A/N: Hi guys and sorry for the long wait. A big sincere Thank You for all of you who have reviewed/read/faved/followed and tagged along this far! Your support means a lot to me and I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Chapter 9: Is This What Friends Do?
Naruto repressed a yawn but faithfully followed Kankuro around the clothes store. Gaara had vanished somewhere between the lines of woolen coats and his vibrantly red hair was nowhere to be seen. With weakening interest, Naruto kept his two meters distance from his boyfriend and pretended they were just acquaintances.
When he finally yawned out loud, Kankuro glanced at him disapprovingly. Given how some of the salesmen glared at Naruto, too, it was clear he didn't blend in the stiff atmosphere of this respected store. Most likely he looked like nothing but a shoplifter to them, or someone who had wandered in here by accident. And those shop assistants looked all too enthusiastic to see his hideous orange disappear from their controlled color tones. With another attempt of feigned interest, Naruto let his gaze roam on the endless shades of navy, gray and black.
He could not do this. He had zero interest.
Kankuro never stopped Naruto when he slipped away in search of the redhead. He found him going towards the fitting room with a coat hanging by his arm.
"If you want, I can help you find the best-looking coat," Naruto offered.
Gaara nodded in appreciation, "Fine. I'll call you when I'm ready." Then, he vanished into the changing room.
Naruto waited behind the thick velvet curtain that separated him from the target of his interest. This whole shopping spree had been Kankuro's idea and when Gaara had heard about it, he had invited himself along before Naruto could even ask him to. It seemed this store held some deeper meaning for the brothers, given how interestedly they went through the selection. Without Gaara here, Naruto would've died of boredom many eternal minutes ago.
"You can come in now," Gaara spoke through the curtain.
Naruto slipped in like a thief and was surprised how spacious the fitting room was. It was so roomy that a plush bench fitted there without question. Three mirrors reflected a black-clad redhead who was standing in the middle with a long woolen coat on. Naruto stood behind his back, taking in the view.
"It looks good on you," he breathed.
But Gaara didn't look convinced, "I don't look like a movie villain in this, do I?"
"Maybe a little," the blond chuckled, "But don't worry, in my flamboyantly orange clothes I look like some superhero too."
Gaara smiled a little. "Your name would be Orange Lightning or something absurd like that."
Naruto was instantly drawn into the idea.
"Yeah! And at nighttime, I would use my superpowers for common good and chase the criminals. My arch nemesis would be this evil guy called Grumpy Red. He would have this weird obsession about making me wake up at 6 a.m. by hiding alarm clocks to my whereabouts, and he would wear a black coat just like this," Naruto explained and his hands slid along Gaara's arms, bringing their attention to the expensive piece of clothing.
"You would never catch him," Gaara said with a quick smirk.
Naruto smiled back at him via the mirror.
"Oh, I totally would," he said calmly, before suddenly capturing Gaara's wrists and holding them behind his back tightly. Gaara glared at him through the mirror but his look lacked any danger.
The innocence behind Naruto's smile dropped. He kept Gaara's wrists secured with his hand, and when he squeezed them, a soft sigh escaped his friend's lips. Jade eyes were filled with confusion which soon turned into honest haze, like he was unable to cover up his primitive reaction. Gaara was biting his lip, perhaps preventing another sigh. He looked absolutely desirable and on a whim, Naruto covered Gaara's eyes with his other hand and tilted his head backwards just a little.
Gaara stood at Naruto's mercy with his throat exposed, submitting to his fate. This was just another game, another joke, but even so he couldn't stop himself from reacting. Maybe he liked being restrained, but it was a secret he was sure to keep hidden from the world. Only his pitiful one-night stands were trusted with this knowledge, but only because he knew he would never have to see them again.
Naruto spoke in his ear and his voice was oozing thrill, "Any last words?"
"Come to the dark side with me," Gaara whispered with pent-up excitement.
Shivers traveled up along Naruto's spine. He forgot how to breathe and when it came back to him, his gasp was only a dry cough. The air was boiling around them and if there was steam on the mirrors he wouldn't be surprised at all. Heat burned in Naruto's muscles when Gaara let out a small, expectant sigh. It was suddenly too much and without further thought he freed his friend and stepped away like he had been electrocuted.
Gaara kept his back turned to the blond and avoided his own reflection in the mirrors. He was blushing. Hard.
"T-That coat suits you very well, by the way," Naruto said nervously and gave him a feeble smile. Before the redhead could reply, he slipped away to the other side of the velvet curtain.
Kankuro's curious stare greeted him on the other side. Its coolness froze whatever warm excitement was still tingling on Naruto's skin and for once, Naruto was out of words. He lowered his face in shame and started walking away slowly. Kankuro's calm steps followed behind him, his piercing stare burning holes to the back of his head.
"I didn't know you were waiting for us," Naruto said when they were safely out of Gaara's earshot.
"Well, I wondered where you went and then I heard your voice through the curtain."
Naruto's shoulders slumped even more. "O-Oh, I had no idea anyone could hear our conversation."
"Everyone did," Kankuro corrected and his voice was tight.
They exited the store and stopped on the street, waiting for Gaara. Kankuro's dark eyes held no warmth and in the middle of the winter evening's chill, Naruto shivered again but this time, for different reasons than moments before. When Gaara returned with a large shopping bag—no doubt the coat had left a lasting impression on him—they started making their way to their next destination.
At the restaurant Kankuro kept quiet. Gaara and Naruto were sitting side by side, and the brunet's disapproving gaze burned the blond's skin like a sting of sunlight through a magnifying lens.
Dinner was spent in silence given how Kankuro refused to talk, Gaara had somehow lost his capacity to converse, and Naruto was too afraid to open up a conversation. The blond wanted so badly to order a glass of something strong but he knew the brothers wouldn't appreciate it thanks to their family background. He wanted to escape. Too bad he had no actual superpowers to do that.
"I have good news for you, Naruto," Kankuro suddenly said. His voice held no bitterness but the look on his face was unforgiving.
"Oh?" the blond asked with growing insecurity.
A quick smile visited the brunet's face before he said, "They called and told the job is yours. Isn't that great?"
Naruto looked shocked, but not as shocked as Gaara.
