A word from the author: School's a bitch. That is all.

And thank you for staying patient with me. Enjoy~

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Jane felt almost lightheaded when Nihlus's hot breath puffed against the skin in the crook of her neck. It was steamy and inexplicably intoxicating for her to practically feel his mouth on her. He was so close that she ached underneath him for more. But then he whispered, inquiring softly to her.

"You okay?"

He hadn't moved, and just the light wisp of his own breath made her all too aware of his close vicinity. She was staring into his green orbs when she realized, once more, their peculiar situation. What an odd feeling this was, to experience such lightness and nervousness on the edges of her stomach for…a Turian. He had always made her feel welcomed, relaxed, and perhaps even at home when it was just the two of them on the Normandy. But this was new. These frolicking butterflies were a different feeling.

Jane had missed him after his death, but his memory never made her giddy. Prior to that even, she hadn't felt attracted in the unmistakable way that she felt now. She loved him, but as a confidant. She trusted him, and loved him for trusting her before his deaths. Of course, he was masculine, and of course she had flirted; but never with the intention of carrying anything out. Their kiss was simply a byproduct of separation; a reflex to having him gone for so long, then suddenly back and within arm's reach. No, what she felt in this moment was something surprising and exciting. The ripple of tingles and nerves down her spine was filled with an electrified hope. The hope that he would… A hope that they would just…

A hope for more than just a conversation. And that frightened her. Butterflies meant attraction, and that led to difficulties when it came to her particular career choice. She knew the sacrifices of emotional devotion all too well from reliving the same devotion over and over again. And she barely even knew him! But that begged the question of why, if she had only known him for so short a time, had she felt so connected to him?

Nihlus leaned his head gently on her forehead. A very soft vibrating hum moved through Jane in waves and it was coming from Nihlus. A trained Special Operative; a militant figure. He was purring at her, in what Jane could only assume was some sort of turian calming action.

It was working. And she let herself fall into him. Arms slowly snaked around a lean torso, and her body molded to fit on his. She felt as if she hadn't touched a person in ages, and it felt wonderfully soothing. Just the simple act of hugging calmed her frayed nerves and coaxed her muscles to release their held tension. If this was madness finally getting to her, she welcomed it while in his embrace.

Perhaps avoiding him had been the wrong choice. Had this separation that she had practically forced upon them turned out to be for naught? What had she been hiding from when she avoided even looking at him? It was an idiotic game of denial, and she felt like a fool. Jane had been acting like a child, and standing in front of a looming, warm body was reminding her of the stress she had faced, and how badly she wanted to forget it.

In fact, she had spent a year remembering the time loops and beating her psyche to a pulp about it. And in the end, it had all been only for him to be brought back, and for her to avoid and even ignore his help. She had been so obsessed with his memory, and when she finally had him back, she pushed him away as if he never mattered.

It wasn't fair that this time loop's Nihlus didn't know what she went through. It was so cruel a life to have her mind and soul engulfed with a burning hot memory of someone who had no idea how much she really cared.

But then again, what if it was wrong of her to care? What if focusing solely on Nihlus was what turned her world upside down?

Everything about their embrace felt right. But it was in the small act of basking in his warmth that made her realize the most dreadful possibility. What if Nihlus died because she cared? What if the specific change that she was looking for to right the loops and set everything straight again depended on the simple act of changing her emotions? The better it felt to hold the turian close, the worse her anxieties became. It seemed to fit a bit more logically, when she tried to re-imagine this most recent time loop from her new perspective. In fact, each loop became progressively worse as her own emotions for the turian became progressively stronger. Were they only meant to be partners professionally? Were they even meant to be partners at all?

Jane sighed into the fabric of Nihlus's suit lining in frustration as she gripped him just a bit tighter. Now that he was alive and working with her, Jane felt comfortable in him keeping his life. She had a gut feeling that he would continue to survive. But unease filled her core when she wondered at whether or not Saren would succeed. The furthest she had ever gotten out of all of her time loops was defeating Saren and experiencing her own death, but even then she had been in the middle of researching strange occurrences in their system. Did Saren or the Reapers have something to do with that? These answers were so far unknown, and the reality of it was that they didn't have the option of guessing and waiting.

Jane was all too aware of what her immediate job was. Saren was priority number one, before finding out what happened to her. And having a relationship would be a distraction. They needed to talk. Jane needed to stop this before she fell in too deep again. The last year was spent wallowing in the memory of one who didn't even know she loved him. What would happen to her if he was ripped from her again? Or what if a choice between her love and the lives of everyone in the system presented itself? As a friend, it would be devastating. As a lover, it would crush her; and that wasn't something anyone could afford.

As she lightly swirled fingertips across Nihlus's back, savoring his touch for the last time, Jane gathered the courage to break it off for good. After all, this time around he hadn't yet chosen to give her his pendant; and she had no way of knowing if he ever would. Better now than later, before things get serious.

