try to peak around the dark curtains and heavy blinds.
do you see? can you get a look?
hide in the bushes outside and peer in.
can you see the eyes through the little cracks?
duck out of the way, you don't want to be caught.
don't catch their gaze, you don't want to be seen.
eyes are the window to the soul, after all.

Balder Stein (17)

District Two

Balder Stein probably wasn't going to win the Hunger Games, but he was definitely going to be in them.

When he was ten years old, he remembered watching the Games with his parents, sitting in their living room on the floor. He liked to sit on the floor leaned up against the couch, or rolled up in the recliner in a way that made his parents laugh with how uncomfortable it seemed. But he could sit like that for hours, watching commentary and speculations about the Games. He would always have his favorite picked out from the beginning, his projected victor, which was something he started way back then. He had only been right once, that first year he decided his favorite was going to win, but that didn't stop him from speaking with utmost confidence about his predictions until the moment the cannon sounded.

"Are you gonna be up there one day?" his mom asked him once, when they were watching the victor's final Capitol interview before going home.

He had nodded, smiling over at her with overflowing little-kid confidence.

"Good," she said, reaching over and ruffling his hair. "That's my boy."

Now that Balder was seventeen years old and the guy who was going to volunteer for District Two, the most prestigious district in all of Panem, he felt a little less like the ten-year-old boy whose eyes glittered with excitement at seeing his favorite tribute winning the Hunger Games. He felt a little bit more like a seventeen-year-old trained Career, whose view of the world was realistic, matured.

There were twenty-five other people who went into that arena, all of them vying to win. And he wouldn't have Neha Alexander's help this year, considering they'd both be partnered up with someone outside of their district. But he wasn't going into the Hunger Games to come out a glorious victor who would make some other District Two boy proud. He was going into the Hunger Games to make the ten-year-old he had stopped being proud.

The morning of the reaping, he laid in bed and stared up at the ceiling, tracing out the patterns in the dark brown whorls with his eyes. Since District Two went second, he was up early, but he didn't have to be there for a while still. And he was still thinking about it, about the fact that this morning was the last normal morning of his life. That last night was the last normal night of his life.

He did this all school year long, too, and every school year before that. When he was about fourteen, he started to play this game, watching all the eighteen-year-olds who were aging out stand at the ceremony to honor those who would be going into the Games. He always thought, This was the last time they'll stand there. He watched kids walk out from their final exams into a world where they then had jobs or maybe even college to consider, if they were lucky, and he thought, This is the last time they'll take those tests.

Now here he was. Playing this game with himself. Because if he came back, he'd still have another year of school if he chose to go back to it, and he'd still have a life to live and plenty of firsts and lasts to count, but none would be as big as these.

This was the last day of his life, maybe. The Capitol and the arena didn't count for that number.

three months ago

Vic and Lea were coming over to Balder's house while his parents were out in the city for their job overnight. Being important supervisor-type people, sometimes they had to go into the heart of District Two, and whenever they did, Balder always brought his friends over when he would be home alone.

Vic arrived before Lea did, coming in without knocking and finding Balder over the stove, making them all some pasta for dinner. His mom had left something in the fridge for him to eat, but she was not anywhere near an expert cook. So he found it easier, if he was in the mood for something actually edible, to just make it on his own.

"Didn't know you could cook, Stein," Vic said, making Balder jump. That got a laugh out of Vic and he came over, patting Balder on the back.

"We've been friends for how long?" Balder said, in fake betrayal. He continued stirring the pasta as Vic sat down at the island behind him, reaching over and grabbing one of the apples his parents had laying out. "Where's Lea? You guys didn't walk over together?"

The two of them were next-door neighbors and had been since they were born. Balder had only known them since they all started training together.

"No, she had something to do before she came," Vic told him. He bit into the apple and leaned back against the bar chair. Balder set the pot of pasta aside after deciding it was cooked and pulled the strainer and three bowls out. "Look at you all domestic. Doesn't seem like a guy heading to be tribute at all."

"Oh yeah? More like a stay-at-home dad, huh?" Balder said, playing along.

Vic nodded gravely. "Oh, yeah. I think you should quit your job, man."

"You're right," he agreed, pouring the pasta into the strainer and then the noodles back into the pot. "You know, I never wanted to be a tribute more than I wanted to be a stay-at-home dad anyway."

"Good thing," Vic said, setting his apple down and getting up from his seat as Balder got cheese out of the fridge.

"It's still hot," he warned, but Vic was already ladling some noodles and sauce into a bowl, and sprinkling a copious amount of parmesan on top.

Balder caught himself watching him for just a moment, his eyes lingering on Vic's face, the face he'd known so well for years, that had lately started pissing him off. He shouldn't let it get to him. That would only make things more difficult.

