A/N: Hey and thank you all for your awesome support! I am literally speechless! My mind is blown! 3
This story has a slow pace (I hope it's okay to you guys) and there will be 12-13 chapters in total. But I try to squeeze in as many NaruGaa ~moments~ as possible! ;)
This chapter is all about fluff I guess, and I hope it isn't too cheesy or anything. ^^'
Chapter 6: I'm Not Curious About Homosexuality, But…
To the blond's obvious joy and to Gaara's indifference, it was finally Christmas.
The office was closed for the next week or so and like previously planned Naruto was staying the holidays with his friend. They would be returning to work on January 2nd, which generously gave them nine vacation days, starting from the December 24th. The Konoha River had finally frozen over and on the television they had seen people ice skating there under multi-colored Christmas lights.
To Gaara all this fussing seemed unnecessary but knowing how much Naruto seemed to mind about the season, he chose to keep his opinion to himself. He was going back home with two full grocery bags in hands. They now had ingredients enough to last until spring―or maybe just until next week, given the blond's appetite.
When he entered his apartment he had to double-check if he was really in the right address. The lights had been dimmed down, Christmas songs carried softly from the speaker of Naruto's phone, and maybe twenty candles had been lit all over the main room. The television was on but muted, and an old, black and white movie was playing.
A scent of gingersnaps taken out of the oven carried to his nose. Naruto accepted the groceries with a warm smile. That little apron around his waist looked ridiculous in Gaara's opinion. Discreetly, he snatched one gingersnap from the baking tray and slid into the main room.
Soon Naruto came there too, carrying a tray with more gingersnaps and two mugs of hot mulled wine.
"You're overdoing this," Gaara said, gesturing around the room. For all he knew, this place now resembled the shop windows with an eerie accuracy. Only the cringeworthy elves and a replica of Santa Claus were missing.
"I just wanted to make this special," Naruto explained and turned off the muted TV. Somewhere in the corner, his phone faithfully repeated evergreen Christmas songs.
The gingersnaps were good, Gaara admitted in his thoughts and ate maybe a few more than he had originally intended. The ramen Naruto cooked for dinner wasn't bad either. Without much surprise Gaara found himself going for seconds on that, too.
As night fell darker, the candles' soft light gained more power over the room. Never before had his home felt this atmospheric, Gaara admitted and decided Naruto's touch here and there wasn't necessarily a bad thing. When the blond retreated into the kitchen to wash the dishes, Gaara remained alone in the main room.
The endless stream of melodies got suddenly interrupted when somebody called to the blond's phone. Gaara glanced at the caller ID and then took the phone to Naruto.
"It says your mom is calling," he only said and put it on the kitchen table.
After a while, Naruto came back to the main room, head hung and his azure eyes dark and sad. The call hadn't lasted very long.
"I thought your family was dead," Gaara only said without looking at the blond.
"I know. They're not," Naruto confessed and sat down on the floor next to him.
"Why did you lie about it?" the redhead asked. He wasn't upset, just surprised.
The sorrowful look on Naruto's face only deepened. "It's easier that way. We don't really get along."
"Why is that?" Gaara asked, wondering if it was alright to pry.
"During my last year of college, they kicked me out when they found out I was gay," the blond admitted and hugged his knees.
"Oh," was all Gaara could say. He looked at his friend apologetically. "That's awful."
"It's not their fault," Naruto tried to cheer him up. "I don't want you to think badly of them. They're nice people, just not very accustomed to certain things."
Gaara turned to look at him concernedly. "Have you been homeless ever since?"
"More or less," Naruto admitted. The subject was obviously painful for him, given how he pulled his knees closer to his body.
"I didn't know you were gay. Not at least until my brother showed up in here," Gaara told, wondering why he was bringing it up now. This was a topic that didn't need to be discussed in his opinion, yet still he had let those words slip.
"Does it bother you that I am?" Naruto asked unsurely, staring at some far-away point across the room.
"No. I don't care about things like that," the redhead told. "I just never thought that you and my brother…"
"Haha, I know. World is a strange place, isn't it?" Naruto laughed hollowly. "Would you like some more mulled wine?"
Before Gaara could reply, the blond had already dashed into the kitchen. There were no cheery Christmas songs in the air anymore, as Naruto had turned them down after the unexpected phone call. It was strangely silent, like the whole city had disappeared around them.
Naruto emerged with two hot mugs and they sipped their drinks in silence. Gaara felt sympathy for his friend. Obviously he led a hard life and how he had found the energy to conjure such a pleasant atmosphere into this trap of an apartment was beyond Gaara.
"I got you a present, too," the redhead suddenly said, feeling a little self-conscious.
The silence on Naruto's part was filled with surprise and rather awkwardly Gaara got up to fetch his gift. He draped a small packet to his friend. Naruto held it in awe, gently tracing the little ribbon on top.
"Oh come on, open it up already," Gaara growled frustratedly.
"T-Thank you so much," Naruto stuttered and pulled the string apart. Gently he tore away the paper it was wrapped in.
Gaara tensed while he was anticipating the blond's reaction. When he had wandered around the stores in search for a suitable gift he had realized he didn't know much about Naruto after all. He had no idea what his interests or hobbies were, except ramen of course, nor did he know what kind of gift cards he preferred.
