it's easy to be a homo sapien:
wear your skin outside your bones,
let your blood flow through your veins,
walk in an upright position.
is it so easy to be a human being?
with a heart to keep a hold of,
keep it imprisoned in your chest as it attempts escape,
breathe in the air around you, as if the words it carries
are not poisoned by pain—
is this such a manageable task?

Patch Windsor (16)

District Eight

yesterday

Patch woke up to Ada nudging the foot of their bed over and over again. They turned away from the window, putting a hand against their face to shield their eyes from the sun coming in to blind them. They looked down where Ada was, still bumping against their bed. As soon as she saw that Patch's eyes were open and they were moving, she started saying, "C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon," until Patch groaned and flipped over, burying their face in the pillow.

Patch knew exactly why Ada was so eager to get out of there that morning. They were going to hang out with Taffeta and Challis before later when Challis had to go to work, and they knew that Ada would want to spend as much time there as possible. Lately, she'd been talking a lot about Taffeta—which Patch was accustomed to, ever since she'd started having her crush, but a couple of weeks ago, it had gotten worse. The four of them had been talking about Challis's girlfriend, and that had brought up a conversation about the kind of people they all wanted to date, the kind of person who would be as perfect for each of them as Challis and his girlfriend were for each other. And Taffeta's had sounded a little suspiciously like Ada, which she had talked about and overthought to death.

"Ada, can you… can you just give me five more minutes?" they whined, tugging on the blanket to pull it up over their head. They were so tired from staying up late talking to her that if they pulled themself out of bed now, they were just going to collapse on the spot.

Ada shook her head, plopping down on the end of the bed and poking Patch's leg through the blanket. "No, they'll be waiting for us," she insisted. "Challis said he was heading over to Taffeta's when he woke up. It's, like, mid-morning. He's definitely there already."

They lifted their face from the pillow and blinked at Ada, who just smiled sweetly back at her. Patch sighed and sat up, feeling like a zombie. But they had heard Ada talk about how much she liked Taffeta so many times now, they understood how important this was to her.

"If you're dragging me out of bed, you'd better be making some kind of move," Patch said, mostly joking. But part of them hoped that she would—not because she was annoyed by the crush, because actually they didn't mind listening to her talking about Taffeta. They thought that the two would be good for each other, but Ada hadn't been able to do anything about it yet. She had always been too nervous every time an opportunity presented itself.

Patch went to grab something out of their drawers to get dressed. Ada told them it was kind of chilly out, so they got a button-up and jeans, and went into the bathroom to get ready to go. Ada had obviously already been in there. Her toothbrush wasn't where she'd left it last night, so she must have already put it in her bag. She really was ready to go as quickly as they could.

They sat down on the edge of the bath after they were dressed, staring up at the mirror. From where they were sitting, they couldn't see themself, only the area above their head reflected back in their direction. They were looking forward to all four of them being able to hang out, but it was also the day before the reaping. But they couldn't worry about that if they didn't want to be miserable the entire day. Still, it hung over their head.

They sighed and hopped off the tub after tossing their pajamas into the laundry basket. They brushed their teeth with one hand, pushing their hair out of their face with the other. They didn't think they'd wear their pronoun necklace that day. Not everybody knew what it meant when they weren't wearing their necklace, but generally their family and friends got that that meant to just stick with "they" for the day. It didn't really matter if people who didn't know them wouldn't understand—if they didn't already know Patch, they wouldn't get that pink meant "she" for the day and blue meant "he," so there wasn't a point fussing over the ambiguity of not wearing it.

When they left the bathroom, Ada was right there waiting for her. Patch shook their head, smiling at the excitement on her face. She really must have intended to make a move that day, if she was this antsy. She was bouncing on her feet, practically, and grabbed Patch's hand, pulling them through the house. Their parents were at work already, so they could run around without being questioned.

It was a really gloomy day outside, but it didn't look like it was going to rain. Patch hoped it wouldn't, anyway. The four of them didn't have the money to do something really special, but they could just romp around like they were young again, and probably end up back at Patch's before their parents got home when they were tired of that.

They walked through the streets to Taffeta's, Ada rambling about what she'd do if Taffeta said yes, and asking probably a hundred times if Patch was sure that this was the right time, that Taffeta would say yes, that it wouldn't be awkward if they split off from Challis and Patch as long as Ada organized it smoothly. Patch was definitely going to help send the two off on their own as best they could, but if they pushed at it too hard, Taffeta was sure to suspect that something was up.

They were the one to knock on her door, and she opened it with a wide smile on her face. She called back into the house, "Challis, let's go!" and grabbed her key from where it must have been hanging up beside the door. Challis came up behind her and they were off.

