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"You want me to text her?" Sally asked, putting a cup of mint tea in front of me. "She's kind of always late. This doesn't surprise me."
"Oh no, it's fine. I'm sure she'll be here soon."
I glanced at the digital clock on the oven. Three-thirty, Cosima is thirty minutes late and I'm growing a little irritated. I came straight from work. I wanted to take a shower, but decided against it, because I would never make it on time if I had gone home first. And now I'm here… sitting in Sally's kitchen, still clad in the restaurant's black polo-shirt with pink neon letters, and smelling of sweat while Cosima is nowhere to be seen. Sally is good company though, she is extremely intelligent, funny and charming, but I can tell she's annoyed with Cosima too.
"I wouldn't be so sure," she sighed, taking a sip of tea. "I hope everything is allright, it worries me a little you know? After what happened to her a few days ago? What if Justin knows that Cosima works at The Rabbit Hole? I don't know this guy, but what if he and his friends decided to wait for her outside the shop?"
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat when I noticed a few tears welling up in the woman's eyes.
"He doesn't know," I reassured her, offering her a sweet smile. "Cosima hasn't told anyone about The Rabbit Hole."
She shrugged her shoulders and stood up again, glancing out of the window to check if Cosima was already there.
"She's probably reading a comic and lost track of time."
"Hmm," she smiled, sitting down again. "Probably. Cosima told me the two of you are going to a party tonight Delphine. Is it somewhere in the neighborhood? Does Gene need to drop you girls off?"
The two of us? Cosima knows that Simon will join us right? I hope she didn't miss that part when I invited her. Or she simply didn't want to tell her mom about Simon…
"Well… actually," I started, tracing my finger over the rim of the cup. "My boyfriend and I are invited to a party and we thought it would be fun for Cosima too. He's driving by the way, but thank you for the offer."
"Simon? Oh. Cosima didn't tell me he was going too. Is he trustworthy? He'll keep an eye on you girls once you're there right?"
"Oui. Of course, it's just a party at someone's house. Nothing major."
"Okay, that's good," Sally whispered and she looks genuinely relieved. "Just give me this kid's address okay? So Gene and I know where Cosima is."
I nodded and scribbled Liam's address on the piece of paper Sally handed me, wondering why Jane and my dad never asked for those things. I mean, I totally understand Sally. I would want to know where my teenage daughter is if I don't know the kid that's is throwing a party.
"It's very nice of you to ask her Delphine, it's good for her. She could use a little social interaction, but I'm not sure if Cosima can handle a party."
"Don't worry," I smiled, taking a sip of tea. "Simon and I already discussed the possibility of Cosima wanting to go home after the first hour, because so many teens in one room might overwhelm her. We'll bring her home if she wants to go."
"Thank you Delphine, that's good to know. I'm a little nervous about this party and I almost told her she wasn't allowed to go, but Gene convinced me otherwise. It's good for her to do typical teen things and she has you to support her. It's all going to be allright.
"Oui, of course."
"Delphine," she said after a moment of silence, staring at her cup of tea. "I'm sorry if I'm being too curious, but Cosima and I were watching a movie last night and she told me that your mother passed away when you were a child?"
My eyes grew wide and I could feel my heartbeat quicken, palms sweaty and hands shaking slightly.
"Yes, that's right." I nodded, feeling relieved when I managed to say it without a stutter.
"I'm so sorry to hear that sweetheart." Cosima's mother reached out and took my hand in hers, stroking my wrist with her thumb. "Was she ill?"
"Yes."
"Okay," she said quietly, squeezing my hand. "I'm so sorry Delphine. That must be tough for you, growing up without a mother, especially in your vulnerable teenage years."
"It's fine. I'm used to it and my Papa is great."
It is the standard answer, but it's the truth. Of course I miss her sometimes, but my father and I get along very well.
"Just so you know, our door is always open darling. If you wanna talk to an older woman, you can always come to me. I know your father has a new girlfriend. I've met her at the barbecue, but she seemed fairly young."
"Yeah, she is super young, but that's not a bad thing."
"No, no, of course not. That's not what I meant," she said, still holding my hand.
I opened my mouth to respond, because I wanted to tell her that Jane is a nice person, but she isn't exactly a mother figure. I was cut off when the sound of footsteps running down the stairs filled our ears. Dana, their cleaning lady, suddenly walked into the kitchen with a flushed face and eyes as wide as saucers.
