sometimes
we are a little too much alike
and sometimes
we cannot separate our ties
no matter how close to the edge
one of us gets

James Locke (16)

District Ten

four months ago

"Come on," James said, poking his head in his sister's room. "You know it'll be fun."

He had been begging Emma to come with him and his friends all week. Mostly he just wanted to see her have some fun, but he also wanted to have someone to cling to if his friends brought out alcohol. Maybe he was a goody-two-shoes, and maybe everyone already knew that, but he'd just feel better about it if Emma was there with him. Even though she'd probably get into the alcohol with or without him, but at least she'd be there to threaten anyone who teased him for being such a goody-goody.

"No, it won't be for me," Emma said, looking up at him from where she was laying in her room. She seemed to have been expecting an arrival from him, but that didn't surprise him. She knew well enough that tonight was the night of the party, and how badly he wanted her to go. "You go ahead, James. Don't worry about me."

He glared at her, without any real animosity, but he was genuinely annoyed with her. He wouldn't let that show, only because he didn't want her to truly feel bad, but she never did anything anymore. When they were younger, at least she would come and do some things, and she had a few friends other than him, but now it seemed like she barely knew anyone at school other than her twin. And the only thing she ever wanted to do was stay in the house, or occasionally hang out with James.

And, like. James loved his twin sister to death, but she was his twin sister. They'd been together for sixteen years, since he arrived into the world three minutes after her, and sometimes he got tired of it. Which he knew made him sound like a dick, but sometimes she just got on his last nerve, in the way all siblings did.

He had thought before how hypocritical he was, wanting to stop spending so much time with her by inviting her out and therefore spending more time with her, but he knew she'd get along with some of his friends really well. There was even one girl, Liz, who he wasn't super close to, but he was pretty sure he'd accidentally overheard her talking about liking girls. None of his business, obviously, but… definitely interesting with Emma in mind…

James parked himself down in her doorway and stared at her on her bed, crossing his arms over his chest. "Welp," he said, looking up at the ceiling like he was resigning himself to this terrible, terrible fate. "I guess I can't go, then, Em. Guess I'm trapped at home with no big sister to watch over me."

Emma looked down at him with eyelids sagging irritably, and her entire face screamed that she wanted to throttle him. "You're not playing this game with me, Jimmy," she said, and he wrinkled his nose up and shook his head at the annoying nickname people tried to pin on him when he was younger.

"I am, unfortunately," he said, sighing with the weight of the world on his forlorn shoulders. He leaned over against the door, slowly letting it tilt further toward the wall until he was at a resting position against it. "I wish I wasn't, but…"

She shook her head and stood up, going over to him and starting to push him. "Quit. You're going to your dumb party without me," she told him, trying to get him out of the doorway, but he wouldn't budge. "Oh, shit, James, you're really going to make me go, aren't you?"

James smiled at her and nodded, standing up as she came to this conclusion. "Not if you're going to be miserable, but I don't think you will be," he said. She seemed unsure again, so he said, "Please, Em. Please?"

She let out a breath and shoved him out. He stumbled back and she shut the door behind her, but he knew that she was getting ready, not getting him out of the room. He went back out to the living room, sitting on the floor in front of the door as he waited for her to come out. Both of their parents were out with the neighbors, who always saved up change here and there for drinking nights with the four of them, which meant they were free to run the house and come and go as they pleased.

Emma came out in something that wasn't what she slept in, her hair back in a messy ponytail. "Let's get this going," she said, waving her hand in a circular hurry-up motion. James stood up, smiling at her and hurrying out the door. He practically hopped down the stairs, skipping all but one of the five steps. Emma walked behind him slower, trailing back along the sidewalk as James started to ramble about how much fun this night was going to be. They hadn't done anything actually exciting together in ages.

By the time they were at Donnie Lang's house, James had slowed down to Emma's pace and the two of them walked shoulder-to-shoulder into Donnie's house. It wasn't a big party, just a lot of the people James hung out with, but it was more people than Emma had probably hung out with outside of school in a while. She seemed instantly uncomfortable the moment they walked inside and everyone began greeting them.

"Hey, there's Liz over there," James said, nodding toward her. "You know Liz, don't you? She's really nice."

Emma knew he was trying to pawn her off on someone who would make her feel less overwhelmed than everyone at once, and she seemed both relieved and annoyed that he had suggested she go talk to Liz. Maybe she already knew Liz was bi or whatever, so she knew exactly what he was doing. Either way, she went off to talk to Liz, and he went over to where Donnie was on his couch.

