Author's note: Did I break the record for longest hiatus? Hope those of you still here enjoy the story so far.
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Jane's fingers shook as they feathered across sheets of holo-tablets in her corner of the cargo hold. She had just experienced the most shocking and electrifying event of this time loop, and it was all her attention could focus on. Never mind the fact that she had work to do! The heart desired more than the mind, and it certainly showed. Reaching quite angrily for a stylus and unrolling a dusty keyboard, she activated the tablets in conjunction with her omni tool. For a second, her thoughts grazed over the silly notion that she was actually using the oldest piece of tech on the Normandy to plan an attack strategy. She never came to the cargo hold to plan; why was there ever a need to? The ship was literally centered around leading, with the main floor of it having multiple terminals at her disposal. And yet she found herself here, unraveling the coiled, portable keys and connecting them to her wrist, in a most ancient way to get work done.
The idea was ridiculous, she knew. Especially since she heard a quiet 'What the hell' from Wrex as he stared conspicuously in her direction for what seemed like ages. If that lummox didn't turn around and get back to whatever he was doing, she'd flip. Jane eyed him with a fire behind her glare until he slowly turned back to his lazy gun cleaning. That was better. Her eyes refused to check Nihlus's corner of the hold, but she knew they wouldn't dare look at each other. So she now had some peace without any unwanted attention.
The first thing she needed to do was sort out why Nihlus had kissed her. No. That was not on her current agenda. With a wince and mental slap, she began typing anything that jumped through her muddled mind regarding Feros. Her fingers rolled out broken text about the previous experience she had on the strange planet. Exo-Jeni. Thorian. Colony. Need more back up. That was it. She was finally back on track as she remembered how ill prepared she had been for the attack from the enthralled colonists.
Had it not been for Garrus's remarkable aim with immobilizing grenades, they would have surely sustained more casualties. But despite their success, it was ultimately a failure because of the very real lack of a Thorian, the very being that held the strings of the entire colony together. It was angry when they encountered it, and turned on them quickly. It couldn't have been blamed; Saren betrayed it and left it to die. But the resulting overtaking of the colonists' minds, caused serious injuries to the entire crew of the Normandy as they tried to defend against the onslaught without retaliating harshly. It was next to impossible, and Jane knew they wouldn't be able to do it again. So the strategy must change, as with the rest of this damned time loop.
Her fingers slowed and froze. She was not the only one that needed in on this new plan. And of course Nihlus would have many wise words to give her, but did she want them? Jane could do this on her own, and he was proving a distraction enough sitting 50 feet away from her. She reasoned that the next step in preparation would be to instead, force Benezia to help. She needed information, with or without Nihlus, and that newly acquired Matriarch was their only hope. Especially since her daughter was now able to get within arm's reach of her. Mental state be damned, they were pressed for time. The asari Matriarch couldn't be given a choice in the matter.
Shepard swallowed hard remembering Liara losing her cool against both Jane and her mother. The younger asari was almost a full century older than Jane, and yet at times she felt that the emotional side of the woman wasn't as aged. She tired easily and her state of mind would whip back and forth between thoughts like lightning. When it came to the subject of her mother, Jane new she was sore inside. She needed to get back up there fast, before they had a chance to speak with each other. So in an instant, the tech was rolled back up and slid into its crevice, likely never to be touched again until it was time for Chakwas's 'spring cleaning'.
Nihlus tried without success to polish out the large scratch on his chest piece from the heavy fall on Noveria. It was an act he had done hundreds of times, albeit without the lingering memory of a certain someone. That woman would be the death of him, he knew. Whether it was because of her, or by her own hand, that was how he would die. And perhaps he accepted that, or perhaps he didn't even care. According to her, he was supposed to be dead and Nihlus certainly felt like it sometimes.
In the middle of his sleep cycles, an odd sensation would encase his being and blanket him in a particular cold. At first he thought it was the cooling vents, but when his fixes failed to yield warmer results, he was a bit frightened. As time went on and his talks with Shepard regarding his livelihood continued, he simply learned to live with it. Being suddenly cold meant another blanket was needed. And that was the end of those troubles. So now, the supernatural played an interesting part in his life because of the fact that he knew someone so strange in the way she lived. Jane was essentially the weirdest person he had ever met. Her humour was so obviously based on the fact that she had seen everything more than once, and it was unnerving. No one else laughed at these particular things, but her light chuckle eventually drew a smirk from his own features.
He couldn't remember the last time another person made him smile simply because of their own laughter. That by itself wasn't supernatural in the slightest, but to him, it was such a new feeling that it had to be otherworldly. He felt a pull towards her from the very beginning, one that he couldn't explain. And it only intensified as they continued to work together. His frustration at their encounters prior only served to show him just how important that feeling was.