"Sally, look at…" she panted, but stopped talking abruptly when she spotted me. "Oh."
"What is it Dana? You look like you've seen a ghost dear."
"I ehm," she blushed, still staring at me. "Nothing, it's not appropriate to share right now."
"Don't be silly. Delphine is a friend of the family. Just tell me what's wrong? Is it the bathroom sink again? Just don't clean it. I already told Gene a hundred times that he needs to call a plumber. Don't worry about that okay?"
"I don't… never mind," the woman mumbled, turning around. Sally clearly didn't want to give up so fast, she's just as curious as Cosima. The brunette grabbed Dana's wrist, spinning her around.
"What's that in your hand?" she asked, pointing at the small light blue colored thing in the other woman's hand, making me curious too. It looks like a scrapbook or something… or a diary.
"Ehm…. now is not the time Mrs Niehaus" Dana said again as the blush on her face grew more prominent. "We'll talk tonight."
"Oh come on," Sally giggled, snatching the scrapbook out of the woman's fingers. "Why are you so shy? I always knew you had a creative side Dana, and it's about time that you share it with the ones around you."
"NO!" Dana shouted, reaching out to grab it back, but Sally already opened the small book and furrowed her brows in confusion, staring at it with a blank expression on her face. I can't see what is in it, but I'm certainly more curious now.
"Oh… wow… that's interesting," Sally whispered, flipping through the pages. "Very creative and tasteful, but it's a little too private for us to see. I mean, I'm used to stuff like this, but you should keep this to yourself Dana. Not everyone would understand."
"It's not mine," Dana said flatly, moving to stand behind Sally's chair.
"Not yours?" Cosima's mother snorted, still looking at the pictures inside the scrapbook. My curiosity began to burn inside me, but Sally said it was private and I don't want to be nosy. "Whose is it then?"
"Your daughter's."
Sally Niehaus let out a loud gasp and dropped the small scrapbook onto the dinner table as if the material mysteriously burned her hands. "Oh my God."
I glanced at the pictures and that's when I finally understood Sally's shock and words. Nude women, professionally photographed. A very diverse collection that's been very carefully collected by my friend. Sally is right, it's tasteful, it's not pornographic at all, and I'm sure most of these pictures came from photography magazines… or art magazines, but it's… unexpected.
"Where did you find this?" Sally whispered, her voice shaking a little. She touched the scrapbook again and slowly flipped through the pages, her daughter's secret world unfolding in front of her eyes. A knot started to form in the pit of my stomach and my heart tightened inside my chest. This is not how it was supposed to go, Cosima's mother finding out about her daughter's sexuality through a private scrapbook full of erotic pictures of women. I don't know why, but I instantly felt sad for Cosima. We're a bunch of intruders, invading Cosima's privacy without her being there.
"Under her sheets Sally, I was about to change them," Dana answered just as quietly, her eyes also fixed on Cosima's secret book.
"Oh my God," Sally said again, pointing at a picture of a nude female couple, lying on top of each other while they kissed. "Homoerotic art. I never thought my girl would be into that stuff."
"It doesn't mean anything Sally, maybe Cosima simply appreciates female nudity in art," Dana tried, rubbing Sally's upper arm.
"You found it under her sheets Dana! It's clear that no one was supposed to find it and the fact that you found it there indicates that she looks at these pictures when she's in bed… and we all know what that means right? I'm sure your son doesn't read the fucking Playboy on the bus!"
I blushed furiously, quickly matching the color of Dana's face. This is super awkward. I can't tell if Sally is angry with Cosima or if she's just shocked. Her facial expression is very hard to read right now.
"She's just a little curious about love and sex in general. This still doesn't mean she likes girls."
"No," the brunette shook her head. "She does. This… it's just… I should have seen this coming."
"What do you mean sweetheart?"
"I've always had this feeling there was something different about Cosima, but I couldn't put my finger on it, what kind of mother am I? I don't even know something so fundamental about my own kid. My daughter is not a heterosexual Dana, I don't know what she is, but… I should have known. For fuck's sake."
"Sally," Dana whispered gently. "You couldn't have known."