Naruto stared at the little deep blue box. Curiously he opened it and gasped.
"What is this?" he asked and lifted up an azure crystal that seemed to be a… necklace?
Gaara felt his cheeks getting hot. There was no doubt his gift was stupid. The amused glint in the blond's eyes was proof enough of that.
He had already spent hours in the city, trying to find suitable gift for his friend. On the verge of giving up he had spotted something on a display window: crystal as cerulean as Naruto's eyes. Gaara had been instantly drawn to it.
"The shopkeeper said it's a crystal that will make your dreams come true," Gaara explained only to realize how cheesy he sounded. He wanted to die right then.
But Naruto grinned widely and put the necklace around his neck. He held it close to his face and in the soft light of candles it looked like its shine rivaled with his deep blue eyes. Gaara took a gulp of his drink to dilute his embarrassment.
"Thank you, Gaara. I think this is beautiful." His words were slow and measured and if Gaara heard it right, his voice wavered a bit in the end.
But it seemed the blond got over his emotional state soon, and in no time he was back to his goofy old self. "I have something for you, too!"
The redhead was thankful to see him so energetic again. When the blond returned with a gift bag, Gaara's sense of shame finally vanished.
"Here. Merry Christmas," Naruto grinned and his eyes narrowed into happy half-moons.
Gaara peeked into the bag. There were two packets. He took out the other one and started to slowly tear the paper away. What came to view was something he could have never guessed.
"It's great, isn't it?" Naruto smiled knowingly.
Gaara stared at the picture frame in his hand. There, behind polished glass was a picture of him and Naruto.
"Remember that day when we were photographed to the local newspaper? Lee from marketing pulled some strings and managed to get a copy of the original," Naruto explained.
In a strangely heart-warming way, it was a wonderful gift. Gaara remembered that day and how Naruto had sneaked to stand right next to him even though he was supposed to sit in the front. In the photo, a blond man smiled mischievously to the camera while a red haired, somber man stood right next to him.
Gaara was at a loss for words. "Thank you."
"Hehe, I knew you'd appreciate it. Now open the other one, I think it's even better," Naruto chuckled.
Excitedly Gaara took out the other gift from the bag and began to unwrap it. As the paper slowly came off, a sense of dread overcame him.
"Naruto…" he said, his nonexistent brow twitching as he stared at the not one but three bottles of "Power Energy" soap. His nose sniffed the air and confirmed his worst fears.
"Just the other day I noticed you were looking at my soap in the bathroom. I figured it must be something you like, so I bought you three of them," Naruto explained eagerly to Gaara's horror.
"Er… Thank you very much," the redhead said, biting his lip. He hid the awful-smelling soap bottles in the bathroom cabinet but the photo frame he placed on the coffee table for the whole world to see.
Along with the sure-to-come scent of that hideous soap, Naruto strolled out of the bathroom with only a towel around his waist. He was drying his wet hair on another towel, smiling to nothing in particular.
The azure crystal was hanging between his pecs, competing with the glint in his kind eyes.
When a drop of water slid down along his tanned chest, Gaara turned his head away in silent annoyance. That smell of the soap was completely inappropriate.
"What are you reading?" Naruto asked and sat down beside him.
Gaara glanced at him briefly, not really appreciating his lack of clothing. He just hoped the carefree blond wouldn't accidentally flash him his… parts, given how that poor towel was barely holding the knot it was twisted into.
"Just a biography of this inventor," Gaara mumbled and showed him the front cover. In his peripheral vision, he saw Naruto's tanned skin shining in the soft light. The scent of him was harassing his senses and briefly he wondered if he should stand up and leave.
But Naruto put his arm around his shoulder. "They told me this was very well written," he knew and tried to see the back cover.
Gaara gave him the book altogether and the blond released his hold, reading intently the words printed on the back. A shiver ran down Gaara's spine for an unknown reason. He glanced at the numerous candles, wondering if they should put them out.
"Maybe we should call it a night," Gaara suggested, keeping his gaze at some far-away spot.
Naruto leaned closer, he could sense it, and along with him a whiff of his soap traveled to Gaara's nose. No matter how hard he concentrated, it was more difficult this time to ignore that scent. With a grumpy glare, he turned to his friend, only to notice the blond was friendlily draping his book back to him.
Without a thank you, Gaara snatched the book and vanished into the bathroom to change on his pajamas.
When he came out, Naruto had thankfully changed into his accustomed T-shirt and boxers. The candles were put out and it was only now Gaara noticed a reindeer-shaped lamp sitting in the corner. Its warm light illuminated the main room and created a rather cozy atmosphere.
What an unnecessary decoration, Gaara decided as he glared at the object with distaste. Naruto lay on the bed, reading a book and like the carefree person he was, hadn't obviously noticed how his shirt revealed a glimpse of his stomach.
He's way too laid back.
With a shake of his head, Gaara locked himself in the closet.
The next day Gaara and Naruto were wandering along the streets, taking in the calm holiday spirit that had descended over their city.
An indoor ice rink advertised its presence with blinking Christmas lights which horribly enough flashed in an erratic rhythm in three different colors. Gaara shuddered at the distasteful decorations but to his horror, Naruto seemed to take interest in the place.
