I can't live without you
Author's note: Hello everyone. So sorry for the delay, but sometimes life is not a good friend and put hard things on you. Anyway, we have worked hard on this last part. So here it is . I hope you will enjoy the reading as much I have enjoyed writing it.
I wanted to thank you my beta IsChickenRoastedOrToasted for her help and her unfailing support . This story wouldn't be what it is without her.
I really wanted to thank you all for the compliments, the reviews, the support and for being so understanding and kind. It melts my heart because it is not easy to show myself like this.
Leave a review and let me know what you are thinking, please.
Disclaimer: I am not J K Rowling so I don't own any of this except the idea of the story
Part three: stay
The same routine has been established since Tina's arrival. Theseus and Leta were working the mornings and joined her for lunch. They were very kind to her and they all stuck together to support the waiting, ease the pain that each was feeling.
Sometimes Tina went for a walk to clear her mind in a park nearby, but the beautiful view was always dull. She didn't manage to forget Newt's state and the pain she was feeling each day when she was going to see him. Her hope was the only thing that kept her sane. The afternoons, she stayed with Newt and the Scamander family would join her later. When she was alone with Newt, she was talking about Queenie and Jacob, reading aloud a book or the Daily Prophet, she was hoping that maybe he would hear her and that he would slowly come back to the world.
Today was no exception. When she entered his room, pushing his fringe, she lightly kissed him on the forehead.
She stayed like each day waiting for Theseus, Leta and Mr. and Mrs. Scamander. The healers regularly checked Newt's condition, but they never told her anything about his health as she wasn't family. It was frustrating but she had to make with it. Theseus and Leta often told her what the healers said to them but it seemed that Newt's and Theseus' father didn't really agree with that. Their mother, as for her, always was very nice and considerate with her.
But when Theseus entered Newt's room this day, she felt that something was wrong. He seemed tense and he didn't look really comfortable.
"Is there something wrong with Newt, Theseus?" She worriedly asked.
"Not with Newt, Tina. Can I talk to you one-on-one ,please?"
She got up and followed him in the corridor, drawing away from Newt's hospital room. He stayed a few meters away, turning his back on her.
"I didn't know what the best way is to tell you that but something came in my office this afternoon from MACUSA." He explained to her while he was removing a folded paper from his jacket pocket. He hesitated before turning and handed it to her. She tensed at the name of her employer but she wasn't really surprised, she knew that this would happen sooner or later.
She unfolded it, her hands slightly shaking. Then she read.
Mr. Theseus Scamander, Head Auror office.
Ms. Goldstein hasn't come to work in three days. I have told her myself what happened to your brother. Her sister, who is working for MACUSA too, is trying to protect her and told us about a supposed illness. I have no proof of the truth of this situation. But if my instinct doesn't get me wrong, I think she has found a way to come to England to see your brother to whom she seems very attached to. But feelings are not something which must interfere with her job. I think you understand that more than anyone else. So, if my suspicions are good and she is here with him. I gave her one last chance to be back in two days or I will disbar her from the list of American aurors despite the fact she is one of my best members.
Best regards.
Seraphina Picquery, President of MACUSA.
When she looked away from the letter, she was alone. Theseus, who was a respectful man, had slipped away to give her some space and some time for herself. She decided not to enter back to the hospital room, she preferred walking to clear her head. She was in a very delicate situation and she didn't really know what the best choice was. She was torn between her love for her job and her love for Newt: it was an important dilemma. Whatever her decision will be, she knew that she will suffer.
So, she walked and walked for a long time without knowing where she was going. This path that she had taken was perfectly mirroring her life. She didn't know where she had to go. Finally, she found herself along the Thames in the muggle town. She sat on a bench and looked at the passers-by not knowing what to think or what to do.
It was rather late when she went back to Theseus' and Leta's flat. She had decided to apparate on the doorstep not wanting to bother them more if she apparated inside. They had already done so much for her. As she stepped inside without a noise, she saw a shadow on the sofa, there was only one little table lamp which illuminated the room.
"There you are, I was beginning to worry. We already have someone in a hospital bed, I think it is really enough." Theseus coldly said.
She lowered her head, ashamed. She had totally forgotten about her hosts, only selfishly thinking about her own problems.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He told her kindlier.
"No, I will go to bed. Things always look better in the morning. But thank you, Theseus." She began to leave the living room.
