Slow Burn
Chapter 14
By the time they push their way out through the throng of happy, mostly tipsy wedding guests, they are hot and slightly out of breath. The elevator is waiting, and they laugh as they run across the marble lobby floor hand in hand, making a dash to catch it before the doors can close. Kate pulls Castle in behind her just in the nick of time, and they collapse against the back wall with their chests heaving.
"Do you think anyone saw us sneaking off?" Castle asks. He gives Kate a sideways glance. She's slumped against the corner of the car with her hands braced either side of her on the metal handrail, holding herself up.
Her cheeks are attractively flushed and she laughs breathlessly. "I was too busy sneaking to stop and stare. Besides," she shrugs, "who cares? We came, we witnessed, we ate the food, we danced, we made small talk, we even gave them the bridal suite. Now it's our time."
There's a loud ding when the elevator reaches their floor. The air pressure changes at the last second with the cab appearing to rise and then sink back a few inches before settling at the top floor.
Kate's ears pop right before the doors slide open. She steps off then looks back for her partner. Castle is still welded to the handrail. He has an odd look on his face. She beckons to him. "You coming, Castle?"
He shakes himself and follows her out into the corridor. It's going to take him longer than a couple of days to get used to this new version of Kate Beckett who seems intent on putting them first for a change.
"Which way?" she asks, looking up at the sign on the wall, which lists suite numbers, rather than names, with arrows that point in both directions.
Castle fishes the plastic key card in its little wallet out of his pocket. "Room 520 they discreetly number the Presidential Suite. End of the corridor," he says, nudging them both to the right.
He walks a few steps down the thickly-carpeted hallway before realizing that Kate isn't beside him. When he turns around, she has one hand braced against the wall while she steps out of her heels again. She wobbles as she bends to pick them up.
"Allow me," Castle says chivalrously. He takes the stilettoes from her, transfers them to his other side then takes her by the hand. "You seem a little tipsy, detective," he teases, hoping to gauge from her reply how to handle things once they get to their room.
If he has one goal from here to eternity it's to handle their relationship with the utmost honesty and clarity from now on. They've hidden their feelings from one another, and probably from themselves, for far too long, and the miscommunication that resulted has only cost them valuable time together and, at certain points, brought them a lot of pain.
"Nothing a big glass of water won't fix," she says, giving his hand a promising squeeze.
Castle isn't quite convinced it's that simple, especially when she carries on past Room 520 dragging him with her.
"Hey, this is us," he says, gently tugging her back. He has to put a finger to his lips to try to hush her when she giggles at her own mistake. "Don't wake the neighbors," he whispers, and Kate rolls her eyes.
He hands over her shoes while he struggles to liberate the key card from the fiddly cardboard holder. She crowds his back, wrapping her free arm around him and slipping her hand inside his jacket as he attempts to open the door. A tiny part of him is disappointed; he'd have liked her to want to touch him without alcohol being involved.
So he stiffens when he feels her splay her fingers over his heart and press her lips to the soft, bare patch of skin behind his ear. She drops her head slightly until her forehead is resting against his nape and she's hugging him from behind. Her touch is deliberate, loving, needful, and full of meaning. This is not the randy pawing of a drunken woman, and Rick Castle would know if anyone would.
"Stop over-thinking everything," she whispers. "I'm not drunk, Castle. I promise." She nudges him with her hips. "Now, get the damn door open before Lanie and the boys show up with a marching band to rain on our parade."
He turns then, finding her hip, drawing her close and backing her into the wall, teasing her nose with the tip of his own, caressing her cheek with his lips and his breath before stealing a hot and desperate kiss. "Message understood," he tells her, licking his damp, lipstick-smudged mouth when they draw part.
The suite is luxurious and more than spacious. A couple of lamps have been left on inside. The light they give off is subtle, just enough to illuminate the space without ruining the mood. Kate's overnight bag is sitting on the blue leather ottoman at the foot of the King size bed and she finds it strange to see it there; such a familiar item from home making an appearance in a place that is foreign to her. A second bag that she doesn't recognize is sitting alongside it. The bag is tan leather, well-worn and expensive looking; she assumes it belongs to Castle. It occurs to her that in a short time she will know for certain that it belongs to Castle, just as she will become intimately acquainted with its owner and the rest of his possessions. She may even use this bag herself one day, once they are married.
She shivers with excitement and turns to look for him. There are surprises around every corner today.
Castle carefully places the key card down on the console table behind the ornate velvet sofa then he neatly lines her shoes up on the floor beneath the ottoman to ensure neither of them will trip over the killer heels in the middle of the night.
"Quite the place," Kate says, turning in a slow circle to take it all in. The décor is contemporary, quirky and stylish, but not at all corporate. "If this is the Presidential suite, I wonder what Jenny and Kev have got?"
