Chapter 1
Newbornism
1st POV
Senju Clan House, Konoha.
Reincarnation.
Yeah, right.
When I said that I was reincarnated into the Naruto world, I was joking.
Referring to you, brain. I was joking.
Don't you know what a joke is?
I sure know, and you are my brain.
A joke involves saying that it was a joke after the initial act.
So please, tell me this is a joke.
I get it, I was bored and you imagined this.
Or, I imagined this.
Huh, so how do I un-imagine this?
I can't even pinch myself, my hands aren't developed enough.
Wait, it's a dream. So, if I imagine something other than this, it'll work, right?
Right.
…No.
Not right.
Did the police find me when I was asleep and inject me with something?
…No, that makes no sense. They wouldn't raid my house, they are too worthless to do that.
So, I'm in a dream.
A dream that's going to end.
Yes, it's going to end.
I'm probably in a coma.
My brain was so bored that it imagined all this.
And now I can't get out.
Oh well, my family can hire top doctors to help me, I guess.
What do I do before that?
I heard that time in dreams go faster, so by that logic, I can have more fun here and spend way less time than in real life!
Congratulations, me.
I'll probably be able to annihilate this world if I act fast enough.
Probably? Pfft, since when am I unable to do something? Of course I can act fast enough.
Tsunade is hotter in person (In dream, to be exact), believe it or not.
I would know, I'm laying directly beside her. Beside her breasts, I mean.
Which is a massive problem, because whenever I say 'Status', her mammaries block the way to the menu.
And I can't move away, because her boobs are huge.
Using the system would still be a problem, with my short hands and all, but it would still be manageable.
But I can't move.
Wait a sec, if I can bring up the 'Status' with my thoughts, can't I just use others with my thoughts, too?
Menu
[Status]
[Skills]
[Inventory]
[Help]
[Options]
Huh, so it works. Good to know. I can't see the menu clearly, though.
Because her boobs are still huge.
Senju Clan House, Konoha.
A week later.
AHHHH, JUST A LITTLE BIT, JUST A LITTLE BIT! *huff huff*
ROLL, YOU WEAK BODY! ROLL!
YOU NEED TO DO THIS, SEBASTIAN! YOUR (DREAM)LIFE DEPENDS ON IT!
*thunk*
YES! I DID IT! YOUR HUGE BREASTS CAN'T BLOCK MY FUTURE ANYMORE, YOU MORONIC WHORE!
*huff huff*
Fuck, I didn't know rolling was this hard for toddlers. And that they had miniscule stamina.
But I'm not a normal toddler, I'm a soon-to-be adult in a toddler's body who has gamer abilities!
That sounded cooler when I first imagined it.
Wait, why does my head hurt?
Oh, I fell off. Huh. There's a little bit of blood too. Huh. Realistic dream, if I do say so myself. But still, a dream.
"…A-Arima-chan? W-where are you, Arima?!", Probably my 'mom' said something gibberish from the bed, realizing that I fell off. The narrator should fill it in for you.
You might be asking: 'Wait, narrator? Where did he get that from?'
Well, if I am in a shitty fanfic for the time being, I expect there to be a narrator. The 'tutorial' mentioned it, after all.
"WAAAH, WAAH!", I started crying. Damn my childish impulses.
"ARIMA!", My 'mother' screamed like a stupid banshee, "OH GOD, OH GOD! COME HERE!", She picked me up and hugged me.
At least the breasts are soft.
"Tsunade-sama! Did you just scream?", a panicked woman ran in to the room, "OH GOD! What happened to Arima-sama?!", She questioned Tsunade, worriedly.
"Are you accusing me of something?!", Tsunade glared at the woman, her tone instantly getting cold.
"N-no, Tsunade-sama! I'm worried about Arima-sama's condition!", She instantly replied, fearful.
"Oh, okay. That's good. Wait. ARIMA-CHAN!", She instantly screamed into my ears. Oh god that was painful.
Tsunade put her hands on my head and used a medical jutsu, I'm assuming, because my pain instantly became worse.
FUCK! FUCK THAT HURTS! WHY DOES IT HURT?! SHOULDN'T THAT GLOWY HANDS JUTSU MAKE IT HURT LESS?! OH GOOD NARRATOR, PLEASE STOP THE PAIN!
Oh, the pain's gone.
Nice.
"Arima-chan?! Are you alive?!", The woman with screaming tendencies turned to me, and said something gibberish.
I'm assuming that she's asking me if I'm alive or not, because that's what I'd do. So I just nodded my head.
"Tsunade-sama, I don't think he understa-", The maid said something, then stopped and just kept staring at me. Did I do something wrong? "D-Did he just
nod h-his h-head?"
I'm assuming that she's asking if I nodded my head or not, so I nodded my head.