"Hey!" he said, grinning and plopping down next to him. "I hope you don't care I brought my sister."

Donnie turned his attention away from Keaton, the guy standing over behind them who Donnie had been talking to. "Oh, no, that's okay," he said. "Emma's always welcome."

Olivia came over and sat on Donnie's lap, which was about the most awkward thing in the world while James was right there, so he got up and decided to go see where Ronan was. As he went toward the kitchen which led to the rest of the house, he saw Liz and Emma talking in the corner, and smiled to himself. So that seemed to work out really well, actually.

Ronan was getting something to drink in the kitchen, and turned around when James said, "Hey, Ro."

"Oh, hey," Ronan said. He looked around for a second, and when he saw no one was near them, he came a little closer to James. "So, uh… Okay, I've been meaning to ask this—"

James's heart sped up for a second, but he wasn't even sure why. He had no idea what Ronan was going to ask, but since he was James's best friend, the entire concept of something he didn't know about the guy was worrying.

Emma walked into the kitchen. As soon as James saw her, he opened his mouth to tell Ronan to hang on a second. His secret could wait a minute, but he wanted to know if Emma was still getting along okay with the party. But Ronan grabbed his arm and tugged him out of the kitchen, into the hallway. Ronan looked back into the kitchen, seeing that Emma was just leaning against the counter, looking confused. Then he turned back to James, who was… awfully close to him. Like, close enough that it was a little awkward, and he didn't know what to say or if now was even an appropriate time to be breathing.

Ronan lowered his voice and asked, "Okay, sorry, that was weird, but… do you think Emma would go out with me?"

James was taken aback. He actually stepped backward and looked toward the kitchen doorway, at the light spilling out of it into the dark hallway. "Uhh… No, man, sorry. Nothing against you," he said, so weirded out that he just wanted to be away from Ronan right then. He loved the guy, but that was so strangely-executed. Plus, he hated questions like that because Emma… really didn't like guys like that. But James wasn't going to tell anyone else that. "I'm— sorry, I think I need to… make sure she's good."

He slipped away from Ronan, back into the kitchen, and brought Emma back out into the living room. He went over to the corner, where she and Liz had been, relieved that he was out of an awkward situation so quickly, without actually having to answer any questions. He hadn't been expecting… that question. Maybe some other question. He didn't know. He really didn't know. It felt a lot more frustrating than it should've.

"Why did you say I should talk to Liz?" Emma asked, unconcerned about how weird Ronan had been in the kitchen. "She's— Why? What was the point?"

He frowned. "What do you mean?"

Surely things hadn't gone poorly that quickly. They hadn't been talking for long, and they already didn't like each other? Honestly, sometimes it seemed like Emma didn't even try to make friendships, which was so upsetting. He hated seeing her as lonely as he knew she was, but there was nothing he could do about it. They talked to each other about a lot of stuff, but they were siblings. There was only so much they could do for each other. James would go crazy if Emma was his only best friend like he was her only one.

"These aren't my people, James," she said, her shoulders sagging down fractionally, but he caught it. And even though he kept it in his thoughts, he was instantly mad at himself for criticizing her so hard. She didn't want to have such a hard time connecting with these people. He sighed and looked away from her. He had forced her into this. But she really did need to get out more. She was drowning herself in her loneliness back home. "Just… Liz— I mean, you know, I can't. I can't… be in a relationship or anything."

James paused for a minute as his entire understanding of the situation was flipped on its head. "So you… hit it off?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yeah, but… I wish we hadn't—"

Ronan came up to them, his shoulder brushing against James's, and the drink in his hand spilled all over Emma as he stumbled forward. "Oh, shit," he said, but James looked up at his face and there was the hint of a smile on it, for a fraction of a second. He didn't know what to do, though, because this was Ronan, and Emma's cheeks were now beet red as everyone started looking at her. He hurried instinctively to the kitchen and started looking for a rag, finding some strips of fabric Donnie's family must've used for rags. He brought it quickly over to Emma and handed it to his sister, who took it and started walking silently to the bathroom. "Oh, man, you gotta tell her I'm sorry, Jimmy."

James looked up at Ronan again, and the only word he could think of for what he was feeling was flabbergasted. Either this was him being the biggest dick he'd ever been before, or… or James didn't know what.

