I received a wonderful message from a faithful reader, and I just want to say thank you. The fact that someone liked my stories enough to check and see if they were still coming along gave an incredible feeling. To anyone else that might have a request, or simply just want to ask about an update if it's been more than a couple of weeks; don't be afraid to message me.
I hope you like this chapter; it's got a lot more 'thought' dialogue in it. One of the more dramatic 'episodes'.
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The regal voice of Councilor Tevos reverberated softly in Nihlus's ear canals like running water; soothing and effectively in the background. She was speaking of some sort of hurdle they must push through to ensure the success of another member of the spectres. Though it might have been of some importance for the Asari Councilor, it was hardly high on his list of 'things to pay attention to'. Her words ranked somewhere between 'eat an actual meal for once' and 'stay hydrated'; in other words, menial. Rather than wasting time focusing on a verbal version of something he could read on a news page, he was thinking on more pressing matters. Like a plan of action against Saren.
He had spoken in great length with Jane of how they should approach dealing with the rogue 'villian'. The conversation turned heated, with neither of them agreeing on one particular method. Nihlus had stood firm in his idea of bating Saren into thinking the council was completely on his side. Silent meetings with the turian member would prove useful in keeping their alibis solid in innocence, with neither of the other two members suspicious of any form of deception. Saren would feel open and inevitably grow bold in his actions, leaving more room for error on his part.
But Shepard was adamant in her opinion of it being the most terrible idea in the history of time. There was only one way to fool Saren into thinking the Council hated them, and that was to mimic the forum that she and Udina had held in her previous time cycle; something Shepard refused to do. She did not live through five of his deaths to repeat past mistakes. According to her, every single part of their journey must be different. Nihlus tried to reason with her; tried to explain that it wouldn't be completely similar. They would first go to the turian councilor, alert him of their findings, then proceed to point the finger at Saren publicly. All three councilors (including their turian, at their request) would 'embarrass' Nihlus and Shepard by shutting them down and allowing Saren a small, smug victory. The cockiness he would gain from that encounter would ensure his downfall from his swollen pride. This, of course, was not the right way for Shepard. She hated the idea of even speaking with the council at all about Saren being there.
He remembered visibly tensing when she suggested hiding the bit about the reapers and the beacon. She was under the impression that no one would believe them anyway and that it might be best to try something completely different. They could keep every bad thing secret, and follow where Saren would go under the security of their spectre-status. Nihlus knew it would never work that way, and made it clear to her that he lacked motivation to help with her plan of action.
Of course he was aware that his ending sentence was immature at best, but offering an ultimatum seemed to be the only way to get her to see logic. He felt she was blinded by her emotions. Perhaps she hadn't quite figured out how to come to terms with the fact that she could no longer predict the outcome. It was in this revelation that Nihlus relaxed; he seemed to have discovered a small piece to the puzzle that was Jane. If this truly was the source of her stubbornness in this matter, then maybe all she needed was a bit of time.
Unfortunately, time wasn't exactly something that they had in abundance, especially not currently with an asari councilor yapping about how great having another species in the spectres will be. He reminded himself to give a small nod to the woman as a cue that he was still 'listening' before glancing over at Jane. She was seated across from him with her elbows resting on the table and her hands folded neatly in front of her mouth; the picture of boredom. Like himself, he could see in her emotionless face the focus moving back and forth between the drabble of politics and the conversation from earlier. His eyes moved lazily to each part of her stoic expression, silently admiring the details while the asari continued.
It seemed to be a good opportunity to study Jane's face. Nihlus had gotten to know a few humanoid counterparts intimately and always marveled at how soft and smooth their skin was around their muscles and bones. Turian skin was taut around everything as well, but theirs had built-in armor. It was aggressive and strong, and not at all what Nihlus might call 'beautiful. But Shepard's skin was perfect (albeit for scars here and there), and her face held proof of the intriguing combination of a humanoid's grace and fluidity. Her nose was a sharper point than some humans he had seen, yet still had small curves and edges to balance it out. He could see her cheek bones whenever she turned slightly to the side, but the skin underneath was both flexible and taut, moving perfectly when she spoke. And her jaw might be the most appealing to him; a long edge at the bottoms of those flexible cheeks to bring it all together. Now focused almost completely on her jaw line, he watched the muscles beneath the skin clench tight and release a few times before he noticed her blue orbs staring back at him.
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He was watching her again. Jane could feel the intense stare, even in the instances where she wasn't facing him. It was like some sort of energy that would lightly tickle at her senses and send a few shivers down her spine. Recently she'd been lying to herself about why; but she knew. She had kissed him when she awoke to her sixth time loop. His face was the first view she got, and her body took the opportunity to physically show her relief. The kiss happened before she could think, before she could stop herself.
And it was beautiful. The spark of feeling in her lips was overwhelming. The heat from his mouth was intoxicating. She had been so overcome with joy upon simply touching him that she didn't want to ever take her lips away for fear of losing him again. That was three weeks ago.