It wasn't like he was ashamed of himself anymore. It was just inconvenient, especially at such a close proximity. Just last week he was genuinely considering telling Vic to fuck off to get rid of the problem. This was the year he really needed to focus on being volunteer, and as it was, he was on track. He couldn't let this little… issue get in the way of that.

But he couldn't bear to cut him out either. Cutting him out would also mean cutting Lea out, and it just wasn't worth it when all he needed to do was push himself harder, farther, do double the work with triple the shit on his mind.

Vic went back to his spot and Balder got himself a bowl and both of them something to drink. "Come eat in the dining room," he said, bringing their cups and his bowl in there. There weren't enough seats for all three of them once Lea arrived to eat at the island.

Vic groaned dramatically and sat down in the dining room with Balder, eating his apple while he waited for the pasta to cool down.

"Hey, how was that spar with—who was it with?" Balder asked.

Both of them were strong, capable potential volunteers, and while they wouldn't know exactly who was in top rankings until further along, they both had had a feeling that they were competing against each other. They didn't let it touch their lives outside of training, nor did they let their friendship affect them in training, but it had been in the back of both of their minds. If Balder couldn't go this year, he wanted Vic to be able to go and bring home a win, and he was sure that his friend felt the same. But it was still strange, both of them having this unspoken knowledge between the two of them.

"Doesn't matter," Vic said with an air of arrogance that was mostly fake and that he only put on when he was joking around with Balder and Lea. "I won by a landslide."

Balder laughed and shook his head, knowing that at this stage of the game, spars set up by trainers were meant to challenge, not to be won by landslides. "Somehow I doubt that," he said, resisting the urge to nudge him.

He used to be comfortable reaching out and touching him, patting him on the shoulder, moving in close to him when they were hanging out. That was before it ever became an issue, before Balder began to notice the way Vic's nose got bigger at the tip, like a little circle right there, and how it looked really good on the rest of his face. How his eyes were stupidly green. Now, brushing against him felt like it took Balder twelve steps back in his progress of erasing the crush that was slowly growing.

There was a knock at the front door and then it opened. Balder heard Lea locking it behind her as she called out for them.

"In the dining room," he said, loud enough for her to hear it.

He heard her say, "Ooooh," as she walked into the kitchen, and could see through the door that she was making her own bowl before she came in with them. "Who made this, Balder?"

"I did."

"Even better," she said. All three of them were well aware of his mom's less-than-spectacular last-minute meals.

She sat down next to Balder, across the table from Vic. "How are you two losers doing?" she asked, twirling the noodles up onto her fork and blowing on them as she waited for an answer.

Lea was small but elusive, and during the more fun drills the trainers sometimes organized to let off steam out in the woods, she would always kick the most ass because no one ever saw her coming at night with games like capture the flag. She always said she'd never make it in the big city of District Two, simply because she had heard they were stricter and never did organized events like that there. And she always said she owed all of her edge to her kickass capture the flag skills.

On top of that, she had an attitude that drew Vic and Balder in. She was blunt and forceful, like the wooden swords they practiced sparring with at times, and that was something that Balder admired about her.

It would be so much easier if he could just have a crush on her, but the thought of that just grossed him out. Not that he didn't feel that way about women, too, but Lea? Never.

"Well, this party sucks," Vic said teasingly. He motioned around the room, at all the nonexistent people at this party. "Everyone's having a shit time. And there's absolutely no alcohol to be found."

"Oh, there's alcohol," Balder said.

"Yeah, if we can find the key to the cabinet," Vic reminded him.

Lea looked between the two of them, and then rolled her eyes. "I'll find it."

She stood up from the dining room table and went toward the door in the kitchen that led to his parents' study, where the alcohol cabinet and presumably the key to it was hidden. He knew that his parents didn't drink much, which was why they had only been caught sneaking into it once, and after that his dad had started doing a much better job hiding it from them. Vic and Balder were absolute crap at looking for little things like that, so the last couple of times they'd hung out they hadn't been able to find it. But Lea was determined to do what the two of them couldn't manage—to "save their asses, like always," in her words.

"She's not going to find it," Balder said.

Ten minutes later, Lea came out of the study dangling a key in front of their faces, and in her other hand was a bottle of his dad's nice rum. "Leave it all to me, boys," she said, turning back into the kitchen and getting three sodas out of the fridge to pour the rum into. "You guys really never checked the drawers?"

It was best not to question Lea's powers.

She brought them all their glasses and Balder cradled his against his chest. With everything on his mind—his crush on Vic, school, his parents hounding him about his training progress—he felt like he could use just a little bit of relief. A little bit of tipsiness to forget how stressful things were. Maybe if he just had this one relaxed night, he could ignore the rest of it for the months leading up to the reaping. He could remember back to how fun this night was. Because if he kept letting it get to him, then he wasn't going to be chosen to volunteer. Volunteers didn't let stress get to them, because stress was what got them killed.