"Hey. Do you think we should go there?"
The arrhythmic flashes of red, green, blue colored Naruto's face each in turn, and Gaara stared at him a moment longer than he had planned.
Red, green, blue. And bottomless azure staring at him, waiting.
Eventually, he agreed.
With rented skates, the two of them launched themselves on the ice―Naruto more confidently than Gaara, who moved forward with calculated slides.
A handful of other people occupied the rink: a family of four, two young women, a gang of three middle-aged ladies and a few teenagers finding more entertainment from their phones than anything else.
"I used to play hockey until high school," Naruto told and glided on the cool surface like a swan. The attention of the young women lingered momentarily on him.
"Why did you stop?" Gaara asked as he followed him with much less grace. A snicker from the other side of the rink made him wonder if the teenagers had noticed him.
"I was bullied. But I told my parents I wanted to try martial arts instead. Dad was not happy," Naruto told with an air of dimmed nostalgia.
"I was into watching plays when I still lived home," Gaara told, unsure how much he wanted to reveal of his life of that time. "Kankuro was in every imaginable amateur theatre production there was in our district, and whenever I could, I tagged along in the rehearsals, too."
"Did you ever want to become an actor?" Naruto asked.
"No."
"What was your favorite play, then?" the blond inquired.
Gaara shrugged. "I don't know."
"You don't know? But didn't you say watching plays was your hobby?"
Gaara's slide on the ice grew slower and slower as he didn't push more speed into his movement.
"I just wanted to get away from home, okay?"
"Oh. Okay," Naruto understood. He made effortless loops on the ice, his every move seamless parts of one another.
Gaara pushed himself into movement with a lax kick that didn't get him very far. When he eventually stopped again, it felt like a fitting metaphor for his whole life. But before he could hop in the train of depressed thoughts, Naruto braked right next to him with his skates screeching.
"May I have your hand?" the blond asked oddly formally and held out his palm politely.
A little skeptically, Gaara placed his hand on Naruto's. Warm fingers squeezed his freezing skin confidently, and then Naruto took his other hand, too, holding him at arm's length. He started to slowly skate backwards, dragging Gaara along like an inverted train.
"Move your hips like this," Naruto showed and his skates made wavy lines now.
Gaara followed his example, albeit cautiously, for he feared he'd only end up face first against the ice. But the warm, tight grip on his hands felt like a promise that nothing bad would happen to him. Naruto's face was bright like the sun itself, radiating beams everywhere and penetrating even the thickest of walls Gaara had built.
Slowly but surely Gaara relaxed and his movements turned smoother. They skated like that for some time, until Naruto's hips stopped pushing him into movement and their slide just slowly stopped. A part of Gaara was afraid his friend would let go, for in this relatively short time he had grown accustomed to his warmth. But his fear turned out groundless, as Naruto pulled him closer, never letting go.
"How did you like that?"
Naruto's voice was cool and warm at the same time, husky like fog over a meadow, and it went well with the healthy redness on his cheeks.
"It was nice," Gaara deemed was safe to admit. Naruto squeezed his hands and his smile threatened to melt the ice around them.
"Now you lead us," the blond suggested and the redhead had no heart to refuse. Clumsily he launched himself into movement, gaining assurance from his friend's protective hold, and soon letting go of the embarrassment which sparked whenever he noticed Naruto glancing at his moving hips.
They skated together like that, more or less graciously sliding on the ice like opposite poles linked together. When Naruto was holding him and making sure he wouldn't fall over, Gaara felt confident enough to add more speed and flexibility into his movements. That happy, whiskered face and those blue pools of warmest energy were like fuel to Gaara and for a sweet, short moment he forgot the home he had come from, and the darkened horizon he was heading at.
Right now the beginning and the ending of his life didn't matter, and his personal despair had muffled into a dull drumming in the back of his mind. All the hours spent as a refugee at the rehearsals didn't matter, or how bored he had been, not only then but countless other times, too.
Nothing mattered but Naruto, in this fleeting, deceiving moment.
"Hey," the blond said excitedly, "Have you ever waltzed on ice?"
"No."
"Well, there's a first time for everything, right?" Naruto shrugged and now he was so very close again. "Would you like to?"
"I don't know…" Gaara hesitated, counting the people who would undoubtedly witness it. "There are so many people here."
"Are you afraid of what they might think?" Naruto asked.
"In a way, yes," Gaara admitted, but when he said it aloud, it started to sound stupid.
"It doesn't matter what they think," Naruto replied. "Most likely they won't even look at our way. And I promise you that I won't embarrass you by tripping us over, if that's what you're afraid of."
"It's not that," Gaara corrected but instantly realized what he had just come to reveal. He wasn't afraid of humiliation, but the alleged prejudices of other people. "I mean…"
The grin on Naruto face was just too wide to be innocent, and he chuckled amusedly. He placed his hand on Gaara's waist and pulled him closer, as if they were about to dance. Then, he leaned down to whisper in his ear, "Oh Gaara. They won't mind, I promise. It's not like we were boyfriends or anything."
Thanks to those husky words, Gaara's movements lost the little smoothness they had when they began to waltz. He did not know how to dance or move to make it look like even distantly graceful. But Naruto's steady hold on him guided them through the motions with admirable ease.