"I better go see if she's good," Ronan said, starting to go toward the bathroom, and then James understood. He was doing this so he could fucking get close to her. Before he even thought about the fact that he was tiny, and Ronan was stronger than him, he moved around to the front of his best friend and punched him square in the face.

The next few seconds ran around James like a goddamn tornado starting at his feet. He looked down at his hand and cradled it in the other one, because holy shit, the bones in the face really hurt your hand when you punched. Which was not something he knew before. Just as he was stumbling away from Ronan, it hit him that he had just punched Ronan, and that his best friend was acting so uncharacteristically dickish. Ronan and James never talked about girls before, mostly because James didn't really like that topic. So he never knew that he was so into Emma, or that he would be so weird about it.

And just as he was recovering from all of that, he was on the floor, his nose screaming with pain, and he was pretty sure it was bleeding now. But he didn't have to think about that for long.

When he woke up, he was in his room at home, and Emma was sitting over on the floor reading a book. She was back in pajamas, and his nose stung when he wrinkled it up slightly. He reached up and touched the bruised skin, hissing in pain. Emma looked up at him and sighed, going to stand over the bed. She'd left her book open to the page she was on, laying facedown on the floor.

"You tried to get in a fight, with Ronan," she said, as if he needed a recap of everything that happened that night.

He flipped away from his sister and stared over at the wall. How had one night gone so horribly? They weren't even at the party for longer than thirty minutes, and everything went to shit. He wanted to be mad at Ronan, but he couldn't help but feel like it was really his fault. He should've listened to his sister. He shouldn't have gone straight for punching. That wasn't like him at all, and it put a horrible, sick feeling in his stomach. He was so ashamed, it was rolling around inside him, and he wasn't sure if he was actually going to throw up or not. But it was a possibility. He wasn't like this. He wasn't angry and aggressive. He tried to leave everything better than what it was when he arrived, but how could he say he was upholding that when he resorted to this?

Emma sat down on the edge of the bed, so he sighed and sat up, the blankets falling off his shoulders. He looked at them in his lap, tangled up since he never made his bed. He was so fucking tired, even though he had been unconscious for however long.

For a while, they just sat in each other's silence, and he wished it could stay like that, so they didn't have to confront the fact that James had done something so un-James it was physically making him sick. But eventually, Emma leaned against his shoulder and put her arm around him. She was so much stronger than he was. Even though she was so quiet and distanced, she was stronger mentally, too. She kept to herself, didn't bother with other people's business. James just wanted to help people, just wanted to do good, and maybe sometimes he got so caught up in that that he forgot what was actually best for the other person. It was easy when he was giving a little tesserae grain away here and there. Hunger was hunger and the answer was always food. But with people's thoughts and feelings, things got a little more complicated.

"Thank you for standing up for me," she said, her lips pursed together in a sympathetic half-smile.

He looked over at her and just felt like breaking down. But he let out a breath and said, "Shitty party, huh?"

Emma breathed out a laugh and shook her head. "A little bit, yeah."

And it'd be okay, he guessed. He still had Emma. He always had Emma.

Emma Locke (16)

District Ten

present day

The worst part of the reaping day was saying goodbye to her parents as they went off into the square. She could see the concern in their eyes, wondering if that would be the last time they interacted with their children as regular children, instead of tributes signed off for the Games. They always seemed just shy of crying, and Emma wouldn't really know what to do with that kind of reaction. She didn't like dealing with crying.

Emma saw Ronan over with some of James's other buddies, and the two of them cast each other a look. Ever since the party, Ronan was really apologetic about punching James, even if James swung first. And he said he was sorry for being weird about Emma, but she got the feeling that James couldn't trust him after that. She didn't blame him. He seemed so much slimier than she had ever realized when he was just James's buff best friend who he was always off doing something with. Now he seemed a little bit like a secret creep.

Emma and James didn't speak until they had to part ways to split into the two sides of the square. She waved goodbye to her brother and went to stand with all the others in the girl section of her grade. She saw Liz Altan was looking over in her direction, and when she met eyes with her, Liz waved her over. For a moment, Emma wondered if it was really for her. She looked around to make sure that there was no one else near her that Liz could be waving to, and when it was just her and a bunch of girls that didn't live in their part of District Ten, she went over.

"Hey," Liz said, and Emma nodded in greeting. The two of them had talked more since that night, but Emma still wasn't sure what to do around her. She was still convinced somehow that Liz wasn't her kind of people. She had buddies at school, like her friend Jay, but they were quiet people together. Liz was so full of life. "So… I know this is a really shitty place to ask you, but it seems like I can never find you."