They ended up walking clear to the other end of town, the upper end of town. It was must less crowded with buildings here. In Patch's neighborhood near the factories, everything was apartment buildings and houses, roads and sidewalks, and the occasional patch of grass with a tree in it. It was like a concrete wasteland there, but here everything was grassy, like a park. Especially over by the gates by the Victors' Village, the most luxurious neighborhood in District Eight. Patch glanced back at it. The rows of empty houses were nothing but inviting externally, but it was such a quiet, sad area. It had always creeped Patch out a little bit, but this was usually where they ended up if they were walking for a long time. It was much less depressing than seeing the poor huddled against the blocky buildings on their end of town.

"Oh, Challis, I wanted to ask you a question," Patch said a minute after they'd sat down, once their conversation about what they were going to be taking next year lulled to a close. He turned to them with his eyebrows raised, prompting them to ask their question, and they opened their mouth. "Uhh… Actually, can we talk privately?"

Oh, they were not pulling this at all. Ada's cheeks were beet red. But somehow, Taffeta still hadn't noticed a thing.

"Oh, sure," Challis said, frowning at them. He stood up and Patch led him over to the shade of a tree, glancing at Ada and Taffeta. Ada's face was bright red as they started to talk together, but Patch was pulled out of their eavesdropping when Challis, still uninformed, asked, "So, what's up?"

Patch looked at them, eyebrows raised slightly, and shook their head. "Oh, no. Okay, don't tell them I told you this," they started, glancing conspiratorially over at the other two. They turned their head away from them, wanting to seem like they were really about to ask something serious and personal of Challis. "Ada is going to ask Taff out."

He blinked at them, and then over at the other two, speechless.

Patch held back a grin and nodded. It was entertaining how clueless Challis could be about these kinds of things. "Okay, look. Let's go on a walk and give them some space," they suggested, knowing that they'd get the full details of what happened from one or the other later on. More than likely it would be Ada.

They walked further into the field by the side of the road, twisting in between trees as they got more and more frequent closer to the forest by the Victors' Village. They shied away from that side of the expanse of grass, though, neither of them wanting to deal with any guards pushing them out—or with the two intimidating victors living inside those gates.

But as they walked around a patch of trees leading into the woods, Patch caught sight of one of the victors, Barry Blue, leaving his house. They paused for a second, wondering if they should hide. But he was just a person—a person who had killed people, but a person. So they probably shouldn't hide from him.

As he was approaching the gates of the Village, Challis caught sight of him too and looked to Patch for what to do, eyes widened like they'd both seen some kind of monster.

"You're the older one!" they hissed, suddenly behind the idea of hiding from him now that it seemed like Challis was panicking too. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if Challis wanted to do it too. Normally they didn't let Challis give them shit for being the oldest one in the group, but now they were in a situation that Patch didn't know what to do with, they were more than happy with ceding control on the basis of that.

"Oh, now I get to be the older one," he snapped quietly. After a long second of consideration, both of them staring at each other in confusion, Challis reached out and grabbed Patch's hand. He tugged them back behind the thicket again, and the two of them leaned back against the bark of a tree, letting out a relieved breath in unison.

"Are we awful?" Patch asked, turning their head to look over at him. "He's just a guy."

"He's a guy who makes awful conversation," Challis pointed out. And after a guilty glance back at Patch, he added, "And his eyes are really depressing. I don't wanna be sad right now."

Patch nodded, looking forward again. Okay, so maybe this wasn't the most mature idea in the world, but neither of them wanted to have to speak with the victor, or explain why they were running out by the grove in front of his Village like they were little kids curious about those hidden inside the walls again. They were all four and five when the most recent victor, Barry, won his games. They'd all four grown up with these two ghosts skulking around in the fences of the nicest area of Eight, and they had heard their fair share of reprimands about staying away from those poor people's homes. Now they were old enough not to spy, but apparently not old enough to stay away from the field if they were going to hide behind the trees like fools.

"You two can come out now."

Patch froze against the tree they'd leaned up against, looking over at Challis for what to do. Again, this was not really the situation that they wanted to be dealing with right then, so, well. Control could be handed over to Challis twice in one day without the world exploding. Hopefully.

Barry eventually stepped around the tree to look at the two of them when they didn't come out as he asked. Patch looked sheepishly down at the ground, unable to meet his eyes. They really were some of the saddest eyes they'd ever seen, like Challis said. It was like looking right into the arena, like they were still trapped in there. Actually, Patch was sure that some part of that was distantly true.

"Why are you hiding?" he asked them. He had big, bushy eyebrows that knitted together and nearly touched—probably would, if it weren't for the wrinkle that formed in between them. Patch was pretty sure he was only twenty-seven or twenty-eight, but already he looked as old as both of their forty-something parents. Patch, from the darted looks they cast in his direction, could tell from his stance that he certainly acted like their two overly tired, constantly working forty-something parents, despite being a rich victor in his twenties. They didn't even have to look directly into his eyes to get sad. "You look a little old to be playing hide-and-seek."