"You should eat something, eating nothing will not do any good. Leta has let something for you in the kitchen." He nicely added.
"I am not hungry, really but thanks anyway." She whispered and quickly disappeared in her bedroom leaving Theseus, troubled.
She put her pyjamas on and settle at the desk where she found a quill and a piece of parchment. The best thing she could do was to confess herself to her sister.
My dear Queenie.
I am writing to tell you not to keep trying to protect me in MACUSA. I couldn't thank you enough for doing it, but I don't want you to be in trouble because of me. Theseus, Newt's brother, has received a letter from Mrs. Picquery today. She knows you're lying about me, and I don't want you to lose your job because of me.
She wants me back in two days or I will lose my job. When I am writing you this, my heart is torn between the love for my job and my feelings for Newt. It is a conflict of love and duty and I know, whatever my decision will be, that I will suffer, or I will hurt someone. I am really lost, and I don't know what to do, to such an extent that Theseus and Leta worry about me and they don't need this now. They already have enough in their plate with Newt's state which always is the same. I am more a burden for them than a help. I shouldn't have left like this on an impulse, it was not a good thing neither for them or for me.
I am asking myself if it would be better if I came back now even if my heart fell into pieces when I think about leaving Newt.
I miss you, Queenie.
Love, Tina.
The tears were rolling on her cheeks while she had poured her heart out in this letter. Both had exhausted her. She let it on the desk to send it the next morning. She went into bed and instantly fell asleep.
As she entered the white room in St Mungo like each day since she had been there, she found Newt's bed empty. She looked around the hospital room but it was empty. Then something caught her eyes under the bed, some brown leather thing that she knew all too well. She grabbed it: Newt's suitcase. Instantly she knew where he was. But one question was on her mind. How did this case arrive here? She opened the lid and went downstairs.
The shed was empty, so she went out and find him here the hands in his pocket looking at his beasts, a little smile floating on his lips. Seeing him like this made her heart melt and she couldn't restrain herself, she ran to him clocking him up in her embrace. He was surprised but took her by the waist and steadied his feet. He put his face in her hair inhaling her sweet perfume as she hid her face in his chest, releasing all her sorrow. He didn't say anything, he just rubbed her back letting her calm down. After a few minutes, she extracted herself from his embrace to give some space and so she regained composure.
"Oh Newt, I am so happy to see you awake. You gave us such a fright, you know. But you should be in your bed resting!" She exclaimed.
"Tina, I am feeling good and you know better than anyone else that this case is my self-space when I am not in the best shape." He told a bit coldly.
"Yes, I know. Anyway, we should go back to the hospital room and let the healers check on you and call your family who is worried sick." She said, surprised by his tone.
He didn't answer right away, he seemed to debate on the best option.
"Since how long am I sick?" He asked, surprised.
"One of your new runespoors bit you, so you were poisoned, and you hit your head hard when you fell trying to avoid him. You stayed more than a month in a coma." She explained to him.
"I see. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy that you are here but how did you manage to have more than a month of leave from MACUSA. it is a very long time and I am sure that the auror office and Mrs Picquery didn't want to let go one of their best auror for so long." He stated.
She lightly lowered her head before she answered him.
"I am here only since a few days. I didn't know about your accident. It is Mrs Picquery who told me, so I decided to come and instantly see you."
"No one from my family wrote to you to tell you?"
"No, but you can't blame them, Newt. I think they were so afraid for you; besides they just know my name because you told them a bit about me. But they have more important things to do and think about."
He sighed but thought that she was probably right.
"I think you should go home. I don't want you to lose your job because of me. Mrs Picquery won't give you another chance like last time. I have played my last card. I don't want you to resent me because of all this. So please, don't wait any longer and go home." His voice was like a blade thrust right in her heart.
She was flabbergasted, tears began to burn her eyes. So, she turned, covered her mouth with her hand to prevent a cry. The pain she was feeling was so strong that she thought her heart would break. He didn't try to hold her back or anything. Her only thought was to run and hide herself. So, she did and went out of the suitcase. She fell on the hospital bed crying her heart out. His words were running through her mind and she didn't understand. She wasso sure he would be happy to see her and maybe they finally could confess their mutual feelings. The more she thought, the more it was hard for her to breathe. Her tears suffocated her. Suddenly, a distant voice called her.
