we figure it all out
the ins and outs of life and death
the nitty gritties in between
we figure it all out
carve a path out of eroding stone

Rachel Powers (15)

District Thirteen

Rachel knew what reapings were like. She'd been to fourteen of them before. Now this was her fifteenth, the fourth one in which her life was in danger, and she was another row back from where she was last year. She remembered where she stood last year, too. Right near the back of the fourteens—yeah, right there, she could lean forward and let her toes touch the edge of where she was last year if she wanted to. But she didn't think the fourteen-year-olds in front of her would appreciate that much.

Mark wasn't there yet. Not many were. It was pretty crowded despite that. It was like that, shoving an entire district worth of people into one little space, one little square. And Thirteen was small, too. In fact, it was one of the smallest districts, behind war-torn and already-tiny District Twelve.

Someone bumped into her as they went past and for a moment she felt their hand on her shoulder as they went past, and she tensed up. What made people think it was okay to just randomly touch people they didn't know? Why couldn't they just slide past like she did? She hated it. She hated it! Strangers touching her felt like worms were writhing on her where their skin contacted her, like her skin was being pulled taut to make for a more suitable dance floor for them.

"Sorry!" they said to her, from somewhere behind, and she nodded but didn't turn around to acknowledge it anymore. She just wanted Mark nearby. People seemed to give her just a little bit wider of a radius with him, maybe because it was two people to bump into, and that was infinitely worse than only one person to bump into.

"It's okay," she whispered, looking down at the cobbled street beneath her feet.

three years ago

Rachel was the only person in school who ever raised a hand in history class. That was what her history teacher said, and he seemed irritated. At first that really bothered her, and made her want to leave the classroom so she didn't have to be in the room while he was upset with her, but then she figured out that he gave her a reassuring nod. One directed at her, not the rest of the class. So he was annoyed that the entire rest of the school would not raise their hands during history lectures, mostly because they wouldn't do reading.

She didn't quite understand that either. So she guessed she didn't blame him for getting angry. It wasn't like it was all that hard to raise a hand as long as you read the reading, but she heard a lot of people complaining that they didn't have time for readings for history, of all classes.

She liked the science they had her doing. She was going down the physics and nuclear chemistry path rather than being taken into the medical track, and she was really glad for it. She enjoyed the basic readings they were doing and was excited to go further. But what she loved was knowing about history. She didn't even think she was all that good at all the inferences and analysis that her teacher rambled on about, and that was very occasionally on assignments. She just liked knowing these things.

At lunch, Mark would always let her talk about what she'd learned recently. Mostly she told him all the facts she knew about whatever Games she'd just read up on. She hated watching them. They were so bloody and terrible, and she didn't cry, but a lot of other people did cry about them. So she knew that they were sad and caused grief and stuff. So she didn't like that part most of all, except maybe the gore was actually a little worse. But reading up on them was fascinating. Especially the ones before the Second Rebellion, although there was never enough information on the most interesting one of all—the one with the girl and the boy who sparked the whole rebellion thing.

"Miss Powers," her history teacher said at the end of quiet study period in history class. She looked up, staring just above his head. That was her trick to avoiding people yelling at her about never looking them in the eyes. Except she was pretty sure the people who talked to her a lot had it figured out, but teachers never commented on it. "Would you come up to my desk?"

She paused for a moment, but was jarred into motion when the blip over the intercoms indicated it was time to go to the next class. She gathered her books up, closing the reading she was doing for Mr. Bak, and went over to him. Her books were all in a pile in her arms, like she was carrying an armful of dirty clothes or something.

"Miss Powers," Mr. Bak said, looking down at the papers spread out across his desk—worksheets they'd done as homework.

It was all easy, about the power and progress of the Capitol, the purpose of the districts. That was all they'd ever learned in history class. Occasionally they delved into life before Panem, stuff like that, but mostly that was all for the cause of explaining how Panem came to be. The disasters and chaos that led to Panem made her heart ache in a way she couldn't explain, in a way she was pretty sure other people felt more often. To her, those things felt like the destruction of what could have been. Maybe the destruction of a world without the grief of the Games. She wished they'd just talk about more of them.

"Your work in this class has me believing that you've been reading up on things I haven't assigned," he said, and his voice was so neutral that Rachel couldn't tell if he was angry or not. But maybe he was. The more she thought about it, in just a second, she felt like he definitely was. She hated it when people were angry with her, and she never knew how to react to it. "What are you interested in, Rachel?"

Rachel started drumming her fingers on her leg, a quick but not very rhythmic pattern. Her fingers were flying, like she was playing an instrument, but really poorly. "The Games," she said, wondering what her punishment would be if she was in trouble. "What the victors did."

Mr. Bak nodded slowly, processing that. "That makes sense," he said. "You always answer those questions."

She nodded. What was he getting at? She was antsy to know, and she came close to blurting out that she wanted him to hurry up with this already.