Nope. She didn't like questions, especially not questions that were deemed shitty for a reaping. All questions that had to do with that were things that came from James, like, Hey, do you wanna go to this awesome, really chill party that's going to actually turn out awful? All of these questions were never even about Emma, because none of these people knew her. Ronan had never really given a shit about her. He just thought she was pretty, and Liz probably just thought she was… intriguing, because no one knew anything about her.

"Do you wanna do something sometime?" she asked. "Just us. Whenever we talk, your brother is always there, or your one friend, you know?"

Emma looked at her for a moment. She had expected being invited to a party or something, not… just hanging out the two of them. But still, Liz didn't actually know Emma enough.

"I mean…" Emma didn't know how to get out of this without sounding like a bitch, but wasn't it bitchy of Liz to ask? To want to hang out just because Emma was some weird enigma everyone was always trying to solve? "I don't know, Liz, we don't really know each other."

Liz tilted her head to the side, smiling in confusion. "Yeah… Yeah, that's why I wanna hang out," she told her, confirming everything Emma thought. She didn't want to be there right now. She hated it when people made her feel like she was some freak they could dissect for their entertainment. "We only ever get to talk around other people. I want to get to know the real you."

Emma nodded slowly, looking down at the ground. "Well… I don't know. I don't like being treated like an experiment or something," she said. She looked over at her. She did think that Liz was an alright girl, but she didn't want to just be friends because it was interesting to see what the weird girl was like. Everything felt so disingenuine that way.

Liz frowned at her. "An experiment?" she asked. "What do you mean?"

Wasn't it obvious? This was the whole ass reason Liz wanted to spend time with her, and Emma had to spell it out anyway, as if it didn't already suck that a really nice girl didn't actually want anything to do with her. "You just want to get to know me because I'm the weird girl," she said, shrugging like it didn't matter. She scuffed her shoe against the ground, wishing that the reaping would just get started. Anything to pull her away from this awkward as hell conversation.

Luckily, the escort did hop up to the stage at that point and start introducing the mayor, but Liz was still speaking quietly underneath all of that noise.

"No, Emma, I really mean it," she said, looking at her. "I just want to get to know you. I really… I really like you."

The mayor was reading the Treaty of Treason now, but Emma's cogs were turning as she tried to process that. It probably seemed like she was ignoring Liz, but she just didn't understand. Liz liked her? She knew James had been trying to get her to talk to Liz before, and that he was hoping the two would click enough to date, but she hadn't ever thought that that could happen. She hadn't ever thought that it would go further than her crush. If she had one on Liz.

"That would be cool," she finally whispered, and tuned everything out after Liz smiled and nodded.

She had almost ruined this by thinking that she'd automatically ruin it. Maybe James was right about some of these things. Maybe she needed to open up more often, so it would be less awkward when she did. So she would have more people to go to when she wanted to.

Alvius Arnet, the oldest escort in all the districts, took over the heart of the stage again after the mayor was done speaking. Emma couldn't stop thinking about how that was awful to ask at a reaping, but how she also really never got out, if Liz had to resort to asking her out at something like this. Alvius started speaking with all their Capitolite flair, which only made Games season feel all the more real—and made it seem all the more strange that this was the start of her dating Liz, too. Alvius was a harbinger of death, an omen for two tributes in Ten disappearing to the gory murders of the Games. Her hands were often shaky at the reaping, but out of fear, not because she'd just been asked out. Not because a very pretty girl liked her and was still standing right next to her.

"Boys first," Alvius said, motioning over to the boy, and Emma's feelings for Liz dissipated in an instant. All she could think now was James's name in that bowl. She felt Liz taking her hand, but even that wasn't shocking enough to get rid of the fear. She wondered if Liz had a brother to be worried about too, though. She squeezed the girl's hand tightly, feeling like the knot in her stomach was going to make her sick. "James Locke!"

His name brought her back to every single time they'd stayed up all night talking, all the times they played the dumb games they made up as kids, all the times they had argued, all the dinners and birthdays and everything they shared.

James Locke. Her brother. Her best friend.

He walked up to the stage slowly, and she could only see part of his face because he was tilted away from the crowd. Probably trying not to cry. He was so bad at that when he was really upset. She knew exactly how he was feeling inside from morbid conversations they had had about what they would do if they were reaped, and that was so much worse. She knew what was running through his head. He was scared. He was probably wondering how quickly he would die now. He was starting the countdown.