They both grow quiet now that discussing the décor is out of the way. Castle shrugs out of his suit jacket and goes to the closet in search of a hanger. Kate opens one of the bottles of water that have been placed on either side of the bed and pours herself a large glass. She takes a long drink and when Castle reappears, she offers the glass to him. He takes a sip and then he sets the glass down on the nightstand. They are next to a large, inviting bed, and neither of them knows what to say or do next.
Kate looks down at the floor. She chews her lip, takes a deep breath and lets it out very slowly, trying to calm her racing heart. Castle looks pensive. His features carry a strain that shouldn't be there, not anymore. So Kate steps out of her comfort zone once more, since this new strategy of hers seems to be working well for both of them. She turns her back on him, points over her shoulder and says, "Would you mind getting my zipper?"
She waits until she feels his shaking fingers clasping the tiny metal tab before she adds, "I'd like us to talk first if you don't mind? But…" She twists at the waist so that she can see his face. "Would it be okay if we got comfortable?"
After four years of build-up and so much water under the bridge, navigating from partners to lovers in harder than either of them imagined. Castle releases a whoosh of air from his lungs that sounds like utter relief. "Sounds perfect," he agrees with a nervous smile.
With her zip undone, Kate is free to step out of her dress, but before she can begin to peel it off, Castle is there, brushing against her. He gently sweeps her hair aside, exposing her back to the cool bedroom air. He lays one hand on her shoulder, resting the other at her waist to press a kiss to the top of her spine. Her muscles contract in a jolt of pleasure and his fingers tighten on her hip. He kisses her again then she feels his forehead knock into her, resting against her back in the same deeply emotional, overwhelmed manner she herself succumbed to outside in the corridor.
His breathing is a little faster than normal. "You smell so good," he whispers, allowing himself a nervous laugh. "And I sound like an idiot."
Kate turns in his arms, shaking her head. "You don't sound like an idiot." She raises his head with the tip of her finger then smiles softly as she caresses his jaw. "Need a little help with your tie?"
He lets her undo the silk necktie she picked out for him in his closet at the loft just that morning. Only twelve hours have passed since then, but it feels like a lifetime. Once the tie is gone, she begins unbuttoning his shirt.
Progress is slow.
She kisses each section of bare skin that she reveals as she eases the two sides of his shirt apart. When she gets halfway, Castle wraps his arms around her, pulling her to him, and Kate tucks her head in under his chin. He holds her body tightly against his own, sharing his warmth with her, reveling in the difference in height and scale that makes him want to protect this woman he loves like no other but whom he knows to be so strong and powerful. They stay this way for several minutes, quietly swaying just like they did on the dance floor.
He kisses the top of her head. "This has been a long time coming. I⏤" He hesitates, trailing the tips of his fingers up and down her back where her dress gapes open. "What did you want to talk about?"
She arches her back so that she can see his face. "Let's get into bed. We can talk there."
This suggestion meets no argument from Castle, and it stirs them into renewed action. They undress, and although the hands that remove their clothing might be their own, the eyes that watch them are each other's.
Kate slips her dress off each shoulder then she shimmies the skin-tight fabric down over her stomach and hips revealing the silky black slip she's wearing underneath. When she steps out of the dress and turns to hang it in the closet, Castle lets out a low whistle. She throws him a smirk over her shoulder and walks away down the short hall to the closet, putting an extra swing in her hips as she goes.
On the pretense of hanging his suit, he's soon behind her invading her space, though there's plenty to go around. Once his hands are free, he cups her shoulders, smoothing the delicate skin with his thumbs and the palm of his hands. He leans down to kiss the spot he's just touched as he runs his hands it all the way down her arms to her wrists. "So soft," he murmurs almost to himself.
Kate reaches for him, leading him back down the hallway after her. The air-conditioning is pretty fierce in the bedroom; her nipples are standing to attention beneath the double layer of lace created by the trim on her slip and the bra beneath. She shivers.
"Do you have a preference?" she asks, gesturing towards the bed.
Castle grins, managing to look more relaxed than he feels. "Oh, I never take sides."
Kate smirks at the clever comment and drags him towards the left side of the bed with her. "Let's get in. I'm cold."
He offers to turn the air conditioning down, but she shakes her head. "We'll be grateful of it later." The promise in this statement isn't lost on Castle. She pats the bed. "Just get in and keep me warm while we talk."
Kate kicks at the covers. "Okay, this comforter is way too heavy. Can you throw that off?" she says, piling up the pillows in the middle of the bed and punching them into submission so they can lie facing one another.
"Orders already," Castle mutters, grinning from ear-to-ear.
"And you love it," Kate counters.
"I do, yeah," Castle is forced to admit.