"Miss Powers," he continued, shifting in his seat. He ran his hand over his face, over the scruff on his cheeks. That was a thinking motion. "I think you can do more than what we assign here. Your other teachers and I have been discussing your potential with the board, and we all agree you're ready for an advanced track."

She was relieved and let out a breath that had been caught in her chest. She hadn't wanted trouble, but this was potentially the opposite of trouble. But this didn't quite make sense—why was a history teacher talking to her about an advanced track? She didn't know everything that those who did advanced tracks went into, but she was pretty sure there was nothing in Thirteen that would warrant an advanced track in history. Even history teachers didn't get advanced tracks for the subject.

"What kind of advanced track?" she asked. "Would I be working extra with you?"

Mr. Bak shook his head. "Oh, no," he said, smiling. "No, we don't have advanced history in Thirteen yet. At least not in this area, as far as I'm aware. No, they want you to go into science."

"So why are you telling me?" she asked. She couldn't be excited about this until she understood the situation. It didn't make sense to be eager for the extra work that would keep her busy if there was some kind of catch. Which maybe there was. But why would they have Mr. Bak tell her, just because there was a catch?

"Oh, just because you have lunch next," he said. And that made all of her fretting feel ridiculous. It was just out of convenience. Well, if people were doing things just out of convenience, they should let her know beforehand. She was tired of searching for the meaning that was apparently behind every person's actions, only to find out there was nothing there but a need for convenience. "They want you to go speak to Mrs. Doasa and I was informed you don't have any classes, so your science teacher asked me to let you know to go down to her classroom. I thought I'd give you all the news before you head down so you don't think you're in trouble."

"Oh," she said. She nodded and felt a little bit of excitement rush through her chest. She wanted the more advanced material that this would give her. It would be more to do than just to search for more information on the Games. She didn't like any of the work she had now. It was all just to keep her busy with the barebones of any subject, and didn't let her scratch at more than the surface of anything. "Thank you, Mr. Bak."

She left the classroom and went toward the science wing of the building where Mrs. Doasa's classroom was. She wouldn't be at lunch with Mark, which sucked. That was the only time of the day where she sat back and relaxed. There were other people around them in the cafeteria, but she didn't have to talk to them, and they were too busy with their food and conversations to talk to her. She knew some of them only talked to her in their classes because they thought it was funny the way she didn't know how to respond to them sometimes. Mark had told her so, in the nicest way he could. She was glad he did. It was way better to know she was being mocked so she could avoid it than for her to obliviously play into their jokes about her. But it put her more on edge than ever, so she was held taut like a bowstring until she could finally release in the comfortable silence of Mark's presence.

He didn't even mind it when she wanted to ramble to him, either. And that meant a lot.

So as excited as she was, she hoped that this talk with Mrs. Doasa didn't take long.

present day

"Rachel Powers," Maea Frielan called into the crowd, and Rachel froze with Mark next her.

All the reapings that Rachel had seen played before her, a montage of girls with various reactions going up to the stage. But all of them, going up to the stage. Some with tears and some with stoic faces and some hyperventilating. Some stumbling and some of them walking with heads held high.

But hundreds of girls walked up to the stage, and that was what she was supposed to do.

three years ago

Mrs. Doasa didn't take so long that she had to skip lunch, so she was able to slip into the cafeteria and slide in next to Mark. She didn't go through the lunch line since she was late, and she wasn't that hungry anyway. She wanted to talk to Mark about what she'd been signed up for. About how the rest of her life was more certain now.

"Oh, where were you?" Mark asked as she sat down.

Rachel drummed at the table, her chest overflowing with anticipation. She would start having extra materials next week, which seemed like ages away now. "They want me to go into nuclear physics next year," she said, "because the board at the school wants me to be a scientist. On the advanced track."

Mark didn't smile with excitement, which made her worry that he was upset for some reason. Jealous, maybe? But he didn't usually get upset with her about anything like this, anything that she had and he didn't. He was always happy for her.

"That's really cool," he told her, and it sounded like he meant it. So she was relieved. She felt her shoulders droop from where they'd been tensed, and she hadn't realized until then how badly she wanted Mark to share her excitement. This was a really cool thing. She was going to be a scientist. With help from the district! That would make it nearly impossible to fail, or for something to go wrong with her studies. Unless out of nowhere she just lost interest and started being a bad student. And she couldn't exactly see that happening.

"I like science," she said, more to get it out there than to say it to Mark. "I'm going to be able to work with science forever now."

Her life felt like a course that she could see the end of now, rather than something windy with fog up ahead of her, preventing her from seeing anything she needed to. It made her feel at peace.

jsdklf it's been a while i am,.. sorry i have been Very busy i'm applying for colleges and fafsa and got friends and bf life is very happenin right now fellas. also sorry this one's short i'm just ready for reapings to be over and wanted to post a chapter to make it quite clear i haven't disappeared!