"That's not true. The signs were there," she sighed, closing Cosima's secret scrapbook. "She had a girlfriend when she was six. I mean, how serious can it be when you're only six, but apparently, it was an early sign. I thought it was an innocent phase, like some kids go through. I never brought it up again and now this… how long is she been struggling with this?"
"Cosima had a girlfriend?" I asked, finally participating in the conversation, trying to steer the attention away from the book. I rather hear a story about Cosima's childhood.
"Oh yes," Sally smiled, locking her warm eyes on mine. "In first grade, the girl's name was Erin and Cosima was enchanted by the girl's blonde curls and My Little Pony collection."
The story put a smile on my face and I could totally imagine Cosima being enchanted by a My Little Pony collection. I almost snorted when I realized my version of a six-year-old Cosima wore dreads and had a nosering. That's weird…
"My daughter always tried to kiss the girl… every morning when I brought her to school, but Erin wasn't ready for that yet," Sally continued, chuckling. "But she wanted to be Cos' girlfriend and they both claimed to be very much in love. It ended after Erin found herself another best friend a few weeks later. To me it was always just a friendship between to young girls, girls who had no knowledge of what being in love really meant, but Cosima is a smart girl and she was devastated. And now that I think about it… maybe she really experienced different feelings for Erin. I'm sure she doesn't remember that girl at all."
"It's completely understandable that you thought nothing of it Sal. She was six years old and knew nothing about love. She never had a girlfriend after that and she has never showed any interest in girls."
"That's also not true," Sally shook her head again. "She did show interest in a girl, but I never realized it when it was actually happening. It happened a year ago, when we were in the Seychelles. There was this girl… and…"
Sally's eyes are boring into the table, letting her brain connect the dots. She's remembering Carmen, slowly realizing that her daughter was romantically interested in a girl from Spain.
"And?" Dana asked, encouraging Sally to put her thoughts into words while the realization began to sink in. Memories flooding her brain, shining a different light on them.
"And, I thought it was strange that Cosima kept insisting on going to the pool every morning. She completely exploded when Gene suggested to visit a local market one day. I felt bad for her, we could see her from the balcony of our hotelroom. She looked so alone and lonely on that lounge chair, but I guess she didn't mind at all actually."
Dana let out a soft chuckle and Sally reached over the table to grasp my hand.
"I'm so sorry Delphine, this must be a shock for you too. I wanna ask you to not bring it up okay? I'll talk to Cosima tomorrow. It's her choice if she wants to tell you."
"Y… yeah okay," I stuttered, feeling conflicted. I can't possibly tell Sally that I already know and I also don't want to be the person who has to tell Cosima that we looked into her private scrapbook. Merde, this is a fucked up situation.
"Thank you sweetheart," Sally smiled, putting the scrapbook in the drawer under the table.
"How's Gene gonna react to this?" Dana wondered.
"I…" Sally sighed, furrowing her brows in deep thought. "I don't know. He loves Cosima, but…"
She quickly pursed her lips together as the front door opened and closed again. The sound of shuffling feet reached our ears and Cosima appeared in the kitchen a few seconds later.
"Hi guys," she greeted us, walking over to the fridge to grab a can of diet coke. "Sorry I'm late Delphine, something came up."
"Something came up?" Sally asked, signing the words as well as she stood up and pulled her adorable daughter into a hug.
"Yeah, I met the other girl who also works for Peter, she asked me to stay and I did," she shrugged nonchalantly. "I completely forgot about the time. Let's go to the mall Delphine."
I gave her a small nod and stood up too, saying goodbye to Sally and Dana before Cosima and I left the house.
The lingerie department of this huge warehouse is located on the seventh floor and this level offers a complete view over San Francisco. It's absolutely breathtaking. Cosima and I are walking around here for a whole hour and I'm a little frustrated with her. She stopped talking once we stepped inside the warehouse and it took me at least an half an hour to convice her to get herself measured by the professional bra fitter. I have this feeling that she didn't want me to be there when the twenty-something year old woman measured her bust, but the woman was asking Cosima a hundred questions to put her at ease and Cosima was keeping her mouth shut, just like I had expected. I've showed her at least ten different bras, but she didn't like them all. So, I decided to sit down on a comfortable old Chesterfield to enjoy the view, while Cosima searched for that one perfect bra that doesn't seem to exist.