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Nihlus was at his wit's end. Never before had he been so confused about anything in his life. One moment, he felt anger with an impatient need to chastise her. Then the next thing he knew, he felt a small glimmer of chemistry between them as he exercised his authority, and then another second later he had begun to calm her, as one turian would to a loved one. When he leaned his forehead against hers, it was out of instinct. He had felt the tension in her muscles; the unease practically radiated off of her. Berating her was no longer the answer. But it wasn't the revelation that Shepard was stressed that concerned Nihlus. And it wasn't her actions or even the woman herself that was confusing him. It was his own damned conscience. He was always so decisive, and now when it came to something so simple, he couldn't even make up his mind. Should he hold her or push her away? Should he accept or reject her?

Did he like her or not? It sounded so trivial in his head, but it truly was a difficult question. So many things about her remained unanswered that Nihlus couldn't just take her at face value. And it wasn't just because she had said that they knew each other previously due to "time loops". Any schmuck he met on Omega could come up with that. It was the conviction she showed when she had begged him not to go before her on Eden Prime. It was the way the emotions in her face dimmed when she saw a dying Ashley. It was the anger and hatred she conveyed when she spoke of Saren. Not to mention all of the times she had predicted something that came true, only to back it up by saying she only knew because she lived it. But this wasn't a matter of whether or not he trusted her, because it almost went without saying at this point that he found her trustworthy. There were facts that he could not ignore when it came to whether or not Jane was being honest. The real question was what was going on between them.

As if on que, Jane spoke. "Nihlus, we need to talk about some things before we continue with our mission."

A drop in his stomach awoke him from his relaxation and he lifted his head to focus on her face. She looked slightly distraught. Which was most likely an understatement. He could feel in his bones what was coming next. She reflected outwardly an almost stoic expression, but her under-tonal aura radiated pure nervousness, anxiety, and any other not-so-happy emotion. He knew even before he had lifted his face from hers. Something changed around them while in each other's grasps. He was about to be rejected, even before anything had been attempted. What even happened?

This had first been about teaching the woman that she can't run away from her problems. They had fought about Saren, about what to do next. And her idea of a plan was to wait, which was synonymous to running away in Nihlus's eyes. Now, suddenly, it was about to be changed to rejecting growing feelings. Another thing she was metaphorically running away from. He knew it was bound to happen, but still. It hurt the ego a bit to realize that something you want is unwanted by the other person.

He released her from his hold despite his body crying out for more warmth. She had been a fire for his cold skin, and when the last of his fingers were no longer touching her and they were standing apart, it felt like he left home for the first time. Was that right? If something felt that good, was it right to let it go? As he watched her wring her hands together he realized he didn't necessarily have a choice. Apparently, Nihlus Kryik really didn't know how to read people. Saren did always say solitude defined the life of a Spectre. He hated when that bastard was right.

He stood silently and waited. He knew she would say it when she was ready.

"I don't think we should continue…this. This thing."

"If it even was a thing to begin with?"

Jane sighed and crossed her arms. "You know that it is. Was. You're right about not waiting. I need to act against Saren and I need to do it now. Relationships are a distraction that we can't afford."

"And you know this because of your previous time loop, right?" He scoffed and reached for his armor. If they were going to argue again, he might as well be productive during.

"Look, you told me you believed me before. You can't just suddenly patronize me about it when things don't go well for us."

A pause between them occurred as soft scuffing sounds filled the now sizeable void between the two. Nihlus moved the polishing pad a little too rigorously over a scratch on his shoulder plate.

"Shepard, I'm just a little confused. I want to work with you, but we need to have something definitive between us if we ever want to get any work done. And you make it especially difficult for me when you don't even try to make it seem like you know what you're doing."

"I know what I'm doing here."

"I mean with me. You can't just kiss someone and expect them to forget. You can't just speak with them every day, then suddenly fight with them at the first sign of a little push back. And you can't just avoid talking to them while you hold a grudge for said fight. This whole time, I've just been going with the flow of it all, which is not necessarily something I'm used to. But Spectres adapt, Shepard."

"I know, and I agree. I haven't exactly been coping with this change very well. I just needed to figure out how to handle not being able to know what will happen."

"Have you figured it out yet?"

"No…which is why I need to take a step back from you. Please understand, Nihlus. I lost my whole crew when I died. I don't even know at this point if or how I will meet them again. And once I do see them again, they won't remember me, just like you. It hurts but I have a second chance at this. And this time…I'm not going to let myself lose control again. I failed because I didn't think logically. I failed because I invested too much time in my relationships instead of what I took an oath to do for the good of the galaxy."

"Okay."

Jane paused again, taken aback. "That's it?"

"It's your mission, so you can approach it how you see fit. I might not agree with some of it, but I'm not one to force or judge. You just need to make sure you tell me what your intentions are. Otherwise, I won't be able to suddenly know what you're thinking. We are after all, partners. So we'll act the professional part."

