Apologies up front for the short chapter and the extremely long A/N at the end of said chapter.
However far away,
I will always love you
However long I stay,
I will always love you
Whatever words I say,
I will always love you
I will always love you
- Lovesong, The Cure
In my glass coffin
I am waiting
- Hardly Wait, PJ Harvey
The four men made the rest of the journey to Duke Hammond's keep in silent despair. They had fashioned a pallet out of the old blanket, some tree limbs, and a few leather straps to transport the young princess's body. There were no words to convey the utter sense of loss each man was feeling. Snow White had been the one ray of hope that could have rallied so many to take back the kingdom. Now, all was lost.
The huntsman tried not to think about anything. When he couldn't keep the thoughts at bay, all he could think about was how this had all been his fault. If he had just let her lean against him, if he hadn't told her about his decision to abandon her once they got to the stronghold, if he hadn't just been thinking about himself and his hurt pride, she would still be alive.
When they finally arrived at the keep, it was almost unbearable. News had reached the refugees that the princess was alive, so to walk into the courtyard carrying her dead body was like killing all that newfound hope, as if they were spreading a plague of despair upon all those who dared to think that the Black Queen's reign was near its end.
The duke rushed out of the fortress when he saw the four men approaching. He might have asked what happened, but none of the men stopped and none of them spoke. They continued toward the small chapel within the walls of the stronghold and entered silently. They walked to the altar unimpeded and gently placed the princess's body upon it.
People began filtering in, but the huntsman didn't notice. He was lost in his own memories of the girl who lay dead in front of him. She had relied on him and he had failed her. He sank to his knees and a broken-hearted wail escaped his throat. He felt consumed with grief. This was not what he had wanted. He had wanted to get her to safety so that she could take back what was rightfully hers. He had wanted the very best for her. He had wanted to do right by her.
Now she was gone.
He spent hours in front of the altar, torturing himself over what he did and what he could have done. This wasn't the first time that he had lost someone, but the prior experience didn't make dealing with this loss any easier. It might have made it worse, even, because he knew what the next few months would entail. He might imagine she was in the same room with him. He might talk out loud, expecting a reply, then realizing she wasn't there at all. Just knowing the true finality of death made it even more unbearable.
He wondered if the dwarves had known this would happen. Was she fated to die like this? Was he supposed to continue carrying on despite failing her? Truth be told, he did want to die. His wife had met an untimely end, but it hadn't been his fault. He felt truly terrible about his wife's passing and he would have done almost anything to have changed her fate. He had not been to blame for Sara's death, though. This was different. He had never felt so terribly culpable about anything in his whole life. The girl's death was a symbolic one, too. It was the final nail in the coffin of the resistance. There was no legitimacy, nothing else to fight for without her alive.
And he had been cruel to the girl on more occasions than one, refusing to tell her his name even. He had been given a chance to be her noble knight in shining armor and he had failed at every turn.
He wiped his eyes and looked around him. The sun had set and he found himself alone with the dead girl. He toyed with one of the knives at his belt and he considered ending it right there. He had suffered so many losses in his life and this one seemed to take the cake. The words of the dwarves reverberated in his head, though.
Whatever happens, do not fall on your sword, soldier.
What did they want from him? What could he possibly do now without her? What was his purpose now?
He got up and looked at the girl lying still and silent on the altar. She still had her dwarven clothes on and her scarf around her neck. He fingered the place where the duke's son had shot an arrow through the fabric, changing the course of their journey.
Then he looked at her face. She was so pale and so fragile looking. He imagined her rolling her eyes at him and giving him a hard time for his awful jokes and his terrible compliments. The huntsman wished so badly that she would look up at him now and chide him for how stupid he was being for behaving this way. He knew she would never look at him with those green eyes again, and he knew without a doubt that he would miss her for as long as he lived.
He moved some of her dark hair with his fingers and tucked it behind her ear. Had this really been the girl he had been journeying with for days? How could he have been so cruel to her? She looked so small lying there in front of him. Had he forgotten how frail she appeared? How had he resisted the urge that now tore his heart apart to scoop her into his arms and keep her safe?
He stroked her skin gently as he leaned over her, tears dropping onto her cheeks as he did so. He finally spoke to her, wishing he could go back and speak these words to her in life instead of whispering them to her in death.
"My name...is Eric Jaeger," he admitted quietly. He leaned down and kissed her forehead. "And I am so, so sorry."
He looked at her for a moment longer, then turned and left. The only thing he wanted to do now was to stay drunk until he was dead.
Author's Notes: A short update, but it didn't feel right 1) putting this in with the events of the next chapter or 2) stringing this out to a more substantial 2000 words. I hope you're all still enjoying this. I have been getting a few reviews about Snow White's characterization from anonymous reviewers. Since I can't reply to those reviews, I will respond here.
I realize that her characterization in this story is not exactly like her characterization in the movie, and that's on purpose. I didn't find her actions and her abilities to make sense when I took into account all the things that she had been through and all the things she had to face. That's kind of where this story came from. I also chose to make her younger than in the movie for several reasons. The most significant is that it goes back to the original story, which had Snow White becoming more fair than the evil queen at age SEVEN.
Yeah...that's not creepy...
However, if you are willing to slog through what will probably end up being 40k+ words and put your faith in me that you will get a story that is worth the time you put into reading it, then I promise to make it worth your while. I feel honored that so many of you are taking time out of your busy lives to geek out about SWATH and read my story. That's pretty awesome. :) WARM FUZZIES!
Alright, now that that's out of the way, let me thank everybody who has been leaving reviews and subscribing to the story! I don't know what is going on with the reviews/comments right now, but since it leaves anonymous reviews as "Guest," I don't know who you are unless you left your name in the actual review. :(
Super thanks to DRadcliffe11, Adroit Mademoiselle, AmberRedRose, Mara-DragonMaster, MetalChickCrisis2040, may cantaloupe, crystalstars88, Pleuvoire, Theatre Addict, Hafthand, Several Anonymouses (and to the one who suggested Shivaree's song "Goodnight Moon," I totally agree with you!), GabzHaug, C. I. TigerFan, Amanthya, truuuuls-7396, BadSam, EugeniaVictoria, oldskoolsocks, Vicky Flores, Sepsis, LenaLove, and gentlelove! If I've left anybody out, I am sorry. The new review system makes it hard to keep track of everybody.
Thanks again, and sorry for the extremely long A/N. I don't know any other way of responding to reviews from anonymous users. I will try to upload the next chapter in the next few days. Thanks for reading!