No one seemed to be paying them any attention―except the two young women.
Just when Gaara began to feel relaxed enough in Naruto's arms, a girly voice interrupted their waltz.
"Excuse me," the young woman asked politely. "You two seem to be pretty good. Would you guys like to skate with us?"
Gaara stiffened in Naruto's arms and at the same time, the blond's hold on his waist tightened. But none of that tension was readable on his sunny face.
"Thank you for noticing our amazing skills," Naruto said with an ice-melting smile. "But I'm not sure if we work so well with other people."
"Are you sure? What about your friend?" the other woman asked, looking at Gaara.
But Naruto replied for the both of them. "I think I want to keep him to myself, with no offense." And then he chuckled relaxedly and the women started to laugh, too. A brief conversation of holiday activities and Christmas in general was launched between the three.
Gaara remained silent and studied the excellence Naruto sailed in the sea of little polite remarks and humorous quips. It was no wonder he got along with people so well, a skill Gaara could only dream of. All along his friend kept on holding him by the waist like they were still in mid-dance, and Gaara wished he'd just let him go.
But no.
In fear of being dragged into the conversation he stayed silent and waited for the women to leave. After two and a half minutes―in which Naruto managed to subtly compliment not only their appearances but their notable skating skills, too―it was time for mutual wishes of 'Merry Christmas' before the women waved them goodbye.
Looking at their retreating backs, Gaara visibly relaxed and let out a sigh.
Naruto gazed at him gently, but soon masked it into a generic grin.
"You were afraid you'd end up skating with them," the blond knew and Gaara wanted to deny this completely accurate notion.
"Don't worry," Naruto assured, and then his whispery voice was ghosting near Gaara's ear again, "I won't let anything like that happen."
And then they were waltzing again, albeit slower this time, and Gaara wanted to say that this kind of closeness was making him uncomfortable, but it was not really true. If anything, he felt safe and protected and the more he allowed himself to relax, the less he thought about the other skaters and their possible opinions of them.
They were just friends. And this was what friends did.
It was the evening of the fourth day of their shared holiday.
In the bathroom, Gaara couldn't get enough of the hot water. The moment his skin met with the room temperature, he shivered and tried to squeeze himself under the shower.
The scent of Naruto's soap lingered in the bathroom and with his chilliest glare he stared down the innocent-looking bottle that tried its best to ruin his shower experience. To his horror, he was getting used to it.
Clad in his thick pajamas, Gaara emerged from the bathroom, drying his hair on a towel. Naruto was lounging around in his oversized T-shirt and orange boxers, how else, and seemed oblivious about the drop in the temperature.
The moment he noticed Gaara approaching, a welcoming smile spread to his face. "Hey, how about something warm to drink?"
Without really waiting for his reply, the blond hopped into the kitchen with a happy hum.
Gaara shook his head in amusement even though he was now alone in the main room and knew the blond couldn't see his gesture. The floor was cold and claiming his accustomed spot in the middle of the room was out of question. Tentatively, he sat down on the bed.
Eventually Naruto came back with two mugs of hot mulled wine.
Nearly muted television offered them entertainment in the otherwise silent room. The Rudolf turned-lamp sat obediently in the corner, shining its soft light all over the room. Candles were lit here and there and snowflakes made out of paper were taped on the window.
Amidst these unnecessary decorations, Gaara felt absolutely cozy.
"Only five more days left," Naruto said quietly.
"Hmm. Days have passed quickly," the redhead noticed.
They had visited their local museum and tried out a surprisingly tidy bowling hall in the neighborhood. Naruto's craving for ice cream hadn't ceased and when Gaara had asked if he ever felt cold, the blond had only shrugged and told him he was too used to it.
Even now it made Gaara sad. He sipped his drink jus to drive away the weight of those words.
"Are you up for another movie?" Naruto asked.
Gaara rubbed his sore back. Sitting on the bed and leaning against the headboard was taking its toll. But it seemed his friend noticed his problem.
"Hey, come here," the blond called kindly and placed a pillow against his chest. "Back is the Achilles heel of every office worker. Let it rest."
Gaara evaluated the offered space. Leaning against the pillow―which was leaning against Naruto― felt a bit more than what he might be comfortable with. But as he looked at his friend who was munching handfuls of buttery popcorn while watching the opening credits of the movie, he understood that it was just Naruto's goofy, kind nature.
Silently, Gaara leaned his backside against his friend's chest, finding the soft pillow between them much more merciful than the hard headboard. Naruto's legs rested on either side of him like protective little hedges. Naruto was as warm as the sun. Even so, Gaara pulled the blanket over himself, leaving Naruto's feet on the outside.
The munching of popcorns was even louder up this close and it made Gaara long for his earplugs. Buttery fingers swiped against the blanket casually and when Naruto coughed Gaara was sure some bits of half-eaten popcorn flew his way.
And it seemed his concern was not completely unfounded as Naruto suddenly ruffled his red hair with a mumbled 'sorry'.
Gaara sighed but couldn't hide his amusement. Only Naruto Uzumaki could be as pig-like and friendly at the same time.