"To be fair, sir," Challis said, and Patch wanted to facepalm at whatever he'd opened his mouth to blurt, "you're never too old for hide-and-seek."

Barry Blue paused, looking between them, and Patch dared to lift their chin so they could look at him fully, although keeping their eyes pointed just to the left of his gaze when his fell on them. "Okay, fair, I guess," he said with a shrug. "Still. Doesn't seem like that's what's up to me."

Patch and Challis looked at each other, neither of them willing to own up to the fact that some small part of both of them was afraid of Barry. Obviously Patch had never been through something like the Games, but to have two kids tell them that they were scary because of what they'd been involuntarily put through just to survive—they felt like that would pack a punch that would be hard to walk off. They couldn't open their mouth and admit it, even if the silence that hung in the air between the three of them was confirmation enough of what they were thinking.

Patch would easily rather be Ada right now, even if Taffeta said no to her.

Barry didn't even so much as nod to show he understood what was being communicated without words here. He just went straight into saying, "Would it help if you… asked me?" His voice was tentative. He didn't know these two people. It was clear he didn't want to freak them out. He was just trying to help them understood.

He just wanted to be understood.

Patch cleared their throat and got out, "Would it have been… better to die?"

Challis turned to them sharply and nudged them in the ribcage. They frowned and glared up at him, tempted to shove him in retaliation, but maybe that would be making them look too much like they were not actually sixteen and seventeen years old, so they refrained. But only barely, with how hard his elbow had dug into them.

Barry let out a breath and smiled awkwardly, although it didn't even come close to reaching his sad eyes. He shook his head, looking down at the grass and kicking a little brown clump of it left over from the last time this area had been mowed, whenever that was. "No, I don't think so," he said. "Maybe in some ways. But I think it would've broken my family."

"Should you be telling this to us?" Challis asked, seeming defensive now. Patch looked over at him, wishing they had telepathy so they could tell him to shut up. Maybe their question had seemed too harsh, but Challis obviously hadn't made the connection that Barry wanted these questions that made everyone's heart ache a little bit. If it would make him seem less like a monster behind the bars.

It wasn't like Patch was just making the questions up on the spot, anyway. They had wondered about this every time a new victor was crowned at the end of a Hunger Games. They had wondered how they would feel further down the line. Most of the Careers, of course, seemed happy as ever, but they wanted about people like Barry Blue and the escort, Ashton Baker. What did they feel? Did they feel that the guilt was even worth shouldering?

"I don't know," Barry said, and the laugh that came out was more of just a quick exhale, something connected to his heart. It seemed like there were tears on the back end of it, but he kept them in. Thank God. Patch couldn't handle the tears of a grown man right now. Maybe this was a bad idea. "Should you be running around by the Village?"

Challis shook his head, giving Barry Blue a polite smile and grabbing Patch by the arm. "No, we shouldn't. Sorry, sir," he said. He jerked Patch away from him, but they looked back and watched as he kept walking on, heading toward the shops in town. His head sagged downward and his hands found their way to his pockets. He seemed like a folded-up man. Like an origami human. "Patch, what the hell was that?"

They pulled their arm away and walked over to Ada and Taffeta, saying, "He wanted to feel like a person. So I asked him a question."

Ada and Taff looked up at them as they came back to their spot on the curb. They both looked pretty giddy, so Patch took that to mean that Taffeta had said yes to going on a date. Or going out, they weren't sure which Ada was asking exactly. They wanted to be more excited about it, but Barry's answer to their question haunted them, and Challis's reaction to it pissed them off a little bit—not enough to be actually mad, but enough that it was sticking with them.

"Where'd you two go?" Taffeta asked, trying to hide in her voice that something had just happened between the two of them. She looked over Ada and had to hold down a smile, one that made her lips twitch repeatedly as she kept it locked up.

Patch was about to look at Challis for the third time that day to take the reins, but realized they didn't really want to. "Just had to ask him a question," they said, sitting down next to Ada and leaning toward them. "So tell me what you two did."

hello and welcome to another installment of Sydni Doesn't Feel Like Proofreading! i did a brief skim for proofreading and editing but pls my friends i am so very small and so very tired

ok so i was gonna move train rides to after this chapter just to break up the monotony and then i had a wonderful revelation: i can just work on the next intro at the same time as i work on train rides part one (which will be d1-6). so that's what i'm gonna do and i may post it after d9 or i may just wait until its original intended spot to post it, idk. just probably depends on how bored i get of intros before i'm done with them (which. by the way. if i do a sequel like i'm planning, intros will Not be this long and there will not be a whole 26 chapters of them. for the sake of my sanity).

also i'm gonna put capitol chapter schedule on my profile so you can see when your tribute will be and get jacked with me yeehaw! we are so close my good fellas!

chapter question: what would your reaction to barry be? (also did you get what his name is referencing? blame ash for that one)