He wonders aloud at her thinking as they settle in bed. "Beckett, you've spent the last four years trying to shut me up. A little odd for you to be the one in favor of talking, don't you think? Since we're doing things back to front, is this the equivalent of a post-coital cigarette?"
"You're not a secret smoker, are you?" she asks as if this might be a possibility, a bad habit that she's somehow missed.
Castle shakes his head and lies down beside her, propping himself up on one elbow. "Hey, I know you might be worried…maybe this all seems sudden. But it's really not." He shakes his head again for emphasis and looks into her eyes. "It isn't. And we know a lot more about each other than you might think."
He takes her hand. "So what if you don't know which brand of toothpaste I use and I have no idea what side of the bed you sleep on, or…or how you voted in the last election."
She arches an eyebrow. "Really, Castle? All this time and you can't guess my politics?"
He bats the thought away. "Bad example. My point is this: we know each other in all the ways that count. We know that we're both loyal to a fault, we don't quit, you've got my back and I've got yours ⏤"
"Babe," Kate adds with a grin.
"Til the wheels fall off."
"You called me babe when that guy…that⏤"
"Brett," Castle supplies.
"Yeah, when Brett wanted to dance with me." She laughs, but she's looking at him with so much affection that it almost stops his heart. "Should have seen the look on your face, like you wanted to murder him."
"Well," and a shrug is the only defense Castle offers.
"I thought you were going to tackle him to the floor. Or challenge him to a dance-off."
"That thought did cross my mind," he says, chuckling. "I am a very good dancer."
Kate caresses the side of his face. "You are a good dancer. That is true."
"I saw you watching me. Dancing with Jenny."
Kate covers her face with her hands. "You don't miss a trick, do you?"
"Not when it's you." He peels her fingers away from her face so that he can see her eyes. "Never want to miss a second of this," he says, leaning in to kiss her.
They're lying beneath the fine cotton sheet, Kate in her slip, bra and underwear, Castle in just his boxer shorts. Despite the cool, feathering breath of the air conditioning, the air in their suite now feels a little stuffy. Kate's skin has all the gloss of an olive against the milk-white bedding. Castle's tan glows dark and healthy to his t-shirt line before paling a little where the sun has yet to reach his bare chest and stomach, the muscular swell of his upper arms and shoulders.
Kate runs the tip of her finger across the borderline that bisects his biceps, separating coffee from cream. "What happened here?" she asks. Her touch is so light that it tickles. Castle squirms and yelps, finally trapping her hand his against his skin when she just won't quit touching him.
He shrugs. "Haven't made it out to the beach house this summer to work on my tan."
Kate watches his face when he tells her this. It makes her feel sad and a little guilty, though Castle doesn't look too bothered. Once again, she is struck by how little they have shared of their private lives with one another outside of the precinct. The odd dinner here and there, after or during a case, sure, but whole nights and weekends pass, holidays and birthdays, with little idea of what the other is doing across whole acres of time, hours unspooled in which they remained apart. These thoughts somewhat throw Castle's reassurances into doubt.
"I hope I can do this," she says out of nowhere. There is an edge of panicked desperation to her voice and her chest feels tight.
This is the first time she has uttered a doubtful, discordant note all day. Given her history, Castle isn't completely surprised.
She shuts her eyes tightly, takes a deep, controlled breath to calm her heart, which is suddenly racing. "Castle, I can't screw this up. Don't let me screw this up," she pleads.
He reaches for her, kissing her hair and wrapping his arms around her. Their legs tangle beneath the sheet. "Hey, where's this coming from? You won't. All on your own two feet, you couldn't. But I won't let you in any case. I'm gonna be right here, by your side, every step of the way until we're old and gray, Kate. I promise."
Her lashes are long and dark, heavily accentuated by the carbon-black mascara she layered on this morning. When they flicker open and she stares at him, she looks scared.
"Kate, talk to me. What's going on?"
She frowns as though trying to figure it out for herself. "We're so different," she eventually says. "You're so open. With everyone. And I'm so closed off. You poured your soul into your child. What have I done? I lost my mother and I gave everything I had to my job."
"Hey," he soothes, rubbing circles on her back. "Having kids forces you to open up. There's no way around asking for help. Especially when you're a single dad with a newborn baby girl to take care of. I was clueless. Don't think I'd even held a baby before Alexis came along. So, I'd talk to complete strangers, to the moms in the park…"
Kate splutters a watery laugh. "I'll bet you did. Men with babies? Even stronger catnip than puppies, and that's saying something."
He clears his throat and tries to get them back on track. "As I was saying: you were a closed book when I met you. Spikey anger always on display. Displeasure with me. Cold and concise with perps. It was a sight to behold, believe me. You were strong and powerful, self-contained, a force of nature. It was sexy as hell. But you were also damaged and isolated by the trauma you'd been through. It was as if you were never sure who to trust. But you've changed, Kate. I've watched you change."