Naruto's fingers searched for some more crumbs from his scalp but before he withdrew his hand, his fingers smoothed the top of his head. Most likely he was just trying to return his hairstyle back to normal. It was a rather nice feeling Gaara decided and relaxed a bit more.
Throughout the movie Naruto's fingers came to sweep against his hair. Gaara closed his eyes momentarily and studied the feeling. It was nice. Then again, it could be Naruto was only wiping his greasy fingers on his scalp. The idea made him open his eyes into a glare.
He glared at the TV screen until the soothing touch once again relaxed his expression into that of contentment.
Maybe he was a little sleepy. Christmas had never felt this eventful in his life. Maybe now he could understand a little better those people who fussed over the season.
But even so… the Rudolf in the corner was absolutely tacky.
With that thought in mind Gaara fell asleep.
The pulsing hum of the city beneath the window told him the Christmas holidays were almost over. The last few days the streets had been peaceful like every year this time. People stayed at home rather than sought out activities but now there was a clear change in the air.
Deep in the warmth of his apartment, Gaara lay under the blanket and breathed in the peace that was wrapped around the place.
Next to him his friend slept soundlessly. When Gaara realized he was the only one awake, a wave of self-consciousness washed over him. He had fallen asleep last night and that was why he now lay here, rather than in the privacy of his closet.
He wondered if Naruto minded about it.
Given how the blond had hogged three quarters of the bed for himself, it didn't look likely.
Was there a crumb of popcorn on Naruto's cheek? Gaara couldn't hide his amusement. How on earth was that little piece of food still stuck on him?
Naruto's friendliness was warm and overpowering and it was impossible to be shielded from it. His yellow light shone to every heart he met, filling them up to the brim. On a rocky cliff Naruto was like a lighthouse, aiming his luminous searchlight for ships in need.
And sometimes, Gaara felt like a boat in waves.
And he couldn't stay unaffected by Naruto's friendliness.
Only when Naruto showed signs of waking up, did Gaara get out of the bed. Before the blond's sleepy blue eyes had a chance of focusing on him, he was already in the kitchen.
Later on Naruto woke up to the rich scent of freshly brewed coffee. The aroma was like a strong hand that gripped him on the front and pulled him standing, determinedly dragging him to the kitchen.
The journey from one room to another felt like a dream, like he was sailing on the border of imagination and reality. He saw Gaara standing by the stove, his back turned to the room, and when he turned around to give Naruto a hasty 'Good morning', Naruto expected to be greeted with the usual stern marks of irritation on his face.
But this morning, his face was ridded of usual tiredness, void of all the tightness that scrunched up his face into a permanent expression of grumpiness. Gaara looked relaxed and rested. Could this all be just part of a dream he was unconsciously trapped into?
"Um… G-Good morning," Naruto stuttered in shock and quickly immersed himself in his coffee that definitely tasted just as heavenly as the aroma had promised.
"Are you excited to move in with Kankuro?"
The question was just as surprising as it was to witness Gaara's lively mood in the early hours of the day.
"Yeah, I'm pretty excited."
Not really.
Gaara was drying a glass with a kitchen towel, holding it against the light to see if it was clean. His movements were measured to a point he seemed downright hesitant.
"You can soon say goodbye to your homeless days."
"That's true," Naruto agreed and tried to put as much excitement into his voice as possible. However, he sounded factual at best.
"You do know you don't have to move in with him, if it's something you don't want to do."
"I want to move in with him," Naruto said defensively like he had just been caught lying, and clanked his coffee cup on the table. "It's something we have been planning for a long time now."
Wow. Where did that come from?
"That's good. I didn't mean to question you. I only wanted to remind you that there are other options―"
"Like what?" Naruto snapped defensively and felt instantly bad because of his outburst. He hadn't meant to sound so heated, but around this particular topic he felt on edge. He had no options, unless you counted the restroom of the train station―which wasn't as bad as it sounded, since it at least offered a locked door―or the few public saunas he regularly visited.
Shabby motels and unsafe shelters were familiar to him, as well as the hard benches on the night trains. Sleeping on a bench at a park was unwise―and during winter, it was a serious health risk―yet being attacked in public often caught at least someone's eye and would grant him help. But inside the apartment of another one-night stand, no one would see what happened to him.
Lately, many of his friends had settled down and started a family, and there was just no room for him in that picture anymore. His options were running low at an alarming pace, and Kankuro's divorce had felt like a divine offering for him.
"I mean, sorry. It's just… I've been a bit stressed lately," the blond said apologetically.
"No, I should apologize. I was being inconsiderate," Gaara knew and put the kitchen towel away. He inhaled sharply like he was about to say something more, but then he just held his breath for a while before turning around again and finding another glass to dry spotlessly clean.
The evening of their sixth vacation day was like any other.
Except tonight, Gaara's rowdy neighbors were at it again and the walls as thin as cardboard did nothing to mute their loud fighting. It made him uneasy for more reasons than one.
In all their horridness, the sounds of fighting felt homey. And home was a place he wanted to avoid at all costs.
Drying his hair on a towel, Gaara left the bathroom and walked slowly to the main room. With his squeaky-clean pajamas buttoned all the way up he could already feel the familiar itch building up on his throat. It was yet another freezing night ahead and unbuttoning his pajama top didn't feel like the right thing to do. Besides, his armor of flannel felt protective even with the annoying itch.