"Delphine?" she whispered, standing in front of me with her eyes focused on her feet. "What about this one?"
I looked at the white bra in her hands and smiled when I noticed the tiny pink and red roses on the fabric.
"Cute."
"Cute?"
"Oui, you wanna try it on?"
"What?"
"You wanna try it on?"
"I guess so."
"Come on," I said, standing up before I grabbed her hand and guided her to the fitting area. Cosima stepped into a fitting room and closed the curtain, letting out a deep sigh. She's obviously not comfortable with all of this and I think that's kind of cute. I waited outside her fitting room and wondered if Cosima is excited about the party. She hasn't mentioned it yet.
"Oh fuck," she suddenly hissed, letting out a frustrated groan.
"Are you okay?" I responded automatically, but didn't get an answer… of course, and furrowed my brows.
"Oh no, no, noooo," she whimpered after a few silent seconds, stamping her feet on the floor.
"Cosima?"
"Delphine?"
"Y…"
"That thing got stuck in my dreads."
"Do you need help?" I whispered, stepping a little closer to the curtain when she went silent again.
"I can't get it out," Cosima said, her voice trembling a bit. I hope she isn't panicking in there. "I don't know if you're talking back or if you're still standing on the other side of the curtain, but can you please come in and help me if you're still there?"
Oh shit… of course, she isn't able to hear me. I don't know why, but I'm still not used to Cosima being deaf. I swallowed hard and opened the curtain the slightest bit, smoothly sliding into the narrow space. Cosima is standing in front of the mirror, her back towards me, and my eyes almost fell out of my skull when I glanced into the reflecting glass. She's not wearing a bra… Mon Dieu. My brain was screaming at me to focus my eyes on her face, but my eyes weren't having any of it and curiously roamed over Cosima's chest. Her breasts are small and her nipples aren't as pink as mine. It's the cutest pair of boobs I've ever seen in my life… not that I've seen a lot of breasts in real life, but whatever. I wonder what they feel like under my hands.
"Delphine?" she whispered, blushing furiously. "I know it's not…"
I snapped my head up and felt my cheeks reddening when I saw the embarrassment in Cosima's face.
"No!" I cut her off, offering her a reassuring smile. "Don't finish that sentence."
"Yeah… okay. Can you get it out of my hair?" she chuckled, pointing at the white bra that was twisted in her dreads.
"How in the world did you do that!" I laughed, shaking my head in amusement. "Pauvre petit chou."
"What?"
"Nothing, never mind. It's French."
"Oh," Cosima giggled, staring at her feet as I freed her dreads from the tiny metal hooks. "I see."
It didn't take long and I untangled the bra in a few seconds.
"Are you okay?" I whispered, glancing into the mirror once again to make eye contact with Cosima. She gave me a small nod and closed the clasp of the bra behind her back before she slid the straps over her shoulders.
"What do you think?"
"It's cute," I smiled, staring at her chest. "And it fits perfectly."
"Yeah," she beamed, looking at herself in the mirror. "You're right. I'm gonna buy this one."
She took the bra off and grabbed her own off the floor as I curled my fingers around her upper arm, trying to get her attention.
"What is it?" she giggled, brushing her dreads over her bare shoulder.
"Just wait here."
"I'm not leaving this fitting room without any clothes on," I heared her chuckle as I stepped outside.
I quickly grabbed the purple colored bra with a bit of lace that I spotted earlier and walked towards the bra fitter.
"Hi," I smiled, showing her the purple bra. "You got this in a size 34A?"
"Ehm," she said, folding a few pajama shorts. "I'm not sure. Lemme check for you."
She took the bra from my hands and walked into the back. I wonder if Cosima wants to try that one too, she tends to go for the colorful teenages ones and I know this one is not a bra she would pick out herself. I'm really enjoying this afternoon, but I'm still hearing Sally's voice in my mind. This doesn't feel right. I've seen Cosima's secret book and her mother saw it too… and Cosima doesn't know. I want to tell her, but Sally wants to mention this to her daughter herself and I'll have to respect that. Do I need to prepare Cosima a bit? I honestly don't know.
"34A you said?" the woman said, bringing me back from my thoughts. "Here."