"What job?" the redhead asked with wide eyes.
Before Naruto had any chance to reply, Kankuro interrupted them.
"Your salary will be doubled, if not more. Doesn't that sound good? You can say goodbye to your debt soon."
"You have debt?" Gaara asked again, surprised. "Why didn't you tell me?"
But as soon as he launched that question, realization dawned on him. Naruto and Kankuro were a couple. Of course they would share these kinds of things. And he was just a friend, or a co-worker, whatever. And now it seemed he wouldn't be even that for much longer.
"I didn't want to burden you with my debt. You would've only tried to help me," Naruto explained softly.
"Yes. That's what friends do," Gaara said and sounded accusing. He instantly regretted his tone. A content smirk visited Kankuro's face but it vanished before anyone could witness it.
"It's going to be alright, don't worry," Naruto promised but his words didn't console Gaara.
The redhead tuned out of the conversation, wanting to escape. Naruto was about to leave their office. Without him there, the place was meaningless. Gaara's chest hurt and he refused to meet anyone's eyes. Even though he tried to tell himself that this was good news for his friend, he couldn't feel happy for him. Losing Naruto like this felt more personal than he had ever imagined.
For the rest of the evening Gaara kept to himself. Grief was a large stone that kept on expanding inside his chest and he could feel the taste of it in his throat already. Appetite was long lost and he couldn't bring himself to react at Naruto's jokes in any way. Taste of alcohol was disgusting him as always but tonight, he kept on re-filling his wine glass. And maybe it was due to his increasing drunkenness but it seemed like the happy look on his brother's face turned more and more permanent.
By the end of the evening Kankuro was so happy he invited Gaara to their home. Not sure if he had a secret wish to see himself suffer, Gaara accepted the invitation.
And it turned out to be a mistake, how else.
Needless to say he felt like a third wheel when he followed Kankuro feeding Naruto ice cream with a little spoon. Gaara lowered his gaze to his bowl and hoped his dessert would go away on its own. The healthy red color on Naruto's cheeks was now permanently carved into Gaara's thoughts and with his mind's eye he could recall the way Kankuro's spoon glided through Naruto's lips.
And if he strained his imagination a little further, he could imagine the ice cream melting on Naruto's lips, making them cold and tasty and—
And nothing. Stop it.
And delicious and forbidden—
Seriously, stop now.
But his inner scoldings turned out fruitless. In the solitude of his heated thoughts, Gaara ate his ice cream slowly and imagined the coldness of Naruto's lips. It was only when Kankuro coughed quietly that he realized what he was doing. He ate normally again after that, avoiding any unnecessary eye contact, but when he accidentally glanced at Naruto's way, he dropped his spoon.
The blush on his friend's face had deepened to a shade too dark to be innocent, and the fog in his attentive blue eyes was certainly not reserved for the brunet sitting next to him.
But before Gaara could bask in the sight any longer, Kankuro seized Naruto by the crystal necklace and pulled him into an unashamed kiss.
Gaara stared at their mouths pressing against each other in an addicting rhythm. Naruto's surprised gasp oozed heat and Gaara wondered if his lips were still cool. When Kankuro let go, Naruto kept his gaze tightly on his lap. There was a victorious look on Kankuro's face but none of that confidence was visible on the blond's.
When Gaara eventually left, he was sent on his way by a brotherly (albeit slightly cocky) hug from Kankuro and a nervous stare by Naruto.
As he walked slowly back home, the haunted look in Naruto's eyes followed him with every step and he couldn't shake it off.
On a weekday morning, Naruto and Gaara were standing side by side at the station, waiting for their train to arrive.
Under his clothes, the crystal burned cool and Naruto couldn't ignore it. By now he had learned to keep his treasured necklace hidden from the world, so that no one could just casually grab it and pull him in for a kiss.
Against his skin, the crystal persistently reminded of its existence. What was it in this morning that made his skin tingle like million little stings were caressing it?
Maybe it was just the steep drop in temperature, or the thinness of his coat. The wind was chillier this morning, wasn't it?
Eventually the two of them were sitting side by side on the train, enjoying the rush hour of the morning with countless of other passengers heading to work, too. Well, he couldn't say Gaara was really enjoying these masses of strangers, but Naruto had done his best and snatched his friend a nice seat right next to the window. That way, his introverted friend could peacefully stare out of the window while they traveled, and Naruto―occupying the seat by his side―made sure the redhead didn't have to go through the trouble of tolerating any stranger close to him.
By now he was familiar with Gaara's routines and having long conversations―or any―in the morning was strictly out of question. So Naruto kept his mouth shut and instead directed his energy on inspecting the large variety of other passengers.
There was a woman sitting across Gaara. At first Naruto paid no attention to her, but when her glances at Gaara grew longer and longer, he became interested in what was going on.
When Gaara noticed her, he dismissed her after two seconds of interest. Naruto bit the inside of his cheek, trying to hide his content smile―he had no idea why Gaara rejecting such a beautiful person made him so happy—until the redhead lifted up his gaze to her again, this time studying her for a tad longer, before once again averting his attention. It seemed to amuse her, and the way her plump limps curved up into a cute little smile started to annoy Naruto.
She was blonde and Naruto wondered if it mattered. The longer that eye-game continued on her part, the more time Gaara seemed to invest in the woman. She batted her eyelids innocently, her finger brushing along her hair, but when she nailed his friend with her stare again, she looked downright demanding. Gaara shifted in his seat and her eyes narrowed in satisfaction.
A restrained smirk crept to Naruto's face and he leaned very close to Gaara, so that his lips almost touched his ear.
"You look very handsome today, Gaara. Maybe she noticed it, too?" he breathed so that only his friend could hear.
As a final touch, he gave a reassuring squeeze to Gaara's hand. But Naruto let his touch linger, and then he glanced at the woman all but friendlily.
Who knew, maybe he had just stopped the romance of a century from happening?
He was petty and selfish and not sorry at all.
Gaara was tensely staring out of the window with a strange look on his face. The woman regarded Naruto with a rude look until she dug up her phone with visible sourness.
When they stepped out of the train and lost sight of the annoying woman, Naruto's triumphant mood started to sink. He had no right to meddle in his friend's business like that. Why had he been such a jerk and sabotaged their innocent eye-game in such a cowardly way?