As he continued to buff out the dents that he knew would never go away, he remembered the elevator. It was an unexplainable occurrence, and he chocked that one up to being the same supernatural pull to her as any other mild interaction. Of course, she didn't seem to know anything about this same feeling, so it was best left a secret for now. But it still served as the only explanation for his actions.
Why had he not only kissed her, but grabbed her like he wanted her? Saying it was some supernatural drawing was definitely an easy out, but it was all he had to go off of.
He heard scuffing from Jane's end of the Cargo hold and smirked as he watched her speed walk to the elevator. He knew he would certainly pay for it later, but it was so worth it. Perhaps he would even tell her that it was simply pay back for her original transgression.
Arriving inside the elevator was like crashing full force into a wave for Jane. She stood there with the door now closed, reliving the scene of her and Nihlus as if was happening again. She closed her eyes when the keypad beeped at her, and felt the tingling sensation of Nihlus's hands lingering on the small of her back. She found herself smiling at her remembrance of his touch, both careful and passionate.
The keypad beeped again and Jane was brought back to reality. Her stomach both fluttered high and dropped to her gut. She didn't know that was possible. Fluttering and floating and giving her chills because of the caresses of a man that wasn't quite hers, and dropping like a ton of bricks in her abdomen from the knowledge of his position. Both spectres needed to take part in anything that had to do with the missions taking place on the Normandy. Which meant she had taken fast steps to the elevator before carefully thinking through the possible repercussions. If the council found out she was acting without Nihlus, that would be the end of her. It would be the end of their journey and fight.
She sighed in defeat and pushed the release for the door. Commence the new gait of her steps; something akin to the walk of shame, towards Nihlus.
He seemed a bit startled when Jane snuck behind him and tapped on his shoulder.
"We need to make Benezia help us."
Nihlus cocked his head slightly towards her, hoping he didn't look as excited to see her so close again as he felt. "Do you not remember trying that a few minutes ago…?"
He watched her huff and cross her arms. He frustrated her. He'd be lying if he said he didn't enjoy that kind of power.
"Yes, Nihlus. I remember. But then we got down here and I realized how difficult of a time my crew and I had last time around trying to get to the Thorian. But we have an ace in the hole this time. Benezia knows Saren's time table. There has to be a way that she helped him get to the Thorian so efficiently. We finally have a chance and we can't be distracted through this." He nodded. They needed to move on, distractions be damned.
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"Shouldn't we talk about it?" Nihlus peered cautiously over the railing to his left at the nothingness beneath. Feros, he decided, was his least favorite planet. Jane joined him at the railing's edge.
"Can't we just let it be?" she said it so softly, it felt like she had asked the air. He sighed and leaned on the metal. She would be his undoing; he could feel it in his bones. And that was if he wasn't already undone by her wicked hand. He could leave it alone if that was what she wanted. He would do just about anything for her if she asked. It was an interesting realization. To be awoken to the fact that your heart had made a decision long before your brain had.
Maybe he didn't mind being at her mercy. In a perfect world, they could lounge lazily together, in some far away place where nothing could distract them. Instead they had priorities that this distracted them from. And it was dangerous. He was torn at his core between what felt right and what was right.
"Fine." He gave in and turned, gun held and ready.
"There's no one to aim that at." Jane's laugh wafted around him and filled his ears up like water. All he could hear was her, and he hated it. She was becoming a problem.
Ignoring her as best he could, he wondered about the lack of resistance. "So last time, you had to fight your way through here?"
She nodded and continued. Waving a hand at a guard, Nihlus followed her through double doors and cement walls. "In the last loop, Saren beat us here. But this time, it looks like we got the jump on him. Thanks to our Spectre credentials, getting through was much easier than I thought it would be." She pushed a door open that revealed winding stairs in what seemed like dozens of flights downward. "Down we go. The Thorian's in the lab after these stairs."
He was skeptical, "Will they really just let us talk to this thing?" Jane paused halfway down the first flight.
"That's where I come in. I have a contact waiting for us in the labs." Jane jumped slightly at Matriarch Benezia's interjection. She had been so quiet she almost forgot she had come with.
Upon reaching the entrance, Jane and Nihlus eyed the Matriarch carefully while she approached sterile white doors. She appeared to wave to someone on the other side before one of the doors swung open in a hasty invitation. When the Thorian wasn't terrifyingly enraged as it had been last time she saw it, it was rather beautiful. There was silence as all present parties waited anxiously for something to happen. Jane felt the familiar feeling of regret in her gut bubble up to remind her it was still around. She wished she didn't have to be the forefront of this strange world. As if to answer her qualms, she felt a static pull towards the lively mass at center.