"Y-yes, I think he did.", Tsunade turned to the maid, made a gibberish stuttering sound, and then turned back to me, "He's a little genius!", She smiled.
Of course I am a genius. How could I not be, considering that this world is populated with underachieving moronic scum.
Wait, why did her smile get bigger?
Oh, wait. I think I smiled, instead of scowling.
Damn you, dramatic reflexes!
"Who's a little genius? Who's a little genius?~ You are!", She gibberishly cooed at me.
"T-Tsunade-sama, don't you think that it was a coincidence?", The maid asked something to Tsunade.
"What? What are you referring to?", My pseudo-not-so-pseudo mother turned to her, confused.
"I'm referring to his nod at your question. I don't think one-week old children are supposed to understand language.", The maid reiterated.
"No, of course it wasn't a coincidence! He's not a normal child, after all! He's my child! And Jiraiya's not too stupid, as well.", Tsunade answered her, gleefully.
This woman is weird. She's changing her emotions every second! Who does that?!
I definitely don't.
Definitely.
"T-Tsunade-sama, did Arima-sama fall off the bed?", The maid made a stuttering sound when pronouncing Tsunade's name. Seems like my new 'mother' is more of a tyrant than I thought.
"Yes, I think he did.", 'Mother' answered, "I-I think I was chocking him with my b-breasts, and he wanted to roll out of the way.", She continued, embarrassed.
"W-with your boo-breasts?", The maid questioned, and stared at Tsunade's breasts.
She's either jealous or a lesbian. Or just a pervert. Or a spy from Iwagakure here to kidnap me.
I can't fault her either way, Tsunade's breasts are captivating.
"Y-yes, with my breasts. That's why I'm thinking of getting a bed with cages, so he won't fall off.", The blonde answered her.
"B-but, if he rolled out of the way because your breasts were chocking him, won't it be even more detrimental to his health?", The maid said something. God
damn it, I need to learn this language, fast. This is just annoying.
"Are you saying that I'm the problem?", Tsunade glared at her, and said something accusingly.
I'm assuming that she's asking if she's the problem or not, so I just nodded.
"I am the problem?", She asked rhetorically, her feelings hurting.
"I-I think he means that your breasts are the problem, n-not you. I also m-meant that.", The maid answered, What the fuck is your name?, using me as leverage to not get beaten to a pulp by the blonde with anger issues.
"Oh. Yes, that makes sense. So, you're suggesting that Arima-chan should sleep a-alone, Chiyako?", Tsunade said, undecided in what to do.
I just got a weird urge to call the maid 'Chiyako'.
Weird.
"Yes, Tsunade-sama!", Chiyako confirmed, not stuttering while pronouncing 'Tsunade' this time.
Good for you, Chiyako!
"U-um, Tsunade-sama, should I call someone to help me get the bed for Arima-sama?", Chiyako questioned 'Mom'
"No, not at this time. Rest for a bit, Chiyako, you can get the bed tomorrow!", Tsunade answered, smiling a little eerily.
"B-but, Tsunade-sama, I can get it right no-", Chiyako said to the recently-turned-milf.
"I said. Tomorrow.", Tsunade didn't let her finish, her smile getting bigger and creepier.
"YES, TSUNADE-SAMA!", The maid said a little loudly and instantly left the room.
Tsunade's creepy smile got bigger, if possible, but the creepiness factor vanished and was replaced by a loving gaze.
"It's me and you alone again, Arima-chan!~", She turned to look at me, still holding my body.
No, the creepiness didn't vanish. It got multiplied by lovingness, and lovingness is itself creepy.
I was squished by her boobs instantly.
And I threw up.
Next Day
I have been relocated to crib adjacent to 'my mother's' bed.
I haven't been this happy since I've been relocated to this world.
And the big breasted banshee hasn't been this sad.
Do you think I care?
Well, I don't.
Your gigantic chest can't hold me captive any longer, you hear me?!
She doesn't, but who cares. I got my freedom, and that's what counts!
*chuckle* get it? 'Counts'. Because I'm basically a count. And I said that's why it 'Counts'.
Funny, right?
...
Now, I'm eager to see what the 'Gamer's ability has to offer without the darn tutorial getting in my way.
Status
GENERAL:
Name: Senju Arima
[X] Occupation:[Newborn]
Stats
LVL: 0
EXP: 0/10 to next level
[HP]: 5 (Recovery 1%/hr)
[CP]: ~0 (Recovery ~0/m)
[SP]: ~0 (Recovery 0.000066/m)
Attributes
[STR] - 0
[CON] - 0
[AGI] - 0
[INT] - 12
[WIS] - 13
[LUC] - ?
[CHA] – 130
Note: Click the [Stat] to see more information.
Those stats… are pathetic.
Didn't expect any more, though.
My SP stat being this pitiful is probably the reason why rolling was so hard for me.