His friend seemed quieter than usual and Naruto wondered if he should try to somehow reverse the damage he had caused. But instead of doing that, he just kept on walking close to him and in order to make it look more natural, he casually wrapped his arm around his shoulder.
But Gaara swatted his arm away. Naruto didn't let it affect his mood.
Today was his last day in the office. Next week, he would start in his new job in a new company that was also owned by the influential Inuzuka family. It was not the exact same place Kankuro worked at, but a part of the web nonetheless.
And starting in next week, he would live at Kankuro's place seven days a week. It had been the brunet's idea. Naruto had hesitated but when he had noticed the warmth in Kankuro's gaze gradually cool to sub zero as seconds passed in silence, he had quickly understood to accept the offering.
Gaara had not addressed these changes in any way, until he suddenly spoke when they were slowly walking along the street.
"Are you excited about your new job?"
Cold chunk of ice settled in Naruto's stomach, freezing him more fiercely than his treasured crystal.
"Yeah, I'm pretty excited," the blond said cautiously. "And your brother was very kind to let me live there full time."
Gaara didn't look at him. "Is that what you really want?"
"What are you asking?" Naruto asked, but those serious jade eyes never turned his way. No, the redhead just kept on walking ahead with a closed-off expression on his unreadable face.
"Are you asking me if I want to get rid of my debt? Or if I want to have a permanent home?" Naruto asked, his voice turning tighter.
But Gaara never clarified what he had meant. A guilty expression colored his face for a moment but then it was gone.
At the office, Naruto kept to himself.
Vividly he could recall the delicate scent of Gaara' shampoo and how he had almost unnoticeably trembled when he had spoken directly in his ear. He would have to stop letting himself go near him like that―it would only lead into trouble sooner or later.
A farewell celebration took place in the afternoon. Melancholic mood hung over the office, but every now and then one of his co-workers tried to lift up the atmosphere with a joke. An orange cake with a marzipan-made pile of ramen noodles on top was certainly something Naruto had not foreseen. These people really cared for him. Was he really making the right decision by leaving this place?
Certain redhead stood in the back row for the whole time. His plate looked unused. No stains of orange cake in there.
Was this really the right thing to do?
When Naruto turned off his computer for the last time, emptiness filled him. Just for the sake of good old times he strolled around the office. He was certainly not looking for anyone in particular, god no, but when he saw no flash of red hair anywhere, his mood sank.
He didn't remember seeing Gaara leave the office. But now he was not here.
And in a few moments, Naruto would leave this place, too.
Two weeks into his new life and Naruto felt emptier than ever.
On the outside, he had everything a guy of his age could be envious about. On the inside, uncertainty itched him like a scab that wouldn't heal.
He had not really had too much time to hang around with Gaara—the redhead had been busy with his job, and Naruto had worked long hours, too, not only to impress his new employer but because there was so much he needed to learn.
For many days he had been haunted by the image of Gaara disappointedly tossing his clean plate to the office sink before disappearing from his view only to sulk in his cubicle. The vision had only dissolved late on one Thursday night, when the two of them had met in a small restaurant. Gaara's mood had been rivaling with the chill of winter, but slowly in the minutes spent in their quiet corner booth, the redhead had warmed up.
Gaara said he was stressed because of work.
But he kept on acting like he was hurt, and he was wearing that coat.
They had discussed about the weather, how the food lacked salt, how the oncoming snowstorm would undoubtedly cause trains to be late again. But then there was a pause in the conversation, because both of them realized they wouldn't ride a train to work together, anymore. And Gaara had closed off instantly and then turned into mute and grouchy, and Naruto had been at a loss for words for once. But when their desserts had arrived, they had engaged into hushed conversation about the thinness of their coffee and the dryness of the cake.
In the end, they had parted in a friendly mood. But on his way home, the emptiness had slowly crawled back to Naruto and climbed up on his shoulder until it swallowed his head.
His new job was not just some enormous mistake, was it?
He was doing the right thing?
…Wasn't he?
Currently he was cuddling on the couch with Kankuro, careful at not to spill his drink on the couch, or carpet, or any other surface. Their reservoir of white wine seemed endless and it reminded him of their secret encounters in the very beginning, when they had survived solely on champagne and strawberries.
Just to chase away the emptiness, Naruto swallowed the last of his wine and carefully placed his glass on the table. When Kankuro noticed he remembered to use a coaster, he gave him an approving smile.
"Do you want me to fetch the strawberries?" Naruto asked when he remembered he had seen those little treats on their fridge the other day.
"Oh, I'm afraid there's none left, sorry," Kankuro said and ruffled his blond hair without tearing his attention away from the TV screen.
"Oh… What happened to them?" Naruto asked, surprised.
"I ate them," Kankuro explained and spared him a quick glance. "I was hungry."
"I see," the blond understood. How funny that his boyfriend was into those berries after all. He had always been under the impression that Kankuro wasn't a big fan of them.
His new job wasn't horrible. It was just very different from his previous one. And there was no one very friendly in there, no one who would remind him of Gaara. And talking about the redhead, Mr. Sabaku had certainly not been friendly with him in the beginning, with his disapproving glares and quiet huffs. But in the end, hadn't Mr. Sabaku been the only one to offer him the most genuine kind of friendliness: a safe place to stay overnight without any crooked payback plan?
And why was he thinking about Gaara again? Was it okay to let his thoughts return to him every two minutes? Was it wise to let him steal his attention like this, when he was cuddling in someone else's arms?
Kankuro was good, too. He was. Wasn't he?
Thanks to him, Naruto had now a job which ensured his debt would die within a few years. And even now Kankuro refused to take money from him, or let him pay his share of the living costs.
Whenever Naruto brought it up, emotions darkened in Kankuro's eyes and he silenced him with a kiss. And Naruto let it happen, for deep down he knew what their deal was all about. He was not independent, not free. He knew what Kankuro wanted. And he let him have it, every time, without question—because that was Naruto's currency when it came to paying back.
You can do anything to me.
"I invited Gaara over this Friday," Kankuro said casually like he was talking about weather.
Naruto tensed all over and hoped his excitement wasn't visible to his boyfriend.