More silence, a nod from the commander of the ship, and then Nihlus was alone. The cargo bay was once again the quiet room where he could work in peace. But he wasn't afraid to admit that he welcomed a distraction from work every now and then.

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Cold wind blew through the docking station as if in warning to the trespassers. Jane had a good idea of what to expect on Noveria, but there was only so much she could tell to her colleagues. Nihlus was of course, filled in on everything. Liara on the other hand, only knew that her mother may or may not be on the planet. Shepard had made the mistake of leaving the daughter behind on the Normandy last time around. When her team had found Benezia, they were very ill prepared for the battle that followed. Now that she had a second chance, Liara would be there to not only anticipate what was to come, but also to be present for the final moments of the Matriarch's life. It was a deed that Jane felt good about redoing.

Just as before, the motions through this mission were completed with Jane in a fog. She felt awkward standing through each conversation, knowing what the other parties were going to say before they said it. At one point she found herself mouthing words to Administrator Anoleis's arrogant speech and saw Nihlus staring at her as if she had sprouted another head. Her giggle was not taken lightly by the Administrator.

"Well, that did not go as nicely as I thought it would. What possessed you to laugh in his face, Shepard?" Liara cooed lightly at the still chuckling woman next to her.

Nihlus nodded and crossed his arms in mock anger. "How will we ever get the access card to the garage now?"

"By asking politely, of course." As the group turned to face their helper, an explosion across the facility broke all smiles.

"Parasini, can you kindly tell me what the fuck that was?!" Jane yelled above sirens as she nudged Nihlus while grabbing for her weapons.

Fully armed and halfway to the entrance, the International Affairs agent yelled a few orders into her comm and looked back at Shepard. "We need to get to the garage!"

"Hey, Shepard. Didn't you say you fought geth in there?" Nihlus tapped her elbow with an ammo mag offering. She took it and tossed it behind her for Liara.

"Hurry, Liara! Yes, but there were a lot more things we had to do before any geth showed themselves. This is all kinds of wrong."

"Was there even an explosion last time?"

The group collectively dove to avoid falling rubble from the now unstable ceiling. Heavy stone fell and crashed around them, drowning out the remainder of their conversation. Upon reaching the garage doors, Jane was greeted with a grim surprise. The guards were sprawled across the floor of the entire hold, bloody, mangled, and framed in fire. Flames licked dangerously at their feet as they stepped cautiously through the melted glass doors.

Liara coughed and tucked her face into the crook of her elbow. "It is difficult to even see in here through all this smoke." Jane nodded and pushed aside a fallen piece of machinery to reveal another corpse.

With no imminent threat found, each member spread across the garage floor, investigating their area. It truly was a horrific scene. Blood marred the concrete walls with even geth limbs scattered among the human ones. Jane stole a glance at Nihlus, who was currently scanning a particularly messy pile with his Omni-tool. She wondered if he had seen worse than this before. Now that she thought about it, much about the turian Spectre was still unknown. Parts of his past had been revealed in previous time loops, but never enough to piece together a story. Were they at all similar when it came to battle? Everytime her eyes found a new strip of charred flesh, her stomach tightened in a familiar dreadful anticipation and she wondered if he knew that feeling.

She wondered silently at a lot more things about him since they defined the terms of their employment together. Interesting how that works. Jane could kick herself for all of the times she regretted stopping their flirting. Sometimes she even felt as if he hated her now. That was of course, begat through regret. She didn't fully understand what drew her to him, but it confused the hell out of her. Even when she could swear that he didn't want to talk or be around her, she still felt the need to be there. What was that all about? It had been her idea in the first place to call it quits, that she was sure of.

She let Liara meander over to Nihlus and his MAKO first. Better to avoid contact altogether if possible, but working on every single mission together made that quite impossible.

"Shepard! Shall we find Benezia?" She turned to face the asarii who motioned to her with Parasini. Jane waved from across the hold before taking a few not-so-eager steps. The truth was that Nihlus made her nervous, and it pissed her off more than anything that it was all she could think about. It wasn't just a stupid nervous with butterflies and mushy things. It was that mixed with an anxious sort of feeling, one that you would get when you were afraid. Though that wasn't right either, because Jane was in no way afraid of Nihlus. Perhaps it was that she was afraid of what he could do to her, still, even after she established she did not want relations to advance with him.

All he had to do was make eye contact with her and her heart would beat faster for a split second. She had done it to be strong; to stay in control of her feelings. But when Nihlus said something, anything, Jane always listened so carefully. She was always so aware of him. As she neared the waiting vehicle, she began to hear the steady hum of its engines. It worked to distract her from her thoughts, until she saw him in the side reflective panel. He just looked at her. No emotion that she could see, no feeling in his eyes. Just a steady look, and then it was over. He averted his eyes to something in the cockpit and Jane turned to swing inside through the opposite end. The drive to Peak 15 was in silence, despite the swirling questions that everyone surly held inside.

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