"I hope so. That's not a very flattering portrait you just painted."
"But I think you know that it's true. Together, we chipped away at that hard shell. You trust the boys more now than you did when I came to the Twelfth. And I'm sure all we did was strip you back to the person you were before unimaginable tragedy entered your life and took your mom from you."
She breathes in deeply and then lets her chest fall as she drives the air out of her lungs. "I don't want my job to be the sum of my life anymore," she admits.
Castle strokes her arm. "Good. That's good. That's great."
"I want to pour myself into our marriage, Castle. Heart and soul." She watches his face as she tests the waters. "And maybe kids one day?" His eyes twinkle and he smiles.
They stare at one another. The desire to stop time has never been stronger.
She touches her index finger to the midline of his chest and draws it down from the shallow dip of his jugular notch to the base of his sternum. "If anything ever happened to you…"
She shakes her head and places a kiss against his skin on the spot where the bullet entered her heart, consciously or unconsciously, then she raises her eyes to look at him. "Sounds ridiculous, I know, but you can't ever die. Okay?" Tears glitter on her lashes.
Castle watches her quietly then he strokes her hair and moves to kiss her. But she stays him with her hand. "I mean it, Castle. You have to promise me."
"Kate, you know I can't do that. We're all going to die."
"Then we'll just have to go together. When we get old." Her lashes flicker and a tear slides down her cheek. Her smile is weak but still there, still holding fast.
"Nah, they'll have a cure for everything by then. Besides, you'll never get old. You're too beautiful for that." He cups her chin and skims his thumb back and forth over her lips. They feel so soft. She bites the pad of his thumb on one pass and heat flares between them. His voice catches in this throat when he says, "Did I tell you yet just how beautiful you are? And can I just say how great it feels to be able to admit these things to you?"
The moment is heavy and charged. They are both quiet and watchful.
Suddenly, Castle changes gear, finding a way back to their familiar lightness. He lifts the sheet and peers beneath it to look at her legs then he slides the spaghetti strap of her slip and the strap of her bra off her shoulder and inspects her naked skin. "So…just what happened here?" he asks, mimicking her earlier question. "Because this looks very much like it might be a full body tan."
Kate smiles and her eyes sparkle. "I have a little roof terrace."
Castle gasps and clutches his chest. "And you never told me? How did I not know this? Do you sunbathe in the nude up there? Can anyone see?"
Kate smiles enigmatically and Castle's eyebrows rise and fall, his face is lit up with mischief and joy. She loves him all the more for the light he brings to her life just when she needs it most. "What?" she asks, prodding him a little.
"I like the idea of you lying on your roof deck. Sexy."
"Ah, so you're really marrying me for my little patch of New York real estate?"
Castle laughs, burying his face in the crook of her neck. She cards her fingers through his hair, squirming as she holds him to her and he kisses her neck. It feels wonderful.
"Actually, that's something we do have to talk about," she says, her voice more serious all of a sudden.
Castle freezes and his head pops up. "What's that?"
"The…the financial thing. We should really sort that out."
"What's to sort?" He plays with her lingerie, sliding it on and off her shoulder like a child with a new toy.
"Uh, plenty," Kate says, as if he's insane not to be aware of this, too.
"Kate, I don't want a prenup, if that's what you're getting at. Not with you."
"Said every man with money who fell in love but didn't think things through."
He's stunned by the ease with which she admits that he's in love with her now, but stops short of saying so. "I don't need it. We don't need it," he insists.
"I don't. But you sure as hell do. Castle, both my parents are…were lawyers. If we don't do this, my dad is likely to take you aside and suggest it…on our wedding day."
Castle sighs and closes his eyes for a second. When he opens them again, he says, "Kate, this is already a family business. It has been for the last four years. I've just never had a legit way to share the profits with you before. Not one you would ever have agreed to anyway."
"Rick, your writing is your work product. All the hours you spend…" She shakes her head. "No. You need to protect yourself."
"From you?" He laughs. "There would be no books without you. No wealth to protect. Not without your job. To say nothing of all the inspiration you've given me over the years," he adds with a suggestive life of his eyebrows. "No. As I said: family business. We're sharing. No arguments. Now, can we please talk about something a little more romantic?"
Kate tilts her head to admire him, such a kind and generous soul. Her smile is a little love-struck and dopey. "That's romantic," she says quietly. "What you just said: family business. That. Right there: your faith in us…in me. That's…" She shrugs. "It's so hot. You have no idea."
She has a predatory look in her eye when she crooks her finger and beckons him closer. "Okay, good talk. Now, Castle, get over here."
TBC...
A/N: That chapter got so long that I've had to split it in two. Please keep the reviews coming, they're fun to read and the only clue to what you're thinking. Liv