Lea let out a big breath after she took a drink. "Okay, can we just talk about how annoying Gianna Lancing is?"

"You're not even drunk yet and you're already talking shit?" Vic asked, grinning at her.

"No, listen to me," Lea said, setting her glass down and pointing at Vic very sternly. "She acts all high and mighty because she's got no friends. You know how she is! She acts like since I hang around you two assholes, I don't stand a chance this year."

Lea didn't like talking about volunteering that often. It was her last year, and he knew she'd be devastated if she didn't make it in. She had stopped talking to them during training at all, unless they were working together on something, whereas training used to mean working hard but also time to hang out with each other. Now it meant focusing, because Lea wasn't there to help them lighten up anymore.

"Well, I think it's the opposite," Vic told her. "You hang out with us and all our awesomeness rubs off on you."

She rolled her eyes. "Shut up. No, really."

The conversation went on like that, picking people they hated and tearing them apart, and as they all started to lift off their feet a little bit, started to fly a couple inches off the ground with giddiness and giggles and loose tongues, it started to feel like this night could really be an anchor for Balder for the next three months.

At some point, when Balder's head felt like it was spinning very slowly, Vic said, "You guys remember that girl who left the Academy when we were fifteen?" And immediately Balder felt a little more sober, his heart hammering until it was stuck in his throat, lodged there by a moment of panic.

"What, the gay girl?" Lea asked, leaning forward at the table.

"Yeah," Vic said. "Yeah, I heard yesterday she's going to train kids down in Hart."

Lea rolled her eyes. "Everyone down in Hart is like that."

"I think it's a good thing," Balder said, his mouth moving before his brain decided to stop it. He set his glass down, pushed it aside since it was nearly empty anyway. And if this conversation went south, he would really just want to go to bed. "What'd she ever do? Kiss a girl outside one time? And suddenly everyone tells her to give up her spot. So she does."

Lea looked at him for a long moment, but he felt like that was partially due to her mind being a little scrambled. "I'm not against her," she said, turning away from him again. "It's just true."

"Yeah, whatever, Lea," he said. He looked to Vic and saw that his glass was almost empty too. "More or are we done for the night?"

"Let's be done for the night," Lea decided. She got up, grabbing her bowl and the cup she had the rum in. Vic was just looking between them, dazed by the minor confrontation there, so Balder sighed and grabbed his dishes to take into the kitchen with him.

He washed the cups and then put the rum back in the cabinet. The drawer to one of his parents' desks was still open, so he made the assumption that that was where Lea got the key from. He tucked it away in the little open spot it seemed to go in, and then went upstairs to his room where his friends had already headed.

They were both already in pajamas, lounging on the ground and talking quietly about school stuff. Balder grabbed a pair of pajama pants and went to the bathroom, brushing his teeth and putting them on. He looked at himself in the mirror for a moment, wondering what got into him. Well, the rum got into him, but the rum needed to learn to keep its lips sealed once in a while.

When he went out to his room, he sat down by where Vic and Lea were laying on the floor. "You two just going to sleep down here?" he asked. Usually, two of them slept on Balder's bed, which was big enough for it not to be awkward, and the third slept on the futon in his room. When his parents weren't there, Lea had to sleep in the guest room and Vic slept on the futon, though.

"We're just talking," Lea said, everything already forgotten, or so it seemed from the tone in her voice. He looked at her for a moment, and she looked back, and there was no animosity. No frustration from her. If she was angry, she would dwell on it, and then maybe she would make connections. So her already being over it sent relief through him, and he felt like he could be comfortable again.

"Okay, I'm exhausted," he told them. He stood back up and crawled into his bed, wrapping a blanket around him. He was a blanket hog so whenever the two of them slept over while his parents were out, he always brought up an extra blanket just for his bed so they wouldn't complain about how he stole the covers.

He looked down at his friends, still talking quietly, and drifted off before he could make out a word of it.

present day

There were rumors that someone was going to volunteer in his place. He had no idea why—sometimes people just got this idea that they knew better than the Academy, and they were going to say fuck it and do what they wanted. It had always pissed him off, but never so much as during his year.

Vic told him about it the moment he found Balder at the square. They had both driven up there with their parents for an hour, and then they hear this shit.

"I hear it's Tyler Walbeck," Vic said as they waited in line to have their fingers pricked for registration. Balder was looking all around for the bulky kid who was apparently going to fuck everything up for him.

"Next."

He stepped forward, saying quickly, "Balder Stein," before turning his attention away from the little machine that drew a bit of blood. The person at the table said something to him, but he was elsewhere.