"Temari called me and told there's something wrong with Gaara lately. I'm worried about him. I thought it would be nice to spend an evening together," Kankuro explained.
"Sounds good," was all Naruto said with a deadpan look on his face but on the inside, butterflies filled his stomach.
Kankuro's eyes narrowed and he pressed his palm against Naruto's chest, where the blue crystal lay hidden under his shirt. Naruto's smile was instant but restless, however his submission seemed to convince Kankuro. He filled the blond's glass and Naruto drank it, knowing he would be under surveillance on the upcoming Friday. No wrong signals to Gaara, he should keep that in mind, and under his clothes the crystal burned again like a demanding memory.
When in the hours of the night he lay squeezed under Kankuro's weight, he couldn't help a tremor of excitement escaping into his moans. Tonight, he was more aroused than usually, but he let his boyfriend think it was all his doing. His crystal was tossed somewhere on the floor and when he was about to utter some words, Kankuro kissed him on the mouth and stole his voice.
Afterwards Naruto rested on the sheets, his hair clinging to his forehead in sweat. Kankuro held his chin and stared into his hazy blue eyes with smug satisfaction. The weight of crystal necklace on Naruto's skin was suddenly present, even though the real thing was scattered on the floor under the pile of his clothes. Naruto put his hand under the pillow, a position he often enjoyed, but startled when a piece of metal touched his fingers.
He pulled it out. A hairpin?
"What the hell is this doing in here?" Naruto asked and the haze in his eyes cleared away.
Kankuro took it from him calmly and threw it away somewhere in the darkened room.
"Don't worry about it."
"I'm asking you," Naruto confronted.
"I use it as a bookmark," the brunet finally explained. "I put it there one night, while I was reading in bed. Then I forgot it altogether, when you waltzed in the room wearing only your bathrobe."
Naruto blushed at the memory. He vividly remembered that particular night.
But…
"Where did you get it from?"
Kankuro yawned like he was completely relaxed. "It was mom's. It's the only thing I have of her."
"Oh," Naruto replied, not sure how to reply. The sad, almost pained expression that slowly took over the brunet's face made his heart ache, too.
"I'm sorry," Naruto apologized.
Kankuro sniffed and wiped his eyes, and then cuddled against Naruto's chest like the weight on his shoulders was too much to bear. By now Naruto knew enough of his family background to ask more, and patiently he consoled his boyfriend.
The metal pin lay forgotten on the floor, not too far away from the crystal necklace. They glinted in the dim light shyly, as if they were filled with secrets.
Gaara rang the doorbell to his brother's apartment.
A casual Friday night with Kankuro and their mutual friend Naruto was ahead this time, and no matter how much he had tried to, Kankuro had not let him cancel his arrival. His brother's voice had carried a trait of worry, like it often did in those dark days of their adolescence.
Nervously Gaara clutched a little paper bag in his hands. When no one answered the door immediately, a thought of escaping at the last minute entered his mind.
But when Naruto opened the door, the first thing to greet him was a cloud of his perfume which he quickly recognized as the unmistakable scent of "Power Energy" soap. With a mental note to self, Gaara decided to send a request to whoever manufactured such an unnecessary product, demanding them to withdraw the brand from the market as soon as possible.
Surely he couldn't be the only victim of that thing.
Naruto was wearing only a little white towel around his hips, drying his spiky wet hair with another. Blue crystal hung faithfully between his tanned pecs. Gaara lowered his gaze. That smell of his soap was completely inappropriate.
"Come in," Naruto called with his trademark luminous smile.
"Here," Gaara draped him the little bag, still refusing to look at his friend. The scent was making him dizzy.
Naruto peeked into the bag, "You brought marmalade and toffee?"
Gaara wasn't clueless about Naruto's cravings, at least not when it came to teeth-rotting sweets the blond gorged at every given opportunity.
"You didn't have to," Naruto said but he sounded happier than ever. "Too bad Kankuro doesn't like sweets."
Gaara knew that. But speaking of the brunet, where was he?
"Oh, by the way your brother's not here," the blond apologized. "There was an emergency at work and he had to go."
The redhead raised a nonexistent brow. "Where does he work at, at the hospital or something? I thought he had a job in the office."
"Look, I know," Naruto sounded suddenly sour. "Let's not talk about it okay?"
Not surprisingly the blond was already wrapping open the marmalades. When the sugary treat melted in his mouth, bliss overtook his face.
Gaara looked away and wondered if he should leave. "Since he had to cancel, maybe I should go home, too."
"No, no, you can stay," Naruto said with mouth full of candy. A little trickle of drool escaped his mouth and traveled down his chin. He wiped it off on the towel that rested on his shoulders.
"I don't like being alone in here."
Naruto was a people person, of course. How had he forgotten that? It wasn't like he wanted to leave but now that his friend had specifically asked him to stay, it didn't feel as awkward.
"Make yourself at home while I go put on some clothes," Naruto said like a good host and tightened the poor excuse of a loin cloth around his waist. The loose knot he had made earlier was about to give up its duties, threatening to slide down his hips like a traitor.
"Has he been gone for a long time already?" Gaara asked quickly when Naruto was about to leave.
The blond stopped, and the redhead's gaze visited his naked stomach until fleeing to a safer spot.
"He left and hour ago," Naruto said after some thought. He turned to leave, until Gaara's voice prevented it, again.
"When do you think he'll be back?" Gaara asked, staring at those friendly blue depths but as soon as Naruto averted his gaze, Gaara stole a quick glance of his chest.
"He didn't say when he'll be back," Naruto admitted, sounding sour again, "And to be honest I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't come back until morning."
"Until morning? Is everything alright with you two?" Gaara asked quietly, and Naruto's expression darkened.
"It's nothing you should worry about. He's just very devoted to his career, and I admire him for that. Besides, he told me to deliver his apologies to you, because he couldn't be here tonight," the blond spoke tightly. He was about to go, again, when Gaara seized his wrist. Azure eyes widened in surprise. Quickly, Gaara let go and retreated.
"You don't have to defend him. And I'm worried about you."
Naruto smiled warmly at him, "Hey, no worries. If I worked as hard as him, who knows, maybe I would have an own place as fancy as this, too."