His friend was going through his phone, sitting cross-legged on the bed. It seemed he was not very bothered by the racket next door. When the blond heard Gaara approaching, he quickly put his phone away.
"Man… those two are really loud. Have they been doing that for a long time already?"
Gaara nodded, "Ever since I moved in here."
He made his way to the closet. Unlike the other night, now he wouldn't accidentally let himself fall asleep elsewhere―like next to Naruto, for example.
The yelling echoing from the air ventilation system wasn't about to die down even when the clock neared midnight. And here he had thought that by moving out of his childhood home he'd been able to leave that kind of experiences behind.
He settled down on the mattress in the closet, leaving the door open for now. "For some reason, their voices don't carry to the closet so much."
On the bed, Naruto turned his head from side to side, trying to locate the exact direction of the noise. He stood up and walked a half-circle around the room, only to stop near the closet. Given how concentrated he looked like, he had to be straining his hearing to its limit.
Slowly, Naruto neared the open doorway like a detective. He rubbed his chin deep in thought while he settled down on the mattress right next to Gaara.
"You're right. Their voices are much more muffled in here," the blond admitted.
"I've noticed the door isolates sounds quite well," Gaara told a thing he had learned early on while living in here.
Like a scientist in the middle of an experiment, Naruto pulled the door closed and listened.
Nothing.
Well, almost nothing, given how a few aggressive mumbles still managed to carry to their ears.
"Too bad all the walls aren't as soundproof," Gaara told, yawning.
Naruto nodded and yawned, too.
A little nightlight that was always on illuminated the darkened space. It was enough for them to see each other and the rectangular shelves with sharp edges that hovered close to their heads.
Naruto was wearing his crystal again. It was somehow endearing how he refused to let go of it even for the night. Was his silly gift really that precious?
"It's so much quieter in here," Naruto said. "As if I'd become deaf."
His humor earned a tiny response from Gaara. "That's why I never sleep in the bed."
The blond scratched his head. "To be honest, your neighbors remind me of what it was like for my last months at home."
Gaara understood. Parents could be a burden sometimes.
"But thankfully I don't have to listen to their opinions anymore."
There was Uzumaki's trademark optimism again. What was that place he drew all that positivity from?
"It's not your fault if your family fails to accept you," the redhead said but the next words took long before he could release them in the air, "You're a remarkable person. And if they can't recognize it, it's their loss."
Along with his sudden awkwardness a mind-wrecking tingle began to build up on his skin. Once again Gaara was reminded of his decision to button up his pajamas all the way up as the familiar itch returned and he scratched his neck fruitlessly.
"Your skin's turning all red," Naruto noticed, stilling his hands and gently guiding them away.
He knew that, and to enhance his point he glared at the blond. The truth was, his armor wasn't complete if it wasn't buttoned all the way up.
"Let me help you," Naruto said caringly and opened the uppermost button of Gaara's pajamas.
Breath caught in the redhead's throat. He narrowed his eyes into a glare but Naruto only smiled friendlily in return. Blue eyes as warm as summer sky looked at him, holding no signs of ulterior motives.
When the itch refused to subside and Gaara's hands came to scratch his skin again, Naruto unbuttoned another button and gently guided the redhead's nails away from his neck.
"Better?" the blond asked in a sunny way.
Gaara nodded but then quickly lay down on the mattress with his back turned to his friend. He tried to recall how it had happened again that this exuberant blond was here with him, in the sanctity of his closet. As Gaara's fingers brushed against his now bared throat, a thought of driving Naruto away crossed his mind.
Maybe he was just tired and overreacting. This was what friendship was supposed to be like but thanks to his withdrawn lifestyle, he had forgotten that. A little flustered, Gaara tried to calm himself down. They were in the closet, behind a closed door and no one else would ever witness what had just happened.
Naruto was his friend and wouldn't mind about his reaction, if he even noticed it in the first place.
Given how goofy and oblivious the blond was from time to time, there was a good change that Gaara's miniature confusion had gone unnoticed by him.
"Do you want me to go?" Naruto asked softly.
"No."
It wasn't a lie. He wished it was, though, for in that case he wouldn't have to explain to himself why he was willingly agreeing to something like this.
Rustling of the sheets carried from behind his back and soon Naruto's weight settled on the mattress, too. His warmth spread under the blanket, driving away the cold bite of winter night.
Glaring into the darkness, Gaara admitted (albeit only to himself) that having Naruto here wasn't perhaps the worst thing ever. And when Naruto's arm wrapped around him, breath caught in his throat.
"N-Naruto," he breathed, wincing at the stutter in his voice.
"Does this feel uncomfortable?"
"No," Gaara told and then Naruto's calm, sleepy breath walked across his neck.
With unnecessary haste Gaara turned around to face his friend. When the gaze of those blue eyes quickly dropped from his face to somewhere lower, the skin on Gaara's exposed throat tingled and he pulled up the blanket to his chin. Naruto's friendly gaze was now on his eyes again, but before Gaara could feel overly thankful for it, Naruto touched his waist under the cover.