He saw him heading towards the eighteen-year-old section in the front, and immediately he was on the move. Vic wasn't even done getting poked before he was at the guy's heels, grabbing his attention by stepping around him so he couldn't get into the roped-off area.

"I heard you're going to volunteer, Walbeck," he said, standing up as tall and as intimidating as he could. His anger helped to carry him. "Funny, it sounded to me like they announced my name at the ceremony, you know."

"None of your concern, little man," Walbeck said, grinning and laughing when his friends started up.

He wasn't any shorter than Walbeck, nor was he that much weaker. It took everything in him not to start a fight right there, in the middle of the square. "I swear, if you take my spot, I'll kill you in the Justice Building," he snapped at him.

There was nothing else he could do without causing a scene. It was too late for challenges, and it would be ridiculous of him, the current volunteer, to challenge someone else for the spot he already held.

He would just have to be faster. He was good at that.

The time it took to get formalities out of the way was agonizing. He listened to the Treaty of Treason from the mayor and every single word seemed to drag on. The longer this went, the more off-guard he could be if Walbeck wanted to jump out in front of him.

He had never wanted to be eighteen more in his fucking life.

Finally, the escort stepped up to his spot on the stage. His lion theme was still going strong, with fur around his face, and his suit jacket was sparkling and glittery. The sun jumped off of it straight into Balder's eyes, and he shifted a little bit to get a better position away from it. Vic looked over at him, seeming just as anxious as Balder was feeling.

He looked up at Markus, silently begging for him to let the guys go first. He needed this out of the way before the stress took him out right there in the group of other seventeen-year-olds. He saw Lea in the back of the eighteens section, continually glancing toward him to see if he was ready.

"Let's begin with ladies," Markus said, his s's hissing and clashing against the rest of the word like they were both running in opposite directions. It nagged at Balder's entire being in a way that he usually didn't mind, having never found any reason to hate the Capitolites other than their extravagance. And that was really not something he could blame them for, anyway. But right then, he found himself hating all of the Capitol for producing Markus, who chose to do ladies first, and let Balder suffer.

He drew the name of some sixteen-year-old girl, and as always asked for volunteers before she even bothered to walk up to the stage. He had never understood why District One always followed the reaping traditions so closely, but District Two forewent everything that wouldn't interfere directly with the nature of things in order to move it along. They all knew the outcome every year.

"I volunteer!" Neha Alexander, his district partner, called out with ease and confidence. She had nothing to worry about, nothing to fear in being collected with her volunteering.

She mounted the stage and approached Markus, announcing her name for the Capitol and everyone who wasn't already aware of who was chosen that year.

Everyone would ostracize Tyler Walbeck for going against the order of things, or for even trying to, but if he made it before Balder, there was nothing they could do about it. And he would receive some blame, too, for not being ready enough, for not being good enough. Maybe not from the Academy, but from his parents' eyes.

Pleasant exchanges onstage were had, and then Markus was back to the bowls for the reaping. Balder was barely within the boundaries of their section anymore, inching out towards the aisle. The moment a name was called and Markus met eyes with the crowd, before the word "volunteer" was even on his lips, Balder leaped out into the aisle and called, "I volunteer!"

His eyes went to the section ahead of him. Walbeck looked like he had been inches away from calling out as well. Balder was dizzy with rage.

He walked up to the stage and put on a smile for the crowd.

"Very eager, I see," Markus commented, with a smile in his direction.

Balder nodded, a little too shortly considering how many cameras broadcasting live to the Capitol were on him. He told himself to calm down, focus on what mattered, focus on his success. Focus on the little things, like that night three months ago, the night that had kept him driving along to this day and this day only.

"I'm Balder Stein," he said into the microphone, and he looked out to the crowd with a little more determination and a little less barely-avoided panic.

"Congratulations, Balder," Markus said, and with a flourish he stepped between the two of them and put a hand on either of their backs. "May I present to you, District Two's tributes of the Fourth Quarter Quell!"

Everyone began to clap as he and Neha faced each other, still with Markus in between them, to shake hands. He looked into her eyes, and for the thousandth time since the Quell announcement, he was annoyed that they wouldn't be fighting together.

But at least he would be fighting at all.

balder is from Writer207! i hope i portrayed his character well. it was a lot of fun and i felt like it challenged me a little bit bc there were like 3 different scenes i considered writing for him and none of them worked so it took me a while to come to this chapter

all the spots are closed wahoo!

so right now the chapters are going to go in district order for the rest of the way, and after district 4 and district 9 there'll be sort of intermission chapters with some out-of-games shit

i'm going to set up a sponsoring system as soon as i have time to which reviews will factor into. as long as i like,.,,. follow through bc i'm indecisive about it, but yeah for right now reviews will be counted toward sponsorship points when the games come around

let me know if you enjoyed the chapter!