"Naruto, don't belittle yourself. You work harder than many. I hate to say this to you, but to me it looks like you're being taken advantage of," Gaara said. The words hurt his tongue bitterly but the crestfallen look on his friend's face was even worse.
"He's not taking advantage of me, if that's what you're trying to say," Naruto corrected him quickly. He glanced around, as if making sure no one was there to hear him. "And I wish you wouldn't speak of him like that."
"Are you expecting me to believe he's at work now, at this hour?" Gaara asked.
"Look. I don't want to talk about him anymore, alright?" Naruto said with practiced calm, stretching each word like his patience was eternal. But the tension between the lines lay thick and vulnerable.
"Do you really want to stay with him?" Gaara asked, feeling hurt for some reason by his own question. Naruto didn't look at him, but his skin was on goose bumps and―not that Gaara paid any attention to a stupid thing like that, but―his nipples were hard.
"I'm getting cold. I'm going to go dressed up now," the blond said.
Reluctantly Gaara watched him leave. Before his friend could close the bedroom door behind him, he tried to come up with any last minute topic that would make him stay. But nothing came to his mind.
Gaara sat on the couch stiffly. The living room was furnished with good taste, something that wasn't surprising given the impact Haruno household had left on his brother. The only thing giving away another, vastly different resident was a pair of light blue socks resting carelessly on the armrest of a plush chair.
Now with more appropriately clothed, Naruto sat down next to him. He had not hidden his necklace under his shirt but kept it dangling on top for the whole world to see.
Gaara studied the blue crystal deep in thought until he remembered the shopkeeper's words.
"Have you decided yet what dream you wish to come true?"
He lifted up his gaze from the ocean-colored crystal to the equally azure eyes which were looking at him very sincerely.
"I guess I have," Naruto said mysteriously before he grinned, erasing the seriousness of his words.
He sometimes did that, Gaara had noticed. Uncommon seriousness would take over the blond, be it his words or gestures or just a look in his steel blue eyes, but when he noticed Gaara had noticed, he would grin or smile or laugh and that way nullify it all.
It was a mask—a mask of happiness. And it told him Naruto loved living in here but what he saw with his own eyes was something else.
Besides the all but classy socks thrown on the chair, there was not a trace of Naruto in this apartment. Briefly he wondered if Kankuro would ever let the blond bring his candles and paper snowflakes and Rudolf into this controlled environment. Or his large poster of pork ramen the blond valued as "a treasured possession"—a word-for-word quote from the ramen-lover himself. Such an extraordinary thing would not suit in here, at all.
"It's very quiet in here. Always," Naruto suddenly said.
And it was true. Not a sound was heard, unless you counted the steady hum of traffic twelve floors down from here.
"Don't say you miss the racket that goes on around the clock at my neighbor's," Gaara attempted a joke.
Naruto smiled honestly, "Maybe I do."
It was yet another odd combination of humor and seriousness that was detectable on Naruto these days. It was something Gaara had dismissed in passing at first but which eventually led him to wonder if everything was alright.
"How's your new job?" Gaara asked.
Naruto pouted deep in thought, "Well… I miss working with you."
"You do?" the redhead mumbled and it bothered him quite much how easily carefree happiness escaped to his voice.
"It's the only thing I miss, really," Naruto said, and sounded sad. Gaara wanted to make that unnecessary tinge vanish.
"I've missed you too," he said before quickly correcting, "I mean the whole office misses you."
But the wide grin on his friend's face told him his little slip had not gone unnoticed.
"Anyway," Gaara changed the subject quickly and glanced around the room, "My place looks a lot more like you than this place."
On many nights he had wondered just what on earth had happened to his home. First of all, there was Rudolf but he had gotten used to it by now. A large, yellow poster of pork ramen was steadily turning from an eye-sore into a mind-lifting piece of decoration. Paper snowflakes in the windows should've been taken off a long, long time ago but he couldn't care less. They could stay there until next Christmas for all he cared.
But then there was that orange rug Naruto had one day brought in after Gaara had given a half-interested mumble at the picture of it. And as if all this hadn't been enough, Kurama the plush toy sat on his bed and stared at him with its glassy eyes night after night. It was a strange thing to own, and even now Gaara could easily recall the day Naruto had entrusted it into his care.
"This is Kurama. It resembles a mythological creature and I got it from a history fair back when I was still my father's son. Please take good care of it," Naruto had said and handed him an orange plush toy resembling a fox with nine tails.
"My sister visited me not too long ago and she was shocked by the amount of orange in my apartment. She thought I had lost my mind," Gaara said and the blond chuckled amusedly.
"Did you tell her the truth?" Naruto asked. Gaara stared at him seriously for a while.
"No, I didn't. It was more fun to let her believe that orange is my new favorite color."
And in a way, it was. But Gaara didn't want to linger on that.
The rest of the evening they spent watching movies. At some point Naruto yawned and stretched his arms, only to land his hand on the back rest of the couch, behind Gaara's head. This time, no friendly ruffle on his hair happened, but Gaara could feel the radiating warmth.
Maybe it was just because of his tense back, or his sore lumbar region, or the stiffness on his neck, but either way he found himself leaning closer to Naruto. Soon enough he was resting in his armpit as if he was lazy and boneless. The hand on the back rest soundlessly slid down along the canvas and secured Gaara in place.
Naruto was warm and his soap-scent embraced Gaara in a way he found surprisingly comfortable. Casually he moved his hand on Naruto's knee, giving it a slow massage while he stared at the TV screen. Soon enough it was Naruto's palm that found its way on Gaara's stomach, at first patting it neutrally, but then remaining there, hot and heavy. The movie lost its interest and it was harder to keep up with the plot. He was relaxed and tense at the same time, and he wondered if Naruto felt the same.
Just to escape his weird mood, Gaara straightened up and bid goodbye to his friend's warmth. Naruto looked saddened but not surprised.
"You make a lousy pillow," the redhead said a little scornfully. The blond replied with a lopsided smile.
"Let's try again, shall we?" Naruto said and put an extra pillow on his body, so that his friend would have a more comfortable place to lean against.
"Maybe we shouldn't," Gaara said dryly and was about to get up.