But damn, charisma 130? That's so overpowered! And luck is still '?'. Wonder what that means.
[CHARISMA] – 130.
Modifiers: Perk [Newborn] increases by 900%
[LUCK] - ?
Modifiers: Perk [Protagonist] changes by ?
Those two screens just appeared out of nowhere. Was it because I thought about Luck and Charisma?
[CHARISMA] – 130.
Modifiers: Perk [Newborn] increases by 900%
[LUCK] - ?
Modifiers: Perk [Protagonist] changes by ?
Two more appeared. Yes, I think that theory is confirmed.
This is nice, now I won't have to strain my shitty body to press buttons.
So, my charisma is overpowered because of my newborn perk. I'll take it, I guess. I doubt it will last for long, though.
And my luck is increased by the Protagonist perk.
Yep, this is proof that I'm in a shitty gamer fanfic. Or in a dream. Or in a coma. Or in all of them at the same time.
Oh well, there's nothing I can do about it.
Wait, the screen doesn't say increases, it says 'changes'.
That could mean increasing and decreasing. Or both of them at once.
Troublesome.
[Newborn]
You have recently been born! Congratulations!
You now have the privileges of being a newborn, such as: Throwing up on your parents without them doing anything to you (if they're not sadistic cultists), Sucking breasts without people classifying you as a pervert, Laughing at people without them getting offended and many more!
You also have a pitiful body now. Sucks to be you!
-Modifiers-
Passively increases [CHA] by 900%
Passively decreases [SP] by 99%
Passively decreases [CP] by 99%
Induces behavior normally not committed by adults.
Expires when host's body becomes eligible to become [Toddler]
[Protagonist] - X-Rank Perk.
You are the protagonist. Everything practically revolves around you. You have the ability to change everything In the world, but the world will most certainly set obstacles on your adventure, to make the novel more interesting to read.
Oops. Did I mention the novel? Oh well, you'd guess it yourself, anyway.
-Modifiers-
Changes luck by ?
Makes the world revolve around you
AHA! My theory was correct! And how could it not be, I'm the protagonist.
Wait, the menu says 'Novel', not shitty fanfic.
Could it be? Could I be in some quality novel?
[No!]
Thanks for the reassurance, screen.
Oh well. I'm not that lucky, I guess.
Oh, and the screen appearing out of nowhere when thinking of something needs to be turned off, it's getting annoying.
[Options]
Difficulty – [Easy]/[Normal]/[Hard]/[Story]
Minimap – [On]/[Off]
Gore – [On]/[Off]
Show Tips – [On]/[Off]
[X] Activation by Thought
Skills – [On/Off]
[X]Menu – [On/Off]
Stats – [On/Off]
Note: Press [X] to view more.
Yes, there it is.
[X] Activation by Thought
Skills – [On/Off]
[X]Menu – [On/Off]
Stats – [On/Off]
"Arima-chan!"
What the fuck was that?!
"What are you doing, Arima-chan?"
Oh, it's my 'mother's' student, the redhaired imbecile named Kushina. Also known as Naruto's mother in the 'canon universe'.
She's going to die, by the way.
I don't want a brainless dimwit to steal my spotlight, after all.
"Oh, you're happy to see me, aren't ya?", She's smiling at me. Why is she smiling at me? Didn't I scowl at her?
Oh wait, I think I smiled.
It's a habit of mine. When I dislike someone, I go all smiley to make them go away faster, otherwise, they would stay around to question my attitude towards them.
As you can see, it doesn't always work.
"Kushina, he was trying to sleep before you came. You can come back tomorrow.", My tired 'mother' grumbled, rolled around in her bed to face her and said something, which promptly made her become red like her pubes.
"O-oh, Tsunade-sensei! I-I didn't see you there! Sorry, didn't know he was sleepy.", She said something as she fidgeted, "I'll come back tomorrow, dattebane!", the red-haired troglodyte yelled something and ran out of the room.
And ran back a second later.
"Tsunade-sensei!", The red-headed banshee yelled,
"What?!", The big-breasted banshee yelled back.
"When are we going to start training again?", the little imbecile asked.
"Not in a month, at least. Now, get the hell out of my room!", The blonde woman yelled at the small one.
The small girl got scared, probably, and ran out of the room.
[New skill initialized!]
[Skill [Acting] has been added. You can view it on your [Skills] screen.]
Oh, nice. That's a pleasant surprise, the tutorial didn't mention anything about my past life's skills getting carried over.
Skills.
[Skills]
Note: Press [X] to view more.
[Rolling] -Level 5 Skill - 52% progress to next level.
Grants the ability to roll.
[Acting] – Level 27 Skill - 25% Progress to next level.
Grants the ability to act more-or-less accordingly to the situation.
The higher level it is, the more believable your acting becomes.