Slowly she opened her eyes. her vision was blur and her mind had some hard time to calm and put the pieces of the puzzle together.
"Calm down, Tina. That's all right. You're all right. You're safe." The voice sweetly said, caressing her hair. First, she believed it was Newt or more precisely she wanted that it was him.
Finally, she recognized Theseus and the guestroom. She deeply sighed and sat against the headboard and hid her head in her hands, ashamed. She was feelbad and remembered what she had written to Queenie the evening before about the fact that she was a burden for Leta and Theseus. Here she was, crying like a mad woman because of a bad dream and he was here to comfort while he had already so many things to do and to think.
"Do you want to talk about it? I think it would be better if you did. You will feel relieved after." He calmly encouraged her.
"I dreamt about Newt. He was awake and was inside his suitcase with his beasts. He asked me to leave and go back to New York. He was so distant and cold, and it felt so real, Theseus. I am so sorry if I have woken you up. I should come home, I only am a burden for you both, Leta and you . I should have probably listened to Mrs President and not come. It is probably better if I get back where I belong." She sternly stated.
"Don't say that. You are as important as any of us for Newt, Tina. It was just a bad dream. We are all very worried about him and our subconscious pulled ours strings. You have to know that I haven't seen Newt's eyes brighter or his face more lightened than when he talked about you. We surely haven't the best relationship but I want him to be happy and you make him very happy Tina, maybe more than anyone else except maybe his beasts." He explained to her with a light smile.
She smiled in return.
"Thank you, Theseus. I needed to hear that."
"What will you do about MACUSA?"
"I think I will stay here. Never mind! I have already lost my job once and they gave it back to me thanks to Newt. Before I met him, it was the most important thing for me, apart from Queenie. Now my priorities are very different. Newt needs me, and I don't intend to fail in my task to help him and be there when he needs me the most. I will manage to find something else. Don't worry. Thank you very much for all you have made for me.
"You're welcome. I should go or I will be late. I see you this afternoon. Don't get worked up by then."
She chuckled while he exited her room. This conversation had made her some good. She had almost forgotten about her dream and she was sure of what she wanted. It was settled: she was staying for Newt no matter what happened with her job, he was her priority. She had already infringed the law coming in England without her superior's permission anyway. So, she was neither here nor there. At this instant, she noticed that she had really changed since she had met him, and she was very happy about it. He had brought something very special in her life, something she thought she would never have, leaving her single all her life: love. But now she saw all her life through a new perspective thanks to him and the love she had for him.
The rest of the day was calm without any other incident. An owl was waiting for them when they came back from the hospital. Queenie had, of course, answered her right away.
My dear Tina,
Don't worry about me, the most important is Newt for now. Mrs Picquery is not very insistent anyway, she has so many important things to do and care about, that she hadn't really time for me and they haven't any proof either.
I think you shouldn't torment yourself like that. For once in life, you should let your heart guide you and not your head. Newt is a wonderful man and the perfect man for you. You must not slip him through your fingers, Teenie. You are the perfect match. Both of you deserve happiness and you are ready to give it to the other. You are a giver as much as he is, Teenie. I know he is the love of your life. So, you stay in London as long time as it is necessary. As for MACUSA, I am sure we will find something. For now, be selfish and think about your own happiness.
I am fine and Jacob is here to take care of me. So, no need for you to worry about me.
Love you, Teenie.
Send my love to Newt too.
Queenie.
The relief invaded her. She felt so lucky to have so many people who were there for her and care about her. She joined Leta and Theseus in the living room.
"You seem better than this morning." Theseus noticed.
"Yes, thanks to you and the letter I just received from Queenie."
"That's good news." Leta added.
"I can't thank you enough to all you have done for me already. I hope I will be able to return the favour one day but under happy circumstances. You have been so kind and understanding." She kindly said as she was looking at them in the eyes.
"Maybe you should wait a little before to thank us because I have something more to tell you that will allow us some other acknowledgements." Theseus teased.
Tina was on the edge of her seat.
"One of my men needs a change and I think that going in America will do him some good. So, if you want to, I can offer an exchange to Mrs Picquery. He takes your place in MACUSA and you take his here at the Ministry of Magic. Unless you have a problem with being under my orders." He said with a smile playing on his lips.