"Hey wait, Grumpy Red," Naruto called and no more than the innuendo in his tone was needed for Gaara to stop breathing.
"Are you going to arrest me again?" the redhead asked tensely.
"Do you want me to?" Naruto whispered, leaning closer to him on the couch, and suddenly he looked far less innocent than he should on an evening like this.
Shivers caressed Gaara's back with their icy fingers. His skin was hot all over and the hairs on his neck stood up in alarm. Naruto's presence was detectable with every nerve under his skin and Gaara wanted to scratch himself raw just to get rid of him.
But he never did, and the promise of Naruto's intention tickled his guts before he got enough and stood up. He should go. But his toes were roots diving deep into the floor. Only barely he understood that Naruto had stood up, too, and was standing right behind his back, breathing on his neck, and full of unspoken innuendo.
In the end, it was just an innocent touch that set things into motion.
Naruto's hands landed on his shoulders, and the hotness of his touch was barely innocent. Gaara stood completely still, waiting for the inevitable, wondering if Kankuro would come home soon, anytime, now. Would he come home when they were kissing, and what was he thinking again, absurd images like that? He and Naruto would most certainly not be kissing, that was for sure.
Not after the blond had moved to live here permanently.
Not after Naruto had abandoned him in that god forsaken office.
And over the past weeks, he had certainly not been thinking about Naruto's lips on his own, on his throat, on his inner thigh.
"You're awfully tense, Gaara," Naruto pointed out calmly, but a foreign undercurrent in his tone was soft like velvet.
Before Gaara could come up with any kind of snappy remark, Naruto's touch slid down along his arms, only to stop at his wrists. His thumbs pressed against Gaara's pulse and no more than that was needed to alarm every muscle in Gaara's abdomen to full alert. Naruto's breath walked along his neck like a puff of steam, and the pressure on his wrists gave birth to all kind of adulterated scenarios that were strictly reserved for those solitary moments in his locked closet.
And now Naruto was bringing those private fantasies into this sophisticated living room.
Gaara had no choice but to give in. He was already about to lean against his friend and let him do whatever it was he wanted with him, but unexpectedly Naruto let go like he was unaware of all the tension and images that had gathered into this room they were about to taint.
Gaara spun around angrily, ready to defend his hurt pride with a snappy word or two, when the surprised look on Naruto's face stopped him.
For a fraction of a second Naruto looked confused, like he had gotten no idea what impact he held over Gaara, but when realization quickly dawned on him, his blue eyes lost all innocence. Naruto pulled Gaara close, holding his hips and the warmth of his touch seeped through the fabric of Gaara's jeans into his skin, like there was no cloth there between them. The moment Gaara saw Naruto's pupils dilate, the vivid fantasies in his mind turned more restless than ever.
He wanted Naruto to take his lips. His own mouth was already slightly open, ready to let a tongue in. He wanted Naruto to pin him on the carpet that was just the right shade of beige, to make him crumble under his touch.
He wanted the Naruto from his daydreams to turn into flesh and bone and do him the things he had barely dared to fantasize.
But the real-life Naruto only looked at him with a guilty look on his face.
"N-No… We can't," the blond whispered.
Suddenly the room was cool. Suddenly Gaara felt like an idiot. The titillating pressure in his crotch, in his jeans, softened into an ashamed sensation.
Naruto tried to explain. "I can't, not when I still live here."
But Gaara's ears were ringing and his head was swollen from his bitter thoughts. All he heard was an 'I don't want you', and his blooming emotions seemed like the most foolish thing ever.
He grabbed his coat from the rack and despite Naruto's gentle pleas, he escaped into the winter.
For the week that followed, Naruto walked in the middle of chaotic thoughts.
Gaara had not picked up any of his calls, not surprise there, but the unfiltered interest he had seen shining in Gaara's eyes was enough to make him feel smitten. Suddenly it was harder to concentrate at work, when his redheaded ex-colleague invaded his lukewarm thoughts, turning them into a bed of fire.
Naruto gripped his desk, closing his eyes just for a moment, trying to restore his concentration but managing only to fall deeper through the yellow tapes on entrances he shouldn't visit so freely. With his mind's eye, he saw Gaara staring at him with his lips parted, begging with his eyes for something Naruto didn't even dare to fantasize. Not here, anyway. Not now.
But the Gaara in his dreams kept on staring at him with his lust-filled eyes, until he suddenly started undressing himself as if he had grown tired of waiting.
The fire alarm went off and the sprinkles effectively spurted into action, dampening the whole fourth floor and a certain blond daydreamer with their cool spray.
Soon Naruto and the others understood this was not a drill. Something had happened in the kitchen and now they were all calmly walking down the stairs, evacuating themselves lazily and reading the news on their phone in the meanwhile. It was only when a thick smell of smoke landed on their level that everyone understood something bigger than just a burned microwave meal had happened. With sudden liveliness in their steps, they found their way out and on everyone's face was an unsettled look.
It was one in the afternoon when they were informed of the details and dismissed for the day. The fire department had put out the fire—its source had turned out to be a broken charger forgotten under a newspaper, and soon flames had been climbing up the curtains in a deserted conference room—but given how the whole office smelled of smoke and how the sprinklers had wetted their computers, it was no use getting back there.
Naruto made his way home, feeling oddly carefree for once. As he followed the white clouds sailing on cerulean sky, he pictured a nice hot bath that awaited him at home. Humming relaxedly, he turned his key on the lock and brushed off the strange tremor of scared energy that coursed through the universe just then. He reeked of smoke, maybe it affected his senses, too.
A smell of perfume greeted him in the hallway before his eyes landed on Tenten, who was staring at Kankuro with her head tilted in the same admiration Naruto had seen on New Year's Eve.
Kankuro paled and crossed his arms. Naruto stopped. Tenten evaluated him in a surprised way until her gaze softened.
"You're Gaara's boyfriend, right?"
"They are not like that," Kankuro laughed nervously, not giving Naruto a chance to reply. "Gaara and Naruto are only friends."
But Tenten smiled knowingly at the brunet and patted her pretty finger against his lips. "Don't tell me you didn't notice how they kept on looking at each other at New Year's. They were fooling no one."