Passively increases CHA by 2 every 10 levels.
[Lying] – Level 35 Skill - 53% Progress to next rank.
Determines whether or not people will be deceived by your words and actions.
The higher level it is, the more believable your lies become.
[Perks]
[Descendant of Hashirama] - A Rank Perk.
You are the descendant of Hashirama Senju, first Hokage of Konohagakure
Passively Increases your [HP] by 50%
Passively Increases your [SP] by 25%
Passively Increases your [CP] by 50%
Sets your starting reputation with [Konohagakure] at Honored.
[Blood of Ninja] - B- Rank Perk.
You have been bred to become a ninja.
Increases your [CP] by 25%
[Son of the Sannin] - B Rank Perk.
You have been conceived by two of the Konoha's Three Sannin.
Passively increases your reputation gain with [Konohagakure] by 100%
Passively Increases your relation gain with [Ninja] which is not [Hostile] or [Hated] by 25%
Has synthesis with perk [Descendant of Hashirama] - Grants perk [Prodigy]
[Prodigy] - A Rank Synthesis Perk.
You were born better than everyone else, basically.
Passively increases skill and stat gain by 100%
[Newborn] - D Rank Perk.
You have recently been born! Congratulations!
You now have the privileges of being a newborn, such as: Throwing up on your parents without them doing anything to you (if they're not sadistic cultists), Sucking breasts without people classifying you as a pervert, Laughing at people without them getting offended and many more!
You also have a pitiful body now. Sucks to be you!
-Modifiers-
Passively increases [CHA] by 900%
Passively decreases [SP] by 99%
Passively decreases [CP] by 99%
Induces behavior normally not committed by adults.
Expires when host's body becomes eligible to become [Toddler]
[Protagonist] - X Rank Perk.
You are the protagonist. Everything practically revolves around you. You have the ability to change everything In the world, but the world will most certainly set obstacles on your adventure, to make the novel more interesting to read.
Oops. Did I mention the novel? Oh well, you'd guess it yourself, anyway.
-Modifiers-
Changes luck by ?
Makes the world revolve around you
That's a lot of overpowered perks, no?
Not complaining, though.
And perk synthesis? Oh, this is going to be fun.
[New menu has been initialized!]
['Reputation' has been unlocked!]
Oh, yeah.
[Reputation]
[X][Konoha] - [Honored] 0/21000 to [Revered]
Increases relation by [+20] with everyone affiliated with [Konoha]
Contacts in [Konoha]:
[Tsunade Senju] - Relation [100]
Modifiers: [Honored] With [Konoha] - [+20] Relation; [Son of the Sannin] - [+20] Relation; [Mother] - [+50] Relation;
[Jiraiya] - Relation [90]
Modifiers: [Honored] With [Konoha] - [+20] Relation; [Son of the Sannin] - [+20] Relation; [Father] - [+40] Relation;
[Hiruzen Sarutobi] - Relation [60]
Modifiers: [Citizen] of [Konoha] - [+10] Relation;[Honored] With [Konoha] - [+20] Relation; [Godfather] - [+30] Relation;
[Chiyako the Maid] - Relation [30]
Modifiers:[Honored] With [Konoha] - [+20] Relation; [Servant] - [+10] Relation;
So, the Third Hokage is my godfather?
I smell nepotism. *Creepy smile*
"Arima-chan!"
What is it, now?!
"It's time to eat, Arima-chan! Aren't you hungry?", My pseudo-mother said.
I am assuming that she's asking me if I'm hungry or not, so I just scowled at her.
"Oh, yes you are! Come here!" Wait, did I smile again instead of scowling?
The woman took out her breasts and made me suck on them.
Damn you, my stupid reflexes!
And I bit her nipple.
"Ouch, that hurt, Arima-chan!", she yelled out and "softly" punched my ass.
Ow
Hey, at leas tit worked.
Get it? At 'leastit', because I bit her nipple, which is on her 'tit'.
Funny, right?
...
Right.
GENERAL
[X] Name - Senju Arima
[X] Occupation -[Newborn]
Stats
[LVL] - 0
[EXP] - 0/10 to next level
[HP] - 5 (Recovery 1%/hr)
[CP] - ~0 (Recovery ~0/m)
[SP] - ~0 (Recovery ~0/m)
Attributes
[STR] - 0
[CON] - 0
[AGI] - 0
[INT] - 12
[WIS] - 13
[LUC] - ?
[CHA] – 130
Note: Click the [Stat] or [X] to see more information.
17/01/2019: Published.
7/02/2019: Changes made to skills and perks.
16/02/2019: General changes made. Reverted some changes to skills and perks because they worsened the overall system. Removed titles.
19/02/2019: Minor changes made to Perks.
8/03/2019: Skill-leveling perks removed altogether because they were redundant.