She stayed there not moving as if she had been petrified. He offered her the best present: all her problems were solved. There only was Queenie and Jacob. Once again, she would have to make a choice even if she remembered her sister's letter and that she already knew what she would tell her. She would want her to accept, like this, she could be near Newt for good and maybe they could begin a real life and a real relationship together. But for that, he would have to wake, and they must share their feelings for each other. There was a long way in front of her. She didn't see the end of the tunnel yet.
Theseus got her out her reverie.
"I want you to take some time to think about it. I know it is not an easy decision, especially since Newt is still in a coma and you can't talk to him but weigh the pros and the cons. I am not in a hurry. I will open the negotiations with Mrs. Picquery, like this we all have some time to organize all this." He willingly offered her.
A few days later ….
The healers had removed the bandage the day before. As she looked at him, his face seemed less white to her than the previous day. As she settled on the chair near his bed, she began to talk about his beasts. She had made acquaintance with Bunty the day before thanks to Theseus so, she could tell him some news. She knew that people would think that she was crazy to talk to him like this. But even if he couldn't answer or hear her, it was a relief for her.
When she was telling him about another escape of the baby nifflers, who had created chaos in his menagerie again, a whisper was heard. She abruptly stopped in the middle of her sentence.
"Tina…"
"Newt! Mercy Lewis, you're finally awake. You gave us such a fright. How are you feeling?" She tenderly asked him while sat near him on the bed, taking his hand in hers to keep him calm and reassure him.
She was on the verge of tears to finally see him awake.
"It is like a hippogriff had trampled on me and my head is spinning but what are you doing here? Where am I exactly?" He hoarsely asked with a weak voice.
"Shh. Don't panic, you are alright and in safe hands." She calmly answered while she stroked his hair. "You are in St Mungo. I will go fetch a healer and send a note to your family."
"No. Stay, please."
"You rest and they will check on you while I am gone. We will back before you know it." She stood up, kissed him on the cheek without thinking. His cheeks became red but she didn't notice, she had already left the room. She ran through the corridors and found the healers to whom she told the news. Then she entered the fireplace and went straight to the ministry to Theseus' office. She was running quick and didn't even bother to present or excuse herself. She burst into Theseus' office, discovering several aurors here with him. Instantly, he got up and came closer to her.
"Tina, what is it?" He urged her.
"He is awake, Theseus." She answered out of breath, the tears that she was holding since the hospital running on her cheeks.
Theseus embrace her, his wonderful smile illuminated his face.
"I'll take Leta and my parents to see him. You go back to him. We'll find you there." He stated. "We will finish this later." He told to the aurors with a dismissal tone.
She hurried back to St Mungo. When she entered the hallway of Newt's room, she saw the healers coming out. She began to walk more quickly. Before opening, she deeply inhaled and collected herself. Then she went in and found him up near the window. He turned smiling when he heard her as she urged to come closer to him. She could see that he was still weak, he wasn't very steady on his feet but it was so good to see him alert.
"Why are you up? You should be in bed resting." She reprimanded him like a mother.
"Calm down, Tina. I have the healer's permission, they said it will do some good to my health after this long time in bed. I just need to be careful because I will probably be tired rather quickly though. I need to stretch my legs and my body too." He calmly explained to her.
Then she didn't say anything and took him in her embrace, he instantly responded by taking her in his arms. All the twister of feelings that she was restraining since she arrived got out. He let her cry as long as she needed. He simply enjoyed her presence, her fragrance, her body against his. After a few minutes, he began to free himself.
"I think it will be better if I go back to bed now." He weakly said.
She smiled and took him by the waist to help him. Both of them were slightly red because of the gesture but they didn't say anything. After helping him to settle, she sat by him.
"Since when are you here, Tina? "He asked her without looking directly at her.
"I am here since a few days. I came as soon as I knew what happened to you. "
"So that was you that I could hear, your voice was so far away, that have given me some comfort. But you shouldn't have bothered. It is a long trip and what about MACUSA. Mrs Picquery shouldn't be there happy about this."
"I don't care about her. All was mattered to me is you. I think it is time to be sincere with each other. I could stand the idea of losing you. I can't live without you, Newt. I cursed myself not to have told you what I was feeling when I had the chance, after I had learned what happened to you. I won't let the chance to get away from me now. I am in love with you since we first met …"
He didn't let her finish but captured her lips with his. He had chosen to take action rather than words, he was not good with them anyway and this kiss was worth more than a thousand words. Tina leaned a little to put her arms around his neck as he was deepening the kiss placing his left hand on her neck, his thumb caressing her cheek.