Since then, they had successfully completed the mission on Eden Prime with Nihlus alive and well. And while reuniting with the turian was a euphoric feeling, each passing day left a bitter aftertaste in her mouth. She was guilt ridden from the mission, and it only worsened every time she caught Nihlus looking at her. For the year that Jane had lived without him, she had made friends in her crew. And before her own recent death, that crew became her family. They meant the world to her, so much to the point where she was actually coming to terms with Nihlus's death. But then the reset came.
Starting over meant bringing him back, but at great cost. Shepard quickly learned that the price for Nihlus's life was not time, but another life; Ashley's. And seeing her dear friend lying bloody in the spot where she was usually so alive was heartbreaking. Jane hadn't even had time to properly mourn her, and was only just starting to realize what it was like without her.
Shepard grew more irritable with every new morning. Bed was her safe-haven where she could sit alone and berate herself for her mistakes. But that was the main problem; which mistakes were the ones that mattered? Perhaps she was driving herself to a slow insanity, but Jane couldn't help it. In fact, she felt crazy when she wasn't comparing her current actions to the ones in the prior loops. This time loop was amazing because of Nihlus, but it felt…wrong.
Of course it didn't help that he insisted on helping her through it all. His plans were practically gambling in her eyes and she wasn't necessarily happy with taking risks anymore. Jane was no longer able to tell what sort of end her actions would yield and that terrified her. She figured speaking to Nihlus as little as possible would ease the tension, but it only seemed to magnify it when they did have to converse. And when they weren't talking, most of their time would be spent at least in the same room. These were the times when Jane would catch him looking at her. It was never more than a few seconds at a time. Today was a little different however, and it caught her off guard.
While the asari councilor droned on through her various talking points of the day, Nihlus had taken to peering at her through folded hands. Their positions mimicked each other, both unable to hide their disinterest of the political conversation. But the intensity of his stare was more than simply zoning out. It was the first time in these three weeks that she had held his eyes steadily. With a monotonous voice draping the background, the scene felt surreal to Jane. She couldn't avoid talking to him forever, and if they were to continue working together against Saren and the Reapers, she realized that she needed to be a little more compromising than she had been. Because no matter how scared or guilty she felt, locking eyes with Nihlus made her feel relaxed. She knew in that moment that she missed him. While the current time loop didn't have them as close as the last, it was no reason for her to push him away with an anger not even directed at him. Her heart felt a little lighter then.
"Shepard."
Tevos looked more cross than usual with her fingers tapping impatiently on the table. Jane cleared her throat uncomfortably and readjusted her position.
"If you two are done staring longingly into each other's dull eyes, I have forms that need your signatures."
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Jane exited the elevator to enter the most calming area of her ship; the cargo bay. With its dark corners and high ceilings, it gave Jane the illusion of feeling small when she sat at its center. She needed to feel like a grain of sand after just standing attention in front of three different news cameras then seeing her face plastered all over the citadel holoscreens. Her transition from Lieutenant Commander in the Alliance Military to full fledged Council Spectre was hardly a quiet affair. In great contrast to her small reception in the last time loop, the human population rallied behind her this time, cheering and wooping in each instant the news casters announced her name. 'Jane Shepard' never sounded so worn out. And the undeniably dreadful drop in her gut didn't help. So her escape was hastily brought by her own tired feet. She practically ran through the crowd, keeping her helmet on to avoid recognition. Though there were still a select few that paid special attention to detail, and called out her name upon seeing the N7 etched on her shoulder pad.
When she finally reached the docking bay it was a simple matter getting to her ship. With her helmet now off, a few hard glares at new recruits wanting to get a quick hand shake caused them to rethink their decision.
Reaching the entry chamber of the Normandy was like stepping out of the fray for Jane. In the few quiet moments during the decontamination scan, she finally allowed herself to breathe and gather her thoughts. The day had started off slow and smooth. Routine called for her and Nihlus to sit in on another political session with the asari councilor. But it seemed that as soon as she signed her name on the official acceptance form for her new title all hell broke loose. Nihlus had muttered something to her about tapped in News agencies and that they had a limited amount of time to return to the ship before the interviews began.
She understood how big of a deal it was to become the first, official human spectre. What she didn't understand was why the story blew up among the general population of the citadel. Once again, this new time loop had proved itself to be completely different than the ones before. In fact, this recent turn of events was causing her to re-examined her approach in her fight against the Reapers. She could no longer take it slow under a veil of secrecy. Her cover was blown and the only plausible alibis she could now carry were exclusively limited to those pertaining to the missions and duties of a council spectre. All clearance would be granted, and all eyes would be on her.
It was confusing and unsettling to think that she had put forth so much effort into reliving a single mission just to prevent one death without anticipating in the slightest bit what would happen afterward. How could she have been so complacent?
Awkward waves and 'hello's were missed as Jane rushed through the CIC and down to the cargo bay. She needed some target practice, or at least a nap. Really, anything that she could do in the large bay would be heaven compared to earlier. All she wanted was to be alone, and the room beneath the rest of the ship would most certainly serve that purpose.