She handed me the right-sized bra and turned around, shifting her attention back to folding the pajama shorts.
"Merci," I said and hurried back to Cosima.
Cosima was still standing in front of the mirror when I slipped back into her fitting room. I think I caught her staring at her own chest, because she is blushing madly and quickly covered her breasts with her forearm.
"You need to try this one," I smiled, strechting out my arm to give her the bra. "I'll bet the color will look great on your skin."
"I love that color."
"I know."
She put the bra on and turned towards the mirror again, a small smile forming on her face as she looked at herself. It looks absolutely beautiful on her.
"And?"
"I love it," she nodded, tracing her left index finger over the lace.
"You look a lot more grown up in this one Cosima," I whispered, placing my hands on her warm shoulders, squeezing them gently.
"Yeah, I feel so…"
"Yeah?"
"Sexy."
"So, this is where it all happened?"
"Yeah," she nodded, pointing at one of the tables near the window. "Over there to be precise."
"Have you heard from him since he kissed you?"
"No, but I'm gonna text him tomorrow."
"That's good."
Cosima took me to her favorite juice bar in town and I don't like to admit it, but I enjoy being in her presence a lot more than spending time with my boyfriend. And that's not a good thing…
"Delphine, Peter suggested that I should wear a name tag at work."
"A name tag?"
"Yeah," Cosima nodded, a light blush coloring her cheeks as she took a sip of her mango – papaya smoothie. "What do you think?"
"Well… it's not uncommon for employees to wear a name tag. Does the other girl wear one?"
"No," she giggled, chewing on the straw. "She doesn't have to. Shay doesn't have a disability."
"I don't think I understand," I smiled, furrowing my brows in confusion.
"Peter thinks it will help me become more confident when I wear a name tag that informs the customers about my hearing impairment, you know."
"Oh," I sighed, finally understanding her hesitation regarding the name tag. "I don't know. He could be right."
"Yes, I think so too. The people that come to Peter's store are so accepting, but they can get annoyed with me if I can't read their lips, so wearing that embarrassing name tag could fix that."
"You can always give it a try right?"
"Hmm," she nodded, swallowing the last sip of her smoothie. "Shay said the exact same thing."
"Why don't you tell me more about this Shay?" I encouraged, raising an eyebrow at her. "She must be interesting enough to make you stay at The Rabbit Hole for two extra hours."
"She is," Cosima giggled, rubbing the back of her neck. "You remember that girl at the waterpark? The one with the cute butt?"
"Ehm… barely."
"That was Shay."
My eyes grew wide and I successfully managed to suppress a gasp of surprise. A girl that Cosima is attracted to and is also her colleague now? Merde, this lowers my chances. Wait… do I even want to stand a chance with Cosima? I'm not in love with her… she's a girl. A beautiful, brilliant and funny girl, but still… a girl. I've never had a crush on someone of the same sex.
"Delphine?" she asked and I could clearly make out the insecurity in her voice.
"Is she… ehm…" Gay? Hot? Interesting? Attractive?... "Nice?"
"Yes," Cosima beamed, flashing me a big smile as she gracefully moved her hands around. "She's nineteen and took a gap year after she finished high school. Her dad bought her a small apartment above a liquor store and she's planning on going to Asia for a few months, to study something like holistic healing or whatever."
"Cool."
"Yeah!"
"But you're not working together right?"
Please say no…
"Not really," she shook her head, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "But she asked me to stay and I couldn't say no… I didn't want to say no."
"She lives above a liquor store you said?"
"Yes, why?"
"It's funny because Liam's sister lives above a liquor store too."
"Really?" her eyebrows shot up to her hairline and I could see a hint of surprise in her eyes.
"Yes. What's Shay's last name?"
"I don't know," she shrugged, gesturing her hands. "I guess it's Russian, because her father is from a Russian city I don't know how to pronounce… Sochi or something."
"Mon Dieu," I gasped, shaking my head.
"What?"
"Liam is half Russian too. I guess there's a good chance that they're related."
"That would be a funny coincidence," she giggled, pushing her glasses further up her nose. "Maybe Shay is also at the party tonight."
Oh my… she could be right. She looks overly happy with the thought alone. Her eyes began to sparkle even more and there is a faint blush spreading across her face… I don't like this look on her. I don't like it one bit.