Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer with the exception of Emma, storyline belongs to me. No copyright infringement intended. Tissues needed, major death.

8th September

Dearest Emma,

Wow! You would be starting school today. I can't believe you would be five years old. I'm sorry I haven't written in a couple of years, but with the loss of Charlie and Masen's birth… You weren't forgotten, I just didn't know what to write. Each letter gets harder to compose the older you get, and the more I miss the life of what it could've been. Sometimes it's easier to pretend that all this was a bad dream, but my heart knows you are real. You're my firstborn child.

So, here I was clearly in labor and no one was at home to take me to the hospital. I tried to call Edward because I knew it would take him some time to get home. The call went straight to his voicemail. I ended leaving a message, informing him I was on my way to the hospital because I was in labor. The next call went to 911, requesting an ambulance because I couldn't drive myself to the hospital. The last call was to Sue. I let her know I was in active labor and I was on my way in. She agreed to meet me at Labor & Delivery since she was still visiting my father.

The paramedics arrived shortly after and proceeded to evaluate me before helping me onto the stretcher. I was loaded into the ambulance and subsequently transported to the hospital.

On arrival, I begged them to delay Masen's delivery as long as possible so that your father could arrive in time. I still was unable to get a hold of him. I was put on bed rest with machines hooked up to monitor both Masen and myself. I briefly spoke to Charlie on the phone since Sue said he was unable to come down to L&D. I knew something had to be wrong by that information because I knew there was no way Charlie would miss the birth of his grandson. Death would have to be knocking on his door for that to happen.

Then it hit me, Charlie was dying. I was losing him. He was giving up. I was falling apart. Edward still wasn't here. Charlie wasn't here, and Sue was torn over who needed her to be with them the most. Finally, Sue convinced Charlie to speak with me on the phone. I could tell there wasn't much time left for us. His voice sounded hoarse and weak. He told me to hang onto what I have and to cherish each and every moment. He also told me he'd be waiting for me - in the very distant future - with Emma when it was my time to crossover. However he said that time wouldn't come until his grandson would have children of his own.

I cried and cried and cried some more. I couldn't talk and the stress was causing issues with Masen. The doctors did another exam and told if I wanted Masen to survive I had to deliver him within the next hour. They could not safely wait any longer.

I kept trying to contact your father, to no avail. Sue stayed beside me the entire time as I was moved into the delivery suite. I heard angels sing at your father's arrival. At one stage, Sue was called from the room and did not return. Your brother was born and perfectly healthy. He measured in at 21 inches long and weighing in at a hefty 8 pounds 4 ounces. He was born adorning chocolate colored hair with bronze highlights.

Sue came to visit a few hours later. She informed me that she'd been called from the L&D because Charlie had deteriorated and she left to be with him. The doctors advised her it was time for everyone to say their last goodbyes and she'd come to notify me of this latest development. She'd come to escort me to his room, all his friends had already been there and said their goodbyes.

Sue walked along beside me as Edward pushed me in a wheelchair while I was holding Masen in my arms to Charlie's room. As we entered his room I noticed the man that had always been there for me was no more. He was barely conscious. I was told that the pain medication he was on made it hard for him to know what was happening around him.

Charlie looked at me, then looked at Masen and asked if that was his grandson. I placed Masen on the bed next to him. Charlie put one hand around Masen and the other pointed to the ceiling. He told Masen that his granddaughter, Masen's big sister, would always be there to take care of him, but that it was now time for "grandpa" to go with Emma. At this, Charlie closed his eyes and never opened them again. I took Masen from Charlie's arms and handed him to Edward. I said my final goodbye to the best dad a girl could have had, and I thanked you, Emma, for coming to get your grandfather.

Charlie's funeral was a simple affair, but the scattering of his ashes was a different story. Everyone in Forks and La Push wanted to be there to pay their respects to their friend. So with the tribe's permission we released Charlie's ashes on First Beach, his favorite beach.

The first few months were hard with having a new baby and dealing with the loss of Charlie. Edward and Sue stayed home most days to help me. I began to notice Masen always appeared to be looking at something, even if there was nothing around to garner his attention. He always seemed to be able to entertain himself, although he wasn't really interested in his toys. Whenhen he did play with his toys, they appeared to move on their own.

After about 6 months Sue decided to move back to La Push. She wanted to be with her family and closer to Charlie's final resting place. He would always be by her side, I knew that, just as I knew you were always with me.

Edward started traveling again for work. He was nominated for a Grammy Award. Sue readily agreed to watch Masen so that your father and I could attend the ceremony.

Masen was growing up so fast, and he was starting to talk and crawl around by his first birthday. It was around that time he said his first word "Em". Of course, Uncle Emmett thought it was about him, although I knew he was meaning you. I could always feel your presence when you were around after your brother's birth. I noticed a pattern form when I felt your spirit; your brother would appear to be doing or playing with someone else that wasn't physically there. It was you, wasn't it Emma?

You would now be at the age that you'd be getting ready for school. If you would've been like me, you'd have had your "first day outfit" all picked out and ready to go the next morning. I wonder, do you have school where you are? Do you grow and mature as you would if you were still here? I like to think so, at least that's what I hope for.

Masen is now over the age two and he can nearly outrun your father. He talks all the time, especially about what he does with you and Grandpa Charlie. He tells me he has dreams where grandpa takes him fishing, something I know Charlie would've done with the both of you.

Masen tells me that you read stories to him all the time. He also says there's a lady there with you and grandpa, but he doesn't know who she is. He says she doesn't really talk to him, and that he prefers to spend his time with you playing with his trucks in the sandbox.

For me, I've struggled. There's been so much loss in my life, so much pain and suffering, but I' am working through it. I need to get better for Masen and your father. Writing these letters has helped me in so many ways. I don't think even I realise it at the time, but when I write each letter I don't know what it means. Other than it allows me to share what's happened in my life at the time.

The struggles I go through with having mental illnesses, while dealing with the loss of a child, father, mother… the list goes on and on. I don't have anyone around that I can call my own family, except for your father and brother. I've suffered so much lose in my life, but I've never let it beat me down too much. Yes, there were times that it was extremely hard to keep going, to not run away from your father and brother, to not find a way to end it all and give up on life. I kept going, fighting to get better. I want to be a good mother to your brother and to be a good wife to your dad. But it's really is hard work, but then life is hard. Nothing worth fighting for is easy.

My Dearest Daughter,

I will leave you now. I do not know when I'll write again. Masen and your father keep me so busy. I hope your first day of school went well, wherever you are.

Love always,

Your Mom,

Bella Cullen

A/N Thank you to my betas: Sherry Neal and Carole Long. Also I would love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, what you would like to see what happens in future letters