"They are not like that," Kankuro repeated frustratedly but Tenten only laughed at his flustered state.
"Fine. Whatever you say," Tenten pretended to give in and then winked slyly at Naruto, who followed the conversation in mute shock.
"I don't care if your brother's gay," Tenten said kindly and shrugged, "Did you know Kiba is one, too?"
"How do you know that?" Kankuro asked a little bewilderedly, taking a step away from her.
She smiled knowingly, like she was about to let him on to a little secret. "He told me. It was around the time he broke up with his right hand, Shino."
"R-Really?" Kankuro said and hesitantly straightened his tie. She smirked at him slyly.
"Don't get me wrong, I couldn't care less if he's gay or whatever. The only thing that matters to me is that you're not," she chirped and pecked a kiss on his lips.
Kankuro chuckled nervously, "Come on, you're making Naruto uncomfortable."
"I'm sorry," she apologized and smiled at the quiet blond who stood in the corner, frozen.
"I better get going," she sighed and turned around. "It was really nice to meet you, Naruto. I hope we see again soon."
And with that said she stole one last kiss from Kankuro and left.
Naruto was choking in shock. His boyfriend stood there, nervously fiddling with his tie as if he was feverishly trying to figure out how to explain himself out of this.
"What the hell, Kankuro?"
The brunet snapped out of his thoughts and for the first time Naruto saw him honestly frightened.
"Why did she kiss you? What the hell is going on?"
"It was just a joke! She brought some work over, that's why she was here," Kankuro explained in an oddly nervous manner.
"Are you cheating on me?" Naruto asked and a lump of guilt manifested inside his organs. Surely he wouldn't be nominated as Mr. Innocent of the year himself, either, but perhaps it made this all even worse.
"I would never cheat on you," Kankuro assured. When the blond strode towards the bedroom like he suddenly had a horrible premonition, the brunet ran after him.
Naruto stopped at the door. The sheets were a mess, a stench of pleasure in the air was unmistakable, and the pillows were thrown to the floor like there was not enough room on the bed otherwise.
"What the hell…" Naruto whispered acidly, his eyes darting across the room in search of an escape, but instead his gaze only managed to find a pair of panties hanging from the door handle.
"Are those your mom's, too?" he asked bitterly, when he remember the hair pin.
"It's not what it looks like," Kankuro tried.
"Why?" Naruto asked, feeling inferior and invisible again.
"I don't want her," Kankuro avoided replying to the question, "It just happened, I swear. All I want is you. I want no one else but you, Naruto."
"Yeah, right," Naruto laughed painedly, clutching his chest. "You're only ashamed of me."
"I love you and only you," Kankuro told and took his hand in his. But Naruto swatted it away. His blue eyes were furious and full of bitter disappointment.
"You're lying," Naruto spat and the tumor of guilt inside his organs grew bigger. "We can't be together anymore."
The honest panic on Kankuro's face dimmed into something much more unflattering. He evaluated Naruto from head to toe with a disdainful look.
"Where would you go with that amount of debt on your back? To the streets like you used to? Don't forget you got your job through my connections. Your probationary period is six months, and you have been there four weeks. Do you really want to take the risk and find yourself both homeless and unemployed?"
Naruto slumped against the doorframe like the weight on his shoulders was pushing his down. The stench of perfume and satisfaction that floated in the air made him sick to the bones.
"Don't forget what happened to your friend," Kankuro referred to a period in the past, and Naruto paled just from the memory. "Without my help you would've lost yourself in those chemsex circles and ended up in a body bag just like your friend. Is that what you want your life to be?"
Naruto clutched his chest like he had been stabbed. He didn't want to go back to those memories. It had been so long ago, and he wanted to forget. It was only thanks to Kankuro's financial support he had managed to avoid those parties, something his unlucky friend had only dreamed of.
"You only want to keep me around because you're afraid I'll blow your cover," Naruto said, "You don't want your ex-wife's hounds on your back, do you? And what would Tenten say if she knew of the things you do to me?"
"I won't let someone like you threaten me," Kankuro snapped and his expression darkened. "You're not in the circles, Naruto. You're nobody. Who would take a homeless guy's word?—no one, and you know it."
Naruto felt his ego drop to the floor and vanish between the floor boards. His guts ached and the strange pain inside his skin threatened to explode.
"So this is how we do," Kankuro began and his tone was coarse like burlap, "You keep your mouth shut. You live here and you get to keep your job."
Naruto couldn't find his voice. His feet were numb and he was sick all the way to his heart.
"One thing Tenten mentioned was quite interesting, don't you think?" Kankuro asked and Naruto kept his head down, his gaze on the floor, as if in utter defeat. "She had noticed something about you and Gaara. How you stare at him like there was no one else in the room. And then you come to me, accusing me of the same things you do behind my back."
"I don't sleep with your brother," Naruto exclaimed in anger but when the brunet's piercing stare fixated on him, he lost his confidence again.
"You don't. But you wish you would," Kankuro said bitterly. There was something different in his gaze this time, but before Naruto could see what it was, the man turned his head away.
"I would not sleep with someone else when I'm with you," Naruto told angrily.
"Oh, you wouldn't do anything like that," Kankuro said like he agreed, "But kissing is a different thing."
Guilt tore at Naruto's chest and a feeling of dread descended over him like a net he couldn't escape from. There was a calculative look in his boyfriend's eyes he had never seen before. It was like he knew.
"I—I'm sorry… I never meant to do that, but it just happened," Naruto whispered with a broken voice, clutching his chest. "And I meant to tell you, but in the end I didn't, and I know I should have."
"Wait, what? Are you saying that…?" Kankuro stammered in shock, like he had just dug up a secret he had not expected to find. "Have you really kissed him?"
"Yeah," Naruto admitted with shame.
The brunet's eyes were wide and his mouth hung open in utter disbelief. He tried to form a sentence a few times but his confused brain just couldn't run it right. Sure, he had been suspicious of the blond on more occasions than one, but still, he had never expected his innocent Naruto to turn out to be like this. He had only led the blond on with his questions to see how he would react—it was a little trick he had learned in the theatre all those years ago—but he had never expected to find out actual deceit.
"You can't be serious," Kankuro laughed, like he couldn't believe it still, "My brother is not like that at all."
