Yeah I took a frickin long time to write this chap—it's because of my long-time buddy procrastination. No excuses; welp, here you go.

P.S. This time I've gotten over my laziness and put in effort to italicize thoughts now. It flows better. I just need to stop being so lazy.

- m

Chapter 5

"Do you think they're okay?" Hazel muttered, frowning as she twisted a piece of her dark, shiny hair.

"We have to give them time," Piper responded, looking at her friend's worried large brown eyes. "Sooner or later, we'd know what to do. What's best to do."

Leo sat down in the mess hall. Alone. It's a bit early for lunch, but he wanted to get this over with as fast as he could so he could keep to himself without anyone pestering him to eat. The others might pester him to talk, and that he would not refuse. He'd do it enough so that they're satisfied, or pretended to be. That's fine. He just wanted to be alone.

But he doesn't—that's why it's so horrible. When you wanted to be alone because of a bad situation that you're in or recently in but ideally you wouldn't want to be alone because that would mean there wasn't a bad situation and everything would be fine. Or finer. At least more fine that it was now.

He took a bite of the stale bread he conjured up. He could've made the magic plate create any food he wanted, and still he was feeling so numb that all he could think of to eat was a piece of stale bread. No, it didn't actually help, but good food wouldn't either. They'd both taste the same, so he didn't bother.

Gazing at the last sad-looking piece of bread like it was himself, Leo picked it up and stared at it tiredly as it caught fire, blackening against his hot red fingers. With the last bit of his meal reduced to ashes, Leo tossed it aside and stood. Then he stopped and rested his hand against the rough wooden table, lost in thought.

Would Calypso be eating? Would she bring herself to do it? Or was she going to just shut herself in that room? That dark one with nothing but dust and brown wooden crates. And a trace of ash. A hint of smoke.

She couldn't just not eat, he reasoned, because—because she was mortal now. Leo's head raised with realization on something he hadn't even thought about before. Her immortality only existed on Ogygia, right? If she left, she would age, like a normal person… not like that'd be any better for them. Leo and Calypso, that was. They weren't… much, right now. Or ever.

Okay. He'd stay afloat. Leo glanced around. The others might be here soon, and he wanted to disappear, so disappear he would. Tapping his finger one last impulsive time on the mess hall table, he walked off.

Footsteps sounded off on the other side of the door. She shuffled, not paying attention, and knocked over a crate. The steps stopped. Then they became slightly louder, finally getting close enough to interrupt the thin slit of light coming through under the bottom of the door.

"Is anyone in here?" asked a male voice.

Calypso jerked her head up. She wiped her tears hastily on the back of her hand, pleading that the person would just leave.

The door opened anyway, despite her wishing that it wouldn't. The light stung her eyes—she had been sitting in the darkness for so long now—and she blinked the harshness of it away. After a few seconds, she could make out Percy standing at the door, brows furrowed in confusion. "Calypso?" he murmured. "What are you—"

"I'm not doing anything," she interrupted. So go away.

"Are you okay?" he asked. He looked at her for another second before taking a long stride forward and kneeling down in front of her. "What's going on?" She peered down at him, sure that her eyes were looking quite red and teary.

"Uh…" she drawled. This was a situation she'd never been in. She didn't know how to respond, staring at his overcast green eyes. Life here… it was so different than what she was used to for thousands of years. What should she do? How should she react? "Um," she started, her voice shaky, "I guess we—me and Leo—are not really… okay." She left it at that, not knowing if she'd said the right thing. She just wanted to make everything easier, but it's all so confusing. Also… she just wanted to see him.

But that would only hurt.

"What happened?" Percy wondered worriedly. "Did Themis do something?"

Calypso looked at him pointedly. "We aren't supposed—I don't think I should be here." She swallowed. "Do you think that I—that I should find a way back to Ogygia? And stay there? Do you think that would make things normal again?"

"No—" Percy whispered incredulously. "What do you mean, 'normal'? What isn't right now? And what makes you think that'd be better? That's the opposite of what you and Leo were fighting for just moments ago. Unless… there's a very good reason why you should?" He waited, impatient and expectant.

"I—" A sob escaped her throat involuntarily, shaking her body. Calypso whimpered, struggling to hold back the moisture slowly building up in her eyes as she hung her head. "I kind of…" Then she snapped her head up, eyes wide, and whispered, "Oh Gods, I really shouldn't have done it, should I."

"Calypso," pronounced Percy. "What did you do?"

She lowered her gaze to him slowly. "I thought it'd be better—I—I don't want him to get hurt. Percy… I swore on the river Styx to never love Leo in the manner of Eros again."

Percy's eyes grew wide. "You what?" He got to his feet in a blink. "The River Styx? That's binding."

"Don't you think I know?" she exclaimed, then said in a voice barely above a whisper, "I meant for it to be."

"Why did you do it?"

She forced words from her mouth, sounding strained, "He can be in danger because of me! If I were to show my love to him—I don't want to know what would happen. Themis made sure of that. There wasn't another way. If there was, I would've found it." She clenched her jaw, partly in resolution, partly to keep her bottom lip from quivering uncontrollably.

"Calypso—" Percy started, tense, "Leo rescued you from the island that no man finds twice because that's how much he cares for you. Do you think doing this is good for him?"

"His life matters, Percy."

"Yes! It does!" he yelled, and Calypso thought, I didn't mean for it to get this loud. "And you know what? It's you."

Calypso flinched away from him. She had to. She didn't need this.

She knew how wrong this felt—she wasn't blind to what she was doing. There was no other way as effective as this one. She would be one to know. Of course she would! She was doing this because the last thing she wanted was to lose Leo—otherwise, what would she be struggling for? Percy wasn't helping. Did he think she felt okay making this decision? Not only that, she knew every bad thing that might happen to Leo would be all on her, anyway. Couldn't others tell?

This wasn't easy, okay? It didn't feel good, all right? She wasn't fine about this, was that clear enough yet? Staring at Percy's dreadful expression, Calypso just wanted to curl up and suffocate. Let's just get that weight on her chest to grow even heavier, to sink even deeper. Taking a shaky breath, she drawled, "Okay… Then tell me what you would've done if Annabeth might die if you showed her your love." Calypso bit her tongue too late. The words tasted appalling on it, and she couldn't get rid of their terrible bitterness. She looked away quickly, not wanting to see Percy's face. Needless to say, it worked. And needless to say, she felt worse than ever.

"I'm sorry," she breathed. "I didn't mean to say that. It's horrible. I'm horrible." ...I know.

The air was still and silent and tense. So tense. No one spoke—she felt caught in a bubble of dread, worry, hurt, and longing in the middle of an empty ocean. She could neither float to the surface nor sink into nothingness. It was dark down here. No hands could come down and pull her back up now. She's stuck, and it's her fault for jumping in the first place.

Calypso shut her eyes, letting and seeing clearer shadowy tendrils of anticipation wrap around her.

Eleven words pounded beat by beat like a pulse inside her aching head: Why. Why do I have to mess up all the time?

There was no way out.