"I'm used to sleeping alone," Gaara confessed, not sure what he should be thinking right now, if anything.
"I can go, if you want," Naruto offered but didn't make a move. His eyes threatened to close like he was sleepy, and when they eventually did, Gaara felt a little more at ease.
"Don't go."
Blue eyes opened again and the hand on his waist felt even hotter.
Before this weirdness could continue any longer, he turned his back on Naruto in hopes of escaping whatever it was that was making him feel this way. Maybe he was just tired. Or maybe he was slowly going insane.
But as he should've guessed, Naruto's presence was not ignored just like that.
Under the blanket, the blond's arm hooked around him and his palm pressed against his chest. And those few extra beats his heart gave just then resulted in a broken breath that escaped Gaara's lips like a thief.
"I won't ever leave you, Gaara."
His voice was sleepy and careless, but the impact of those words lay heavily on Gaara's chest, much like the hand that reminded him of how furiously his heart beat.
Someone cared. Someone saw him as a meaningful person.
Naruto said he would stay.
And before wetness began to pool in his eyes, before his stomach could twist in to an uncomfortable knot again, he gritted his teeth to prevent it from growing.
Trust was an issue for him, but for some reason around Naruto he found himself more trusting and open. A tiny spot in his soul that hadn't yet been numbed, desperately wished he could trust those words Naruto had just said.
It was silly, downright ridiculous for him to feel this way.
Naruto was a popular guy, and soon he would pack his things and head for his brand new life with Kankuro. And who knew, maybe the happy blond would find a new job and another, more exciting workplace full of new, better friends?
Even though he wished nothing but the best for Naruto, his chest hurt from the inside.
The next day it was already the 30th of December. Later in the afternoon his friend would go to see the apartment Kankuro had gotten for them, but now in the forenoon Naruto was still here, watching a movie with him.
And Gaara lay on his back against a pillow, which was leaning against Naruto, who in turn sat on the bed with his back propped up by the headboard. Whatever amount of Christmas candy there was still left, was rapidly vanishing as Naruto gorged the chocolates into his mouth. There were times when Gaara didn't hear him unwrap the candy at all, and worriedly he wondered if Naruto was actually eating the treats with their wrappers still on.
Heartfelt chuckles filled the air as Naruto deemed it reasonable to laugh at every single funny part there was in the movie. Silently Gaara glared at the screen and tried to see it, too. But he didn't. And it felt like Naruto's joy was overflowing, it was noisy and continuous and his laughter filled every silent, peaceful moment between them.
In the early hours of the morning, he had noticed the unusual way Naruto was arranging the miscellaneous stuff that lay on the kitchen table: a few pens, a receipt from a week ago, fruits the blond had bought but for which no one had had the appetite for, and two dead batteries. In a systematic way Gaara had not known Naruto possessed, the blond had placed these items in a disciplined order where each millimeter seemed to hold great importance.
And now, now the blond was all but concentrated. Even on scenes that weren't meant to be funny, he laughed, as if driving something away―Gaara didn't know what it was, but at least peace and quiet had long ago left this place. And when he heard a strange rustle coming from the blond's mouth―and soon Naruto spat something out―he knew instantly that the goof had actually forgotten to unwrap his candy this time.
"Haha, Gaara, you know what?" Naruto's cheery voice called. "You have no idea what just happened!"
"Tell me," the redhead replied calmly even though he knew what it would be about, for in all unpredictableness, Naruto was very predictable in most ways. But rather than to point this out in his wry way, Gaara just listened to his friend and enjoyed the way he told the story like it was the most interesting, most funny occurrence ever.
With a few added highlights (which realness could be debated) the story of how Naruto Uzumaki accidentally almost ate a candy with its wrappers still on, was a success Gaara didn't feel sorry for hearing.
A little more relaxedly, Gaara leaned against his friend. The candy now gone, Naruto's idle hands came to shyly rest on his shoulders first, until slowly making their way on top of the blanket, stopping only on Gaara's stomach.
"Would you like to come and see the apartment, too?" Naruto asked and sounded serious.
Gaara had no idea why he would be needed there, and he was in no mood for such a visit. A one-sided, albeit still faint, throb of pain pounded behind his eye. "Not today, sorry. I think a migraine might be on its way."
"Oh," Naruto understood and sounded disappointed. "Well, I have this friend who's a masseur and who has specialized in neural pathways."
Before Gaara even knew it, Naruto's hand found its way on his collarbone and he was pressing it gently with his fingertips.
"N-Naruto," he gasped and was sorry he didn't sound as snappy as he had intended to.
"This here," Naruto explained calmly, while pressing his warm fingers along Gaara's collarbone, his hand half-way under his shirt, "This is where the nerves cross, and by pressing along the bone like this, the migraine might go away."
That was the stupidest thing Gaara had ever heard, but he let his friend try to prove his point a while longer, before he sat up and escaped the touch.
Naruto looked almost disappointed.
"Are you feeling better?" the blond asked, hopeful.
"Maybe. I don't know," Gaara wasn't sure. "But I think I'm going to need a painkiller."
"Does that mean you'll be coming with me?" the blond asked expectantly.