There was nothing she could do.

Alvius drew the next name, someone from a town far on the outskirts of District Ten. The girl seemed just as strong as Emma was, so obviously from a working family, but she came from the eighteens section. She walked up and stood next to James. This girl was going into the Games with James, someone who didn't know him. Someone who didn't know what he was like when he got upset. Someone who didn't know how to make him feel better when he was really down. Someone who didn't know how absolutely, insufferably annoying he could be when he was in one of his really bouncy moods. Someone who wasn't his sister, who couldn't punch him in the arm and tell him to shut the fuck up.

"I volunteer," she said, pulling her hand out of Liz's. She walked into the aisle, letting the people move out of her way, and started toward the stairs. "I volunteer," she repeated, louder, as Alvius and the reaped girl looked down at her in confusion. She couldn't look at James's face yet. She knew he'd be furious. She replaced the other girl on the stage, and Alvius stumbled for a moment. District Ten was one of the outer districts who got the most volunteers, with rumors of some people training to bring wealth to their families, but she didn't look like a trained tribute. She was younger than the reaped, and she was sure she seemed fucking terrified, but she couldn't quite connect herself with her own facial expressions at the moment.

"All right, who are you, darling?" Alvius asked, holding their hand out toward the microphone for her to step forward and announce herself.

"Emma Locke," she said quietly, but it still boomed around the square with the speakers everywhere.

"Oh. Oh." Alvius looked between James and Emma, seeing their resemblance now that they'd heard the same surname. "Well, that's certainly interesting."

They were made to shake hands and pushed into the Justice Building. She felt like she was being swarmed the moment they were away from the cameras. James snapped at her, "What the hell?" at the same time as the mentor, Marion Dall, coming over to them and grabbing her by the arm to pull her away from the Peacekeepers leading her away. The Peacekeepers looked at each other, but let it happen. Maybe this was something Marion Dall did a lot.

"What is this about?" she said, looking at Emma and then over at where James was still standing. "What, you wanna kill your brother or something? Can't you just be satisfied by the reaping doing that?"

The words slammed into her and she shook her head, turning herself away from Marion. She was shutting down, and the only thing she could hear was that the reaping had killed James. That she had let it kill her too. All she could think was that her parents only had two children, and now they were both entering the same Games together, in a Quell where they weren't explicitly partnered. What had she just done?

"No, I— I wanted to protect him," she said quietly to Marion, but she didn't want to know what their mentor had to say about that. She slipped away quickly, back over to the Peacekeepers, and she couldn't believe that two fully-armored, foreboding Peacekeepers tasked with making sure she got to the Capitol for the Hunger Games made her feel safe. She swallowed down the fear and kept moving forward, not looking at James. Soon her brother and the Peacekeepers were walking behind her again, and they were led over to an elevator.

Upstairs, the Peacekeepers asked them if they wanted separate rooms for goodbyes. She shook her head, not caring what James thought about it. She didn't want him to be so angry that he'd take the last time their parents may be able to hug both of them away. He seemed livid, though, his brows furrowed and his brief gazes over at her biting. Maybe he was even angrier than he was scared, and that was a good thing. Fear would get him killed. If he could just get pissed at Emma, maybe they'd hold their own and win.

Her parents rushed in before James could get an answer out of her, her lips sealed to keep the answers in. She didn't know exactly why she'd done it, but if she told him it was to protect him, he would just get sick with guilt. He obviously knew that that was why, but she couldn't tell him the truth until later, when they would have time on the train for his guilt.

"Why?" Dad asked after the four of them had hugged, his hand in her hair. She felt her lip wobble and she just shrugged. She didn't have the words right now.

She would be hearing that broken Why? until she died, however soon that was.

hello oh yes. some notes: i just combined them since they're so close so it felt silly and counterproductive to stretch myself thin trying to think up 2 chapters that are worth being 2 chapters.

also thank you for 100 reviews! it's really. just really long intros. but i am still very grateful.

thirdly! i thought i'd note i changed kubya's name bc i didn't originally know his surname when my buddy submitted him so i just chose one, but his surname is important to his heritage so once i knew it i changed it in chapter & on my profile! so it is kaczka now as it always should have been.

fourthly i forgot to say this last chapter bc i just wanted to stop writing on my phone: kyle's accent in my head is specifically american southern gentleman (like outdated southern drawl kinda accent), which makes NO sense bc d9 is sorta in canada region, but... he just feels southern to me

chapter question: which twin do you like better?