It came as no surprise that when Jane finally made it to the bay, Nihlus was already there, armor off and polishing pad in hand. If she never saw another living being again, it would be too soon. Suddenly upset at finding another person in her self-proclaimed sanctuary, she huffed angrily and dropped her helmet right outside of the elevator. It landed with a pronounced thud and echoed throughout the room.
She watched Nihlus through the corner of her eye while her feet marched her to the lockers. He was ignoring her. Of all of the ways he could be acting, immature was the last of what she would have expected from him. Undeniably irked at his lack of acknowledgement, her hands tore roughly at the clasps of her armor. She shed the outer layer of her suit and let each piece fall loudly. Jane only slightly winced at the volume of her actions once it was all over. She was in her suit lining, and it felt great; but it still wasn't enough to calm her nerves. It was all Nihlus' doing. How dare he act in such a fashion? He had been a spectre for much longer than she. Was he jealous of her reception? Was he still mad at their disagreeing opinions on handling Saren? She needed to know, now that they were alone for the night. So she stomped over to his crates and stood, waiting for him to explain himself.
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If there was one thing that bugged him, it was the fact that the Normandy was still docked at the Citadel. And as he proceeded to polish his armor as he did before each mission, it dawned on him just how dangerous their situation was. Saren was out there somewhere, planning his next move while the council kept him and their new recruit grounded. The reception for Jane's induction into the spectres was quite the show, but they didn't have time for it. He had been in this sort of game for too long to be unaware of how much time mattered. And Shepard of all people should know that.
Instead of being more proactive about the matter, she had simply taken to avoiding him altogether. It not only worried him, but frustrated him to no end. He wasn't exactly the type of person to boss anyone around. Either you did your job and were rewarded, or you didn't and were punished. No niceties were necessary. They had a disagreement about their approach on the Reapers, but it wasn't something that could simply be swept under the rug. Which seemed to be exactly what Jane was doing. And idly sitting and waiting was not one of his strong suits.
When he felt and heard her enter the cargo bay, he resisted the urge to turn and call her over. It had been stressful enough to have fought off the onslaught of interviewers and newscasters asking about his new associate. Now he had a cranky Jane to deal with on top of it. And what was she even upset about? If anyone had a right to be upset and reserved, he did. Especially since these past three weeks were spent putting up with the silent treatment for a simple conversation. Or perhaps it was that damned kiss that she had administered that was causing her to be so wishy-washy in her attitude towards him. In hind sight, he couldn't believe he had perhaps wanted more. At this point, he wished it hadn't have even happened at all if that act alone was causing their clashing. Whatever was itching at her skull needed to be found out quickly, because Nihlus realized he was losing patience with this entire ordeal. Time loops or not, Saren was the biggest problem on their plates, and Jane seemed to be ignoring it.
He heard her armor clanging loudly onto the floor and he in turn scraped a little too hard against one of the back plates he held. Cursing under his breath, he turned focus on the now scuffed area. She was beside him now and he felt her intense glare practically boring holes into his head. That's enough.
Nihlus tossed the polishing tools aside and stepped over to Jane, invading her space and pushing her back into the nearest corner wall of the hold. He hadn't meant to come across as angry or forceful as he did, but it was done already. Her back was now on the wall, and she felt shrunken underneath him as he rested his wait on his elbow against the space next to her shoulder. His senses heightened from their unintended proximity, Nihlus noticed the muscles in her jaw and neck tense as her breath hitched in her throat. Her now exposed, unprotected throat. No, he needed to focus. She was in trouble and he needed to be stern with her. Perhaps scare her straight a little.
"Shepard. You never told me what our next move was."
She swallowed hard as the swirling in her gut went from depressed and upset, to anxious and excited. Struggling to keep her voice from wavering, she spoke barely above a whisper. "I did…but you didn't like that answer."
She felt Nihlus push in a bit more; she didn't think he could get any closer without touching her. His breath was hot against her mouth. Why did he step in like this? Why, after all this time, was he just now trying for another kiss. If that was what he was even attempting. She had no way of knowing because of how different an emotion his voice reflected from his body language. When the words came trickling deeply out of his mouth, all she could feel was their dangerous vibration.
"But I didn't stop speaking with you completely. I fended of proverbial bullets for you today with you were obliviously running from it all. If you're going to be a spectre, you must act the part." Ouch. He fought within himself to prevent from cringing. That sounded much more harsh than he wanted, but then again, he hadn't quite done anything according to plan. They were much closer than he would have ever chosen to be with another peer. That was mistake number one.
He had accidentally gotten close enough to smell her. Whatever perfume she had worn was being sucked in heavily through his nostrils after each breath. It was begrudgingly tantalizing. And he had waited patiently for her to answer, ready with another retort for her. But that backfired when he felt her exhale after answering. The hot air hit his mandible like a sweet Palaven breeze. She was warm, and he was beginning to zone in and out. Nihlus's focus went to her jaw line again and he swallowed the lump of desire forming in his throat. He needed to regain control.
There was no way he would allow himself to be placed at the mercy of this woman's physical assets.
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