They were interrupted by someone who was clearing his throat. They instantly parted, Tina quickly got up, her face was red much as Newt's. Leta and their mother lightly smiled, Theseus was exulting. Mr. Scamander had a blank face. Mrs. Scamander went to her son, sat on his bed and took him in her arms.
"Oh, sweet Merlin, Newton …" She couldn't add any other word; the tears were making her voice hoarse.
"I will give you some family time." She whispered to Theseus as she went toward the door.
She left the hospital and got back to Leta's and Theseus' flat waiting for their return.
One week later, Tina found herself descending the marble staircase of the Scamander Estate, early in the morning. Mrs Scamander had ordered to her son to come home with them. The healers had let Newt come home the day before but with strict orders. So, she could keep an eye on him as he was recovering and she offered the young woman to come along. As she reached the living room, green flames appeared in the fireplace, Theseus got out of it.
"Good morning, Tina." He greeted her. "It is good you're here because I wanted to talk to you." He added more seriously.
"Good morning Theseus. It is about Mrs Picquery and MACUSA, isn't it?" She asked a little worried.
He nodded and invited her to sit with him on the blue velvet sofa with him.
He was direct.
"She wants your answer tomorrow night. You have to take a decision."
She sighed lowered her head. She had pushed aside this to concentrate all her might on Newt. But she hadn't dared to speak with him about it yet. Of course, they had shared their feelings but she didn't really know what she could do. She certainly wanted to be with him but at the same time there was her sister. She wasn't really sure that she could leave her by herself. There was the problem with Jacob, she can't marry him in America, however she could perfectly understand that Queenie didn't want to give up on the love of her life. So, there she was again, torn between her love life and her family now.
Theseus could see how hard this decision would be.
"My offer still stands, Tina. I will be more than happy to have you in my team. Talk with Newt. It is the best thing you could do." He stated. "I have to go, call me when you will have decided. Have a good day until then."
"Thank you, Theseus. "
After his departure, her appetite was gone, she could feel that her stomach ached. So, she opted for a walk in the garden, some fresh air would probably help her to think straight.
An hour later, as she was sitting on a bench her knees under her chin, she heard someone coming. She wasn't surprised to see that it was Newt.
"Good morning, Tina." He sweetly said placing a kiss on her forehead.
"Good morning." She whispered as she leaned against his shoulder as he sat close to her.
He frowned.
"What is the matter? What's bothering you?
She deeply sighed.
"I have a decision to make and it is not an easy one. Whatever my decision is, it will have a big influence in my life. Mrs. Picquery didn't want me to come here, I came without her permission. When she found out, she gave me an ultimatum: I go back or I lose my job. Thankfully, your brother helped me and stalled for time offering me a place in his team in exchange with one of his men who needs a change. I mostly am torn because of Queenie." She explained to him. "I have to give her an answer tomorrow."
Newt took her hands in his and squeezed them.
"I will respect your decision whatever it is, Tina. But I won't lie: for some selfish reasons I want you to stay. I love you more than you could imagine and I don't want you to leave. But I perfectly understand that your sister is as important as I am in your life. So, if you decided to go then we will find a way to make our relationship work."
He hadn't look at her during his long sentence but she knew that it costed him much to say all that. She was amazed by the fact that he was ready to sacrifice himself for her happiness. She didn't know what to say to him, she was out of words.
They stayed silent like this for a few minutes. Newt had put his arm around her and she enjoyed his warmness as they were thinking about their problem.
Suddenly Newt got up in a hurry from the bench and put Tina on her feet.
"We could ask to Queenie and Jacob to come and live here. It would solve all their problems about being a muggle and a witch. They could live here without to be forced to hide and have a beautiful marriage. I am sure we can find a job for Queenie at the ministry and Jacob can easily open another bakery here near Diagon Alley." He said with enthusiasm.
Of course, why didn't she think about that earlier? She was quite sure that Queenie would love the idea of living here. Jacob would probably be delighted to follow Queenie and meet with his friend Newt. After all, they finally hadn't anything to hold them back in New York.
"Will you stay, Tina?" He pleaded.
"Yes, Newt. I will because I can't live without you and i love you ."
"i love you too."
He took her in his strong embrace and deeply kissed her as if it was their last kiss.
The End.