"Oh I think he is," Naruto said a little too quickly, and the brunet glared at him angrily. Naruto sighed and straightened up from his defeated position.
"I'm sorry, but this doesn't work out. We are not right for each other," the blond said sorrowfully. He turned his back to the undeniable evidence that was displayed in the messy bedroom. His boyfriend's infidelity felt like a punch in the face, but what made it all worse were his own lecherous thoughts about certain redhead, thoughts he had not tried to smother, thoughts that had eventually made him cross the line.
"You don't go anywhere," Kankuro interrupted his intentions.
"Come again?" Naruto said, his sorrowful blue turning into defiant navy.
"I gave you a job and a home. You can't just leave when you feel like it," the brunet ordered.
"I am not staying with someone who cheats on me," the blond exclaimed, gesturing towards the bedroom.
Kankuro looked sad and lonely, like he was suddenly all alone in the world. It was the same defeated aura he often had whenever his past life was brought up. It was the same discomfort and anxiety he showed whenever they saw a happy couple on the street, holding hands without worry of judgment. And whenever Naruto had tried to make him feel better by taking his hand, the brunet had only closed off even more.
"She's rich and influential. I never knew what she saw in me. But when she started courting me, people stopped gossiping about my failed marriage, they stopped speculating with whom I was living with. Please don't go, Naruto. I need you."
"I can't stay. You and me… This won't end in a pretty way, no matter if I stay or go," Naruto knew and once again his words made the brunet close off into a defensive shell.
"Well, where are you going to go? Couch surfing at your friends', who are already sick of your situation?" Kankuro asked with a stern voice, like he regretted the vulnerability he had just shown.
"To Gaara's place."
"No," Kankuro told and a string of desperation escaped to his voice. All of a sudden his hands were trembling and he pushed them in his pockets in an attempt to calm himself down.
"I will break up with Tenten, I promise," the brunet said when the blond just kept quiet. "Don't go."
"I can't stay," Naruto replied and his gaze found the lacy panties again, "This is too much."
"It was just one mistake," the brunet promised and seized him by the arm, pulling him close like he was asking for a hug. "Nobody means anything to me but you, Naruto. I love you, you have to believe me."
"N-No… I'm leaving. Now," Naruto said with his mind made up and politely distanced himself from the brunet. But Kankuro didn't look like he would let him go.
"Gaara is not what you think," the brunet told, and his hands were trembling again, "He can never give you what you have here."
"I'm sure of that," Naruto chuckled bitterly as he glanced at the messy bedroom, until he turned graver again. "Goodbye, Kankuro."
In an inflamed silence Naruto gathered his scarce belongings and packed them in a large duffel bag. With a strange sorrowful feeling, he zipped up his bag and left his key on the kitchen table.
When he closed to door behind him one last time, it truly dawned on him how much more he had lost in that fire than just the better part of his afternoon.
Gaara was well aware of those seven unanswered phone calls from Naruto. After the second one he had muted his phone and patiently waited for a text that never came, a text that would explain him why he was bothered like this in the middle of his workday. He hated talking on the phone, and his annoying blond friend knew that. His infuriating, stubborn friend whom he couldn't stop thinking about.
But Naruto was living with Kankuro now. No need for Gaara in that picture, and maybe that was why the blond had rejected him in such a harsh way on that night when he had lowered down his defense just for him.
For the millionth time this week, Gaara felt like an idiot.
When he got home, he would make himself a strong cup of coffee, read a book that would take his mind off of his life, and let Kurama sit on his lap like a pet. That was their evening ritual by now, and Gaara was surprised how eagerly the plush toy enjoyed his embrace. It was their little secret, and when he realized how happy it made him to spend his evenings in such fashion, he couldn't shake off the feeling that maybe his sister's concern for his well-being wasn't completely groundless.
The temptation of a peaceful evening pushed Gaara to fasten his pace until he almost ran along the street to his home. He was not lonely, and least of all he needed anyone's annoying company. Kurama was all he wanted. Most certainly he didn't miss Naruto, and his mind-wrecking presence was something he was happy to have avoided for the past week.
Naruto belonged to his past, into that strange yellow beam of light that sometimes wandered into his apartment in the middle of winter. Naruto was the strange combination of friendliness and danger that killed his concentration in those dull moments at work, when he was supposed to be productive but inside his head, he was anything but.
Naruto was that annoying little smudge that wouldn't wear off, he was a piece of food stuck between his teeth, bothering him with his endless presence until all he could do was to give in.
But Gaara would never give in, no—or perhaps, maybe only behind his locked closet door, with his pants in his ankles, caressing his skin with his eyes closed as if it was someone else there, instead of just himself.
Titillating buzz in his pocket got him momentarily tangled in his feverish thoughts, until he realized it was his cell phone and nothing else. He let it ring, not caring who it was that sent those buzzing vibrations all over his hip.
What he saw at his door was not what he had expected. Naruto stood there in the corridor, holding his phone on his ear, carrying a bag full of groceries. When he blond noticed him, the buzzing ended instantly.
Naruto's warm smile was the first thing to greet him, yet the closer Gaara got, the more fake it looked like. Wordlessly Gaara let his friend in, pretending he didn't notice the large duffel bag that seemed to carry Naruto's daily belongings.
This would be just a casual night with his friend, nothing else.
This would not be the point where his life turned upside down, unexpectedly, without a chance of return.
And that sorrowful smile on Naruto's lips was just a coincidence altogether, wasn't it?
When vivid blue gaze fixated on him, like those eyes were seeing only him and nothing else, the buzzing sensation began again but this time it was not his cell phone, and like an aphrodisiac the sensation spread all over his skin.
"Mind if I stay the night in here?" Naruto asked, his eyes never leaving his, his smile polite now but his gaze shamelessly disarming.
Gaara nodded, wondering how that annoying chunk had gotten between his teeth again.
A/N: I had so much trouble with the Kankuro/Naruto break up scene. It was the hardest thing to write, and I still don't know if it turned out very well. D: I wanted it to be more dramatic but I also didn't want Kankuro to be an utter asshole, so… ^^" And I wanted Naruto be somewhat decent, too—he did not the right thing when he got involved with Gaara while being in a relationship.