"No," the redhead told and before he could witness the hurt expression on his friend's face, he slipped into the kitchen. After taking the pill, he returned to the main room. Naruto was waiting for him, holding the blanket on the side so that Gaara could easily claim his earlier place.
Not sure if he should accept the invitation, Gaara still found himself climbing on the bed, leaning his back against Naruto's chest and the pillow, and soon the warm blanket was pulled over them both.
The ghost of Naruto's touch on his collarbone haunted him to a point he almost growled. In a way, it had felt as inappropriate as the hideous scent of his soap, or the way he sometimes hugged him, or held him close. But to his horror he had to admit he didn't hate this kind of closeness as much as he had thought. Naruto was warm and friendly. And quiet, too, at the moment.
It wasn't a bad thing.
In the peace of their moment, an uninvited thought crossed his mind. How could it be that this blond man was romantically involved with his brother?
Kankuro had always been straight, hadn't he? Why he was suddenly interested in men? And how, oh god how, was it possible that Naruto of all people turned out to be the catalyst setting that unexpected change into motion?
Gaara had never really known any gay people, only seen their stereotypes in movies and series or heard the prevalent prejudices in the tones other people used when they were talking about 'them'.
In the small social circles Gaara had spent his life so far, 'they' were treated differently: with silence that left him wondering if such an anomaly even existed. Dad always kept on saying that traits of that kind were a choice, and mom never corrected him, supporting him with her silence. Even today he could still recall those dinnertime lectures in discomforting detail: how dad's voice bellowed over everyone else, how mom calmly stacked more potatoes and sausages to his plate, how Temari had long ago stopped listening and how Kankuro sat pale and tensed in his seat like he had seen a ghost.
The scorching sun called Naruto was maybe the most intriguing phenomenon he had ever had a chance to observe. And when it came to same-sex attractions, Naruto didn't really look gay―even though Gaara had to admit he couldn't really say what 'gay' was even supposed to look like. Maybe those ingrained prejudices of his parents, of their whole society, had really tainted his thoughts like poison―or maybe he was just curious over this whole idea―but whatever the true reason, he couldn't help but wonder.
He definitely had nothing against homosexuality but it felt strange to him that somebody―like Naruto for example―would seek intimate closeness with another representative of the same sex. Wasn't it a bit unnatural? Wasn't it just what they had all been taught to never, ever do?
Then why didn't it this position they were currently in feel repulsive or unnatural?
But there was an easy answer to that. It was because they were friends. And Naruto, well, he was just being his goofy old self, even when eerily quiet.
Ideas of how his brother and this blond prodigy had met sprouted in his mind like the first flowers of spring. Had Naruto charmed the brunet with his disarming smile? Or maybe they had met through mutual hobbies, or a circle of friends, and the power of Naruto's heart-filling warmth had proselytized Kankuro into ideas so radical, that he had abandoned his accustomed ways and started to follow the beaming blond like he was a prophet most divine?
Whatever the true story was, it had to be something remarkable like everything Naruto was involved in.
A few days ago, Gaara has asked Naruto if he was in love with the brunet. Why he had done it, he didn't know, but maybe he had needed confirmation. The blond had fallen silent at first, as if reading him like the tightly closed book he was, before quickly admitting that yes, he had known the brunet for a year now and that living together had been a recurring topic in their conversations.
When Gaara had been ready to point out he hadn't really answered his question, Naruto rushed to tell that he wished nothing but the best for both Kankuro and Gaara, and how their hospitality was greatly appreciated by him. Then he launched into a monologue of how wonderful people they were, finding nothing but shades of greatness out of them, and by the time he was finished, Gaara was too tired to take part in the conversation anymore.
Earlier in the autumn, Gaara remembered offering his trap of an apartment for Naruto to spend his nights in. He hadn't asked him to move in with him―at least not with words like that, but his friend had never really utilized that offer, and now he knew why.
Naruto was moving in with Kankuro. And no matter the image Gaara had of his complexly beloved―yet not remarkably honorable―brother, there had to be something astonishing in him that Naruto held dear. Gaara had no idea what it was, but it had to be there somewhere.
Not that he ever let his thoughts get into unnecessary details, he admitted having wondered what the thing between his brother and this goofy blond really was. Their relationship probably consisted of just kissing and hugging―or maybe only hugging. Anything else was too hard to believe. Naruto wouldn't be like that. And Kankuro sure as hell wouldn't be, in Gaara's opinion.
The idea just couldn't fit in his head, and so he dismissed it altogether.
But when Naruto seized his hand under the blanket, squeezing it quickly on the way, he became distracted again and forgot what he had been thinking about. The movie neared its end, their holiday neared its end, and soon his friend would be out of the door for good.
A throb behind his eye startled him and he closed his eyes, and little flashes of light danced behind his eyelids.
As if sensing his migraine, Naruto calmly touched his collarbone again, pressing points which seemed trivial at first, but soon Gaara gave in to that new contact and lowered his defense. In the end he wasn't sure if it was the ibuprofen fading his headache away, or Naruto's caress on his skin.
But one thing was sure.
He would miss their little holiday, and the endless-like days they had spent together.
A/N: Okay there was maybe illegally much fluff in here, hehe. But in the next chapter, there's a little bit of drama ahead, maybe a tiny teeny fluff and humor, too.