The Thorian's electric tendrils pulled at the air around her, not quite touching her, but grabbing all force surrounding her to it. It drew her away from the group, into the middle of the cylindrical lab. A tentacle reached out in a curious fashion, lightly flicking around her face. In greeting, Jane imagined. This was different.
'Do you know who I am?' it wondered into her brain. Much like how the Rachni had communicated with Jane, so did this Thorian.
"I do. We've met before." She couldn't help muttering a response out loud. Something about only thinking an answer felt strange and unnatural. Besides, she wanted Nihlus to hear at least parts of the conversation. She couldn't bear to be the only one living this.
'So you have. You have come to me in an intriguing way this time. Never before have you arrived this…early.'
Jane took in a sharp breath of air while she managed to continue staying calm. The foggy static that hung in the air around her made her feel sick. But she needed to communicate. Needed some answers. "I have questions for you. Can you help me remember my song?" She glanced back at Nihlus, who had found a desk to lean against while watching. She couldn't tell what he thought of all this.
'Only you can remind yourself of your song. Though I can aid in unlocking a few doors to guide you there.' The Thorian shuttered a bit, almost as if in pain; though it was difficult for Jane to know for sure. 'Ask of me what you will, and I will answer what I am able.'
She felt like she had rehearsed for this. "How many time loops have I lived?" She stared long and hard at the creature, keeping as still as she could for how hard her heart was beating in her chest. She felt it might burst out from her in any moment. If the Thorian could answer these few questions she had, it would only create more mystery. But she could at least have peace of mind in knowing whether or not her life was chance or fate.
Another shutter rippled through the mass of flesh before her. 'Hundreds. Thousands. Even I do not know the exact amount.'
Jane swallowed. "…Why have I relived time?"
'That, I cannot answer.'
"What role do the reapers play in all this?"
'You must stop them.'
Her brows furrowed as they heard what sounded like an explosion in the distance. Benezia jumped and frantically called out to Jane. "It's Saren. He's here for the Thorian." Jane shot her a look.
"How can I help you escape?" Shepherd ignored more calls to her. She needed more answers but they had run out of time.
'You cannot. I'm doomed to decay here.
It reached a tendril out and as it lightly touched Jane's forehead, she felt a crash of emotions rush through her body like a shockwave. Memories of life and death and joy and sorrow flitted through her mind in a hurricane of knowledge. She could barely focus on the flames erupting around her. Mumbled by white noise, she heard Nihlus's voice in the background yelling something. But she couldn't make out the words. She only knew what the Thorian was telling her in that moment. A rush of sights and sounds of a world before theirs. A world she would never know, but somehow knew now, in this moment. Everything the Thorian had learned over millennia was becoming hers, and she felt she could barely handle it. She felt her mind fraying at the edges like threads unraveling.
In the midst of everything, she felt something warm and grounding. On her skin, around her arms, hands. Nihlus, pulling her away from the Thorian and into the smoke. Her sight faded to black.
Jane dreamt of something wonderful. It was a world of color and light. She stood in the center of it, basking in the warm glow of an angelic sun. All around her was a field of grass and flowers that stretched as far as her eye could see. And just at the edge of that sight, structures, large as monoliths hugged the horizon. A small being called to another. She watched them hug each other and walk into the distance, towards their structures. Life crawled and chirped in every corner of her vision, and when she breathed in the biggest breathe it felt freeing. It wasn't her life; she knew this. It was someone else's home she was in, but it felt alive and right.
It was what the Thorian had given her. She took a few steps in the grass and sat, then laid back into it. It cushioned her and cradled her in its loving embrace. This home was peaceful and wondrous. The entire world was at their fingertips, just waiting to be touched and discovered. Whoever this place belonged to, Jane could feel what they felt. They loved where they were.
And just as soon as the light began, it started fizzling into a dangerous red. The home was on fire, and in the distance where the structures were, Jane watched with tears in her eyes as they crumpled to the ground. The Reapers had arrived, and there was nothing they could do.
"Shepherd?" She awoke to Nihlus once more. He sat over her, the calm pools of green in his eyes staring anxiously at her. Jane smiled softly as her senses came to with the rest of her being.
"Nihlus," her voice cracked and she felt him breath as if he had been holding it for too long.
He grabbed her hand and held it tightly before clearing his throat. "I almost died for you, you know."
A laugh bubbled up in Jane's throat. "It wasn't for nothing. I got answers from the Thorian. Finally, Nihlus. I have some answers." She squeezed his hand.
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