly.
He walked over to where she landed, watching that Jun approached Kotoko, sobbing. Jun rubbed her face, in which her eyes remained closed. He looked for any injuries and did not find them.
He saw her stiffen and lift her eyelids. The dog barked and licked her cheek, making her squeal and sit.
Jun sat before her, watching her with his head bowed, motionless, keeping his bulging orbs in his girlfriend.
Naoki rolled his eyes; it was impossible than even an animal fell appreciation for Kotoko… even more, if she had no taste for it.
He dropped to one knee next to Kotoko and picked up her free hand, placing a cookie in her palm.
"Give it to him," he demanded without using a serious tone.
Kotoko looked at her hand and the dog's eyes; Jun did not take his shining eyes from her, starting to whimper. She bit her lower lip and swallowed visibly before reaching out slowly to Jun, with the cookie between two of her fingers.
Jun opened his mouth and waited until Kotoko positioned the cookie in front of his nose, which he took and munched wagging his tail.
He stood up and reached for his girlfriend to help her up and hold the leash, which he took when she stood up.
Not waiting for her, he went on the road… but Jun was the one who stopped until Kotoko walked again.
Naoki sighed, and after a while, he did it again, more than satisfied that, at least, when they returned the dog she got through the entrance door, just to see Jun running animated to the manager.
[…]
In the afternoon, after taking lunch and spending some time walking on the streets, Naoki with Kotoko returned home, where even his father and Shigeo-san were waiting in the hall.
He sighed, ignoring their anxious faces while taking off his shoes.
"How did it go?" Wanted to know his father when he straightened. "Kotoko-chan sent a message to Mom when she left on the campus. How was the test?"
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the worried look his girlfriend gave him; until that time of day, it had been easy to ignore communicating their parents the decision because, at least, for his father, it was very important to study at the same university as him.
But it wasn't his life, he reminded himself.
His mother cleared her throat and he looked at her. "Let's sit first," she said, with a smile in his direction and a wink.
He wondered if she had seen the medical book among his things.
All went to the living room, where they sat; his father kept his eyes on him.
"I didn't take the test for Todai," he told them bluntly.
The others, except for Kotoko and his mother, gasped.
"What?" his father asked wide-eyed. "You're not studying at my alma mater?"
"Did something happen because of Kotoko?" Shigeo-san asked in a whisper, watching his daughter, who blushed but shook her head in form of denial.
"I decided it," Naoki said. "It was my choice to stay in Tonan and study there to become a doctor."
His family was stunned for a second.
The first to react was his father, who sighed and placed a hand on his stomach. "All the time I thought you weren't enthusiast for the exam at Tokyo University, Nao," said with his shoulders down. "Doctor?" He blinked repeatedly and removed his glasses. "Amazing, I always knew you'd do something big, but…"
"Never completely to help others," remarked his mother without mockery or complaint and suddenly smiled, clapping. "It's wonderful, onii-chan! You and Kotoko-chan will be at the same university! You're destined!"
He rolled his eyes; that was all she was interested.
"A doctor in the family," said his father, and then nodded with a smile.
"It's a great future; good luck, Naoki," wished Shigeo-san. "Did you already know it, Kot…? Where did she go?"
Naoki saw that both she and Yuuki were not in the room. He had a slight idea and went to the entrance of the room to go to the next room, which sometimes served as a playground for his brother.
He found the door ajar, and pushed it slightly, hearing the voice of Kotoko and Yuuki. Any of them were seeing him, she gave him the back and his brother kept his eyes downcast in one of his notebooks, of which Naoki had seen his pictures.
He felt regret knowing the meaning.
"What is it, Yuuki-kun?" Tried again his girlfriend.
"Leave me alone, baka," said Yuuki angrily.
"You don't like that your onii-chan is going to be a doctor?" His otōto blushed and Naoki was surprised that Kotoko quickly knew the problem.
"I like it, but…" Yuuki hesitated. His dream was to run Pandai with him. "Onii-chan would run the company like me."
Naoki swallowed hard and took a step forward, but a hand on his arm stopped him; he saw his mother, who denied.
"Yuuki…" Kotoko whispered, softly. "Is that your dream?"
"Yes," his brother replied with a nod. She put a hand on his brother, resting on top of the notebook.
"And Naoki-kun would like to help make it happen… but his dream is to be a doctor and help many people, as part of yours is to build those toys you draw to make many children happy."
Yuuki sighed.
"And you want your onii-chan to be happy to reach his dream, right?" Kotoko asked. His brother nodded. "And you have the opportunity to reach part of yours, right?" He nodded again. "Then you have to be happy with for your onii-chan. If it makes you sad he cannot run the business with you, think that both of you can be happy doing what you like," she paused, "and he will be the best."
Naoki felt his mother squeezing his arm; he looked at her, smiling towards Kotoko. Then she left, nodding when she was at the corner. He coughed, drawing the attention of the others, pretending he had just arrived.
Yuuki listened at the door and stood, leaving the notebook in his seat. He ran in front of him. "Onii-chan, I think you'll be the best doctor in the world!" He exclaimed with much encouragement.
"Hey, Yuuki!" yelled Kotoko. "I said it first!" she complained, standing up.
His brother ran with a funny expression, and Kotoko started to chase him with a fist raised.
He shook his head, staring at the spot where the two had disappeared. Two infants at home.
Knowing that no one saw him, he smiled. At that time, he could say that things went well. Only he had to arrange matters of admission to the Department of Tonan.
He kept his hands in his pocket and went to his room, listening entertained the shouts and laughter of his brother and his girlfriend.
Naoki wondered what kind of things would happen at the university.
He sighed… prior to that, he had to prepare his speech for the end of high school.